Author's Note: So, I've had this story on my computer for over a year now and only now have I gotten around to editing it. I've always wondered what the conversation was between Shimako and Shizuka that made them become pen pals and here is my take on it. Also, I know that I haven't posted a Sei and Shimako story in forever, and I promise that the next story I end up publishing will be one. Hope you enjoy!
Fingertip Glue
When Shizuka Kanina first began working at the Lillian Library, she wondered briefly what bound books together. Glue was the rational answer, but each book that was handed to her and handed off by her felt more solid in hands than the liquid could ever be.
She would caress the spines of the books she placed on orderly shelves, hoping that in her rudimentary search she could find the answer with her fingertips. The books' spines held thumbed-through and dogged-eared pages together within slightly decorative cardboard coverings that were labeled with titles that may or may not give clues to what was hidden inside them. Though the glue physically held the book together, something greater held the idea together.
After ten minutes of contemplating such a trivial question, Shizuka decided that glue sufficed enough for her curiosity. Before she could wonder why such a frivolous question held her attention for so long, she moved on to the next trivial question and the next until her shift was up and she was allowed to go home.
Much like she was doing now, but as she walked through aisles of books, caressing them as she went along, she could care less about what held them together. Instead, she memorized their placement, their texture, their existence within the well-organized shelves because her existence within Lillian's existence was about to end.
She wanted some recollection that she had resided among these books.
Graduation was tomorrow, and Shizuka would be leaving Lillian without any grand hurrah. While the third years, resilient and morose, would walk across the stage with determined steps as all eyes watched their symbolic passing from one life into another, Shizuka would politely watch within a blended crowd and quietly slip away from Lillian when it was all over.
Graduation wasn't meant for her.
She could have gotten some of the spotlight if she had wanted to- the principle had given her permission to graduate along side the third years since she too was graduating from Lillian in a sense- but Shizuka had politely refused.
A burst of giggles (or perhaps sobs?) entered Shizuka's ear, and though the walls had muffled the sound, it still managed to irritate Shizuka. Since her shift began, Shizuka heard countless clamors and dins that disrupted the loneliness of her breath and the gentle hum of the AC.
First years, no doubt.
The first years were setting up the auditorium for tomorrow's proceedings-flowers placed there, seats placed here- in order to perfect the ceremony that would send their Onee-samas off into the world of painful reality rather than of maidens with unblemished skirts. While Shizuka would never admit it to anyone, she was jealous that those nameless faces were able to laugh or cry or chat uninhibited with their classmates.
When it was all over, they would have the safety net of Lillian to fall back on. Shizuka had no such luxury.
When she had entered high school, Shizuka told herself that she wouldn't get too attached since at any moment she would be heading off to Italy. She never allowed herself to be swayed by the passing of the rosary and instead, bade her time, excelling in the school choir and if it held her attention long enough, school as well. But her charming second year wisteria class did sway her, and though she tried not to at first, she became friends with them and more importantly, began to care for them as well.
They even threw her a farewell party earlier in the week before serious preparations were to be made for the graduation ceremony.
Shizuka felt a wave of sadness ripple through her chest, and she chastised herself for her foolishness. She knew she would be leaving Lillian, and she knew Italy was the place she needed to go in order to become the singer she wanted to be. She also knew she would desperately miss this idealistic world of pure maidens that not only prepared her for the real world but also protected her from it as well.
Shaking her head from the thought, Shizuka paused in her steps and chastised herself for feeling so melancholy. She had no use in looking into the subject further. What was done was done, and there was no turning back on her decision.
Shizuka straightened out her body, a defiant scowl gracing her features as her eyes roamed the empty room. She thought about leaving-she did need to start packing after all- but she was stuck with library duty, though there wasn't much duty to be done.
And she doubted there would be.
No student of the pristine Lillian High School would dare to have any library books checked out before the end of the year, and Shizuka herself even checked the patron record to see if such a notion was true.
It was.
And a small part of Shizuka was amused that Sei Sato had managed to bring in all her books on time since for the past two years she'd been the very last student to do so. But since Sei now had a petite soeur like Shimako Toudou, then it shouldn't have been all that surprising.
Shizuka paused in her tracks as she wondered whom exactly she would miss the most between the two of them. She loved Sei or had loved, she wasn't sure what her feelings were at the moment, but she knew that if Sei were to walk into the library at that moment and wanted to take her within the stacks she would allow it.
Not that she ever entrained the idea during rather slow shifts or anything.
Then there was Shimako. While Shizuka didn't necessarily know what her feelings were toward the younger girl, Shizuka knew they were hardly platonic, and she wished she had a bit more time to figure things out.
Sighing, Shizuka continued her stroll through the library.
She had fond memories here. The work was never stressful, and when she had time, she would read a random book that caught her fancy. Non-fiction usually. She never saw the particularity of fiction, and her literature classes did enough to never allow her to read without any sort of analysis. She analyzed people too much as it was, but for today, her mind couldn't focus on any written words, and so she drifted.
Thinking.
She came across the spot where she first met Yumi and smiled. It was hard to think of the younger girl without smiling. When had that been exactly? A few months ago, wasn't it? During her brief stint as Rosa Canina, she recalled. While Shizuka hadn't care whether she won or lost, she did want to leave her mark on the school, but most importantly, she wanted to finally have Sei's attention.
Not only did she get what she wanted, but she also received a kiss from the white rose as well. As a farewell gift, but also a promise of the possibility of tomorrow. She doubted she could ever truly say goodbye to Sei.
Shizuka ran her fingertips over her lips as she walked back to the checkout area and quirked her eyebrow at the sight. A student was waiting at the reception desk for whatever reason. Shizuka had doubted anyone needed to do any research, but here this student was. Great.
As she came closer, the figure turned around, and Shizuka met the calmest of blue eyes, and for once, Shizuka was the one caught off guard.
"Hello, Shizuka-sama."
Slightly biting the inside of her lip, Shizuka paused for a second, studying the younger girl, before returning Shimako's smile. "Hello to you too Shimako-san."
They looked at each other as Shizuka tried to formulate some sort of reasoning behind Shimako's sudden appearance and the only logical answer, though her mind tried desperately to refute the idea, was to see her.
"This is a pleasant surprise." Shizuka managed to say lightly, without any inclination to the swirling inside her chest.
Shimako nodded hesitantly as she licked her bottom lip.
"Is it?" she wondered aloud.
Nodding, Shizuka replied that it was, noticing for once the younger girl's nervousness.
Before she could attempt to placate the younger girl, Shimako produced a small item from behind her back and presented it to Shizuka.
"I came to give this to you." Shimako said, a small blush gracing her features.
A salmon colored flower, the same flower the third years received earlier that day, laid gently on Shimako's palm.
Shizuka did not blink, did not smile, her face void of all emotion. She was unsettled, and also maybe a little bit touched.
"If you want, I can pin it on you." Shimako offered, though she really didn't wait for Shizuka's permission as she reached for Shizuka's uniform.
Shizuka silently watched as Shimako pinned the flower onto her uniform, watching with mild amusement as Shimako tried to keep herself from actually touching Shizuka or meeting the older girl's eyes for that matter. Shizuka wondered why when Shimako's finger accidently caressed her collarbone.
Oh.
Shizuka tried not to blush, and instead, she grabbed Shimako's hand between her hands. Shimako gulped, softly, and Shizuka smiled warmly at the younger girl.
All her nervousness from earlier dissipating.
"Thank you Shimako-san." She squeezed Shimako's hand. "It really means a lot."
"You're welcome." Shimako replied sincerely.
Without saying anything else, Shimako moved out of Shizuka's hold and started walking towards the study area in the back. Shizuka watched the younger girl move in curiosity and may or may not have allowed her eyes to roam over Shimako's clothed body as well before following the future white rose.
In an unladylike manner, Shimako sat on top one of the desks once she reached her destination much to Shizuka's amusement.
Before Shizuka could comment on such uncouthness, Shimako spoke.
"How do you feel?"
Shizuka studied Shimako before joining the younger girl on top of the desk, trying and failing to not have her hand an inch, a breath, away from Shimako's hand.
She thought for a moment.
"I'm human so I feel a lot of things." Shizuka shrugged her shoulders, toying Shimako with her apathy like she usually did.
However, unlike their Valentine's date and their other interactions, Shimako didn't withdraw into herself Shizuka noted, and instead, the younger rolled her eyes playfully and continued.
"Okay, how do you feel about graduation coming up?"
Shizuka smiled despite herself at the future white rose's moxie. She shook her head fondly before answering.
"Annoyed at myself for feeling so sentimental about the whole thing."
Shimako furrowed her eyebrows.
"And why's that?"
Shizuka stared ahead at the stack of books, wondering exactly how honest she wanted to be with the younger girl.
She took a breath.
"Because I tried hard to have a clean cut from this school, but I have a few drops of sadness and maybe the tiniest bits of regret that I can't shake off."
Shimako placed her hand on top of Shizuka's and squeezed. When the older girl met her eyes, Shimako smiled fondly.
"You'll be happier though."
Shizuka looked down at their hands before glancing back at Shimako's earnest eyes. She almost groaned at herself when she felt the tiniest blush form on her cheeks.
"How do you know?" She whispered.
Shimako smiled.
"I just do."
A moment of silence fell on the duo, their hands still touching. Before Shizuka allowed herself to analyze exactly how foolish it was to allow herself to be attached to this girl she would hardly ever see, she broke the silence.
"How about you? How do you feel about graduation?"
Shimako pursed her lips, and though Shizuka didn't want to, she found the whole scene to be incredibly charming.
"Spring is a necessary evil," Shimako began. "Onee-sama told me that spring is a time for meetings and partings and that it's a part of the cycle of life, but for the past sixteen years of my life, it hasn't affected me this much. I'm dreading tomorrow. I'll have to see Onee-sama graduate and lord knows how much I'm going to miss her. I'll even miss Youko-sama and Eriko-sama, and of course," Shimako paused with teasing lit to her voice. "I'll miss you a bit as well."
Shizuka chuckled, not allowing herself to process the sentiment for what it was. She would be leaving in seven days time, and even if she did maybe have feelings for Shimako, none of it would matter in due time.
This moment, whatever it was, was finite.
"Now I find that hard to believe."
Shimako laughed. "I think I do as well, but I enjoy your company. At least more recently I have."
Shizuka arched her eyebrow as she meet Shimako's eyes in amusement.
"Truthful as always, Shimako-san."
Shimako shrugged her shoulders.
"Seems to be a folly of mine."
Before Shizuka could comment on the self-deprecating lit in Shimako's tone, the younger girl continued on in a bubblier tone while also removing her hand from Shizuka's in the process. Again, Shizuka didn't comment on this, but she felt a completely different sort of cold invade her skin then one from the AC humming above them.
"When do you leave for Italy?"
"Next week." Shizuka replied.
"Excited?"
"Mostly yes, and the rest is undefined at the moment."
"Shizuka-sama…"Shimako began, as she bit her bottom lip, attempting to find the correct way to say what she wanted to say.
"Yes?"
Shimako took a deep breath, a faint blush dusting her cheeks.
"This might be a bit strange, but since you don't have a petite soeur, is there anything you would like me to do? I know Youko-sama asked Yumi-san to take care of Sachiko-sama, and Eriko-sama had a similar conversation with Yoshino-san, but I think that was a bit more hostile-"
Before Shimako could ramble on further, Shizuka cut her off.
"Sei-sama didn't ask you to do anything for her?"
Shimako shook her head.
"No," Shimako smiled. "It isn't in her nature to ask anything of me. I think all she wants is for me to move on from our soeur bond next school year. Though I did hear that she managed to get a kiss from Yumi-san."
Even if they never did anything about it, Shizuka always assumed there some spark, something between the white rose family, though Shimako's words begged to differ. Or perhaps, it was an unspoken thing, one that they would never acknowledge.
Shizuka furrowed her brows.
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"No" Shimako shook her head. "Does that surprise you?"
Shizuka pursed her lips. "A bit."
"I guess Onee-sama and I never had much of an affectionate relationship. We just were and that was nice." Shimako paused, her fingertips caressing the rosary wrapped carelessly, carefully around her wrist. "So, do you have anything you want me to do for you?"
Shizuka shook her head, nothing particularly grand coming to mind. Nor did it matter really; the fact that Shimako went out of her way to ask her was more than enough. If they could have a bit more time was on the tip of her tongue, but she doubted Shimako possessed such powers. And Shizuka doubted could ever find herself airing such desires.
"Not right now," Shizuka smiled sheepishly. "But when I do I'll let you know."
At that moment, Shimako removed herself from the desk, nodding in understanding. "Okay. I have to go now, but it was nice talking to you. Bye Shizuka-sama."
Shimako didn't wait for a goodbye from the older girl as she started walking towards the stacks and towards the exit of the library. Feeling a panic jump start her legs, Shizuka followed after Shimako.
In a few long strides, Shizuka caught up with the Shimako between the stacks of books, heart beating rapidly. Not knowing what possessed her, Shizuka grabbed her arm, forcing the younger girl to look at her.
"I'll miss you too, Shimako-san."
Shimako smiled, warmly, genuinely and a small blush covered her features. She grasped Shizuka's hand in hers. "I'm glad."
The air crackled with something Shizuka couldn't name, but before she could fathom what it was, she pulled Shimako closer to her and before rationale could scream at her to do something different, her lips were on Shimako's.
For a second Shizuka believed she was mad and that if she received a slap for her actions that would be the least of her troubles, but Shimako's lips move against her the slightest bit, and Shizuka almost exploded.
But as quickly as the kiss began, it ended. With fearful eyes Shimako pushed away from Shizuka and turned her back towards her, ready to runaway. Shizuka could only watch and something in her chest cringed a bit.
She had to moved too fast, too foolishly and now…
But Shimako didn't runaway. She stayed rooted in her spot, back facing Shizuka, and before Shizuka could comprehend what was happening, Shimako turned back around and her lips were back on hers.
Those lips weren't timid by any means, and Shizuka following the frantic rhythm Shimako was setting. But then her arms were around Shimako's waist and Shimako's hands were in her hair and on her neck. Thankfully no one else was in the library with them because when Shizuka's tongue entered Shimako's mouth, a moan erupted throughout the stacks, and in her dazed mind, Shizuka couldn't place who exactly was the culprit.
Her hands began to roam the future white rose's body, and Shizuka desperately wanted to touch skin. Her fingertips found their way underneath Shimako's uniform top, and ever so slowly, she caressed the smooth expanse of skin that hid underneath and trailed up the younger girl's spine.
What held Shimako together?
Before her hands could travel any farther north, Shimako grabbed Shizuka's forearms as her head rested against Shizuka's chest, stilling the older girl's movements.
They tried desperately to regain their breaths.
"Shizuka…" Shimako murmured and it was then that Shizuka noticed the younger girl's tense frame. Shimako was fighting herself she realized, and while Shizuka wanted to comfort the brunette, her arms were still constrained, and she feared her voice could break her.
So Shizuka kissed her instead. Not on the lips and not on the cheek or the neck, but on her forehead. Shimako calmed, loosening her grip on Shizuka, and before two could be counted after one, they wrapped their arms around each other.
Shizuka ran her hand through Shimako's tresses as the younger girl snuggled into her chest.
"Shimako-san, I think I know what I want you to do." Shizuka murmured after a few moments.
Shimako pulled away slightly to meet Shizuka's golden eyes, chuckling lightly. "I don't think I'm quite ready for that."
"That's not what I meant." Shizuka shook her head, a bashful smile on her face.
"I want you to write to me while I'm in Italy."
"You want to be pen-pals?" Shimako asked skeptically.
"I do. I want to know what's going on in your life and at Lillian."
Shimako nodded, an understanding smile gracing her features.
"I think I can manage that."
Quietly, they pulled away from each other then as they tried to smooth out their wrinkles and smooth out their hair. Shimako glanced at Shizuka's swollen lips and smiled briefly as she caressed them with her fingertips.
"Sorry-"
"Don't be." Shizuka cut off before kissing Shimako's fingertips lightly, a smirk on her lips.
Shimako blushed as she retracted her fingers. Shizuka could tell the younger girl wanted to make some promise for them in the future, something to prove that the past hour meant something.
"Are you going to the Italy trip next year?" Shizuka asked.
Shimako nodded her head, her brown tresses bouncing slightly.
"I believe so."
"I'll see you then. How's that?"
This placated Shimako. She nodded, smiling gently at the prospect.
"Good luck tomorrow, and I'll be sure to write to you. Goodbye Shizuka-sama."
There was no kiss, no hug, nor any other sort of physical contact besides a brilliant smile as Shimako turned around and retreated back to world of unblemished skirts.
Shizuka watched her leave, smirking at the un-tucked piece of her uniform top on Shimako's back. Even though Shimako was within reach, there was already an ocean, a continent between them. Yet when Shimako's dot against the sky should have faded into infinity, Shizuka still saw her, still felt her and perhaps she always would.
After Shimako disappeared through the doors, Shizuka glanced at the clock. It was well past the end of her shift. The voices from outside had ceased for a while now Shizuka noticed. Perhaps, on they were on their way home. Perhaps, she should be as well.
But instead, Shizuka stayed and began the process of memorizing the place she and Shimako shared their first kissed. Right in the middle of the fiction section. She noticed the gold lettering of the titles, the dashing photographs of other lives unknown, and wondered again what exactly held books together.
But the thought was ever so brief, as the more pressing thought of what would hold her and Shimako together found precedence in her mind.
This thought followed her as she walked, caressing the spines of books as she went along. They paled in comparison to what her fingertips had caressed before and would hopefully caress again in a few months time.
She touched her lips and smiled.
Perhaps, graduation wouldn't be so bad.
FIN