It had been five weeks since everyone returned to Camp Jaha and it seemed like the healing process was going very slowly.

Every night, people in camp woke up from awful nightmares of the torture they or their loved one's endured and there was nothing that could be done.

There was nothing to help with the pain they were going through and the only way people could find comfort was from others.

It would take time to repair all the damage that was done, but the camp was strong and Bellamy and Clarke knew that. They knew all the lives lost would not be forgotten but in time, the pain would lessen

In the meantime, everyone needed to mourn and work through grief in their own way. At times, they needed someone to talk to and the co-leaders always tried to keep themselves available for their friends.

That is also the reason the two co-leaders pushed their own grief down and hid it from anyone and everyone else.

It took time, but eventually most people came to terms with what happened at Mount. Weather. They realized Bellamy and Clarke had to do what they did for the survival of their people, but it didn't make things easier. Friends and innocents were killed and sometimes it was hard to look the people responsible for their deaths in the eyes.

And they weren't the only ones.

If only everyone who scowled at their co-leaders knew that they couldn't look themselves in the mirror anymore.

Bellamy and Clarke buried their pain and suffering deep inside of them to a place hidden from even them. They thought if they put on a smile and hid the heartbreak for long enough, it would go away.

But that was a lie and they knew it.

Alas, they still refused help when it was offered and pushed away those that tried to get close to them. The only time one felt like they were the least bit okay was when they were with the other. At least then they felt like they were with someone who could understand what they were going through.

For a while, smothering the pain seemed like a good plan. It seemed like maybe they could get by if they just kept to themselves and rode out the wave of trauma…until the nightmares started.

Bellamy had always had nightmares. When he was young and on the Arc the most common dream was one where The Guard learned about Octavia and took her away from him. Then when the hundred came down to Earth, the nightmares got worse.

Each night he dreamed about the people he had seen killed (either by his hand or someone else's) go through death over and over again. Then there were the people suffocated on The Arc because he destroyed the radio Raven was sent down with, but to him, those people never had a face. They were always unknown and every night unfamiliar faces were killed before him—because of him. He thought his nightmares couldn't get any worse.

He was wrong.

Ever since killing those people at Mount Weather his nightmares had become undeniably worse. It was as if his mind remembered every face that had died by his hand and wanted to make those faces plague him every night for the rest of his life. Not to mention there was also the memory of being stripped down to nothing and treated like an animal in the acid shower at Mount. Weather. Some nights he got a break from seeing the people he would murdered and instead got to relive the torturous sensation of being doused in acid and then thrown in a cage.

Ever since he came down to the ground, Bellamy knew of the many ways he could die. He could be killed by a grounder, or the acid fog, or of a reaper, but only recently had he considered the possibility of his death being caused by his nightmares.

The same went for Clarke, except she didn't have the luxury of saying the only deaths she was responsible for were the ones of Mount Weather. No, she had to claim responsibility for the deaths of everyone at Tondc and everyone who died after she closed the door to the drop ship so long ago.

The grief of the two co-leaders was arguably worse than anyone else in the camp. Yet they proceeded to shove away their feelings and hide any sign of pain.

That is, until Unity Day came around again.

Everyone was wary to celebrate but the desire to get drunk outweighed the hate holiday that now seemed pointless. That was also the night Bellamy and Clarke learned of each other's nightmares and how similar they were.

"You're literally falling asleep right now."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are and it looks like you may pass out right here in front of me."

Clarke was, more or less, growling at the man in front of her. She had learned long ago that the only way to get through to Bellamy Blake was to be persistent and harsh and that is exactly what she was doing.

She knew the signs of over exhaustion and Bellamy was showing all of them. The dark circles under his eyes were one thing, but the fact that his eyelids were drooping as they spoke, Clarke just wanted to get him to his tent as fast as possible so she didn't have to worry about him passing out in the middle of the celebration.

"I'm fine, Princess," he tried to push past her as he eyed the festivities once again but she was not budging. Plus, if he was as tired as he looked, he wouldn't have the energy to go through her.

"You know I'll stand here all night arguing with you and I know you will too, but just this once, Bellamy," She let out a small sigh but did not let her stiff posture fall. "I need you to give in."

He did not immediately disagree, which was the first good sign. Her co-leader actually looked like he was considering it. Clarke decided to take one more step and make sure he said yes. After all, it's not every day you get Bellamy Blake to willingly step down from a fight. "I'll owe you one."

Those words were what threw him over the edge.

Yes, at this point Bellamy and Clarke probably owed each other more favors than they could count but the next time Bellamy needed something and Clarke could help or back off, he would be using this as leverage. She thought she was okay with that as long as he wasn't dead from over exhaustion.

"Fine."

The last thing Bellamy Blake wanted to do was sleep.

He would have rather been running for his life through the forest, than sleeping. And yet for some reason, he agreed to Clarke's deal.

He did not know why. Maybe the idea of her owing him a favor in the near future was too good to turn down in the moment or maybe he didn't want her running off and telling everyone else how sleep deprived he was. Either way, all was said and done. If he suddenly changed his mind and decided to head back to the main area, Clarke would ask questions.

That damn girl was persistent too.

He had not doubt she would interrogate him until all his secrets came spilling out his mouth. More importantly, he would have to tell her about his nightmares and that was the last thing he wanted Clarke to know about.

He probably cared about her opinion more than anyone else's in camp—even more than Octavia's. Clarke was his partner and the two of them made decisions together nowadays. Together, they were leading a group of people to survive (more or less with the help of the council). They had to be strong and admitting the truth about his nightmares…that was weak.

"You don't have to walk me back to my tent. I know the way."

"I do, actually," Clarke piped up from beside him. "Or else you may just sneak back to the party."

Bellamy sighed. She was not going to give up anytime soon and they were reaching his tent. Besides, arguing with her would be a waste of energy and he was already so tired.

When they arrived at the front of his tent Bellamy stopped to bid his new caretaker farewell. "Alright, well—"

"No way," Clarke shook her head as she gazed warily at him. "You think I'm going to walk away so you can sneak back out as soon as I'm gone?"

"Clarke—"

"It's not happening, Bellamy." She ducked under the flap of his tent.

"Clarke," He rose his voice in protest but followed her inside.

Once inside, he saw she was standing in the middle of the tent. "Why are you so tired anyway? Are you not sleeping?"

Bellamy's instincts told him to lie. "I'm sleeping fine."

Her eyebrows narrowed. "That may be the worst lie I've ever heard you tell."

He sighed. It was true; he could lie better. After all, he had been lying all his life, but at the moment he didn't have the energy to make up an excuse as well as he usually could.

In the silence of Clarke waiting for an answer and Bellamy desperately trying to find a way to not tell her the truth, something small happened.

Clarke yawned.

It was small but it was enough for Bellamy Blake to realize something. He remembered how often she was doing that these days. Actually… when he thought about it, she was doing a lot more than yawning.

He remembered seeing her exhausted on multiple accounts but had shrugged it off. He thought it was just because working in the med bay was tiring, but now that she was standing in front of him he could not deny the dark circles under her eyes and the way she looked as if it was tiring to pretend to not be tired.

Bellamy smirked. "I think the real question here, Princess, is, why are so tired?"

Her eyes widened a bit. It was slight and he only noticed because he was looking for a sign that his prediction was right. "So I'm right. You aren't sleeping either."

He couldn't help the smug grin that grew on his face as he sat on the cot and lay on his back. Bellamy Blake liked to have the upper hand in everything he did and that was what he had right then.

"You realize you just admitted you aren't sleeping." Clarke desperately tried to gain back the upper hand she had only seconds ago. She had lost control of the conversation and was scrambling. And more importantly, Bellamy knew it.

"Yes, but you already knew that. It was obvious." Bellamy carefully lifted his arms from his sides and crossed them behind his head. "So, Princess, answer the question. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I asked you first."

"Stooping to that game now?"

Clarke sighed. He was too arrogant to give up now. No matter how tired he was, he would not let her get the advantage again.

Bellamy's eyes were trained on her as he looked her up and down. "Sit down." He motioned to the space next to him as he moved over to make room for her. "At least that way you'll be closer to the ground when you pass out."

She would have argued but the idea sounded really tempting, especially since a wave of exhaustion ran through her only seconds ago. Instead she made an impulsive decision and sat down.

Her co-leader's eyebrows rose in question at the same time as he took in a breath. Even though she was sitting now she could still feel a headache forming—that was one of the many side effect of getting less than two hours of sleep every night.

In a desperate attempt to stop the oncoming pain she laid down next to him, making sure there was a respectable distance between of course. Her hand came up to rub her temple as she clenched her eyes shut.

"Headache?"

"Yeah."

Bellamy nodded beside her and respectfully lowered his voice. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

That dreaded question may very well drive Clarke insane. Not only did she hate the question, she hated the answer too. She hated the mere idea of admitting to someone that she couldn't close her eyes for more than thirty minutes without being jolted awake by a terrifying nightmare.

But for some reason she still told him, "I have nightmares."

Bellamy knew the answer before she told him. He just needed to hear her say it to believe it.

He should have known.

He should have recognized that the signs were nearly identical to his own, but perhaps he didn't want to believe it. Maybe he wanted to believe that even if he was breaking into a million pieces, Clarke was okay—or at least, had a chance of one day being okay again.

A deep sigh escaped him as he suddenly realized how screwed they both were.

"Me too."

A/N- In case you have never read one of my fics before let me brief you on how it goes. For this story I will be updating every three days. So the next time I update will be Thursday night. You need not worry about me abandoning this fic because I NEVER abandon stories. I also hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did please leave me a comment or you could favorite/follow it. It takes three seconds and I will greatly appreciate it. This is also posted on my ao3 and tumblr- saraphinethemysterious Love you all -Saraphine