TITLE: Quotes by Lucius Seneca
AUTHOR: MSCSIFANGSR aka Chauncey10
FANDOM/SHIP: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation/Grissom/Sidle
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Quotes by Lucius Seneca always seemed to remind him of her...
DISCLAIMER: Sorry, I don't own them. But if I did, things would definitely be different.
SPOILERS: Every episode aired up 11x13 and some possible insights into their relationship pre-series.
A/N: Originally written for the TVNetwork1 Last Author Standing competition February 2011. The prompt: 'Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.'
All art is but imitation of nature.
He'd thought of Lucius Seneca when he'd first seen the brunette sitting in the audience of one of his lectures. Sara Sidle, as she introduced herself, was imperfect in many ways, but perfect in his eyes.
If you wished to be loved, love.
Problem was he didn't want to love her; it happened entirely without his consent or knowledge. They would talk and share ideas, never anything more. But she slipped into his heart and he didn't like it.
Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.
The situation was difficult for Grissom. He'd called the best person for the job, she'd done a wonderful job as he knew she would. He could hire her, adding another highly qualified investigator to his team or he could ask her to stay for him.
The lab's needs usurped his own.
Life is warfare.
Pull. Push. Pull. Push. Pull.
He kept Sara at arm's length for several years; he could never touch her the way he truly wanted. He could only risk a touch here or a caress there.
Once, he trailed his fingers over the delicate skin of her upper arm while she was pressed between him and a sheet marred by evidence.
It was all almost too much; except that it wasn't nearly enough.
Love in its essence is spiritual fire.
Slumped over a checker boarded bathroom floor, she was dead.
His heart stopped.
Then he literally burst out of the front door. And then he saw her, standing by Brass. Sara was alive, but the woman was gone forever.
A fever overtook him. He had to know who killed Debbie Marlin and why.
A man's as miserable as he thinks he is.
He couldn't; and he knew she knew now.
Brass had told him Sara watched the interview with Vincent Laurie.
It certainly didn't make things better and soon afterward things became much worse between the two rather private criminalists.
Great grief does not of itself put an end to itself.
The dreams were torture.
Every time he slept, she was there, beside him, doing the most mundane of things.
They ate, they took out the garbage, they read, they slept, they loved.
When he was awake, he grieved what he did not have and she was there, just out of reach.
But she was his when he was alone with his dreams.
It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult.
It was time, finally.
Grissom had to accept the inevitable; Sara was in his heart.
But exactly how does one un-pull and un-push?
Then Adam Trent held a shard of broken pottery against her neck.
The time had come for him to finally lose himself within her.
As long as you live, keep learning how to live.
She taught him that in the way he had never suspected; she would not allow any recriminations from their past.
What could have been, could have been, but it wasn't right then. It was right now and that's all that mattered.
He loved her and wanted to shout it out loud for anyone to hear.
And he did, occasionally when together they would ride one of his beloved roller coasters.
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
Grissom knew she had survived her difficult childhood, his poor treatment of her, and her abduction by Natalie Davis.
Now, they worked different shifts and he was unable to be with her when she needed him the most.
Sara was slipping away and he knew it.
The things hardest to bear are sweetest to remember.
Grissom didn't know how he made it through Warrick's death and Sara's abrupt departure. Both incidences left him bereft, depressed and lost.
When he slept, all was well, but the problem was that he couldn't sleep. The life as he'd known for the last several years was gone and then he'd gotten the video from Sara.
She absolved him of everything. And he'd had a breakdown of sorts at his friend's house.
After he and Heather talked, he realized he would never be free of his love for Sara Sidle and he really needed to do something to make things right.
You must live for another if you wish to live for yourself.
Grissom smiled as he walked out of the crime lab that night.
He knew in his heart that he'd probably never walk into the lab again, unless he was a visitor. And he was okay with it. Really okay with it. In fact, he thought he'd never made a more rational decision.
Soon he'd be on his way to Costa Rica. He wasn't sure what type of reception he'd receive when he found her, but he knew it was time to live.
True happiness is... to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.
The time in Paris was the absolute best of his life.
They were together, sometimes not together, but the wonderful fact was that she was always his, no matter what.
It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.
He knew he disappointed her by not showing up at the reception. But the mass grave site had become a priority.
During the Skpe conversation with Sara and his mother, he realized his priorities were wrong again.
A few days later, the MGM Grand was the backdrop as the three of them dined at L'Atelier. He smiled and was happy to be surrounded by his two best girls.
Quotes by Lucius Seneca always seemed to remind him of her...his wife and he knew without the insight by the Roman philosopher, he'd have probably missed any opportunity he'd ever had with the lovely Sara Sidle.
THE END
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