UNREQUITED
He always wondered when he was going to tell him. At least, that was what Nitori thought in the beginning, but over time the "when" in that statement gradually changed into an "if". He would always wonder if he was going to tell him.
He didn't know the answer to that question.
Nevertheless, the day came where instead of wondering if he was going to tell Rin Matsuoka that he was in love with him, he was going to actually take action. However, when the words spilled out of his mouth in a rush of a random confession, he knew instantly it was too late.
Or maybe he never even had a chance.
Rin had looked at him in a way that Rin's never looked at him before. This look was not one of amusement or pride or even friendly, it was something along the lines of pity and nervousness, and that alone gave it away.
"Ai…ermm…Nitori…I'm already dating someone…someone that I love…I'm sorry, Nitori," he explained to Nitori, scratching at the back of his head in an action of awkwardness.
Nitori could almost feel the rock that seemed to be wedged in his throat as he coughed awkwardly and somehow managed to mutter something along the lines of 'I just wanted to tell you and it's okay I hope you're happy'.
After the confession, it pained Nitori when he was around Rin.
Not because Rin made the situation awkward or anything, but because Rin was always with the person he loves—Haruka Nanase.
Of course, Nitori should have known. He should have never gotten his hopes up so carelessly, but how could he not when Rin would pat his forehead in that affectionate way he did? How could he not when Rin would stay up late with Nitori when Nitori couldn't sleep? How could he not, not just get his hopes up, but fall in love with Rin, when Rin encouraged him and inspired him more every single day?
But that was his downfall. Falling in love with Rin might have encouraged him to become a better swimmer and it might have made him more sociable and strong in the inside, but seeing him with someone else made Nitori's heart break every single day.
Of course, he tried reasoning that he was happy for Rin. He was…it didn't work.
He didn't want Rin to just be happy. He wanted Rin to be happy with him.
Nitori supposed he still had his hopes up.
It was the day that Haru announced to the swim club that Rei decided he was never going to tell him. Never.
Haruka Nanase and Rin Matsuoka were now dating…it took just those words to crush Rei into a million of pieces. But what was he supposed to say? That he didn't think they would be as beautiful together as Haru and Rei could be?
No. Instead he pushed up his glasses and smirked announcing that he guessed it already from that relay. He said it was obvious and that he was happy for them and for the fact that he was right.
Inside, his heart was burning.
He didn't notice when Haru smiled at him, thanking him in a weirdly, professional manner, and he didn't notice when Nagisa clung onto him exclaiming there was no way he could have guessed that.
All he could notice was the sound of his beating heart. All he could notice was the way the pool glistened under the sun, because it was all Rei wanted to notice.
Why does anything else have to matter?
Why does Haru have to matter in his mind?
Because what was Haru?
Why was Haruka Nanase so special to Rei?
Rei knew even before he thought that to himself.
It was because Haruka Nanase was the definition of beautiful.
And that's all there is to it.
He was smiling. Why was he smiling? This didn't help him. This didn't help the situation that he was in. But he wished it would. Nagisa looked over to Rei just in time to catch the flicker of shock and hurt reflect in his eyes.
Nagisa didn't know what to do or say. But then Rei pushed up those glasses of his and stated that he already knew. He said that he knew since the relay and all Nagisa was aware of was the fact that Rei was lying. Rei continued on to say it was obvious and that he was happy for Rin and Haru.
Liar liar pants on fire, Nagisa thought sourly as he continued to stare at Rei. He leapt forward and grabbed Rei's arm, claiming something along the lines of that there was no way Rei could have known that, but that wasn't why Nagisa held onto Rei so tightly.
No.
Nagisa just wanted Rei to know that he was here for him. Not Haru. Him.
Rei didn't notice and Nagisa squeezed his arm tighter, but Rei was staring at the pool.
Nagisa hung his head, and thought about just giving in. He thought about crying for the first time in a long time. He thought about just telling him how much Nagisa loved him.
But he didn't.
Instead he continued to smile and laugh, still claiming that Rei didn't know what he was talking about.
He didn't even know what he was saying anymore.
Nagisa has felt alone before…too many times…but he didn't know how to compare this to those memories.
Because right now, Nagisa felt alone. So alone. It hurt him.
Rei-chan was hurting him, and yet he still loved him.
Why was that?
Sousuke had realized pretty quickly that he loved Rin. It wasn't the same kind of love he felt towards his mother or father…it was different. But it wasn't the same kind of love that his parents felt towards one another.
His love was a needy kind of love. He needed to love Rin and Rin needed to love him in some sort of way.
He didn't know if that was the kind of love Rin explained to him when Rin announced he was now dating Haru.
Haru.
Sousuke had never felt so upset before. He was upset. He was jealous…but jealous of what? Was he jealous of the fact that Rin and Haru were obviously much closer to each other rather than him and Rin? Or was he jealous of the fact that Haru got to receive all of those sweet little fucking kisses that Rin gave him out of random?
How the hell was Sousuke supposed to know?
He didn't.
He just knew love was the right word, but he wasn't sure what kind of "love" that was.
But he was definitely jealous.
Oh yes. The feeling raging inside of him couldn't be anything else but jealousy.
Suddenly, it dawned on Sousuke that if this was "that kind of love" then his love was the "unrequited" kind.
That managed to twist Sousuke's gut around in more ways than one.
How upsetting.
How sad.
Was that what he was?
Sad?
Sousuke thought so.
Makoto loved hearing Haru laugh. He loved hearing Haru laugh because Haru did it so rarely, but now Makoto didn't know whether he loved Haru's laugh…or hated it.
Because Haru was laughing more, and smiling.
But not because of him. Oh no.
It was because of Rin. The same Rin that made Haru stop swimming. The same Rin that moved away after developing a close relationship with all of them. The same Rin that almost brought Haru to tears too many times.
The same Rin that Makoto was still good friends with. Makoto felt guilty every single time he thought something like that.
He hated himself for thinking something so bad about his friend.
But how could he not?
It was his fault.
It was Rin's fault that Haruka couldn't be his. Oh how Makoto wanted Haru to be his.
Makoto Tachibana knew everything there was to know about Haruka Nanase so why didn't he get to bet the one to wake up next to Haru every morning?
Why couldn't he be the one to go on dates with Haru and complain about Haru's mackerel-eating-habit but only because it was a flirty, teasing gesture that always ended up with them making out?
Why couldn't it be him?
Makoto never voiced these thoughts aloud. He kept them to himself, reserved and hidden away so that he could store them close within his heart.
He had always guessed that Haru would choose him, especially when Rin moved to Australia. He had figured that they would start dating in their final year of high school or soon into college, and just be perfect together forever.
That dream vanished the instant Rin moved back.
Makoto loved Haru so much, but in the end, that didn't matter.
He hadn't even tried to tell Haruka that he loved him, and Makoto only started to blame himself.
Who else could he blame?
Haru?
He didn't even know. How could he blame him?
Rin?
He tried, but started to think from Rin's point of view. Rin had fallen in love with Haru too. It's why he even moved back. Rin just got to him first. No. His blame was simply wrong.
So he concluded that it was his fault.
It was his fault for falling in love with Haru in the first place.
It was definitely his fault for never telling him.
But he hated this feeling.
He hated loving but not being loved in return.
Because the love was painful.
And Makoto was reminded of it every single time Rin and Haru held hands, called each other, kissed…so much more.
Makoto could only hope that he would get over it.
That he would get over this sad unrequited love.
He could only hope.
*I have been writing Free! one-shots like crazy...well as I was obsessing over rinharu as always, I started to think that if they started dating, how would others react? And ta da! This somewhat OOC story was created! Sousuke was definitely the hardest one because we don't know very much about him (plus I don't really like him all that much since he's getting in the way for my babies rinharu but he's okay overall whatever I'm sorry don't hate me). Anyways, hopefully you enjoyed?
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Bai guys. :)
-DiAnna44
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