Hey there guys!
Its me again, Wings!

So one day, I felt the need to write a funny comedy one-shot fic about some OCs having awkward dates with champions from the league of legends! And thus, this story was born. Sadly, it's a real brain teaser to think of stuff to happen for each champion, and as a result, it'd take far too long to complete this and the end result story would also be very long. So I decided to break it up into chapters!

I won't be updating this as much, it's more of a side-work break for me from my other fics.

Expect a lot of randomness, crude humor and silliness

Enjoy

- Wings Senpai.

League of Dating

Summoner Caelum nervously sat on the table-for-two as he looked around at the empty room, wondering what this was all about again. Basically, some genius had the idea of making a Blind-dating event and setting up random Champions to have a dinner date with him to celebrate his 19th birthday. His eye twitched a bit as he waited, nervous and a bit impatient, fidgeting in his seat, glancing at the single door leading into the room. The room itself was large and dark, the only lights coming from the candles on the table. He stuffed his right hand into his pocket, retrieving the folded paper listing all the champions he would be dating. Opening it up, he read the first name.

Ahri

Summoner Caelum stared across the table at Ahri, his eyes twitching as he tried to keep his focus on her glowing yellow eyes that seemed to bore into him. She was leaning forward upon the table, her elbows on the table and her head resting on her hands, looking at him with an amused smile on her face.

Don'tlookDon'tlookDon'tlookDon'tlookDon'tlo-

He glanced down for a split second at her glorious cleavage, praised be the gods for he had looked upon the holy grand canyon of her boso-
Goddammit.

"My eyes are up here, Summoner." Ahri said with a small giggle, enjoying how she was teasing him. He blushed, raising his right hand up and scratching the back of his head, ruffling his black hair up more as he looked at a random spot on the wall to his right. "Yeah… I.. Uh… Yeah…"

"So…" He muttered, deciding to break the ice. "Tell me about yourself."
"I like to fuck." She replied simply as it took Summoner Caelum a few minutes to register what she said. He stared at her, blushing even more as he sputtered, "W-What!?"
"I like to have sex. In every which way, whether it's simple plain ol' sex or maybe some kinky fuckery. Oh, this one time, this one summoner de-"
"Uh really, You don't have to say anything. Please stop, oh god I'm nosebleeding, holy teemo's tits, stop please." Caelum was desperately trying to stop Ahri while trying to drown out her words as she was caught in a reverie. Even though he managed to block out most of the sound, he heard words like 'covered in chocolate' and 'spiky tongue'.

"Uh. Ahri?" He managed to break her out as Ahri looked at him curiously. "Really not the most appropriate of topics for the dinner table." He said as Ahri rolled her eyes. "Pfft, don't be a bore, Cael."

At that moment, his friends, Summoner Jason and Summoner Ellie opened the door and walked in, carrying tonight's dinner. Well, not really the dinner. Just the appetizer. Compared to Caelum's rebellious mid-long black hair, Jason had short spiky blonde hair while Ellie had long pale golden hair. His electric blue eyes were also a stark contrast to Ellie's emerald green, but similar to Jason's inquisitive blue shade.

"Tonight's appetizer. Fruits!" Jason said cheerfully, his blue eyes sparkling mischievously behind his blond hair as he looked at Caelum, who was death-glaring at both of them for arranging this whole ordeal. Well, mainly at Ellie, since it was her idea.
"Enjoy!" Ellie said in her cutesy high pitched voice as they both ran off after setting the platters onto the table. Like they said, various fruits were decorated upon the plates.

Caelum found this to be a bit of a relief, as they could now focus on the food and engage in some small talk. As he picked up his fork and used it to spear a cube of water melon, he glanced at Ahri as he was about to put it into his mouth.

She had a banana in her hand and she was looking at him with desire igniting behind her golden eyes. She slowly peeled it, revealing the long white pulp of the fruit and slowly brought it closer to her mouth, never breaking eye contact with him. Caelum stayed frozen, unable to move or speak as he watched her, his forked cube of watermelon hanging inside his open mouth.

Ahri slowly pecked the top of the banana, making a small sound as she did that made Caelum swallow hard. His eyes went even wider when she licked it up its length before putting it into her mouth…. And continuing to put it into her mouth until she literally had almost half of the banana in her mouth and throat.

Thump

"Oh dear." Ahri said as she finished swallowing her massive bite of banana. "Hey, Summoner Caelum… Are you alright? Oh… it appears as though he fainted. Ah well, more food for me." She said happily as Caelum lied with his face on the table, a fork sticking out his mouth, his face completely red.

…

Akali

Summoner Caelum was hoping this would go better. Akali seemed more courteous than Ahri, and lacked the whole sex-crazed thing. As they sat there, staring at each other awkwardly, Caelum decided to try and break the ice again.
"So… How are you?"
"I'm fine." Akali said simply, her voice betraying nothing as if it was just another statement instead of an answer. Caelum faltered at her monotone-ness. "Uh… Er… So… How's the weather?"
"It's fine." She replied, again, completely emotionlessly.

"Are you always so… curt?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he swear he could feel one of those anime-style sweat-drops running down the side of his head.
"I'm a ninja." She replied.
"Yes… I, uh, know that… I've summoned you before."
"Yes. I know." She replied again as Caelum was unable to think of what else to say with such a boring dinner partner. Luckily, the doors opened again as his two friends waltzed in.
"Dinner is hereeee~" Ellie said cheerfully as Jason beamed at Akali, who glanced at him. "Hey Akali, how are ya doing?"
"I'm fine." She said, hesitating a bit as Jason grinned knowingly. Caelum glanced skeptically at him as Jason met his gaze. "Careful on this one, bro, or you might just find Zed pinning you up on his hitlist." Jason said, with a wink as a light tinge of pink coated Akali's cheeks.
Caelum blanched, gulping as he muttered, "Uh… I think… I'll… Have dinner with the next date." He said, hoping he didn't offend Akali.
"Ofcourse." She replied simply.

…

Ashe

"Wait, aren't you married to Tryndamere?" Caelum asked as Ashe raised her eyes off the empty plate below her.
"Yes? What of it?" Ashe asked, frowning slightly.
"Uh… Isn't this… sort of… cheating?" Caelum asked as Ashe rolled her eyes.
"Pssh, our marriage is only political." She said, waving it off. "Besides, just because I've already ordered doesn't mean I can't browse the menu." She said slyly as Caelum gulped, feeling a bit hot under the collar as her icy blue eyes bore into him.

The doors slammed open as Jason and Ellie stood there with the trays of food.
"DINNER'S HERE~!" Ellie said loudly in a sing-song voice, and just as Jason was about to say something, they both got shoved aside by a very angry Tryndamere.

"Ouch, I hurt my butt!" Ellie whined as she sat on the ground, while Jason looked at their trays of food strewn all about the floor. "Oh shit." He then noticed Tryndamere. "OH SHIT."

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH MY WIFE!?" Tryndamere shouted in rage as Caelum backed up against the wall on the other side of the room.
"DON'T KILL ME IT WAS HIS IDEA HE MATCHED ME UP." Summoner Caelum shouted as he pointed at Jason… Or, where Jason was. Everyone glanced at the direction and saw that in the place of Jason was a cardboard cutout of Jason.

"How does he do that!?" Ellie said with amazement in her voice as Tryndamere glared back at Caelum. Caelum could only whimper.

…

Caitlyn

"So… Caitlyn. What do you do for a living?" Caelum asked, nursing his jaw absent mindedly as Caitlyn sipped on her cup of tea.

"Oh, don't play dumb with me, Summoner. Everyone knows I'm the Sheriff of Piltover." She said as Caelum nodded. "How's it been?" He asked as Caitlyn beamed at him.

"It's been wonderful. Under my watch, no criminal dares to commit a crime. And when they do, they usually get caught and locked." She said as the doors opened.
"WE BROUGHT CRUMPETS!" Ellie said happily as Jason grinned behind her.
"Jason, we're gonna have a looooong talk after this is over." Caelum said darkly as Jason grinned at his friend. "Why, Cael dearest, what ever could you mean?" Jason said as Ellie and him put down the two plates of crumpets and biscuits.

"Nothing like a good Crumpet to go with a good tea." Caitlyn said as Ellie giggled. "Say, Caitlyn, I hear you've got a thing going on with Vi." Jason said casually as Caelum glanced at Caitlyn. He had to respect her for keeping her cool as she calmly sipped her tea and answered. "Yes, this is simply a little fun I'm having and Vi doesn't mind."

"I hear you had something very special going on…. Involving… Well, Fuzzy cuffs." Jason said as Caitlyn sputtered, spewing scalding hot tea all over Caelum.

Caelum was silent for a moment or two as everyone stared at him. Then…

"FUUUUUUUUUU-"

…

Cassiopeia

Caelum was in a very, very bad mood right now, but he wasn't mad at the ladies of the league he was being matched up with. So he tried to be as polite as possible.
"So, Uh… Cassiopei-"
"Call me Cassssssss." She said in that snaky voice of hers that tended to draw out the S's.

"Right… Cass. Uh, what are your hobbies?" He asked.
"Well, I have a very big interessssst in artsssss and craftsssss." Cassiopeia said as Summoner Caelum felt relief.
"Wow, that's pretty cool." And very normal. He noted mentally.
Cassiopeia smiled and nodded, just as the doors opened.
"We brough-" Jason was saying but Ellie butted in; "COOKIES!" She squealed. Cassiopeia beamed as she said, "I love cookiesssssss!"
"Me too." Summoner Caelum said, staring daggers at Jason's innocently grinning face. "There better not be anything to mess this up." He muttered as Jason came close.
"Whatever could you be hinting at?" Jason said. This was getting very annoying as Summoner Caelum frowned darkly at his friend, promising vengeance of the darkest kind.
"Issssss anything wrong, Sssssummoner?" Cassiopeia asked as Summoner Caelum blinked, his face becoming normal again as he said, "Uh, no, nothing's wrong." He offered a smile as Cassiopeia offered one back.
"So… Your hobby. You were saying?" He asked as he bit into a cookie, Jason and Ellie leaving the room.
"Oh yessss. I love making thingsssss." She said as Caelum raised an eyebrow. "Things such as?"
"Poisons, Venoms, acids. The like. Things that melt your flesh from the inside out." Cassiopeia said with sparkles in her eyes. She was very enthusiastic about it. But the part about melting flesh made Caelum pause in his eating. "Uh… Right…" He muttered, suddenly feeling a bit queasy.
"Yes yes, and the best thing is, I get it from my own body!" She said as Caelum's eye twitched.
"Your own… Body…?" He asked as Cassiopeia nodded.
"My fangs, My saliva, even my sweat contains toxins that, when concentrated…." Caelum tuned her out as he tried to absorb what she was saying. Every. Liquid. In. Her. Body.

"I don't think this is going to work. Excuse me." Caelum said as he stood up abruptly and almost ran from the room, slamming the doors open, sending Jason and Ellie (who were planted against the door) flying.
"OW MY TUSHIE." Ellie whined as Jason scrambled up, watching Caelum run. "GET HIM!" He shouted as both of them began running towards Caelum in an effort to catch him. Cassiopeia blinked at the open door, made sure no one was looking, then began to devour the cookies 5 at a time.

…

Diana

Caelum groaned, his long dark bangs messed up as he sat at his chair. Jason had just finished binding him to the chair with a rope while he was screaming bloody murder at his friend. Ellie had helped as well, with an evil glint in her otherwise innocent green eyes.

And now the door opened and in walked the Last of the Lunari herself, Diana. Caelum had to stop himself from sharing; it was no secret to his friends that he harbored a crush on the maiden of the moon.

As Diana took her seat, she gave him a skeptical once over. "Am I missing something here?" She asked as Summoner Caelum flustered. "Uh… Blame Summoner Jason. He's got this fetish for ropes."
"Who doesn't?" Diana said with one of those small, sly smiles of hers.

Caelum could swear there was a steady stream of blood falling from his nose as he swallowed hard. "Uh… Right…"

"So, what is it we do tonight, Summoner?" Diana asked as Caelum fumbled over his words. "uh.. This is sort of… a blind date thing."

"Oooh. Will I wear a blindfold, then?" Diana asked with another smirk as an eruption of blood issued from Caelum's nose.
"Uh… N-No… We're supposed t-to get to k-know each other… and e-eat." He muttered as Diana frowned.
"Tch. That sounds boring." She said, standing up as Caelum looked at her in surprise. Was she leaving? "Lets do something more fun." She said, suddenly shoving the table aside as Caelum watched it with wide eyes, before returning his gaze to her. He was painfully aware of how he was bound to the chair as he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Since you're already tied up… that saves a lot of time." Diana whispered as she took a few steps forward then sat herself down on Caelum's lap, leaning in close to his face, which Caelum could swear was redder than a tomato.

"I… I…" Caelum muttered as Diana shushed him with a finger onto his lips. "No words. Only actions." She said.

"DINNER IS HEE-KYAAAA!" Ellie burst in, her voice changing from cheerful to shocked as she saw Diana sitting on top of Caelum, kissing him deeply. "RAAPE! RAAAAAAPE!" Ellie screamed as Jason ran in with a fire extinguisher. Caelum glanced at them and his eyes widened, moaning into Diana's mouth loudly to try to tell them to not do anything. But his moaning only made it look like he was struggling. "Oh fuck, HOLD ON BRO, I'M COMING!" Jason shouted as he ran towards them.

Finally, Diana broke the kiss, turning to look towards the door. "Who's shouting so mu-"

CLUNK

"Dude…" Summoner Caelum said as he panted, glancing at Diana's unconscious form to Jason. "I. Was. Not. Getting. RAPED. GODDAMMIT JASON." He screamed, struggling against his bonds as Jason gaped at him and Diana. "Oh… Fuck." Jason muttered as Caelum screamed curses at him.

"WHEN I GET OUT OF THESE BINDINGS I WILL PERSONALLY SHOVE AN EXTRA LARGE, EXTRA SPICY TACO UP YOUR ASS!" Caelum shouted as Diana slowly stirred.

"You… Dare…. YOU WILL PAY!" Diana shouted in rage, a big bruise on her head as she summoned her sword. Caelum yelped in surprise as he tried scrambling back, away from inbetween Diana and Jason…. Or, where Jason was moments ago.

In his stead, was a cardboard cutout of Jason.
"HOW DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT!?" Caelum shouted in disbelief as Diana stalked out of the room in rage. "W-WAIT, DIANA! COME BACKKKK." Caelum shouted but his cries went unheard as he lowered his head in despair.

"So… You weren't getting raped?" Ellie asked as Caelum looked at her. "No… I was enjoying it."
"Oops."
"Damn right. Now untie me."

Ellie untied Caelum from the bindings as Caelum stood up to his full height. He was taller than Jason, and a lot taller than Ellie as he stared down menacingly at Ellie.
"So… Ellie… Let's have some fun." Caelum said in a sinister tone as Ellie began regretting freeing him. With a cry, she began running but Caelum grabbed her around the waist and scooped her up over his shoulder, walking off as Ellie cried for help, bumping her fists into his back to no avail.
"Lets treat you to some of your own medication, Eh?" Caelum said menacingly as they walked off.

Please do leave behind a review on how you liked or hated this fic and feel free to offer ideas or improvements!

Summoner Jason, Summoner Ellie and Summoner Caelum are my own creations and should not be used without my permission, kthnxbai.

- Wings Senpai