The EPIC Crossover Fan-Fiction.

A/N Drama, comedy, Mary Sues as main characters……random dead guys who pop in when ever they feel like it, this story has it all! I own nothing but the notebooks it is written on. Seriously, at the beginning of our 11th grade year my best friend and I decided to write a story. In the beginning, it was supposed to be in the Twilight Fandom, but then we started discussing it and we decided that we should turn ourselves into VAMPIRE! Mary Sues and insert ourselves in the story. Of course, then we needed some super hot vampire boyfriends. Since we figured that Buffy wouldn't mind if we used hers, Spike and Angel became major characters as well. With those four characters in mind we started writing, and the story took on a mind of it's own. Fun, dramatic, outrageously funny, and incredibly out there at times; we've filled 2 1/2 notebooks with it so far, so if you like this there is plenty more where it came from. So welcome to The EPIC Crossover Fan-Fic. By EPIC, I mean that this story story eventually contains EVERYTHING. Please read and review.

And so it begins…………………….

The night was dark, as in like- freakishly dark. So dark in fact, that it was nearly impossible for a normal human to see anything. Seriously, it was truly that dark. Two figures moved swiftly through the thickest of shadows. Silently they approached a tall building. One who appeared to be rather tiny stopped a little behind the other and appeared to be sniffing the air around her. Her eyes widened with excitement at what she discovered.

"They are coming," Sam, the small blond who had just sniffed the air whispered to her friend. Cindy turned and nodded agreement, her scarlet eyes shining in anticipation for the hunt.

Sam turned so as to be facing the same direction as her friend, her eyes shining just as red. She continued to sniff.

"Ooh, three kids, a wife and a dog."

"Sounds delicious!" Cindy whispered, "I like a man with a family."

And together they stepped gracefully toward the building so the light of the half-moon didn't illuminate their pale skin in any way. They disappeared into the shadows just as the doors flew open and people began spilling through them.

Sam instantly stiffened as the odor of life pouring off of so many humans threatened to over-power her, "Crap."

The word would have been completely inaudible to human ears. Cindy grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alleyway next to the building. "Looks like its take-out tonight."

"Great, just grab a few and then it's back to the lair." Sam nodded in agreement, they'd done the same thing many times before.

"Right, see you there." agreed Cindy, turning the go off and hunt her dinner. Sam waited until her friend was out of sight, then she followed silently.

~~

Cindy walked amongst the people leaving their workplace into the parking lot. As she did so, she noticed that over to the side of the lot there were two men approaching their vehicles deep in conversation. Intimate conversation. In her hunger, she had completely forgotten about the family. Indeed, as much as she enjoyed the thrill of watching the man's family life flash before his eyes as her sharp teeth bit into his jugular, she much preferred the scrumptious aroma of a secret love affair. Silently and stealthily she grabbed both men in one speedy movement and was gone before either was able to cry out.

~~

Meanwhile, Sam had slipped up behind her third victim.

"Hello Mr. Law Man," she whispered softly in his ear. Before he could jump or cry out, she clamped her hand firmly over his mouth, "you're going to forget about your cats and come with me now." She turned swiftly and walked away, the three men trailing mindlessly behind her.

~~

Two and a half minutes later, the girls reunited on a dark, deserted street.

"I found these two in a dark corner of the parking lot. They seem to know each other very well, if you know what I mean," Cindy said, grinning as she imagined her friend's reaction. There was absolutely no way that Sam's chosen victims of the night would be anywhere near as tasty.

Sam took a deep whiff of the air surrounding the two men her friend had ensnared, and nearly choked as she tried to stifle her laughter.

"What?" Cindy demanded, seeing absolutely no reason for her friend's hysterics, "What's so damn funny?"

"Cindy, of course these men seem to know each other well. They've known each other their entire lives," Sam said, a small grin played at her mouth, "as in, since they met in their mother's womb."

Needless to say, Cindy was flabbergasted, and slightly disappointed. She had planned to feed not only on the men's blood, but on their emotions as she forced one to watch as she drained the other. She was disappointed, but only slightly.

"Even better," she said, grin back in place. "Brothers are better than lovers anyway!"

Without saying another word, Sam walked out into the middle of the road to lift the seal off a man-hole and jumped down, pulling her victims in after her. Cindy did the same, carefully sealing the man-hole behind her.

Down in what should have been a sewer; Sam and Cindy, accompanied by their 'dinner', dropped into a narrow, dimly lit hallway. At the end of the hallway was a very plain looking, heavy iron door. Cindy pushed it open with ease, revealing a large room that did not appear to belong underground, it was far too large. There were several more doors along the walls facing in every direction.

"See ya after dinner," muttered Sam, easily tossing her 'meal' over her shoulder. Really she only needed one, but she liked to keep the fridge full. She dropped one, then opened a door off to the left. This was the room she referred to as the 'fridge'. It was dark, cold and full. The only connection between the people inside? They were all lawyers. Leaving the men behind, Sam exited the 'fridge'.

Once the door was closed, she shouldered her evening meal and disappeared down the hallway.

She entered her room. Painted a dark shade of purple with glitter laced into the paint, the room looked, not obnoxiously girly, but sort of cave-like. She flipped the switch and a bare overhead light bulb came on, illuminating the room.

Not being one to waste time, Sam slapped her victim across the face. She had chosen fairly, and honestly, she felt she was doing a great service to the public. Only draining dirty lawyers, she figured, helped far more than it actually hurt anyone.

This particular lawyer was being paid an outrageous sum of money to defend a man who was undoubtedly guilty and deserved much worse than prison. This lawyer, who had devised an entire scheme to get the man off, was as bad if not worse than his client……and Sam felt an intense need to destroy him.

She slapped him a second time, and that did it. As the man came to, he glanced around clearly confused.

"Where am I?"

"That really doesn't matter Mr. Dooman," Sam answered coolly, crossing to the mini-fridge, she pulled out a 12-OZ can of Diet Dr. Pepper, then turned back to Mr. Dooman, and the look on her face was the last thing he ever saw.

~~

Meanwhile, in another room one of Cindy's victims was snoring loudly. She laughed quietly to herself, wondering what sort of dreams this poor, dirty lawyer was having. She laughed again and placed the tip of her index finger on the man's forehead, forcing images into whatever kind of dream he was having. All of the horrible things he had ever done came pouring back to him in that moment.

The other alternated between cowering in the corner, and struggling against the chains she had used to contain him.

Cindy laughed for a third time, as the sleeping lawyer squirmed, uncomfortable in his peace-less sleep. Though some might have thought it cruel, she liked to make her dinner suffer as the victims she had carefully chosen had made others suffer.

Seconds before the scum released a scream of guilt and anguish, she moved her razor sharp teeth to his throat.

Later………………………………...............

After she finished her dinner, Sam once again shouldered the now very dead lawyer, and headed out into the hall. This time she turned right and entered a room through a bright green door that led to yet another hallway. After making three right turns and one left, Sam stopped again. She was now facing a red door. Opening it, she tossed Mr. Dooman in, and watched contentedly as he fell into the pit and was swept away by the darkness below.

"Fun, isn't it," sighed a happy voice behind her. A normal person probably would have jumped at the sudden intrusion, not Sam.

"It's no less than that scum deserves," she replied calmly, turning to face her friend.

"True," agreed Cindy, "On the bright side, Spike came to visit."

"Well," chuckled Sam, finding the abrupt change of topic to be rather awkward, "how 'bout I leave to two of you alone for the evening?"

"Aren't you even going to ask if Angel came with him?" demanded Cindy, beginning to sound concerned. She wondered vaguely if she had missed something.

"Did he?" Sam asked apathetically, as though she was completely unconcerned with the answer.

"Yeah actually."

The corners of Sam's mouth twitched into an almost smile, but never quite made it.

Together they walked slower than they usually would back down the hall away from the giant pit.

They entered a room that was very like a sitting room and well, sat down. Angel and Spike were sitting on the opposite side of the room, expecting their friends to join them. However, Sam and Cindy were already deep in conversation about the kinds of cake they had enjoyed when they were alive.

"I was partial to white cake, topped with just a little bit of melted butter and cinnamon, though of course it was hard to come by then…" Cindy mused.

"That does sound rather delightful," Sam admitted, "but back in my day, only the wealthy ever had any cake."

"Really?" Cindy asked, "I guess I liked it as a good treat when I could get my hands on some, which wasn't often, but it was good."

"I imagine it was," sighed Sam, leaning back on the couch.

Cindy quickly glanced at the other people in the room, a smile played at her mouth in amusement at their agitation, but she continued to drone on about cake.

Angel and Spike sat next to each other on a fluffy orange couch looking very uncomfortable. Angel had his arms crossed over his chest and was tapping his foot impatiently on the floor, while Spike's entire body seemed to vibrate slightly as he continued to watch the girls have their obnoxiously unimportant conversation about cake.

Spike, now pissed, rose from his seat.

"Hug me!"

For about five seconds everyone sat in stunned silence, then they all started laughing at the same time and before anyone could blink, Cindy was in his arms.

"What about me?" Angel demanded, uncrossing his arms and placing them on his hips. He looked rather childish.

"What about you?" questioned Sam, eyeing him with interest.

"Aren't you going to hug me?" demanded Angel, raising one eyebrow.

"Do you want me to hug you?" questioned Sam, mimicking his look with her own eyebrow.

"This is stupid," replied Angel, crossing the room to sit next to her, then placing his arm around her shoulders, "I guess I'll hug you then."

"Fine," replied Sam. As they observed this exchange, Spike and Cindy were unable to keep straight faces.

"You two are insane," remarked Spike; Cindy, from her position on his lap, nodded in agreement.

"You're the one who plays kitten poker," Sam reminded him.

"Kittens?" Cindy asked sounding surprised, looking expectantly at Spike, "Did you bring ME one?"

"As always," laughed Spike, grinning as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny, squirming, yellow kitten.

"Ooh yay!" Cindy exclaimed, taking the cat. She eyed it closely, "you need a name."

Meanwhile, Angel leaned over and whispered something into Sam's ear, making her almost smile. She gave the faintest of nods.

"I have to pee," Angel announced, stretching his arms over his head as he got off the couch. Spike nodded distractedly. Cindy however, looked at him suspiciously as Sam got up to follow.

"You're going to pee together?" she asked them, obviously suspicious of their intentions.

"Um," Sam attempted to think up a convincing alibi but failed, "yeah."

Cindy understood and let the subject drop. Sam and Angel left the room.

Once in the hallway, they turned not towards the bathroom, but the big gym-like training area where they liked to fight. When they reached the door, Angel turned to Sam and said,

"Now don't expect me to go easy on you this time."

"Please," snorted Sam, pushing the door open, "you never do, yet you usually lose anyway."

"Ha, I let you win!"

"Yeah, sure okay. Whatever." shrugged Sam, rolling her eyes and stepping slightly to her left just as Angel moved to tackle her. Not noticing that she had moved until it was to late, Angel slammed himself into the wall. 'This should be easy,' Sam thought to herself.

~~

While their friends fought, just for fun of course, Spike and Cindy sat on the floor of the sitting room and played with the kitten they had just named Rastis. It walked between them confusedly, meowing softly, occasionally pausing to rub it's head onto one of their hands. The two vampires found great amusement in the way it shied away at their cold touch.

~~

"Weak," Sam breathed into Angel's face, she had him pinned to the floor.

"Ha!" said he, "I hope you mean yourself." With this, he pushed up against her and tossed her off of him. He stood up before she had time to gather herself and was in a fighting stance.

"Ha!" it was Sam's turn to laugh, "your fly is open."

He looked down to inspect his pants and in an instant he was pinned again.

"Weak," Sam repeated.

"Hey, you cheated," complained Angel.

"No, you let your guard down."

"Ugh!"

"I really want a Dr Pepper…" sighed Sam, she was one of the few who could still taste things.

"Well go get one."

"No, you go get me one!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pinned to the ground."

"Oh," Sam stood up, and Angel instantly tried to pin her, but she saw it coming and stepped aside causing Angel to run right past her again. "Haha."

"Well…." Angel thought for a moment, trying to come up with a suitable insult. He settled on, "You're really short."

"Hey!" in half a second she was right up in his face. "I'm not short, I'm vertically challenged."

He rolled his eyes, then turned to go fetch a Dr Pepper. Sam moved to follow.

~~

After they retrieved the soda, they headed back toward the sitting room. Not wanting to walk in on anything questionable, they stopped and listened at the door.

Cindy was laughing.

"It's so tiny!" Sam and Angel glanced at each other, both having to fight hard to keep straight faces.

"It may be little, but I assure you it's strong." Spike said defensively.

Unable to stop themselves, Sam and Angel burst into the room to find Spike holding a struggling kitten trying to claw him an arms length away.

Sam and Angel shared a look of relief, then burst out laughing.

"Freakin' perverts," grumbled Cindy. The kitten twisted out of Spikes grasp. It clawed it's way up his arm and took up residence on his head. Cindy joined in the laughter as Spike swatted at the feline.

"Shut up," Spike glared at his friends. To the cat he said, "Hey, watch the hair!"

"Sorry," Cindy mumbled between gasps, "but you look absolutely ridiculous!"

This made Sam and Angel laugh even harder.

Cindy leaned forward and plucked the kitten off the top of Spike's head and placed it in her lap. It immediately jumped off, launching itself onto Angel's head. The laughter began again. This time Spike laughed too, Angel glared at them but was ignored. The kitten pawed around cutely, then settled itself. Curling it's tail around it's nose, it began to purr.

"Cute!" Cindy exclaimed. Sam nodded her agreement.

Angel tried to pull the kitten off his head but it dug it's claws into his scalp and refused to be removed. Finally giving up, he sighed and stalked off to sit on the sofa on the furthest end of the room and crossed his arms over his chest like and immature teenager. Sam sat down beside him, still giggling a little, and reached her arm up to pet the cat.

20 minutes later……………………………….....

It took awhile, but slowly everyone stopped laughing to the point where they could talk and breath normally (not that they needed to). Eventually, the room settled into silence as Spike and Cindy sat on a couch in hushed conversation with their heads close together. The kitten on Angel's head was now in deep sleep, and Sam had her nose in a book.

There came a loud knock.

"We know you're in there, open this door!"

"They found us," Cindy remarked conversationally.

"Dang," sighed Sam, "oh well, quick. Out the back." There came a loud slam, like that of something hitting the door with extreme force. Then they smelled the smoke.

"Fire," sighed Spike, "why are people always trying to kill me?"

A/N So, What'd ya think? Oh come on, if you're reading this note you've already read the chapter. Why not take a few more seconds and leave me a review?????? It would make me really happy.