Author's Note: This is set a couple of weeks after Workforce. This is mostly a Janeway & Chakotay fanfic, but other characters are involved in minor ways. There's some angst, some fluff, and hopefully humor.
This fanfic started off as something completely different. As I continued to write I realized my initial idea didn't really fit into this story. Therefore, at some future date expect a sequel that will pick up where this left off. :)
Succumbing
She's not here, again.
Chakotay let out a sigh and pursed his lips as he let his gaze casually drift over the crew members rambling into the theater. He had only arrived five minutes earlier hoping to see his Captain already there, munching away on some popcorn while conversing away with the crew. He was mistaken, but not completely surprised.
It was another of Tom's move nights on the holodeck. The weekly tradition had become a bit more frequent event since the dilemma on Quarra.
Quarra.
Chakotay couldn't help but shudder at the mere thought of the name. He felt a great dislike toward the planet and the people who had caused intentional harm to the crew. It had been almost three weeks since he, with the help of Harry, Neelix, and the Doctor, recovered the crew from their delusional confines. Since then, ship activity had slowly returned to normal and everyone had fully recovered their memories. Chakotay could only assume how difficult it must feel to know your memories were replaced with falsehoods. Mostly everyone had handled their return and recovery without concern, but there were few crew members who were still dealing with the aftereffects of the entire situation, in a somewhat less than stellar manner, and the Captain was one of them.
Chakotay searched the room once again in case he had missed her entrance or if he had simply missed her altogether the first time around. But he was wrong; there was still no sign of her. He knew she wasn't going to attend, but he still held on to a glimmer of hope.
He was worried about Kathryn. To be honest, when was he not worried about her? But this was somewhat different. Years before, when Voyager was destined to travel through a lengthy period of time in empty space, she had become detached and segregated herself from the crew. The Void, as the crew so charmingly nicknamed the area of space, had caused her to spiral into a deep depression. Everyone knew about her predicament, yet no one was able to do anything about, not even Chakotay, which made him feel utterly worthless.
Chakotay, being her best friend and one of the few people she could solely confide in, had the upper hand, but even he never managed to fully comfort her. It had taken a sudden attack on the ship for Kathryn to finally leave her quarters. But her recovery was slow once they had escaped their blackened doomed.
And now, she had descended to that distant place again; the place where she didn't allow anyone in, including him. However, unlike before where she remained in her quarters for extensive periods of time, she actually showed up for her duty shifts on the bridge. But, in a way, it was as if she didn't show up at all. She asked for reports once she arrived, sat in her command chair, reviewed a couple of PADDs for about half an hour and then retreated to her ready room for the rest of her shift. It had become the same cycle every day. She would only leave her ready room if she was needed on the bridge, but that was hardly the case. They hadn't encountered much activity in this sector of space.
Chakotay missed their social interactions when they were on duty together. Those occasions when she leaned over her chair to have irrelevant conversations with him were some of his most treasured moments. There was no visible emotion in her eyes, no smile on her face, just an empty shell that went through everyday motions. He missed her bright smile and the sparkle in her eyes. Sadly, those features were gone and replaced by an unrecognizable individual. Chakotay hated to see her like this, but the tiny efforts he made were immediately shot down. She had turned down his every lunch or dinner request. And the times he had tried to begin a conversation with her, she merely mumbled hasty replies.
Chakotay didn't fully know every detail of what had happened on Quarra. He knew something had occurred between her and some fellow named Jaffen, but that was it. He knew Kathryn had filed a report on the matter, but had restricted the access to all personnel. Part of him was glad that he wasn't privy to the facts. Nevertheless, his mind did betray him and concocted the worst scenarios in his head.
He was so lost in his train of thought thinking about Kathryn that he didn't notice Harry arrive. Harry took a seat next to him and casually glanced over at Chakotay.
"Looking for someone?" Harry asked, nonchalantly, already knowing the answer to his own question.
"No." Chakotay answered a tad too quickly for it to sound believable. After a moment, Chakotay figured he might as well tell Harry the truth, since there wasn't anything to hide. Without looking at the Ensign he added, "Actually, I was just looking for the Captain. I thought she might join us today."
Harry took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Ya, I highly doubt that."
"Why do you say that?" Chakotay asked, turning to look directly at Harry, furrowing his brows in the process.
"We've been here before, remember? And don't act like you don't know what I'm referring to. Everyone is starting to notice too, Commander. Not just bridge personnel."
Chakotay looked away and stared at the blank screen and replied in a low voice. "I can't believe this is happening again."
"I know. But then again, you and I, we weren't there. We don't know what happened. We don't know how it was like to have our memories manipulated like that."
Their conversation was making Chakotay uneasy. As much as he wanted to confer the matter over with Harry, he felt it somewhat inappropriate discussing the personal matters of the Captain in such a manner.
In an attempt to change the focus of their exchange, Chakotay inquired, "So, do you know what this film is about?"
Harry scrunched his face, as if trying to remember. "I believe Tom said something about it being campy," he gestured air-quotes with his fingers. "His words, not mine."
"So, it's about camping?" Chakotay questioned, fairly confused.
"No. I don't really know what that means and I didn't ask him to elaborate. I vaguely recall him saying it's something about a comet…that wipes out the human race but some people manage to survive and…you know, I'm not really sure, to be quite honest."
"Well, that sounds…thrilling," Chakotay sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes.
"You know our Tom," exclaimed Harry, grinning wildly, "he definitely has unique taste."
"And that he does."
Chakotay barely finished his statement when theater darkened and the movie began. As much as he thought Tom had questionable taste in his selections, Chakotay had to give him credit. He always ended up enjoying the show, mainly because it managed to take his mind off of the stresses of his everyday life, even if it was for a short amount of time. However, today he felt the movie was not going to work its magic; he simply could not take his mind off Kathryn.
=/\=
Why does Tom have to make everything so realistic?
Chakotay tried to maneuver his way down the sticky theater aisle, occasionally hearing the crunch of popcorn on the sole of his shoes. He was glad the movie was over. Not that he didn't find the bits he actually paid attention to comical, but he had finally decided what he wanted to do about Kathryn and wanted to take immediate action.
He slowly made his way out of the holodeck, along with the rest of the crew, when he ran into Tom and B'Elanna.
"So what did you think of the movie, Commander?" Tom asked gleefully, a giant grin plastered on his face.
Chakotay didn't have time, or energy, for small talk and basically wanted to delve right into his theoretical mission. "I liked it. It was good," he muttered, trying to leave before Tom could ask any more questions.
"Wow! What a great review. That will definitely thrill people into watching it again," Tom sarcastically replied.
"Oh leave him alone, Tom. He just doesn't want to hurt your feelings," B'Elanna retorted, nudging Chakotay's arm and rubbing her belly simultaneously.
Chakotay meekly smiled and was about to excuse himself when Neelix interrupted.
"So, are these magnificent officers ready for a nightcap in the mess hall?" The extremely eager morale officer asked as he patted Tom's shoulder.
"Not for me. I have business to attend to. If you'll excuse me," Chakotay said dryly, parting from the group and making his way down the corridor.
The mildly confused trio watched as the Commander disappeared around the corner of the long hallway.
"What's the matter with him?" B'Elanna wondered aloud.
"I'm not sure," Tom replied, "the movie wasn't that bad…was it?"
"This isn't about the movie, Tom!" B'Elanna couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I'm guessing it's about You-Know-Who."
Neelix sighed, "That's my best prediction, too. She didn't show up again."
"Well, if that's where he's off to, then I wish him the best. Working on the bridge has been tough lately," Tom added.
They all glanced at each other's worried faces.
Neelix, trying to break the subdued mood, cheerfully retorted, "How about we head on to the mess hall and celebrate another wonderful selection from the Thomas Eugene Paris Classic Film Archive."
"Well that's a mouthful," B'Elanna mumbled.
Tom, ignoring B'Elanna's sardonic remark, patted Neelix on the back. "You definitely earn your morale officer title," as the two began to make their way toward the turbolift.
B'Elanna couldn't help but glance toward the now empty corridor Chakotay had walked down minutes earlier. "I sure hope you can help her, Old Man," she muttered to herself, as she tried to catch up to the others.
=/\=
Chakotay hastily exited the turbolift when the doors opened onto Deck Three. He noticed the corridor empty as he made his way toward the Captain's quarters.
While on the holodeck, he had managed to gather the courage to face his Captain; to let her know he was there to help her in any way possible. However, with every step getting him closer to his destination, he felt a twinge of anxiety arise.
He honestly didn't have a solid plan.
Panic started to settle in as he arrived at her door. He had worked himself up so much that he hadn't really thought of what to say or ways to challenge her rebuttals. And he knew there would be plenty. He had never met someone so headstrong in his life.
Chakotay had already tried to help her years before with very little success. There was no way he was going to win her over if he marched right in and demanded her to act normal. Well, at least normal for her. That's not how it worked and he knew it. It was a delicate issue that needed to be handled with care and precision.
He paced in front of her door a couple of times. He seriously considered returning to his quarters and letting this play out on its own, but he knew deep down that was not a clever idea. He stopped pacing and stared at her door. He took a deep breath and pressed the chime a bit harder than he intended to.
He waited. No answer.
He noticed he was holding in his breath and let it out slowly, as he carefully hit the chime once again.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, he figured he should return to his quarters. She was obviously busy or merely didn't want to be disturbed. As he was about to turn around and walk away, the hiss of opening doors made him halt.
Kathryn stood beside the doorway in her bathrobe and bare feet. Her hair disheveled as if she had been battle with a Klingon. A couple of water droplets were visible on her neck and were slowly rolling down toward her chest. For a moment Chakotay forgot why he was there.
"Is there something I can do for you, Commander?" She asked when he didn't volunteer a greeting.
"I…uh…I wanted…to see how you were doing," Chakotay finally muttered out, feeling like a complete dolt by his lack of ingenuity.
She continued to stare at him, squinting her eyes slightly, trying to determine the real reason he was standing outside her quarters at this hour. She raised her chin and resumed her stare down of her First Officer.
"I'm fine," she cautiously responded, running a hand through her hair. "Is that all?"
"Well, no." He paused, searching for the courage he misplaced somewhere in between Deck Six and Deck Three. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your evening, but I…do you mind if I come in? I don't want to discuss this in the hallway."
Kathryn pursed her lips and scrunched them to the side. She didn't feel like having company at the moment, but she knew her First Officer could be rather stubborn at times, almost as stubborn as herself when the time was right. She figured she might as well get whatever he wanted over with. The relaxing bath she indulged in had been utterly pointless.
"If you must, Commander," she mumbled, signaling for him to come in with her hand.
Chakotay carefully walked into her dimmed quarters, feeling as if an incorrect step might set off a photon torpedo. He stopped when he safely reached her dining table and turned to face her.
She had only taken a few steps inside and leaned against her desk, running her fingertips along the cool countertop. The entire time she never budged her eyes from him. She stared at him as if she thought it possible to read his mind if she tried hard enough. Knowing she didn't have Betazoid abilities, and since he appeared to be frozen in place, she finally asked, "So, what's on your mind, Chakotay?"
Chakotay slightly relaxed when she finally used his name instead of his title. She hardly ever referred to him as Commander when it was just the two of them. Commander was reserved for bridge.
He took a couple of steps toward her to close the distance they had created. He didn't want to fill the awkward silence with anymore frivolous questions. He needed to be direct with her.
"I'm worried about you, Kathryn," he simply stated, concern obvious in his dark eyes.
Kathryn's comportment changed: her shoulders tensed, arms crossed, her chin rose, her lips pursed, and one single eyebrow arched in what appeared to be a sign of sheer annoyance. She didn't move and she didn't speak. She just coldly scrutinized him with great intensity.
Chakotay had seen this look many times throughout the years on the bridge. It was a look that Kathryn had mastered oh so well. It was a look that could send a lowly Ensign running for the Jeffries tubes. A look that was meant to send a cold shiver down an enemy's back. A look that said she meant business. And Chakotay had been on the receiving end of that glare on several occasions and yet, it still caused his heart to palpitate faster. He would never become accustomed to it.
They both gawked at one another; they didn't speak or move. The silence in the room was palpable, until Kathryn slightly lowered her head, sighed, and walked toward the replicator, as if being defeated.
She requested her usual black coffee from the computer and turned to face Chakotay. "Do you want anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
Even though they had grown close throughout the years, there were times when he still couldn't tell what she was thinking or determine what move she was planning next. This was one of those times. And he was growing atypically impatient.
She gathered her cup from the replicator and unhurriedly made her way to the couch and sat down. She took a couple of sips and never made eye contact with him. She sat, holding the metal cup in her hands, staring at some unknown point in the distance. Possibly hoping he would simply disappear if she ignored him hard enough.
Chakotay was visibly agitated. He wasn't going to play her games any longer and he was not going to leave either.
"Dammit, Kathryn!" He exclaimed, in a tone that came out much louder and harsher than he intended. He took a step closer to her, "I'm not doing this again! We're not doing this again! You need to snap out of this!"
As soon as the words came rolling out of his mouth he regretted it. This isn't how he wanted to approach such a sensitive topic. And he felt even guiltier when Kathryn raised her head and he noticed the tears welling in her eyes. She quickly looked away.
Chakotay's arms dropped to his sides and he let out a regretful groan, remorse enveloping his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so abrasive," he said, in a much calmer tone, "I just don't want to see you upset like this."
Chakotay didn't know what to do, whether to remain standing or if he should take a seat next to her. He honestly had no idea how she was going to react. Either there was an impending argument on the horizon or she would simply ask him to leave. However, Chakotay had no intention of leaving this unresolved.
"Kathryn, let me help you," he quietly pleaded, moving slightly closer to her.
She finally looked at him, the tears gone, her face stern. "What makes you think I need help?"
Chakotay let out a loud sigh. "It's obvious to anyone that has spent five seconds with you that you haven't been the same since Quarra, Kathryn."
She looked at him, trying to figure out what to do. She really didn't want to have this conversation now, but she knew that unless they were attacked by some ungodly new enemy or an old foe, he wasn't going to stand down. She fiddled with her coffee mug and eventually placed it on the coffee table in front of her.
"Have you ever felt truly happy, Chakotay? But I mean truly happy? To the point where absolutely nothing can destroy your euphoric mood."
Chakotay was taken aback by her questions. He had to take a moment to think, letting his thoughts briefly roam to New Earth. He didn't want things to become anymore awkward and tried to answer the best he could. "I don't think I have."
"Well, I have. And it all happened on Quarra," she paused and looked away. "I know it wasn't real, but part of me can't help but let my mind wander to those happy moments I spent there, even if it was a brief period of time."
A part of Chakotay wanted to ask about those happy moments, but he knew he wasn't going to like the answer. He assumed Jaffen played a role in her happiness and he couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy surge in him but he quickly pushed it aside. He was trying to help Kathryn and by letting his own emotions get in the way, he wasn't going to be of any help to her. So he simply remained silent.
Kathryn returned her gaze toward Chakotay and continued. "The last couple of weeks I keep thinking about the What Ifs? What if I had never joined Starfleet? What if I never took command of Voyager? What if I hadn't destroyed the Caretaker array?" She stopped and raised her hand and stated, "And before you say anything, yes, I know, I shouldn't feel guilty about the Caretaker because the lives of the Ocampa were at risk. I understand that." She reached for her mug and took a sip of her coffee and set it the back on the table. "But then…then I think what if I had never taken command of Voyager? What if I had married Mark and had children with him? Would I be happier? And let's say I never joined Starfleet and followed a different career path? I just…" she lowered her head, shaking it from side to side, the last words she spoke almost inaudible.
"Oh, Kathryn, don't do this to yourself." Realizing he was still standing and not providing a sense of comfort, Chakotay made his way to the sofa and sat down beside her. "You can't live your life wondering what could have happened. It's a senseless effort. You're only causing yourself more harm this way."
"I know. I realize that, but I just can't help myself. I've always been so sure about my career choices, but not until recently did I ever question them so greatly." She paused and in a low voice continued, "And then there are the personal choices I have made..."
Chakotay tensed, noticing she had looked away from him, somewhat uncomfortably. He wasn't sure what she intended with personal choices and he wasn't certain he wanted to find out. He assumed she was referring to her involvement with Jaffen.
Chakotay eventually asked, "Care to elaborate?"
"Not really," she replied, with a small smile, glancing over at him.
Chakotay couldn't help but smile in return. "I think that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks."
"Oh, come now."
"It's true. I keep a daily tally."
Kathryn's laugh filled the room. It was great to see her laugh again with such gusto and it warmed Chakotay.
There was an awkward silence once Kathryn's amusement subsided. They both sat next to each other, focusing on everything but the other person's presence.
After a couple more minutes of silence, Chakotay ultimately spoke, "Well, I guess I should be going. It's a little late and you should get some rest." He was about to stand up when Kathryn's response stopped him.
"I'm actually not that tired. I should be, but I'm not." She paused, still not looking over at him. "But if you want to leave, feel free to do so," she replied, carefully, giving him a forced smile as she glanced his way.
Chakotay didn't answer right away. He wasn't sure what to make of her statement, but he could tell that she didn't want him to leave from the tone in her voice. In a moment of sheer courage he looked directly at her and said, "I don't really want to leave. And if you don't want me to leave, I won't."
Their eyes met, but she didn't respond. They held their gaze until she looked away and stood up. She walked toward the replicator yet again and requested more coffee.
"Do you think that's wise?" Chakotay queried, trying to fill the silence that had been awkwardly created for a second time.
"No. But it's not stopping me." She looked over at him with one of her impish smirks. "Coffee?" She lifted her cup, slightly inclining her head toward the replicator.
"Like the famous saying goes, 'If you can't beat them, join them.'"
Kathryn smiled. "The usual?"
Chakotay nodded.
Kathryn returned to her vacant seat and handed the scalding cup of coffee to him. They each took a couple of sips until Kathryn whispered, "I'm glad you came over today. As much as I dreaded talking about this, even though I knew it was coming, I'm pleased it happened."
"You knew it was coming?"
"Of course, I was just waiting for the when."
Chakotay smirked. Trying to lighten the topic of conversation a bit he remarked, "I saved you a seat today. I thought you might have joined us."
Kathryn rolled her eyes, "As much as I appreciate what Tom does, I just cannot handle some of his film choices. They are just so…"
"Strange?"
"Yes! And ridiculous!" She exclaimed, as she threw one arm into the air. She would have thrown both arms if she could, but she was certain Chakotay wouldn't have appreciated being attacked by scorching coffee. "I rather spend the time going over reports, or reading, or taking a bath. Heck, a visit from Q even sounds more delightful than that. Nevertheless, today I chose a bath."
"About that, I'm sorry I interfered in your relaxation. I know you tend to not dedicate a lot of time to that."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I needed to get out anyhow. I accidentally dosed off. It was actually perfect timing." She paused a moment and continued, "So tell me, was today's movie just as bad as the previous ones?"
Chakotay couldn't help but laugh, "It wasn't really that bad, well the parts I actually watched weren't."
Chakotay then went on to explain the plot of the film to Kathryn. He did his best to interpret what he remembered and tried to make sense of what he had paid attention to. They both couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the concept.
Their conversation was reminiscent of the early years when there wasn't such a strain in their friendship. They gossiped, they laughed, and inevitably ended up discussing ship's business. Chakotay later informed Kathryn of the current assignment he had given Naomi Wildman, since the crew had taken it upon themselves to provide her with an education.
"Do you ever miss teaching, Chakotay?" Kathryn interjected, as Chakotay told her about his future lesson plans for the young child.
"Well, not entirely. I do get to teach Naomi."
"No, I mean like at the Academy. And where you would have more than one pupil to educate," she chuckled.
He couldn't help but snort at her last comment. "Sometimes I do. But let me tell you, having one pupil makes it so much easier to remember their name." He grinned, emphasizing his dimples. "But regardless, I wouldn't change anything that has happened in the past because I wouldn't be enjoying this moment with you," he added, as he looked deeply into her eyes.
Kathryn kept his eye contact for longer than she expected and only averted her eyes when she felt a warm rush creep through her face. She refocused her attention to her hands as she twiddled her fingers as a distraction. She eventually muttered, "I wouldn't change anything either." She paused, "Well, maybe the whole lost in the Delta Quadrant thing. But that's only a minor setback. "
Chakotay laughed, and sarcastically replied, "Yup, that's the least of our worries, right?"
Kathryn let out a giggle. However, the feelings that had been daunting her for weeks were gradually making their way back to the surface and her mood easily subdued.
"About earlier," she huskily whispered, without looking at him, "when I mentioned I had doubts about my personal choices…I wasn't referring to Jaffen."
Chakotay raised his eyebrows and merely managed an, "Oh?"
She casually glimpsed over at him to appraise his behavior and continued, "I was engaged to Mark for years. We never got married because of one thing or another. And even if we had married, I wouldn't have turned down Voyager. I believe he would have moved when the ship was declared lost, married or not."
Chakotay simply nodded and continued to look at her, trying to convey an aura of support since he really couldn't tell where this chat was headed.
She looked away, "With Jaffen everything moved too quickly. That's not how I operate my life. I like to plan and try to make intelligent decisions. Who moves in with someone after only knowing them for a couple of weeks?" She rhetorically asked. "But you know what? You know what gets to me the most? I enjoyed it. I like the spontaneity of it all. I think the idea of letting loose and not having everything planned out made everything a lot more enjoyable."
"I can imagine so," Chakotay meekly added. He was certainly at a loss for helpful words.
After a moment's pause, Kathryn weakly smiled and looked at Chakotay. "But when the crew and I returned safely to the ship…and our memories were restored and I became aware of what had transpired…my first thoughts were of you."
He found it difficult to swallow all of a sudden and lost his ability to string words together to form a decent, coherent sentence. He was sure his heart had stopped beating and he couldn't quite tell if he was breathing. Her words had definitely caught him by surprise. He needed to think of something to say before she mistook his silence for discomfort.
"Oh, Kathryn," he managed to say, scooting himself slightly closer to her. "I…"
"Before you say anything else, let me just say something." She hesitated slightly, and let out a deep breath. "After a couple of days of being back on the ship, with my full memories in place, I couldn't help but let myself…" She paused again, "I couldn't help but think how it would have been like if…if you would have been in Jaffen's place instead."
Chakotay felt his heart race as if it were traveling at warp speed. He couldn't believe Kathryn had said what she just had said. Kathryn, a private person who cherished her protocols as much as her crew, had let him in on her deepest feelings.
Trying to get his thoughts together he somehow managed to ask, "Is that another reason why you've been so distant recently?"
She softly placed her hand on his knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Actually, that's mostly the only reason why I've been so distant. I know a lot of the crew assumed I've been depressed and the guilt has been eating me alive. The guilt will forever live with me until we arrive in the Alpha Quadrant. That's nothing new. But this time it's a tad more selfish." She gave his knee another gentle squeeze and moved her hand away. "I've just been wondering why I'm not allowing myself to be happy. Why I've put up all these barriers. I know I need to get this crew home, but I can do both, can't I?"
Chakotay couldn't help but beam at his captain, "You're Kathryn Janeway. You can do whatever you set your mind to." He leaned in a little closer, taking her hand in his, "And she has my full support."
"Is that so?" she whispered, as she moved in closer, a slight smirk taking over her face.
"She always has. From day one."
"This Kathryn you speak of, she seems like a very special person."
"Oh, she definitely is," he replied, smiling in return.
He gently moved his hand to caress her soft cheek and he wasn't certain who made the first move but the taste of her supple lips against his felt like everything he had ever dreamed of. Actually, it was better than his dreams.
He could smell the subtle aroma of coffee on her breath, her tender lips touching his with such ardor, and her warm tongue running against his mouth. He wanted to live in this moment forever. It was almost too perfect for it to be real. The unbendable parameters that had been set in place for so many years had finally succumbed.
When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathing heavily. Mostly from the intensity of the kiss, but also from the rush of the spontaneity of the moment. They smiled at each other, as Chakotay tenderly ran his fingers along Kathryn's cheek while she moved a couple of his stray hairs back into place.
"You're beautiful," he simply stated. He had wanted to say those loving words to her for such a long time.
She moved in toward him and gave him another tender kiss. When she briefly pulled back she whispered against his mouth, "You're mighty handsome yourself."
Kathryn's warm breath against his lips sent shivers throughout his body, but it didn't stop Chakotay from grinning in return. He lowered his hand from her cheek and ran it along her arm, "Not to dampen this moment, Kathryn, but, what now?"
She sat back on the couch, an undistinguishable look on her face. She looked down as she clasped her hands together and set them gently on her lap. She looked back up at him and purely stated, "I'm not sure, but all I know is that I don't want to go back to how it was before. I'm not going to deprive myself of happiness anymore."
Chakotay's ears had never heard such enchanting words. He felt he would be foolishly grinning for years to come. He leaned in again, wrapped his arms around her petite body and pulled her close to him. "If happiness if what you want, then happiness is what you'll get," and kissed her once again, rubbing his hands along her back as her arms reached around his neck, pulling them even closer. She felt so warm against his body.
They continued with their foray of affection for a while longer. It seemed as if they could not let go of one another in the fear that if they did, the other would disappear. When they at last parted, Chakotay uttered, "as much as I want to stay here with you forever, I think I should go. A lot has occurred in one night and, well, we both have an early shift tomorrow. No need to rush anything."
Kathryn nodded in agreement, her face flushed from excitement. They both rose from their seats and slowly made their way to the door, stopping on occasion to steal kisses from the other. It took about twenty minutes before they eventually made it to the door.
Kathryn gently placed her hand on Chakotay's chest and whispered, "Good night," as she pressed one final kiss against his luscious lips.
He grinned. "Good night, Kathryn. Sweet dreams."
As he was about to turn around to leave, she placed her hand on his arm to stop him. "Chakotay, let's keep this between the both of us for now, ok?"
He nodded in acknowledgment and made his way down the corridor, beaming.
Kathryn leaned against the doorway and watched him walk away. The anxiety and doubt she had felt for weeks had been replaced with an almost unmanageable feeling of elation. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight no matter how hard she tried. At least she could replay the joyous moments from earlier over and over in her head. They were almost better than what any of her dreams could conjure up.
She smiled at herself, let out a lowly sigh, and strolled into her quarters. The doors swooshing shut behind her.
=/\=
When Captain Janeway arrived on the bridge the next morning, she appeared with a colossal smile on her face, a completely opposite disposition from the previous day. She cheerfully greeted everyone and casually walked around to each post, making an attempt at small talk with some of the officers. Something she didn't do quite that often.
Tom slightly swiveled his chair from his position at the helm to glance at Harry and noticed his friend's face contorted in minor confusion. He wasn't going to bother wasting a glimpse at Tuvok, since he knew the Vulcan never showed any emotion. Nevertheless, curiosity got the best of him and he shot a glance over toward tactical. To Tom's amusement, Tuvok's eyebrow was raised to unprecedented levels, as he followed the Captain's uncharacteristic saunter through the bridge.
Well, at least I'm not the only one confused.
Tom was so busy observing everyone else that he didn't notice the Captain approach him from behind.
"Good morning, Mr. Paris!" she exuberantly exclaimed, giving his shoulder a gently squeeze. "How's your morning going so far?"
Tom, startled by her touch and completely caught off guard by her giddy conduct, only managed to get out, "It's going well, Captain."
"I'm glad to hear that. That's spectacular." She squeezed his shoulder again.
Feeling suddenly bold, Tom said, "You're mighty content this morning, Captain. Did you find an unlimited supply of coffee somewhere?"
She couldn't suppress a chuckle. "Wouldn't that be wonderful?! But, unfortunately, no. It's just a good day to be alive, you know?"
Tom nodded and smiled. Thinking she was finished and would take her seat, he decided to refocus his attention to his console, until he noticed her still standing beside him.
"So, anything new to report? How are B'Elanna and the baby? Pick any names yet? You must be so excited!"
Before Tom could even initiate a reply, the turbolift doors opened letting Commander Chakotay onto the bridge.
"Apologies for being late, Captain," Chakotay said, as he walked toward her, sporting a rather impish smirk.
"No need to apologize. Late night?"
"You could say that."
Unfortunately for Tom he was unable to observe the command team since his back was turned toward them. But he could only imagine the looks they were giving each other. He had to fight every urge to not turn around and gawk.
Tom assumed the Captain and Commander were too preoccupied in gazing at one another to notice any of his movements, that's when he carefully looked over at Harry and mouthed, What is happening?
Harry, who was already looking at Tom, only managed to reply with a simple shrug, his brows furrowed with bafflement.
The rest of their day passed without event. Captain Janeway never retreated to her ready room like she had done every day for the past few weeks. And Tom could hear her whispering with Chakotay, something she hadn't done as of late either. Sadly, a lot of their conversation was inaudible to the Lieutenant.
When their duty shift was over, the Captain and Chakotay left together, muttering things about the mess hall and Leola root. As soon as they disappeared behind the turbolifts' doors, Tom impatiently made his way toward Harry's station.
"Well…that was something," Tom quietly said, knowing Tuvok was still on the bridge.
"No kidding. I was about to scan for intruders on the ship."
Tom stifled a laugh. "They were quite…chummy. I'm guessing it had something to do with yesterday and the way Chakotay left after the movie."
"I did talk to him briefly before the movie started. He was definitely concerned about her." Harry leaned closer to Tom, "you could tell he was looking for her in the crowd or hoping she would magically appear."
"Well, Harry, let everyone know the betting pool is back on."
Harry shook his head, "I dunno. From the way they were acting today, I say there's no need for a betting pool."
"No, this betting pool is different. It's a When Will They Will Announce It to the Crew betting pool," Tom cleverly responded.
"You never give up, do you?" Harry said smiling, patting Tom on the back.
"Nope. Never."
"Well, I give it a week."
The two friends laughed as they made their way toward the turbolift, disappearing as the doors closed behind them.
[The End]
Note: In case some of you don't know, the movie I referenced at the beginning is called Night of the Comet, starring Robert Beltran. Just some meta for you.