A/N: New story… check out my profile.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Aaron McGruder's The Boondocks. Or any of Andy Cohen's shows.
"No, no, it's A Pimp Named Slickback. Like 'A Tribe Called Quest.' You gotta say the whole thing."
A Pimp Named Slickback; Guess Hoes Coming to Dinner
Huey and Jazmine's Kids:Michael, Malcolm, and Sojourner Freeman.
Riley and Cindy's Kids:Lillian, Aubrey, and Daequan Freeman.
Caesar and Octavia's Kid: Hayden Caesar.
Hiro and Cynthia's Kids: Joel and Jamie Otomo.
Griffin (Octavia's brother) and Kim's Kids: Monica and Avery Peterson.
Jeremy and Ming's Kids: Jordan and Sophia Wang.
"You were the one who was tryna sit on Griffin's lap!"
"Was not!"
"Yes you were!"
"Why would I be tryna sit on Griffin's ugly ass when I got Reezy?!"
"Cuz you a desperate ass hoe!"
"Oh, you wanna talk about hoes? Let's direct our attention to Octavia and Ming over here. Now Octavia your ass needs to stop flirting with all of our men; ya ass got Ceez and that should be just enough for your thirsty ass self. And Ming, you need to get over your memories of Huey and that kickball game. Cuz the nigga don't want you; he got Jazzy."
Right now, Sojourner Fredrika Freeman, Malcolm Freeman, Michael Freeman, Lillian Sherane Freeman, Daequan Lloyd Freeman, Aubrey Christopher Freeman, Hayden Chandler Caesar, Joel Armani Otomo, Jamie Annabel Otomo, Monica Amber Peterson, Avery Joy Peterson and Jordan James Wang were watching Lillian and Daequan's mom and Monica's mom fight. It had been a little over a year since they started this mess, and they always had to fight and make up stuff the producers/editors/directors told them to. It was a mistake signing to the now far-over-retirement-age Andy Cohen to be on The Real Housewives of Woodcrest. Although they weren't ruining their friendships in real life, it appeared that way to the public, and overall they just hated acted as if they were. They had made a plan to quit the show because of a loop they had found in the multi-section contract, and they were doing it tonight while it was a live episode; the reunion episode. That way, the public would see it and it couldn't be edited out. Yeah, the pay for the show was okay, but they all had jobs to fall back on. Well, not exactly jobs for some of them, but lets just say they have succeeded in life. However, they were quite upset that people would just know them for the drama and the show, versus their true talents.
After a bit more bickering, Jazmine finally speaks up; right on time. "STOP!" she screams. "We were all best friends… what happened?! All we do is accuse each other of sleeping with each other's husbands, and claim we did things that we didn't! All for what?!" Everyone looks around the circle of chairs they're sitting in, then looks once again to the now standing up Jazmine. Damn, they were good actresses.
"Jazzy's right," Cindy agrees with a sigh. She hides a snicker, knowing that if the boys were up here they would've just agreed immediately versus trying to make it look realistic, like the girls were, than fake, which they would've done.
"Yeah," Ming agrees as well.
"I gotta agree too," Cynthia and Octavia say in sync; nodding at each other after making eye contact.
"Well, hell yeah Jaz is right!" Kim starts. "This whole show is FAKE AS FUCK!"
"Yeah, yeah!" Riley and Griffin yell as they come on the set uninvited.
"Girls, girls, please calm down," Andy Cohen pleads.
"This show and contract are OVER, Andy," Jazmine says. "We've filmed three seasons that have been nothing but lies, and you can't sue us about it. Check section nine, paragraph three."
Andy flips through the multi-section contract, looking for section nine, paragraph three. Once he finds it, he mumbles "I'm ruined," under his breath.
And with that, the show was over.
"Sojourner! Malcolm! Michael! Come downstairs… Aunt Cindy, Aunt Kimmie, Aunt Ming, Aunt Cynthia and Aunt Octavia will be over soon!"
"And Lillian, Avery, Jamie and Sophia?" Sojourner asks; listing her group of cousins/family friends and closest friends in the world.
"No, they just brought themselves," Jazmine jokes. Sojourner puts on a scowl that matches her father. "Huey! Come in here for a second; Journ looks just like you," Jazmine calls Huey, using one of Sojourner's nicknames.
Huey comes in within 10 seconds, coffee and newspaper in hand. "Hey, can I read that?" Sojourner asks, referencing to the newspaper.
Huey looks at the newspaper in hand, then back to Sojourner, and his fatherly instincts kick in. "Why don't we read it together on our favorite chair?" He suggests with a half smirk. Sojourner grins wide like Jazmine does before following her father into the family room and sitting back in the chair with him/on his lap while reading the paper.
Just then, Malcolm and Michael come flying down the stairs. "Mom, we were talking to Daequan and Jordan, who talked to everybody else, on our international walky talkies, and they said that everybody else is coming over to go to the first day of school with us too," Michael half-complains, half-informs. International walky talkies were, well, pretty much what the name implies. Ming, or Mrs. (Jeremy) Wang, Jazmine, or Mrs. (Huey) Freeman, and Cindy, or Mrs. (Riley) Freeman had all gone to the Best Buy, which was, yes, still in business after all these years, and set them up so that on the walky talkies they could on talk to each other and their moms. Being that they were 12, they figured they weren't old enough to have phones yet, so international walky talkies—without the exception of being able to talk to anyone who also has one—was the next best thing. However, their 14 and 16 year olds and one 15 year old had the iPhone 18, which was rather high tech.
"What do you mean by everyone?" Jazmine responds finally.
Michael runs his fingers through his rather short Kendrick Lamar style hair, while Malcolm scratches his afro. "The people besides Quan and Jords," Malcolm half-ass explains.
"And the people Journ said," Michael adds on.
"So Aubrey, Hayden, Joel and Monica?" Jazmine questions. The twins nod their heads. "Yes, of course."
"But why, mom?" Mikey complains once again. "They're 16 and we're only 12!"
"But they're family," Jazmine argues. "And Monica's only 15."
"Technically speaking, the Otomos, Caesars, Petersons and Wangs are not family at all. Our family and Aunt Cindy and Uncle Riley's family are only real family," Malcolm argues; backing his twin brother up.
"The last names and DNA don't stand for anything, honey," Jazmine replies.
"Shit, a couple divorces and new marriages, and we would all be family!" Cindy exclaims, after letting herself in the door and catching the rear end of their conversation. Jazmine and her hug before the boys have something to say.
"Aunt Cindy!" The boys exclaim in unison out of pure excitement. "Where's Quan?" They ask, referring to Daequan.
"The whole crew should be up in—" Cindy's stops speaking briefly as she hears a door open and close. "Now," she finishes with a snicker. Soon enough, Riley, Lillian and Aubrey come in.
"Quan!" They yell out, again in unison.
"Sup my niggas?" He says; acting a gangsta and fool just like his father.
"Daequan Lloyd Freeman!" Cindy screams at the top of her lungs. "What the hell did I tell you about that word?"
"What? You and dad use it all the time!" he argues. Cindy glares at Riley, although she is responsible for some of his behavior as well. Riley decides to say something in the moment of silence.
"What? No love for a fellow Freeman?" He asks Malcolm and Michael.
"Hey Uncle Riley!" they say together.
"How many times do I have to tell you? It's Uncle Reezy!"
"I will not have my sons call you that," Huey says with a smirk while he enters the room.
"Damn, nigga! Where the hell you come from?" Riley asks as if there are no kids in front of him. Cindy slaps his head while Huey leaves to go back to the family room, after filling his mug with more coffee and getting another mug to fill with apple juice.
"Can you at least say hi to Jazzy before you and your brother begin to fight? Damn," Cindy exhales as she hears the door open and close again.
"Wus good?" Caesar asks as he bobs his head, shaking his dreads.
"Hey Uncle Ceez," every child says spontaneously. Then comes in the rest of the Boondocks Crew and their children; reunited as they are practically every day.
After they all officially greet each other, the children group up. Michael, Malcolm and Daequan Freeman, along with Jordan Wang group up; the 12 year olds entering 7th grade; while Aubrey Freeman, Hayden Caesar, Joel Otomo and Monica Peterson group up, as the 15/16 year old juniors, with the one girl in the group—compared to the 12 year olds group, which is all boys. The third and final group group up. Lillian Freeman, Avery Peterson, Jamie Otomo and Sophia Wang group up… but they only have four people… and their group consists of five people…
"Where's Sojourner?" they all girl group asks all at once, thinking the same exact thing.
"Oh, she's in the family room with Huey reading the newspaper," Jazmine tells them.
Cindy walks with the girls into the family room because Jazmine always tells her how cute Huey and Sojourner are together with this, but she's never seen because Jazmine never gets a picture without Huey realizing before she can even take it. Ninja nigga, Cindy thinks as she thinks of the memory. She freezes in her steps as she sees the scene. "OH. MY. GOD! This nigga is actually acting all soft and shit! Hurry, Riley, get my phone I needa take a picture of this!" Cindy screams.
"And… done!" Sojourner proclaims, hopping off of Huey and handing him the newspaper. As Huey passes Cindy to go greet everyone else in the kitchen and foyer, he does nothing but nod to accept her presence… Cindy's still pretty much frozen, though. Meanwhile, Sojourner looks up, at last, and sees all of her friends. "Hey guys!" she says excitedly.
"Come on! Hurry up! We gotta change what ya wearing," Lillian says. Even though they were cousins, Sojourner and Lillian had the tightest relationship; they've been hip and hip since day 1.
The rest of the girls agree simultaneously while they run up the back stairs near the door that leads you outside, which are both connected to the family room.
"I don't really get why I have to change, but…" Sojourner starts.
"But nothing. Lil's right, we need to get your outfit together," Sophia insists. Sojourner sighs.
20 minutes later…
After they straighten her hair, add some mascara and light blush, and dress her up in a soft pink sweater with a black anchor and black leggings, they decide to choose her shoes. They slide on her black converse and change the laces on them so that they're pink versus bleach white. They push her to look at herself in the mirror.
"Well..?" Avery asks after waiting for a response anxiously.
"I look like a damn Barbie," is all Sojourner says.
"Ugh/Ergh!" All the other girls yell simultaneously.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not wearing my hair like this, or make up. And this is too light of a color for me," she says nonchalantly.
"I'll get the cute gray sweater," Jamie says.
"I'll get the make up wipes," Sophia says.
"I'll get the hair ties, hair spray and bobby pins," Avery says.
"And I'll make sure she doesn't escape," Lillian jokes, causing all the girls to laugh—even Sojourner herself.
5 minutes later…
"Well..?" Avery asks once again.
"Dammit, don't say that! You're setting her up for a line," Lillian complains jokingly.
"It's fine, this is fine," Sojourner says while nodding her head.
"Well, speaking of fine, can we just talk about Davis for a second? Like really I can't even with him," Avery comments.
"True," Sophia agrees.
"Shit, don't get me started about Adam," Lillian says.
"Oh yeah, isn't he playing varsity high school football this year?" Jamie asks. Lillian nods her head. "Then he must be hella good… no freshman every get on."
"Well of course he is. Like the thirst is real when he comes out the locker room still sweating and shit and all the middle school girls see him come out," Lillian states.
"Wait, does he change at the middle school locker rooms or something?" Sojourner asks.
"Naw, all the middle school girls just come up and attack him, but he doesn't hit them or kick them off of him…"
"Punk," Sophia laughs.
"Aye, you have un-punk genes, aiight? Your mom played against my mom and Journy's dad in the kickball game forever ago, broke her leg, and was still tryna get to first base. So whateva," Lillian argues with a "hmph".
"Journy!" Jazmine calls her daughter, using another one of her nicknames. "Come down with everyone else, or we'll be late!" And with that, they speed down the stairs and hop in their parents' cars, only to meet up again at the school.
Huey walks his sons to the 7th grade homeroom, with Riley, who's walking his youngest son, and Jeremy's only son tagging along. They send the four seventh grade boys in, and stand by the door. Huey and Riley do this every year. Because of all the diverse genetic make-ups the crew has, they find the teacher's attempt to identify their children hilarious. Right now, the teacher, Mrs. Martin, was trying to figure out what Michael's name was. Being that he had beige skin and emerald green/deep red wine eyes, but also had black-type hair and body type, Mrs. Martin was having a difficult time determining his name.
"Jacob Carpenter..?" She asks. He shakes his head 'no.' "Jonah Potts..?" Another no. "Xander McCall..?" Yet another no. "Wesley Herrington?" Another head shake of a 'no'. "Well are those any one of your names?" She asks Malcolm, Daequan and Jordan. They all shake their heads no.
Deciding it was time to come in after the laugh, Huey and Riley approach the teacher and introduce themselves. "If you don't mind me asking, what are your boys' genetic make-ups?" Mrs. Martin asks.
Huey and Riley look back at each other before responding. "Black," they say in unison.
"Oh," Mrs. Martin says. "I was trying to figure out because of their eyes; they're quite interesting… like a mystery after you look into them."
"Thanks," the boys respond together.
"And so well mannered, too," Mrs. Martin adds on, still looking for answers.
"That's what she thinks," Daequan mutters under his breath.
"Well, we're gonna bounce… we got other kids to take care of, kna'a'a'meen?" Riley tells Mrs. Martin.
"Well of course… but you didn't give me your children's names yet," Mrs. Martin replies. Huey hits his head with his hand, upset with himself for making such a dumb mistake. After they give their names, Riley decides to clarify something when thinking about the future.
"Oh, by the way, if you see a crazy looking blonde with blue eyes come to pick up my child, it's cool. Or a crazy looking mulatto that looks like Mariah Carey for Huey's kids."
"They identify as black," Huey says with a shrug, trying to clear up Mrs. Martin's obviously confused mind.
"And what about his information?" She questions, pointing to Jordan.
"Oh, his name is Jordan Wang, and his mom is Ming Wang, but she may identify herself with her maiden name, which is Ming Long-Dou. As for his Jordan's father, his name is Jeremy Wang. You'll know them when you see them," Huey answers with his regular scowl on.
"Yeah, all the baby mama's is crazy as hell, so ya can't miss 'em!" Riley calls out while laughing. "Now do you wanna go meet up with Ceez, Hiro and Jeremy? Or all the hoes?"
"Not all women are hoes, Riley!"
"Bruh, come on now."
"Ugh, never mind… we must have this discussion at least twice a month."
"So..?" Huey takes a second to figure out what Riley's referencing to before responding.
"The girls."
"I was hoping you would say that, nigga." Both of them were dead serious about this trip; they got to see all the guys in Sojourner/Lillian's grade, and scare them off before they could even approach their daughters… oops.
"You're a minute late," Jazmine tells Huey and Riley. J. Edgar Hoover High School started 7 minutes exactly after the middle school started, the middle school started 7 minutes after the lower school starts.
"Why are you even here when you could be with Jeremy, Ceez and Hiro?" Ming asks Huey and Riley.
"Nunya's," Riley says as Huey nods his head in agreement. Ming simply rolls her eyes and directs her attention back to the head of school who is talking to all the freshman parents. "Now we're gonna have a class parent come up here and call you up by last names and/or families, if you're related to someone here.
Now, guess who comes on stage? None less than Michael Caesar. "Now I'm gonna call my two good friends, Huey and Riley Freeman, up to the stage. But I must warn you young fellows, they're not scared to jump a nigga," he says jokingly while bobbing his head and shaking his dreads, not caring that hey just cursed to the whole freshman body of students. After Huey and Riley make it to the stage, they take a seat, and Caesar continues to talk. "Well look, Ima just call my fam up first then the rest of ya randomly, aiight? So, Sojourn—actually, screw that. This shit's gonna take to long for everybody's full names. Journ, Lil, Jamie, Avery, and Soph come up here." The girls make their way up, and sure enough every guy that isn't gay begin to whistle and comment on them, like "that ass tho", "cutie with a bootie", "but can I pop her cherry doe?" and more. Huey and Riley stand up out of their seats and death glare every boy they can. Caesar goes back to the mic. "Now, now, my youngin's… I already warned you not to say things, aiight? Because these two Poppa Bears—pause, no homo—will attack." He hands the girls their papers, dismisses them and the Freeman Bros, then proceeds to call everyone else randomly.
After they're done, the parents meet up again, Huey and Riley talk about what happened with Mrs. Martin, and Caesar, Jeremy and Hiro explain how the juniors just got to pick lockers that were already open, get the locker combo for that specific locker (to keep for themselves), then take the random schedule in your locker and find the person whose schedule that was. The teachers said it was supposed to be a meet and greet/expansion in friend groups type of thing, although it was just really an annoying scavenger-hunt-like activity.
Meanwhile…
Sojourner closes grabs all of her books and closes her locker, only to be face to face with Justin Telemaque… the hottest kid in the grade, and possibly the entire school. Being caught off guard, she bumps into him and drops all of her books on her ankles and feet, which are now in pain.
"Here, let me help you, J," he says as he bends down, picks up her books, and hands them to her. She rolls her eyes at his nickname for her.
"No one calls me that but you," she complains.
"Which makes it all the more special," he counters. She sighs. "Well, we better get going to Honors English," he continues, peaking at her schedule. Sojourner looks back and forth between her schedule and Justin's smiling face.
"Fuck you."
"I bet you'd love to," he says with a smirk. She face palms herself before attempting to walk. After the first step, she's in immediate pain.
"Dammit," she mumbles under her breath.
"Here, I got you," he tells her as he begins to extend his hands to support her.
"I'm fine," she insists as she slaps his hands away. "You can go now; I'm all good."
"I didn't come over here to see if you were fine… I already knew that was a fact," he flirts with her. "And the last time you said you were 'all good' you ended up pulling a muscle and not being able to compete in volleyball season. So no, I'm staying with you."
"And I'm leaving you," she says with sass.
"Oh no you're not…" he says as he grabs her.
12:30 pm, Freshmen and Juniors' lunchtime
"It seems kinda dumb that they have the freshmen and juniors have lunch together, don't you think?" Sophia asks as they walk to a table near the windows; a table they've now claimed theirs for the year.
"Yup," Lillian agrees. "Hella dumb." Avery clears her throat before speaking.
"Hey, I hate to interrupt your 'that's dumb' conversation, but isn't that Journy over there getting a piggyback ride from Justin Telemaque?"
A/N: Guys, I know this is a hella lot to take in, especially with all the different kids names and shit, so I'm sorry about that, and I added whose child is whose in the beginning, but overall if you're still really confused or if you want to know how they look or something (which I will most likely not say because it's a lot to take in with that many kids) then check out my profile... they're up there. Also, note that Caesar and Octavia were the only ones to have 1 child, and that Hiro and Cynthia's kids have all J names, unless that confuses you even more. Okay, Ima just shut up now, but check out my profile or the key in the beginning of the story to see what's up.