I don't own Hetalia.
Prussia was lounging on his brother's front porch, reading an adult magazine. Well, he wasn't reading it so much as staring at same lewd photos of woman he'd seen before. He had bought this particular magazine a few years ago, and had discarded on the coffee table in the living room when he was done with it. Germany had found it, scolded him for leaving porn lying around in plain view, and stalked away with it in hand, beet red.
Prussia had assumed he threw it away. However, while going through Germany's room earlier (for reasons that only an older brother is allowed), he had found Germany's secret stash. Man, his baby bro was into some pretty strange stuff - most definitely not inherited from him, no sir-ee. Nevertheless, he had found his old magazine hidden in there. After falling over from laughing so hard, he took the magazine outside, sprawled himself on the outdoor sofa, and waited for Germany to return from the world meeting.
He couldn't wait to see his face.
Prussia started to snicker, only to suppress it when he heard a car pulling into the driveway. Nestled in his hair, Gilbird chirped excitedly, laughing in his owner's place.
To his disappointment, it wasn't Germany's car that pulled up to the house. He was even more annoyed to see a dirt blonde cowlick pop out of the driver's door, followed by a pair of bright blue eyes under a pair of rectangular glasses. America had stopped by for a visit.
For a moment, he hoped Germany was in the passenger's seat, having been given a ride home by the obnoxious nation. Of course, that wasn't likely nor was it the case.
It wasn't that Prussia hated the kid - he'd been getting laughs from the much younger personification ever since the start of his revolution, when Prussia had the pleasure of beating military drills into him - it was just that he wanted to trip up his brother, not entertain this former mouse.
"Prussia!" America exclaimed as he approached the house, throwing his arms out as if to hug the lying albino.
Prussia curled his lips in distaste. "What do you want? Don't you see that the Awesome Me is busy?"
America stopped on the middle step of the porch, the magazine's cover catching his eyes. He cocked his head. "Hey, I don't judge. I got something to ask you."
His distasteful expression immediately transformed into a smirk. Ah, it was always a delight to find the less awesome ones would come to the awesome him for his awesome advice. He was just that awesomely wise.
"Shoot, then. The awesome me is waiting!"
"Why ain't you dead yet, dude?"
Prussia frowned. Gilbird chirped, confused.
"Excuse me?" he asked. "Can you repeat that? I don't think I heard you right."
America laughed. "You really are an old timer. Your hearing's going! I - asked - why - aren't - you - dead yet," he repeated, pausing between words for better clarification. "You're not a country anymore. I mean, I know you don't have to be one to exist, like how colonies and whatever that Sealand kid is, but you were dissolved, man. By other people."
The fact that Prussia's eyes were all but on fire didn't seem to register in the blonde's head.
"And whose fault was that?" he barked. "Or should I say, idea?"
America ignored him. "So, I was thinkin' up some theories on why you're still here. I ran them by Britain since, you know, he's old as dirt, but he couldn't tell me if they were true or not. So, after the meeting ended, I came straight here!"
Prussia blinked. He came so fast he beat Germany home for that? Well, he decided, mouth twisting into a mischievous smirk, he would tell him. It wasn't every day he got the chance to tell this story. Besides, it would certainly get him off Prussia's (Germany's) property quicker.
"Are you like East Germany or something?" America jumped to the point, taking the smirk as a yes.
Startled, the albino lifted himself up, moving his hand with the magazine between his knees.
"Where did you get that idea?" he asked, giving America an offended look. "My territory was divided between West, Poland, and that damned Russia. By that logic, I'm part of all three of them. Including Russia!" He shuddered.
America frowned. "Okay. Are you New Prussia?"
His ears perked. "New Prussia? Who stole my name!? Only I am awesome enough for it! Tell me who he is!" he demanded.
America nearly lost his footing on the middle step at the sudden outburst. He held up his hands to defend himself. "Whoa, man. Calm down. It's this city or province or whatever at my bro Canada's place."
"Canada? Canada," he searched his memory for that familiar name. He snapped his fingers. "That awesome guy who brought me that awesome maple syrup! He named a place after me? How cute."
Prussia already could feel his ego inflating.
"Oh, so you're not that either." America appeared dismayed. "Are you still alive by will power?"
Prussia's free hand flew to his mouth. "Will power?"
"Uh," he fidgeted, evidently not liking the reactions he was getting, "you're too awesome to die?"
With that said, the older man threw his head back, roaring in laughter. His back hit the cushion behind him, hand falling to his chest. He leaned forward, trying to catch his breath between bursts.
America scowled. "Dude! All you have to is answer the question, not go into hysterics."
Prussia took a deep breath, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. "True, that is true, but not why."
The blonde turned his palms up. "That's all I got. So, you gonna tell me why you haven't hit the grave yet?"
Prussia dropped the magazine beside him and folded his hands behind his head. Gilbird nested in his hair so he could get back into the position he was in before his owner's last movement.
"How much do you know my history?" he asked.
America was honest. "I barely remember you being there for my revolution."
"Hmph. Figures. And you wonder why your people are always taken as ignorant," he snorted. "Here's a little history lesson, short and sweet. When I first came around, I was known as the St. Maria's Order."
The younger man's jaw dropped. "You were a girl!?"
"What? No! Do I look like Hungary or Poland to you!?"
America scratched his scalp. "No?"
Prussia rolled his eyes. This kid was more trouble than he was worth. "Yeah, well, anyway, long story short, I later became the Teutonic Knights. It was fun for a while, but," he waved his hand dismissively, "with politics and all, stuff changed, and I went looking for a new name. It was the awesome name of Prussia, as you know! Go ask Russia if you don't believe me."
America shoved his hands into his pockets. "What does that have to do with how you're still alive?"
He gave him a feral smirk, showing off his pearly white teeth. "You bastards dissolved my awesome country of Prussia, yeah, but the Teutonic Knights still exist."
"Say what now?"
"It's true. You see, as Poland and Lithuania got together they got stronger," he explained as though America was a child who couldn't understand. "As the Teutonic Knights, they started to beat me down more and more and my popularity went straight down the drain. The Knights kept losing power, especially to Poland, and I had to switch my duties over from being a knight to being the new country of Prussia - you know, since I'd already conquered old Prussia and established the place as a Teutonic state."
"There's an old Prussia?"
"Don't interrupt or I won't tell you the answer! Where was I? Oh yeah, so Poland took part of Prussia and I was left with the rest. Later, you would give even more to that jerk," Prussia glared pointedly at America. "The Knights weren't gone, however. They still had territory in the Holy Roman Empire and Livonia - both of which don't exist anymore, so don't ask. They mostly focused on Holy Rome and ignored Livonia. As time went on, they lost the rest of their lands. By 1809, they weren't even a real military because of France's Napoleon."
"Heavy," America interrupted. "It sounds like they don't exist today. So - "
"Stop that! I'm getting to it. What was left of them belonged to Austria and eventually turned into a religious Roman Catholic order. When West took over Austria in World War II, he pretty much killed it, though he liked to use the idea of the order for propaganda," Prussia chuckled, remembering how much his brother looked up to him.
"But the order continued to exist in Italy, and when the war ended, everything was reconstituted in Germany and Austria. Nowadays, it's charitable, religious organization spread throughout Germany, Austria, Italy, Belgium, and the Czech Republic. So, in conclusion, I went back to the order after you dissolved my country. Get it?"
He grinned at America's wide-eyed, taken aback expression.
"...No," he said. "Can you run that by me again?"
"Sure. I started out as the St. Maria's - "
"Never mind!" He flailed his arms about. "I understand. Yeah, you're the order you used to be. Got it. My head doesn't hurt and feel like my brain melted. Bye!"
Prussia watched the kid run back to his car. He shook his head in wonder, reaching for the magazine so he could be prepared for Germany's arrival home.
"That's not why you're still around."
He let out a totally manly and completely ungirly, high pitched shriek, throwing the magazine in the air. He twisted his neck to the side, seeing Germany, dressed in comfortable clothing, leaning against the closed screen door.
"West! What are you doing home?"
"I came home over an hour ago. You were working out so I went to study my paperwork in my office," he informed him. "Why did you tell America that nonsense? You can't represent a group so much as a real state."
The older brother once again laughed. "C'mon, you know how much I love to mess with people's heads. And his is basically a screw ball, no offense intended."
Germany crossed his arms. "Really, brother - " His sentence cut off as his eyes fell on the discarded magazine, lighting up with recognition. He stiffened, turning bright red. "PRUSSIA!"
For the second time that day, the albino threw himself into the cushion, roaring with laughter. Today was a good day.
Yeah, I'm sure there are more than one historical inaccuracy in here. But yeah, those aside, this pretty much true. The Knights technically still exist, they just don't own any territory or have a military anymore. The current grand master was born in a Nazi Germany occupied Ritten, Italy and currently lives in Vienna, Austria.
It's really confusing, especially when you add Prussia into it. Really, I don't know why Himaruya didn't make separate characters for them or even of that would have been a better idea. I really don't know.
I also don't know why Prussia is still alive in modern day and the current theories running around didn't impress me as much as they should have. Ironically, I didn't intend to satisfy an impulse to find out why on my own; I found out when I was looking up Prussia's alliance with Italy against Austria in the 1800s for another story idea. Still don't know anything about that now!
Anyway, don't take this too seriously. I doubt groups without any claim to statehood can have personifications. This was only a fun idea.