AN: rate and review please! this is my first free! fic so be nice! if you don't like it, don't read!

rin and haru were in love. they had always been in love because they were gay swimming babies made of rainbows. but now they were proving their love. they were having a baby.

"how is this happening?" makoto asked. his father had taught him to fear those that defy god and rin and haru were definitely doing some next level satan shit.

rin shrugged. the australians had taught him to fear nothing, for every creature in australia can smell fear.

"i hope the baby is water," haru said, staring wistfully at a kiddie pool in the distance.

"water is part of pregnancy," makoto said helpfully. his father had sent him to a sex ed course so that he would never ever touch a vagina in his life. it had worked.

clearly annoyed with the direction of the conversation, rin coughed and stood up. "i'm going to go get a drink." he gave haru a sideways glance and left.

"what's wrong with him?" makoto asked.

haru sighed. "i want to go swimming."

makoto nodded. "i know you do. i'm going to go see if rin is okay."

"get me some water while you're up."

inside the house, rin was pacing angrily, his shark teeth mashing together like the mouth of a lamprey. it was entirely disturbing and makoto wondered if rin actually was satan. it would explain the hair and eyes and teeth.

"what's wrong?" makoto asked, keeping at a safe distance. he fingered the bottle of holy water in his pocket. he always kept it on him because he feared rei was a member of the illuminati.

rin stopped his pacing and glared at the wall. "i don't think the baby's mine."

makoto stared at him in shock. adultery was a sin! "haru would never do something like that," he said. "haru believes in jesus."

"he's been getting home late from 'swim practice' for the last few months," rin said quietly. "i love him, but i'm not an idiot. that pool is just his type."

"you think the baby's father is the pool?" makoto asked. this was definitely some satanic bullshit.

rin shook his head. "he could never handle a partner that hot."

makoto blinked in confusion. "then who's the dad?"

the door slid open suddenly, causing both of them to jump.

"i'll tell you who the dad is," haru said flatly. "it's-"

TBC