Dreams, Pain, Tears, Returns and Hope
By: The DreamWeaver
Summary: Changes that could have been, hopes that one day will be.
Span: Mass Effect 2 and 3
Disclaimer: Welcome, dear Reader, to a tale woven for you by the DreamWeaver. This fiction has been spun for you all to enjoy and the DreamWeaver hopes that the story that follows will please you. Remember, love comes in the most unexpected places and happiness can be found where ever you go. Remember, the DreamWeaver works within and around existing legends and the characters in this dream do not belong to the DreamWeaver. The DreamWeaver wishes not to infringe upon the rights of those whom they do belong to. Please enjoy.
In a ship the size of the SSV Normandy, news traveled faster than Joker's best times for a Citadel run from any reach of the galaxy. So, the grand finale of Horizon was no secret by the time Commander Andromeda Shepard made her weary way back on board the ship. Thanks to a new and handy upgrade from Cerberus, sound and video uplinks installed in each of the ground crew's helmets or visors that fed directly to the CIC and could be disseminated to multiple viewing screens, everyone was partaking in their favorite pastime when the shit hit the fan. Watching the mission feeds.
And by the time the commander returned, ranks were already closing around their leader.
The hours between Shepard's less than triumphant return, complete with throwing her helmet against the wall of the armory so hard it dented before storming off, and lights down passed in a blur for the weary commander. Several times, she found herself in random locations throughout the ship, torn between wanting to be left to her musings and unwilling to be left entirely alone. She was furious, hurt, heartbroken and exhausted, but sleep was determined to be scarce as she paced the length of her ship.
Once, she found herself huddled on the floor of the armor next to Jacob's work table. Her knees were drawn up to her chest where her chin rested heavily, arms wrapped tight around them in a defensive posture. Jacob remained entirely nonplussed by the silent, brooding woman sitting on the floor as she glared a hole in the metal plates in front of her. Without comment, he simply set to breaking down Shepard's M6 hand cannon and left her to her musings. The fact that he was cleaning her weapons surprised Shepard; however she didn't remark on it, as the master-at-arms always insisted that each of the ground crew clean their own weapons and do standard repairs on their own armor.
Later on, while tucked up on the floor next to Joker's chair where there was less through traffic, while listening to Joker's rant about Kaidan's impossibly perfect hair, she was startled again by the slowly forming camaraderie of her crew. The heavily tattooed biotic that lived in the space beneath the engineering deck, Jack, had actually wandered free of the hold to track her down. She didn't say much, just nodded at the commander, before tapping a few buttons on her omni-tool as it flared up.
"Here. It's a good list. I listen to it when I'm in a Fuck-Everyone mood."
Which would be near constantly? Shepard didn't say that, instead she thanked Jack for her kindness and looked to her own tool to see the music playlist she had been sent. Jack grunted a response and shied off, back to her hidey-hole.
The rest of the afternoon followed in a similar fashion.
Kasumi tracked her down to press one of her hard bound romance novels, worth a pretty penny, into her hands. She shrugged when questioned, "This one always cheers me up."
Garrus dragged her down to the shuttle bay to spar a few rounds, insisting that she needed to beat someone up and it might as well be him.
Grunt willingly rearranged the shuttle bay for the exercise and crowed merrily when Shepard won.
Dr. Chakwas hauled her in to the medical bay for a drink from her private stash and a selection of hilarious moments from the old Normandy that set her laughing until she had tears in her eyes.
The engineers, Ken and Gabby, worked together to make a new decoration for her cabin; a vase of roses made from spare bits, leftover tubing and a lot of electrical tape left down in engineering. They presented it to her with a flourish with Kelly, who was already up in the cabin to feed the fish and clean up the tank. She surreptitiously turned the picture of Kaidan on her desk around to face the wall before placing the vase directly in front of it while the commander thanked all three of them.
Zaeed had wandered into her cabin, making a pithy comment about "guddamn special treatment" from Cerberus as he took in the view. Then, with a grumble, he picked up a few of her completed models and hung them neatly for her on the highest reaches of her pegboard. When he left, her eyes were drawn to Barkspawn's cage, where a neatly constructed wheel was being run on by the hamster.
Miranda brought up a selection of vids from her private collection, ridiculous comedies and intense action flicks that didn't have a hint of romance in them, citing the need to stop thinking about the mission for at least an hour or two. That shocked Shepard the most, that the Ice Queen would even suggest not considering the mission for an hour or so.
Even Mess Sergeant Gardner participated in this deluge of kindness from the crew. He snagged Shepard on her way past and assigned her "baking detail." In other words, he regaled her with stories from his past on the eezo rigs while baking cookies and muffins for the crew and having her "sample" the dough and batter every few minutes. And he insisted that she test one of the beaters from each batch to ensure the quality of the ingredients. It was the best detail Shepard ever remembered being voluntold for. Then, when she was finally ready to settle into her cabin, he came up with a cup of tea from his own, private blend, to help her relax and get some sleep tonight.
Which brought Shepard to take in her current situation; the heavy, pulsing playlist from Jack turned down low on the sound system next to her bed. The hard bound book rested heavily on her thighs as she tried, again, to focus on it. But the words kept blurring together and she found herself reading the same sentence three or four times without comprehending what was written. The scent of tea was fragrant in the air as it sat near her elbow on the side table next to her couch. Her bare feet were propped up on the coffee table in front of her, Barkspawn's wheel making the slightest whirring noise as he ran on it happily. Raising her chin to shift her tired eyes to the fish tank, she found a tight knot of nostalgia rising in her chest as she imagined the Presidium's lake. It just… wasn't fair…
The door to her cabin chimed once and, without waiting for her to even rise to her feet, hissed open. Alarm mixed with concern flooded her system and she threw the book aside and upset the teacup at her elbow as she ripped herself off the couch. Gaining her feet, she mentally prepared herself for either a fist fight, a screaming match or a hug and balled her fists as she came around the coffee table. Nothing prepared her for what she was met with.
Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko was coming in the doorway.
The ground dropped out from underneath her and she took a step back to regain her balance, planting her feet and readying for a fight.
His handsome face was set in an unreadable mask, the tunic top of his formal uniform clenched tightly in one fist and the other just as balled as he charged in the door. The entire line of his body was fraught with tension and anger, similar to how she had seen him earlier in the day. Heart pounding in her throat, Shepard waited for him to make the first move and prayed he would use his fists and not his bone-crushing biotics. She could recover from a black eye, but a snapped spinal column would make Cerberus' job harder…
The tunic dropped to the floor as Kaidan, without ever checking his ground eating stride, rushed across the room. Shepard's fists came up; ready to brawl, but he threw her off balance once again.
His arms came up and caught her around the waist, grabbing her slender frame firmly and pulling her into him. They collided hard enough to make her gasp, giving Kaidan the advantage as he tipped his head down and captured her mouth with his. The force of a plasma beam shot through her nerves at that touch, both angry and soft, and left them tingling as her suddenly heavy arms went up and looped around his neck. He pulled her tighter against him, tipping his head to deepen the kiss.
It was a stormy kiss, passionate and tinged with violence, a taste of something she had never experienced with him. He was angry with her, she could sense it in the bruising movements of his mouth against her's, and she had never felt so meek in her entire life. He punished her for being gone, for not contacting him, for Cerberus, with his tongue, his hands gripping her forcefully. She should have been afraid, but all she could feel was a spreading heat through her abdomen and an overwhelming desire to never stop kissing him.
Her numbed fingers curled into the soft length of his dark hair on the back of his head, the opposing hand gripping onto his undershirt for dear life. He pulled her up against him until there was not one bit of space between them, his hard thigh pressed between her own. She shocked herself by clinging to him as he cupped the back of her head, a show of softness, tenderness, as the memories of the night before Ilos rose in her mind. But there was no chance for remembrances as his hands suddenly slithered down the length of her body, eliciting a sharp gasp from her, and curled around her thighs. With a brutal yank, he hauled her up against him with ease and carried her the five steps to the foot of her bed.
Suddenly, she was on the bed without one iota of clothing on her frame. Startled, she raised her gaze to find Kaidan, equally nude, crawling over her. The first touch of his mouth on her stomach, the light bristle of his stubble on her skin drawing a tremble from her muscles as desire flooded her senses, dismissing her confusion. Those long, slow kisses inched higher, not only making her flesh quiver but little sounds to escape her lips as she gripped onto his hard shoulders. His skin was as hot and firm as she had remembered it, the muscles rippling beneath with such strength, without flaw.
Without the scar he had gotten from the falling Sovereign piece on the Citadel.
"It's been so long…" she heard him whisper in the semi-darkness.
"Two years." Miranda's face swam into view.
"So long…" he said again, stronger.
"Been a long time." Councilor Andersen grinned, shaking her hand.
"How've you been?" She asked Tali when they had a moment to talk downstairs.
"How…?" She asked, standing next to Joker as the SR-2 Normandy cruised into view.
"Commander." He grinned, happy to see her.
"Commander." Jacob said.
"Shepard." Wrex grunted.
"Shepard!" Kaidan shouted, reaching for her as she pushed him into the escape pod.
"Shepard, wake up!" Miranda commanded over the loudspeaker.
"Shepard!" the final cry of her name startled her so bad, she jerked upright and almost came skull to skull with Joker. He jumped back, his big hands coming up to catch her shoulders to prevent them from colliding. Disoriented and confused, she stared at him dumbly for a long moment before she realized that she was sitting on her bed, soaked in sweat and breathing in sharp heaves as if she had been chasing down Saren again.
"It's okay, Shep… Breathe…" Joker's voice was soothing as he rose and took the empty glass from next to her bed. He hobbled off to the bathroom, leaving her alone to take stock of where she was. She was still in her room, on the bed. The mug on the side table next to her couch was upright and untouched; Kasumi's romance novel was sitting with a bookmark in it on the coffee table. The acts of kindness from her crew remained unchanged and there was no formal coat thrown on the floor in a heap. The only thing that was out of place was the second pillow on her bed; she found it pressed against her side where she was sitting.
Joke took that moment to hobble back to her side, offering her the glass of water. "Some nightmare, huh?"
"Yeah… Something like that…" she took a few gulps from the glass, finding her mouth strangely dry and dug the heel of her palm against her eye. "What happened?"
"EDI woke me, said you were upset. I came up to check on you and you didn't answer, so I came in." He sat down on the bed across from her, taking the empty glass. "Are you okay?"
"I… I don't know…" she suddenly murmured, looking down at her empty hands as she flexed them. An overwhelming sense of loneliness filled her and she looked away to the fish tank, where the dim light was emanating from.
"It'll be alright, Commander… I'm here if you need me… We all are…" he placed the glass on the side table, then moved to put both bare feet on the floor and offered her his extended arm. Shepard looked at him for a moment, unaware that his heart was aching for that bruised, empty look in her eyes, before she turned to the side and tentatively crept into his side.
He looped his arm around her shoulders and drew her close, her head coming to rest against his shoulder. It took a moment before her walls just collapsed all over the floor and she sunk into his side, her arm going around his waist as she took shelter in the platonic love of a loyal friend. Maybe… maybe she wasn't so alone after all…
They sat like that, side by side, for a long time, re-telling the same stupid stories of the dumb stuff they got into together before she died, laughing until they cried. And when Joker left in the wee hours of the morning, Shepard fell back into bed with a small smile on her face. Suddenly, the galaxy didn't seem so big and so vast… nor so empty… At least she still had friends…
The DreamWeaver hopes that this part of a dream has pleased you, dear Reader, and, if it has, perhaps you will honor the DreamWeaver with a review.
May your dreams guide you on the pathway to the joys of tomorrow.