The Story of the Three Little PokéPigs
A Pokémon fairy tale by Anna Sartin
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Once upon a time, in a land quite far away, there were three little pigs: Swinub, Tepig and Spoink.
They'd each been captured in their respective regions by a wandering trainer who spent a great deal of time traveling abroad and not nearly enough time attending to his responsibilities at home. As a result his house was ramshackle, his wife had left him years ago, and most of his children had wandered off on their own seeking better lives. Only his youngest son Porky- a fat, obnoxious boy who'd gotten his name because he looked rather like a pig himself- remained at home. He was too stupid to consider doing anything useful and too lazy to consider going on a journey of his own. It was to this vile brat that the three unfortunate little piggies found themselves bequeathed to when the father made one of his rare visits home. Before long the father was off on another journey, leaving his son alone to mind the house. Being a cheap bastard, he'd taken Swinub, Tepig and Spoink's empty pokéballs to catch more Pokémon with.
The piggies quickly learned that Porky had inherited his father's negligent tendencies. He paid no mind to the comfort of those around him, and while he certainly never missed a meal himself he often forgot to feed his Pokémon. There were days the poor little piggies went to bed so hungry that Swinub occasionally ate the bed itself. To make things worse, Wolfe, the boy's pet Growlithe (who he also neglected to feed regularly) would often eye the piggies hungrily, making them all nervous.
In addition to the filth and hunger they endured, the little pigs also had individual complaints. Swinub complained that the house was too hot, which was quite true. The air-conditioning unit had broken long ago and neither the boy nor his father had the skill or motivation to repair it. The place felt like a dry, parched desert; and poor furry Swinub felt as though he were being roasted over an open fire.
Tepig, being a fire-type, was quite fond of the heat, but complained that he didn't get to enjoy it nearly enough due to the fact that he and the other two little pigs were constantly being left out in the cold when the boy forgot them at night. This happened several times a week, much to his dismay. While Swinub was happy to be free of the sweltering heat inside, the chill often made Tepig ill.
Spoink wasn't particularly happy in either situation. Being neither a fire-type nor an ice-type he wasn't truly comfortable in the heat or out in the cold and he longed for a home where the temperature was just right. His chief complaint, however, was the fact that their obnoxious new "trainer" was constantly stealing the pearl from the top of his head, causing the Pokémon no small amount of distress. Needless to say, none of them were happy.
"Spoink spoink!" Spoink said to his companions one night when they were, yet again, left forgotten and unfed outside. His words translated roughly as, "We need to get away from here!"
"Tepig, Tep?" Tepig asked, which probably meant, "But where would we go, and how would we live?" Living with his foolish trainer seemed to have dulled his wits. He had somehow forgotten that he'd survived on his own just fine before his capture.
"Spoink spoink! Spoooooink!" Spoink replied, which I can only assume means, "We'll slip away now, while neither that greedy boy nor his hungry Growlithe are watching. Once we get far away from here, we can build houses for ourselves."
"Swinub!" the third little piggy asked, which was his way of inquiring, "And who would feed us?" Being deprived of his dinner so often had made him even more food-obsessed than the average Swinub. Which is saying a lot.
"Spoink spoink spoink!" Spoink informed him, meaning, "We'll have to feed ourselves, of course. I know this place must have dulled our wits a bit, we should have left here the FIRST time he locked us out!"
After some discussion it was agreed that they would leave their useless trainer and seek their fortunes elsewhere. They left the village that very night and traveled together until they came upon a place filled with wild fruit. They ate their fill and discussed whether this would be a good place to build their new homes. Swinub, the first little pig, declared that this would be the perfect place to build himself a house.
"Swinub swi! Swinub!" he said to them. "There's plenty of food here! I'll build myself a house of ice, and then I'll never be hot again!"
Tepig found the place too chilly for his liking, and a house of ice didn't sound appealing to the fire-type at all. The wise Spoink also declined, feeling the location was far too near the place they had just escaped from. So Tepig and Spoink wished their friend Swinub farewell and continued their journey south. Soon the weather improved as night turned to day and the two little pigs came upon a hot, sunny spot that Tepig declared was just the right place for his new home.
"Tep tep tepig! Tepig tep!" Tepig announced. "Here I'll build a house made of fire! Then I'll never be cold again and if that foul boy comes after me the fire will burn him up!"
Again the wise Spoink judged their current location too near the place he was trying to get away from, and he found the idea of constructing a dwelling made of fire doubtful business indeed. In fact, the whole enterprise sounded rather alarming. So he bid his friend Tepig farewell and continued south. He bounced cheerfully down the road for a long while considering what sort of house he would build for himself and where he ought to build it. Neither of his friends' houses sounded like they would be in the least bit comfortable for them to all gather in, so he decided he would build a home where they would all be comfortable to visit together.
Finally, after a long while, he came upon a pile of bricks and stones. Judging it a far enough distance to be (reasonably) safe, he began building his new home.
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Back at the home of their former keeper, Porky had finally figured out that his little piggies had taken off. The thought of losing his possessions, however unappreciated, motivated the lazy boy to actually get off his rump.
"Let's go, Wolfe!" he commanded, actually running for the first time in years. His Growlithe barked in assent, and away they went.
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Swinub had finally finished building his house. He'd used his ice attacks to make a fine-looking igloo and lined the inside of it with fresh, clean straw that he'd gathered to sleep on. He felt certain that no one had created a better house since the beginning of time and came to the (hasty) conclusion that his troubles were finally at an end.
He was wrong.
When he woke the next morning, he found that his beloved home was melting.
"Keep going, Wolfe!" Porky was shouting outside. "Use Ember!"
Swinub fled his quickly-dissolving home, where Porky was waiting for him with a large net.
"Come here, little piggy!" he called encouragingly. Swinub was not encouraged.
"Swinub swinub swi swi swi!" he declared, which was his way of saying, "Not by the hair on my chiny chin chin!"
And away he went.
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Tepig, meanwhile, had had no luck constructing a house made of fire. He had been forced to abandon the attempt after accidentally burning down several of the surrounding trees and shrubs. He didn't have Swinub's ability to create houses out of ice, nor did he possess Spoink's Psychic power to lift heavy objects, so he'd settled on building a hut made of sticks he'd collected in the forest. He'd just finished putting it together when three suspicious figures pushing an ice cream cart approached him.
"What a fine house you have there!" the red-haired woman told him.
"But it appears to be missing something!" her blue haired partner said.
"I know!" the short and suspiciously cat-like member of their party replied. "You can't have a decent house without windows!"
Windows! The thought of having a house with actual windows sounded very fine indeed, so Tepig happily consented to letting the three strangers install their product in the two holes he'd made to let light in the hut. In the end they'd even convinced him to trade all the food he'd gathered in exchange for the ice-cream cart, pointing out how useful it would be to use as a personal ice-box to keep food in.
"Now da cops'll never be able ta link us ta dat scam we pulled in da last town!" the shortest member of the trio declared as they walked away. His companions agreed cheerfully.
Tepig soon discovered that an icebox was useless without any food to put in it. He'd just made up his mind to go look for more food when a mob of angry people approached his house.
"There's the cart!" someone shouted. "It belongs to those thieves who took our money and sold us sheets of ice instead of window panes!"
Tepig looked at his hut and to his dismay he saw that his fine new windows were melting away. To make matters worse, Officer Jenny was confiscating his new icebox as evidence and the crowd of disgruntled people began tearing through his new house in search of the trio who'd swindled them. The hut was soon reduced to a pile of sticks.
It was at this time Swinub showed up, being chase by Porky and Wolfe.
"Swiiiiiiiiii!" Swinub called, which was his way of warning his friend, "RUUUUUN!"
"Come back little piggies!" Porky called out to them, when he saw Tepig was there as well.
Tepig, while devastated by the loss of his home, was not so distraught that resuming his former life with this sorry excuse of a human being seemed favorable.
"Tepig tepig tep tep tepig!" Tepig declared, which probably meant "Not by the ball on the end of my tail!" since he didn't have any hair on his chiny chin chin to swear by. Away he went, following Swinub down the road.
"Come on, Wolfe!" Porky commanded, but Wolfe ignored him. He was currently making friends with Officer Jenny's Growlithe. Realizing that the distance between himself and the two little piggies was growing wider and wider, Porky left Wolfe to his own devices and continued his pursuit.
"Just what's going on here?" Officer Jenny demanded to know. When it became clear that nobody planned on stopping to answer her, she decided to join the chase, taking the ice cream cart with her. "Stop in the name of the law!"
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Spoink, meanwhile, had not been idle. After coming across the pile of old bricks and stones he'd immediately set to work building himself a house. First he used his Psychic ability to build a cellar that would stay nice and cold even in the summer, perfect for if his friend Swinub came to visit. Over it he built the house itself, with a fine kitchen and a great stone hearth that would keep him warm in the winter and he knew would please his friend Tepig should he come to visit. Lastly he constructed a top story with a sturdy room that would get neither too hot nor too cold all year round, perfect for Spoink to sleep in at night. He'd only just finished putting shutters on his windows when he heard someone approaching. It was Porky with his net.
"Oh little pig, little pig!" he called out. "Let me in, let me in!"
"Not by the pearl on the top of my head!" Spoink declared, although it actually came out as "Spoink, spoink, oink-oink-oink!"
You may wonder, dear readers, where Swinub and Tepig had gotten to, and why Officer Jenny had not yet succeeded in catching up with a chubby, out-of-shape boy whose only previous experience with running was chasing down the local ice cream truck. The two answers are tied together.
What had happened was this: After nearly half a mile of running, the good officer had finally realized that her Pokémon partner was not at her side. Leaving the ice cream cart in the middle of the road, she ran back to town to investigate where Growlithe had run off to. Not far ahead, Swinub and Tepig had finally gotten smart and hidden in the shrubs, while the clueless Porky ran right past them. They decided to head back the way they came and soon found the ice cream cart abandoned in the middle of the road.
"What is it?" Swinub wanted to know, although what he actually said was something along the lines of "Swi-swi Swi-swi?"
Tepig explained that it was his very own icebox to store food in, and Swinub began to wonder if it could somehow be converted into a sort of house. Tepig didn't think so. They were still debating the topic when Officer Jenny returned with both Growlithe in tow. The piggies quickly climbed into the ice cream cart and shut themselves in.
So the chase resumed with Tepig and Swinub now bouncing around inside the freezing container (much to fire-type Tepig's discomfort) as Officer Jenny pushed it along at an alarming speed. By the time the group arrived at Spoink's newly-built house, Porky was in the process of trying to break into it with his net.
"What are you doing there?!" Officer Jenny shouted, causing Porky to stop and look in her direction.
"Trying to catch a Pokémon! What does it look like?"
"It looks like attempted breaking and entering to me!" Officer Jenny said, as Porky resumed beating against the shutters with his net. "Is this your house?"
"Well... no, but-"
"Don't you know you can't barge into someone's home to catch Pokémon?" the cop scolded. "It's called trespassing, and it's against the law!"
"But it's MY Pokémon!"
"If that's your Pokémon then where's its pokéball?"
As Porky silently cursed his skinflint father for taking the balls with him to reuse and struggled to find some excuse that would satisfy the officer, Swinub and Tepig were also contemplating their next move. They peeked out of the ice cream cart, noticing Officer Jenny had left it on top of a small hill so she could climb down to give Porky a lecture on what happened to little boys who robbed houses instead of finding something productive and useful to do. Spoink was watching the scene from his upper story window. Tepig began waving madly trying to get Spoink's attention. When he didn't succeed, the little pig climbed out of the cart and began jumping up and down on top of it. THAT did it. Spoink finally looked in their direction, but to both Tepig and Swinub's dismay the movement upset the cart and it began rolling downhill.
"Teeeeeeeepiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!" the fire-type cried, clinging to the top of the cart for dear life as poor Swinub rolled round and round inside it. They were headed straight in the direction of the two canines, who were standing in front of Spoink's front door. Officer Jenny's Growlithe leaped out of the way, but Wolfe was flattened as the cart ran him over and crashed into the door. It came off the hinges and fell flat inside the house.
"There they are!" Porky yelled, as Tepig and a very dizzy Swinub dashed into the house. Before he could run after them Officer Jenny grabbed him by the ear.
"Oh, no you don't!" she said. "You're coming down to the police station with me!"
"But... my Pokémon!" he protested as he was dragged away. Both Growlithe followed the pair, one limping noticeably. The policewoman didn't notice as the ice cream cart floated into the house via Spoink's Psychic power, or how the door magically righted itself and shut, reinforced with sheets of ice courtesy of Swinub.
And so the little piggies lived happily together in Spoink's house for a long while, until eventually they all evolved and decided to build separate, bigger dwellings. This time they all worked together to build strong, sturdy homes and the three friends founded a PokéPig village.
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The End
Author's note: Team Rocket's ice cream cart and ice window scam is originally from episode 179 "Wings 'n' Things". Just had to add it as a plot device, I couldn't help myself!