The first thing he noticed was the stench of rot and smoke. Opening his eyes was hard, though the sight before him made it easy to keep watching his surroundings. The sudden jolt of blaring lights and crackling sparks brought back the memories of his last moments—
He tore apart his room, paying special attention to the red dress he wasted his money on. That dress was soon on the floor, torn to shreds much like his battered heart. The box he had for emergencies was quickly found in his shaking hands. He dropped to the floor, cradling the box, removing the gun, screaming, "Why? Why is this happening to me?"
His world was falling apart and all he knew was pain and betrayal. With a final breath, he begged, "God, forgive me." The gun was metallic in his mouth and soon faded as his life left his body with thoughts of lost love drilled into his skull.
God had not forgiven him, nor should he. Johnny knew this was an unforgiveable sin—to take a life, even his own. It was no wonder he woke up here, in a pit of fire and brimstone. Johnny stood from his spot on the burning, stone ground, and brushed his flowing hair over his shoulder. Hell didn't seem that bad, considering it was a place for eternal punishment.
The ground was cracked like a fault in the earth, lava red and sloshing around, occasionally overflowing before returning to the depths. Shadows danced on the above cavern walls but Johnny paid no mind to it, this was all better than having to face his ex-fiancé and best friend.
There were sudden shrieks of pain and agony, sounds of women screeching for help and men wailing out for it to just stop. Johnny ignored the crunching of lost teeth and degloved fingers under his feet and searched out something else in this abyss, something to do.
There was a darkened hall he almost missed that echoed more noises he would be listening to for all of eternity. Instead of running or hiding in his temporary reprieve, he went in. He went through the halls and tunnels, fearless, and followed each new noise in the blinding darkness.
There was a glowing blue light before him and he followed it, not stopping until he was in a new cave-like room of black rocks and thick, smoky air. A figure was before him, back turned, skin a pale white color with bright blue veins and protruding bones making his form appear emaciated.
The figure turned his balding head, the few silver hairs on top flying this and that way. This new angle revealed the man's sagging, pointed ears and chipped horn-like disfigurements on his forehead. The nose had once been strong and wide, now reduced to a broken, flattened mess. The creature's eyes were hollowed spaces with dropping eyelids and purple shadows beneath. Its teeth, once sharp, were now crooked and broken down.
Johnny was unfazed and watched as the monster turned the rest of the way around. The thing was naked and his body was badly broken. There were stumps on his back, covered in dried skin and black blood clotted into mud. The creature licked its lips, leaving no saliva from his dry, white tongue.
"Johnny," it hissed out, tongue scraping against shattered teeth and voice dryer than sand.
Johnny's eyebrows furrowed momentarily as he tried to piece the moment together. Did he know this creepy hobo? Was he an old client at the bank?
"Johnny," it hissed again, suddenly inches from Johnny's face. He smelled of decay and fire. "My… child… you've returned to your home."
His home? This wasn't the apartment filled with his spoon collectibles or with his fine furniture or unused wine collection. Is this a philosophical home? To say God is all-knowing and therefore knew where his creations would go—Heaven or Hell. Were sinners all foster children of the Devil while the good were accepted back into Heaven where they were first created as souls?
The creature turned its head, a loud crack resounding as it coughed violently into a deformed hand. It turned back to Johnny, empty eye sockets searching for something within the man.
"You don't understand yet, my child, but you will soon," it continued. It hunched over, prompting those wounded lumps on his back to reopen and burst out chunky liquid that couldn't possibly be blood. It hacked and used its one remaining finger on its left hand to beckon Johnny to follow it into the thin opening in the wall, leading to another tunnel.
They went together through the crack, chest and backs pressed against cavern walls that alternated between icy cold to hotter than the sun. They reached their destination, a larger room with blue orbs floating around the air in circles. They emitted small screeches and moans, though not nearly as loud as the cries he heard when he first awoke.
In the middle of the room was a circular opening in the ground, brimming to the top in cold light and colors. The creature knelt by it and stuck his hand in, pulling out a small orb as it screamed and shone brightly.
The monster popped it in his mouth, crunching the light, before returning his attention to Johnny. It was then that Johnny noticed the thing had the most haunting legs, with knees that bent the opposite way and with disgusting, malformed ankles that split between feet and hooves.
"This is your legacy now," it announced, voice clearer. "You will replace me as Overlord, Johnny."
The monster moved his jaw, which was dislocated and moved side-to-side. It coughed again and reached for another orb, handing it to Johnny, who took it hesitantly.
"Once you eat this, you will rule them," it said.
"What is happening?" Johnny finally voiced, only asking because he was hungry and it seemed polite to first speak with someone before you eat the food they offer.
It laughed darkly. "Can't you tell? I'm what you would know as Satan."
Johnny stared at him blankly.
"I punish the bad humans who die for eternity," it clarified. "I was once Lucifer, but I defied God and was sent here. But God is letting me back into Heaven with… limited power. I will no longer be an angel, but I will rest behind the Gates. But I need a replacement," he whispered. "The bad still need punishment. And, my child, I have picked you to take over my throne."
"But why me?"
"Because the only sin you committed was the sin of loving too passionately and suffering the consequences. You have suffered the most out of every single creation in existence, and I deem you to be the most appropriate successor. Punish the evil, Johnny."
Johnny nodded and smiled. The monster—Satan—motioned to the orb and Johnny happily placed it to his lips and sucked it in.
"From this moment on, when you hath eaten the soul of an unbaptized baby, you will no longer be known as Johnny… you are Satan."
"Then who are you?"
The creature was silent a moment and cracked something that may have been a smile. "I'm… Lucifer." His skin slowly repaired itself and he took a step away. "The job comes naturally," his changing voice called back. "Do what feels right." The man dissipated into a beam of light and in seconds the room returned to darkness.
Johnny watched the spot Lucifer had been, mumbling, "Oh. Bye, Satan."