Zinyak was wrong; my biggest fear was not being unable to control things as I always found a way to control something, even if it was the way I was breathing. No, my greatest fear was losing my friends. If Zinyak had been smart he would have tortured me with the deaths of my loved ones, the names I didn't think of anymore because it hurt. If he wanted me to break, he should have done the same to me as he did Shaundi. Johnny had been the only one from the beginning that had not betrayed or died on me, and then suddenly he was gone. Part of me had never given up hope as we never found his body. I had always carried a torch for him, but timing had never been right. That and I became a muttering fool when I tried. Give me a gun and I can kill without a blink, ask me to deal with my softer emotions and I freeze.
Today I was vindicated my hope repaid. Johnny Gat was alive, stuck in his own hell, but alive. I rushed my way through the ship, following a trail of bodies, cursing the fact he never made anything easy. Finally after fighting my way through, I found him surrounded by bodies and killing an alien that had his glasses. He was covered in tank goo and alien blood.
"About time you showed up." He smiled cockily.
"You magnificent bastard." I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. "Gods, you're really here aren't you?" I could feel tears forming as the two of us stood there.
"Hey, come on." He rubbed my back. "What did you think I was dead? You should know better."
"Johnny, it's been six years." I pulled away, wiping away my tears. I hated crying.
"No shit? Explains the hair."
"Fuck you, I look great." I resisted the urge to fix my rat nest. "Get your ass in gear and let's go.
Johnny had gotten cleaned up and was regaling the crew with his story. It annoyed me that Zinyak had thought Johnny was scarier than me. Shaundi was already fawning over him when I decided to seek out Matt.
Matt Miller had a special place in my heart, much like a puppy would. No, if I was going to be honest with myself, I did love him in a way. A way that I was completely ignoring and never touching. Over the years, he had grown up but he was still a wimp. I found him sitting in the back, typing away.
"Matthew." He didn't acknowledge me. "Are you going to sulk?"
"Are you going to apologize?" I turned his face towards me so I could see the bruise. It wasn't as bad as it could be considering how hard I normally punched. I leaned over him and kissed the bruise, not missing the fact that his gaze kept skittering away from my breasts.
"I reacted badly." He took my hand and placed a kiss on my palm, rubbing his cheek against it. His lips were soft, bringing memories of them against mine. I pushed them away, not wanting to deal with them. I was pretty sure he had his lips permanently dyed blue as I couldn't find any lipstick on the ship. Matt was one of those men who almost needed physical contact, I blamed it on not enough hugs as a child. He loved to cuddle against me or anyone who would let him. It explained a lot about him. I leaned against him, letting him put an arm around my shoulders.
"Are you going to tell him or pussy out and pine away?" He only knew from a drunken call after he ran for his life. When he still worked for the syndicate, he had rubbed Johnny's death in my face, it was only fair that he had to deal with the mess. Since that call, we had kept in touch, he was the one person I could take to and not have Saints hovering over me like a child.
"Are you going to finally tell Asha?" He blushed. "You might have a shot." He pushed me away and went back to sulking. I couldn't help but to smile as I left him in peace. I stopped outside the main room, the gang was still bullshitting. I debated joining them, only to walk away. I would have my reunion time with Johnny only after I figured out what I wanted to say to him. I was not going to be a muttering fool again nor would I let it pass me by again. I kicked CID out of his room and collapsed on the pile of mattresses. I would deal with this tomorrow.