So I wrote this after several hours of playing DA2 and was kicking the angst around in my head. I needed a break from Aiming To Misbehave. Its a SongFic featuring "She Don't Want The World" by 3 Doors Down. I suggest listening to it. It hit me like a truck.
Pairing is FemHawke and Fenris
Anyhow, BioWare and 3 Doors Down owns everything. I only take credit for giving shape to the void in my head.
Rated M for some very intense imagery. Tried a different style of writing, more akin to my poetry.
Reviews, please, thank you and come again ^^
Enjoy :)
She Don't Want The World
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.
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The open wound she hides,
she just keeps it bundled up
and never lets it show.
She can't take much more of this
but she can't let it go.
That's ok, she don't want the world...
Her heart beats like a hammer against her ribs. The furious rythem makes her knees weak. Its him again, Its always him. The one who cosumes her, tears her to pieces, makes her body a slave to his whims.
Screaming like a tortured soul on fire, she burns. His maginificent hands on her tender flesh, lips trembling. Breathing is such a chore. Her body arcs against him, pulled up by the pounding, aching, wretched pulse in her chest.
His name is a prayer, she chants for salvation, for strength, anything that means she could survive this. He worships her, holds her reverently, like a flame that might burn him any moment.
His teeth on her throat.
His voice...
She feels the power in his arms, the irrational pull that directs her to tear at his skin, to drink his blood. He growls deep in his chest, like the purr of some wild jungle cat. He calls to her, she thanks the maker for the sound of it.
Its sensless, violent, cruel even.
How can he be so deliciously sinful?
And all the things she says,
he's just standing there
without someone to hear her cry.
She slips off into a dream
about a place to hide.
That's ok, she don't want the world...
Her choking sobs she holds back reverberate deep bass in her chest.
Its him again. It's always him. The one who tears her to pieces. With a look, a careless gesture and restless words spoken he explains lamely.
His voice is sweet torture, as he's rejecting her she can only think of how his velvet voice caressed her name only hours before. How she opened herself only to be swiftly crushed by tormenting waves of insecurity and rejection.
Her rationality retreats to the darkest part of her mind. How ironic that she would find her heart and freely bare it only to watch him symbolically rip it from her body. No hole she could ever crawl into would be deep or dark enough.
This love she feels,
and everything she's ever known
or ever thought was real.
Seems like it's got thrown away,
now how's she gonna live?
It's ok, she don't want the world...
Past and present collide with a quickly fizzling future. It shifts and shakes before her eyes. She would dig and claw at her breastbone to silence her heart if she could. It sings a broken, dejected song of unequeled sorrow.
He's waiting on a response.
She stares mutely into the miles between them. The worst kind of distance is the kind her depth perception refused to acknowledge until he shattered her.
Blissful sleep, basking in his glory had abrutly given way to a chasm she had no idea how to cross.
Everything she ever loved had been swept away by a barbaric and vengful fate. She can't quite help the smile that spreads acruss her full lips.
Defensive mechanism fixed in place. He speaks of foolishness and whimsical fantasies of a happy life together.
Her stoic mask wavers as her heart cracks all the way to its foundation.
Her life revolves around one shining focal point. His wants. His needs. His fear, trepedation and churning turmoil.
No price was too high. Anything she could give would be worth the reward of his allowing her close enough to touch, to feel his breath, to give him what she knew he needed to be whole again. She mended him with her own broken pieces.
It was all about him. Whatever he needed. Anything, everything. She gave it with all her strength.
Her lip trembles, holding back the tide.
Emotions sharply stab at her hollow chest.
Hope is a merciless creature. It bucks and thrashes wildly in her stomach. Her last desperate attempt to stop him from ripping her apart.
She confesses her love, in no uncertain terms.
The tide pushes forward past her walls to beat against her body and soul with blinding force.
The words are white hot on her tongue. Everything she needs, wants, hopes for in all the world. Her own little corner with him.
She spills it all and it flows.
When she quiets he stands defiantly against her begging, an immovable object.
She love him, this selfish beast.
Will he reciprocate?
Breathing is such a chore.
Those words he never spoke,
haunt her like the memories
of all the times before.
She tried to show him love
while he would only ask for more.
But it's ok, she don't want the world...
Screaming like a tortured soul on fire, she burns. Hotter and hotter she cries all the tears she held back in his presence.
Its sensless, violent and cruel, the ache that stabs into her chest, burrowing deeper with every beat of her heart.
Her heart. Oh maker.
Its still there, she knows. But for all her damn effort she can't find it.
It will not be silenced. Betrayal sings in her blood.
She loves him, this selfish beast. Hate would be easier.
She tries, but can't hate him. Only herself for getting involved with a broken man.
Her mother always warned her that the downfall of all great women was trying to fix a man. Maternal instincts, she'd declared half heartedly.
She can't bring herself to wish she'd listened.
Everyone's got baggage.
Even her. Especially her.
So she got dumped? It happens everyday all over Thedas. Worse things have happened to her. She tells herself to get over it.
But she wont, not this time and she knows it.
Softley in her sleep
pictures of the life she's
longing for slowly appear.
She's seen them all before
but somehow never quite this clear.
She just smiles, she don't want the world...
He invades her dreams. A wraith, the terrible vengence of an over worked heart.
He whispers his love, lips ghosting over her skin.
She cries so hard it hurts the jagged hole he'd punched in her chest.
He caresses her, bare fingertips passing through the surface to stroke her nerves.
Its all too much to bear, and she won't let him stop.
He drinks in the sight of her with hungry, lustful eyes. She arc's into her punnishing delusion.
It will hurt later, she knows. But she hears his confession from venomous lips.
The pain will be the end of her.
The price of a single night with him, a cold dead heart...
Fair trade.
The price is steep. One she pays gladly to drink of his poison.
He invades her body. She gives it freely to his whims.
He pulls her strings and she dances, happy to submit to his will.
Everything is blurry, everything is acute.
She touches the universe.
This love she feels
and everything she's ever known
or ever thought was real
seems like it got thrown away
now how's she gonna live?
It's ok, she don't want the world...
Sweet blissful oblivion. Would her dreams shield her aching heart from the devistation thats all to near?
Morning will come and then what?
She hopes she can stay here forever. Never to face the truth of her life. The pattern repeating over and over. Abandoned, always by those she wants only to hold close.
Panic rises. The sky is falling.
He moves inside her, oblivious.
She feels him in her soul, as he tears away to exist as something, someone else. Other, and unfamilliar. Just out of reach no matter how close. Even from within her, she feels herself losing him.
She implodes.
Life is worth losing if love's an illusion.
She loves him, the selfish beast. Always and never.
She gives of herself until she is spent completely.
Like a tortured soul on fire, she burns. Burns to ashes and floats away from everything she thought she knew.
Tomorrow, and every day after, forever was lost.
It doesn't matter any longer.
A brand new morning shines
she wakes up alone, again.
This time to face the day.
She swears this time to make it,
as she simply walks away,
and it's ok, she don't want the world...
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A/N: Okay tell me truthfully, love it? Hate it? Hope you enjoyed it. I know its short as fuuu- but it just needed to happen. Let me know if I should do more work like this.