Dear Diary
By Firenze
Lily sat alone by herself in the Gryffindor common room. It was deserted, since everyone was still at Hogsmeade. It was a cold, December Saturday, the last Hogsmeade trip before the holidays. She had gone of course, but left early. It's not much fun to be all alone in a big village.
Lily was in her sixth year. Yet, she still had no real friends. Everybody considered her the lonely, little Muggle-born witch, who didn't really excel in anything; unless you counted the people with the least friends, where she reigned tops. Sure, she was fairly good at Charms, but nobody cared. She stayed with the Gryffindor sixth year girls, but she knew they didn't truly like her. They were nothing like her anyway, so she didn't mind too much.
The day wasn't too exciting for her, like it was for everyone else. Lily didn't quite know what to write, as she settled into her comfy armchair and paused thoughtfully, quill in hand, leather-bound diary in her lap. What should she write? A subject that came up often. Though she was a witch, her life was still as mundane, uneventful, boring, and dull as it had been before she knew, even without Petunia to ruin things.
She racked her brain for something to write since she had nothing to do. The day was very plain. She thought for a while. Come to think of it, an odd thing had happened today though.
Dear Diary,
Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused
It had happened when she had been sitting in a booth in the back of the Three Broomsticks, calmly drinking a butterbeer. The taste made her feel warm inside and out, which was nice since it was an especially freezing, snowy day.
She then heard the jingle of bells above the door, and mildly interested, looked at the door. Faces flushed and shivering, stood James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. They walked inside, talking animatedly and joking around.
Lily went back to staring absentmindedly at her drink, watching the thick liquid swishing back and forth like waves, as she turned her tankard. She raised it to take a sip, but halfway to her lips, it stopped. She thought she had heard someone talking to her. In a rational voice, not yelling or insulting her like they always were. She shook her head. No, her mind was definitely playing tricks on her. Who would want to talk to plain, boring, friendless Lily?
Or was it?
"Are you there?"
Vaguely, still her in daze, Lily thought she saw someone wave their hand in front of her face. Was it real?
"Are you even conscious at the moment?" she heard somebody joke.
Her senses finally jolted to functioning, and she looked up. James Potter (a great Quidditch captain and Seeker, most popular boy in school, a prefect, top of the class, charming, polite, and nice) was smiling at her.
"Hmmm?" she said unintelligently, and mentally slapped herself.
"Come off it James," Sirius Black muttered from the booth next to hers. "She doesn't want to chat with you."
James ignored his best friend. "I said hello to you about five times," he informed her.
"Hi," Lily managed weakly. Why was he even speaking to her?
"Okay then. See you Lily." He walked calmly to his friends and sat down, leaving behind a very muddled Lily.
She was truly confused. First, James Potter had said hello to her, and kept trying, even though she was in another world. He smiled at her. And lastly, he even knew her name. She didn't know that he knew her name; let alone that she even existed on the same planet, let alone in the same school, house, and year. Should she be excited right now?
Lily didn't know at the time, and still didn't while she wrote her thoughts on paper. She just wasn't sure. Lily was just very confused.
Dear Diary,
I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already see
The way he feels for me
Lily was alone in the library, and though she was supposed to be working on her Transfiguration essay, she was doodling on a piece of parchment. She was so bored, and her mind drifted to other places. The first thing that came to her mind: James Potter. She wasn't quite sure why, but she did.
James Potter had been acting strangely – well, more so than usual. He was nice to her now, when people still refused to. Ever since the Hogsmeade trip three months ago, he had actually been having normal conversations with her, helping her with her homework, and even doing odd favors like pulling out her chair, saving her a spot in class, opening doors for her. Of course, he only did this when nobody else was around – he didn't want to ruin his reputation, no doubt. Lily had learned a lot of good things that she had never known about him, but James Potter and his friends were still clouded in mystery.
Speaking of them, they happened to walk in the library right at the moment. Of course, they paid Lily no mind and breezed right past her. James seemed to make sure that they sat as close to her as possible, but kept it subtle and unnoticeable that he had planned it. He joked and laughed with Sirius and Peter (Remus' mother was sick and he had to visit her), and acted like Lily didn't even exist with them.
Then, when the trio had calmed down to finally get some work done, Lily looked up for no apparent reason and caught James' eye. Had he been staring at her? She looked deeply into his brown eyes, and he didn't discontinue his gaze, like he usually did. In the comfortable silence, they stared into each other's eyes and just suddenly knew.
James Potter actually liked her! It was amazing, and yet so surreal. It was like a wonderful dream, which she should be waking up from soon. But she never woke up. It all became clear to her suddenly. He did like her; there was absolutely no mistaking it. And Lily wasn't too sure of herself, but she was pretty sure she liked him back.
What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know
Lily, still "studying" in the library sighed sadly. She was thinking about James Potter again, and she couldn't even stop herself from doing so. She was awfully confused. Thoughts, questions, complications, and problems raced rapidly through her head.
What could she do? What should she do? She wanted to let James know that she knew, and that she felt the same way he felt about her. But how could she possibly get her point across? Should she use actions (they spoke much louder than words), or should she just go right out and tell him?
Why was it so impossible to get James to see it? He needed to know, for both their sakes, but how soon should she tell him? Should she wait to see how things played themselves out, or jump right in and take action?
Lily got out of her trance, and the first thing she saw was James writing furiously on his parchment, in the table across from hers. He looked up briefly, and secretly grinned at her, hoping Sirius and Peter wouldn't see him. Then, Lily knew for sure. She knew exactly how to tell him, what to do, and most importantly when to do it. Smiling to herself and in a much happier mood, Lily set to work on her long-neglected Transfiguration essay.
Dear Diary,
He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasn't hard to understand
The next morning, Lily woke up, happy and cheerful (a new thing for her) and most oddly, she had woken up early. Beaming the whole time, she got dressed and ready, and headed down the stairs an hour before her roommates regularly woke up.
She assumed that nobody was in the common room, and began to sing. And not softly or in the least quietly; she belted this tune out. She was singing from the heart, and didn't even notice that somebody was indeed sitting in an armchair, listening intently to her.
"Everytime you're near baby/I get kinda crazy in my head for you/I don't know what to do
"And oh baby/I get kinda shaky when they mention you/I just lose my cool
"My friends tell me/Somethin' has come over me/And I think I know what it is
"I think I'm in love
"Boy I think that I'm in love with you/I've been doin' silly things when it comes to you/In love, boy I think that I'm in love with you/I've been tellin' all my friends what I feel for you
"Just the other night baby, I saw you hangin'/You were with your crew/I was with mine too/You took me by surprise/When you turn and look me in my eyes/Boy you really blow my mind
"I don't know what's gotten into me/But, I think I know what it is
"I think I'm in love
"Somethin strange has come over me/Got me goin' out of my mind/Never met a guy like you before/You make me feel special inside
"I think I'm in…" Lily's voice faded away in shock. She was positively horrified. She wasn't alone. And though it was the person she was hoping for, she also hoped that he didn't have to be there.
James. He was beaming at her, and Lily felt her insides turn to Jell-O. Thankfully, he was the only one in the common room (how many people are there at 5:30 in the morning?), but Lily was more embarrassed than she had ever been.
"You have a great voice," he complimented her, as she stood stock-still, rooted to her spot. She remained silent, and waited for him to say something. "You're in love, are you?" he asked teasingly.
No reply. Yet somehow, James could tell. "Who is it?" he asked her innocently.
Lily thought for a short moment. It was the perfect time to tell him. Forget her plan, she would have managed to botch it up somehow anyway.
"Who is it?" James repeated softly.
Lily thought of how she should put it. "I'm choosing not to tell you."
James laughed. "Okay then." He was quiet. Then, he sat up very suddenly.
"What?" Lily asked with amusement.
"I think I'm in love too."
Lily hardly dared to breathe. Was it - ? Did he - ? "W – who?" she asked, all too aware of her shaky voice.
James seemed to ignore her. He pulled his wand out of his robes, and conjured up a quill.
"Who do you love, James?" she repeated, thinking that he would imitate her and say, 'I'm choosing not to tell you.'
He dipped the quill in a bottle of ink, and wrote on the palm of his hand. Lily craned her neck to read it. But his other hand was in the way. Y, who's name began with a y? O. 'YO?' she thought wondrously.
James' hands were shaking as he wrote the final letter. A very crooked U.
Lily drew in her breath. She was about to say something, but then –
"Hey James! What are you doing up so early?" Sirius came bounding down the steps.
"Nothing," he lied, and before he could even notice, I walked out of the common room, away to the Great Hall.
I figured I'm part of his plans
But now I'm in his heart
I don't know where to start
"Lily!" somebody called her name behind her, as she was on her way to breakfast. Of course she knew who it was. The only person who ever called her by her actual name.
She whirled around. "Yes?"
James caught up to her. "Lily," he panted. "We – need – to – talk…" he panted.
"About what?" she asked naively.
"What I wrote."
"Oh."
"Lily, I'm sorry about that. I'm sure you don't love me back, but – " James paused. "Never mind about that. Lily, I have so many secrets that I need to tell you. That was just one, but there are so many others. Don't tell anyone about them, all right? Don't interrupt, just listen." He took a deep breath, and launched into a long monologue.
He told Lily of many things, in fact, everything he had ever done. He told her of all he and his friends had pulled. The chilling fact that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, and he was going crazy in the Shrieking Shack right now. That Sirius, Peter, and he had become Animagi. Everything.
He finished after half an hour, and left quietly before Lily could even utter a word.
What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know
Lily was so confused. James had poured his heart out to her, told her his deepest secrets, and she didn't say a single thing. She wanted James to understand that she loved him back. And she was going to do it, no matter what happened. James had to know, and he would soon.
You're my secret hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me
James had been avoiding Lily for a few days now. She desperately needed to talk to him, to let him know, but he ran away from her. One day, she couldn't stand hiding it anymore. It was Wednesday, and the Gryffindor sixth years were heading to History of Magic.
"James!" she called out, and not only he, but also all the other people, looked at her. Lily felt herself turning pink.
"Well, what are you guys looking at?" he asked the students. They turned around and resumed their conversations. He walked to Lily, well aware of his own flushed face. He nervously tried to flatten his unruly hair. "Yes?" he asked, his voice unsteady.
"I need to talk to you."
"Okay." He looked at her, and their eyes met.
Lily didn't know what to say anymore. She was quiet, and so was James. They stared into each other's eyes for the longest time. It turned out, Lily didn't even have to say anything. James already knew, and she was glad for that.
But it's nice to hear a person actually say it, which they hadn't done. "I love you James," she whispered, but still not breaking her gaze.
"I love you too," he whispered softly. They were quiet again. Then, James leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.
When they drew apart and opened their eyes, both of them turned red, because Sirius was looking at them.
"Professor Binns wanted me to tell you that you were late for class," Sirius muttered.
"He can wait," James said quietly, and Sirius walked away, inevitably grinning.
Lily smiled at him. "You know, we probably should get back to class."
"Sure," James agreed, but he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek first. Then, he slid his hand into hers and held it, and they walked to the classroom in a silence that was filled with happiness and love.
THE END
A/N: The ending is so cheesy, I think. Don't be mean, this was my first songfic, and I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I personally thought it was good, but a bit long. I can't tell you how many times I tried to do a songfic (I have lyrics for literally 100 songs, and they're all good, but I can never finish one). This one though, kind of drew me in. Hope you enjoyed it, please review!
Disclaimer: *Takes a deep breath, talks faster than Hermione*: Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, Gryffindor, Lily Whateverherlastnameis, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and all other places, characters, and names belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Bloomsbury Publishing, you know the rest.
This song is "Dear Diary," by M2M, and the lyrics or any part of it don't belong to me.
The song Lily sings is "I Think I'm In Love With You," by Jessica Simpson.
Yay, that's finally it. Don't sue me okay? I'm only a 7th grader who has $5.10 in my wallet at the moment. And no, you can't have the $5.10.