What an irony.
They just escaped a life that taught it was an honor to serve, so they could go back to their own life that taught them that service is the highest honor.
I
Indeed, it was more or less all the same. Whatever planet they went to, whichever alien race they met – their mission had been to free the inhabitants- from their problems, enemies, monsters, anything.
She's duty bound to give her life to FREE other people from whatever's been enslaving them. But who were they to think they had a better lot than those slaves they freed? How were they better? Because the ice people didn't know that they were being forced to serve? How could choosing to serve - with eyes, minds and hearts open -be better?
Sam shut her laptop. Checking the clock in her lab, she realized she'd spent more time thinking than reviewing her mission report on P3X 118. She knew her rationalizations were getting worse and more complicated.
Breathing out a sigh, she opened her laptop again and willed herself to focus on the blinking text on the screen, and not on the subtext.
"Carter, a moment," his voice rang in her ears, hurtling her back to that place, the hissing pipes, the heat of the engine, his comforting embrace.
"Sir, just reviewing my report," she said as stoically as she could.
She didn't glance up, but she could make him out on her doorway, standing there as always, a larger than life presence.
"I'm done with mine. Just wanted to know if you need any help with yours."
He threw the file on her table. Jack didn't expect her to look at him, and it was better that way. For now. He knew all they needed was time to adjust back to their own reality. Damn it, they've done this countless times. The virus, the light, whatever goddamn thingie it was that messed with their heads, they've overcome and more.
She stood up and came face to face with him. Briefly their eyes met, and as was customary, they hurriedly looked away. It was too soon. Habits - hugs, holding hands, nuzzling – were easy to unlearn. Unlearning feelings was a little harder.
She stared at the brown folder marked, P3X 118. Of course. There were a few missions where the Colonel had actually taken the time to do his report and this definitely had to be one of them. Needing any help actually meant: please make your report consistent with mine. Specially for this one where too many lines were crossed.
In truth, the top brass wouldn't care about the fact that she and the Colonel shared a bunk together. The military had always been very technical about things: Sharing a bunk together, while naked, was ok, as long as there was no touching.
Touching. "Got you Sir, I'll make sure." Her tone was heavy and he knew not to push her now. It's only been two weeks.
Being Thera was the best time of her life. Ahhh. Ironies never end. The happiest moment of her life was when she was living another's.
"Maybe Carlin was right. We're part of something bigger than this." After Thor it was Carlin who brought up the idea of a life other than what they have.
"Keep quiet, or they will think you're night sick." Jona told her. Though in his mind, he knew Carlin was right. Something was amiss in the life he was having now. His former job of mining was vague. Seeing images of himself shoving coal in a cart wasn't much of a past.
Thera felt the same way as Carlin but for a different reason. She looked at Jona. She only knew him a month now. And yet she felt like she knew him forever. And their quiet times together, huddled in a corner, amidst steaming pipes and the sound of whirring machines was a piece of heaven for them both.
During the first workers' assembly, when Brennan was briefing them all about the catastrophe in their planet, the first person to catch her eye among the hundreds of people there was Jona. He stood out with his superior air and confidence. There was something about his features too that evoked a pleasant feeling deep within her. It was attraction, but more.
The moment their eyes met, she was almost sure they had known each other for a long time. She felt something in her stir as his eyes bore into her. She felt something. Longing. An impossible feeling for someone she just knew.
"I have been having these dreams too. I remember symbols, DHD, GDO, I just don't know what they mean."
He didn't say anthing, instead, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer.
"What about you, do you have anything?" she asked.
He looked at Thera briefly before managing to say, "I have dreams of.. other things."
Jona caught Thera's impish smile which made him think how he could feel deeply about someone he supposedly just met. He knew it the first time their eyes held each other. She was very familiar in every way. Thus, it was but natural that they became fast friends. And everytime they were together he felt an odd mix of joy and pain. He loved hearing her voice, and having her hovering around him. It felt like a dream that had finally happened. And he did have dreams too, which he couldn't tell her, maybe not yet.
Those dreams made touching her seem to be so natural, yet something stopped him from going further than holding her like he was doing now. It was an irony that plagued and wore him out.
He distinctly remembered something else too. That feeling of anticipation, of wanting her. Somehow he thought he knew the curves and plains of her body as if it was imprinted on his mind. He knew her, the way she sounded, smelled, moved long before he met her. Or were these all just dreams.
Because if there's one thing that Jona remembered most, it's that familiar aching need, for Thera.
"Let's go before they think we're night sick." Jona got up from where he was sitting, as Thera reluctantly followed.