Intro

When you have a memory clear as mine, you could relive the first few moments of your life and feel like it just happened to you (again, that is). With a memory like mine, every single second from the moment you opened your eyes is fresh as daisies. And, though that may be a blessing in some cases—like remembering when your homework is due; names and dates stick to you like flies to a spider's web; you can spew any random quote that no one else had ever heard just to sound smart; etc—it can still be just as much a curse as any. You see every nightmare, every terrible thing that had ever happened to you, every single day. And, though most could just forget the bad things, the horror of both reality and fantasy, my memories are here to stay. My bad things never seem to go away. And, I sure wish they did.

I'm Todd. And, quite frankly, my life sucks.

Before we get into the whole "Well, yeah, it's life; it's going to suck" thing, I'd like to get a few things out of the way.

1. My neighbor is a homicidal maniac. He's a schizophrenic, so he does what his "voices" tell him to do. The worst thing is that he's an insomniac—I hear the screams of his victims every single night.

2. My friends are pretty bad, too. I love them, but… One's the cross-dressing Antichrist, another is a demon girl obsessed with Vampire Piggies 3 and pizza. Two more: A paranormal investigator and a defective extra-terrestrial, dating each other's sisters and bent on destroying the other. Those two are pretty close, though, so don't let 'em fool you. Then there's the Grim Reaper's "BFF", and a revenge-driven invader from another planet. Next, Death's child, and the Demonsword Miester, a happy-go-lucky blonde guy (actually, I hate him. Not sure why…), and his girlfriend—a terrifyingly genius, blatant mad scientist. Oh, and this spooky tentacle-whatever guy. He's the Antichrist's "cousin". Then, next in line to be Death—a cute little girl with curly dark hair and shiny blue eyes, and- You know, I should probably just stop. I have quite a few friends, and this isn't getting us anywhere. In other words, all of my friends are horrifying beats. Now, let's move on.

3. My teddy bear became a human. Yeah. No one to cuddle when I go to bed anymore—cuddling a man with stitches all over his face sounds kind of…iffy, especially if you saw him get those cuts before-hand (it was my neighbor! He came in, took the disinfectant, stabbed my bear, and left! Who else do you know that can say that, huh?) and just stood and watched (in shock and fear). Even if I wanted to, he'd be too busy making me feel guilty to help me keep the nightmares away.

4. My worst nightmare is reality. I've gotten run-over, beaten, raped (that, I'd rather not speak about), mugged, attacked by squirrels, dogs, cats, monkeys, and even one giraffe (I still don't know how the hell that got in my house), abducted by aliens, turned into an alien, molested (once when I was five, almost when I was six—my neighbor saw the old man drag me away against my will and saved me, then again when I was nine), bitten by a vampire (and, if I might just say, ouch), pranked by a duck, beaten at a Yo Momma Showdown by Dracula's wife, uh, let's see, Satan flirted with me (scary), my stuffed bear told (tells) me to burn things and people and places and, uh, nouns… I was taken to the past, to the future, my future self came when I was six and scared me to near death with the whole "MY SPINE IS LIQUIFYING!" episode, uh, oh, and then, of course, my "mother" is a druggie and my "father" is an abusive workaholic that hates my guts. Well, they were, until, y'know, my neighbor killed them.

5. The dwindling remains of my sanity fall from my desperate fingertips like rain from the sky.