ZACH: Ellen, what's wrong?
ELLEN: I just've been feeling terrible recently.
ZACH: Why?
ELLEN: Because my family has been fighting a lot. It really makes me feel bad.
ZACH: My family does that too sometimes. Obviously, I am lying to make you feel better, but you don't know that.
ZACH: It'll be okay! Just be happy!
: (actually that would not be a complete lie, but I tend to ignore it)
(and you should be happy)
me: ELLEN: Thank you! I'm glad you know what I'm going through!
me: ZACH: No problem, I'm glad to help! Also, I'm going to go work out EEEEEEENGHHHH right now without you bringing it up so you don't like like a conceited bitch!
ELLEN: Yay!
ZACH: Wait, I think you just did!
ELLEN: I suppose I did, actually. Hold on a second...
ZACH: Hey, look! It's the fourth wall!
ELLEN: Hello, reader!
ZACH: (At this point, I'm clearly making this up) I'm going to get in a spaceship now!
: yes...you definitely are making this up
also I am frequently trying to work out eeeeeeuuuuuuhhhhhh...I just do not talk about it
me: ELLEN: Let's get into the TARDIS and have adventures!
: Chris: Fantastic!
David: Brilliant!
Matt: Cool.
Tom: Jelly baby?
me: ZACH: Can I bring my friend Neil Patrick Harris? Also, in this universe, he's not gay!
ELLEN: Make sure to bring Nathan Filloin as well!
: What? D:
me: ZACH: Also, here's a whole pile of money!
: But...I'm a Jew...I can't just give away money!
me: ELLEN: Oh, look, I won the presidential election!
ZACH: I stole your moniez LOLOL
ELLEN: Wait... but, that wasn't even a word...
ZACH: Also, it turns out Egoraptor is making a flash of out TARDIS adventures!
EGORAPTOR: I LOVE YOU ELLEN
ELLEN: OMG I LOVE YOU TOO
EGORAPTOR: LET'S [Removed for Ellen's dignity.]
ZACH: WHAT NO FAIR
[Next scene removed for the safety of the world and this reality.]
[The next two scenes are removed as well, because I'm running out of ideas.]
(Aside: I really hope you're reading this, this takes a lot of effort.)
: yes...this is rather entertaining
me: I can keep going
this is pretty fun
ELLEN: Now we're in Hogwarts!
ZACH: Hey, look, Snape was replaced by the guy who played Snape in A Very Potter Musical!
SNAPE: INDEEEEEEED
ELLEN: ... * backs away slowly *
: Joe Moses: What the devil is going on heeeeeeeeere?
me: ZACH: * backs away slowly *
ELLEN: MUSICAL NUMBER!
[Musical number removed due to budget cuts and lack of imagination][
Act II, Scene I
HOGWARTS
ELLEN: Wow, I can't believe all of my cool friends got into Ravenclaw!
ZACH: Yeah, we're the best! We die the least out of all the houses!
Everyone else: What?
: lol
me: ZACH: Nothing.
: Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!
me: DUMBLEDORE: What the HELL is a Hufflepuff?
: Cedric: * shrug *
me: CEDRIC:
ELLEN: Let's go build a LHC in the syslab of Ravenclaw!
Zach: Yeah!
Everyone else: You guys have a syslab?
Ellen: Deal with it
Zach: Like a boss
Everyone else: aawwwww.
: *#likeasysadmin
me: * Spontaneous musical number *
I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
: o.O
me: EVERYBODY LOOK LEFT
EVERYBODY LOOK RIGHT
I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS
SO OH WELL
F**K YOU
At this point, the author suffers a fatal heart attack.
And the black beast that was "Ellen and Zach's adventures in Ellen's twisted and Spontaneous Imagination." was no more.
The END.