The Architect of Rock Bottom
Blame others all you want, but in the end, you knew that you were the one who created this hell around you. TYL!Tsuna's thoughts and agony during a future where Byakuran holds an infinite amount of power.
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Any similarities in events or characters living or dead are entirely coincidental.
Enjoy!
The Architect of Rock Bottom
For a very long time, he couldn't get that voice out of his head.
It spoke to him, first quietly, softly, and then it grew like a parasite feeding off the pain and sorrows and a shadow of doubt growing in his own mind. Soon, the voice in his mind was all he could hear, and every day, Tsuna listened to it speak to him.
You know there's no escape, Tsuna.
"Tenth! Do you want me to grab these papers and scan them for you?"
Tsuna snapped his head up to see his loyal right-hand man, Gokudera, grab a giant stack of files that he had yet to be able to send to Dino for cross-checking due to the growing pile of work he had on his desk.
"Ah! Gokudera! But that's a lot of work—" Tsuna stammered, but the silver-haired man simply shook his head and tucked everything under his arm.
"Don't worry about it, Tenth. I've got this," Gokudera assured him, but Tsuna looked into his eyes and could practically see the bags under the glowing green orbs that seemed to have lost its enthusiastic glow after days of unrelenting work that surrounded them due to the amount of threat their new enemy had over them.
"Gokudera, don't—"
"It's fine, Tenth! You should get some rest, you're working too much!" Gokudera insisted, and ran out of the office before Tsuna could stop him. The brunette slumped in his seat, running a hand over his tired face.
Look at you. You can't even finish you own work. You've got guts to continue burdening your friends with your hardships.
Tsuna groaned under his palm. "It's not like that," he said out loud into the silence. "I'm not trying to push my work onto other people." The voice in his head only chuckled.
Go on, Tsuna, keep feeding yourself those lies. We'll see how long it lasts.
When he couldn't run off to Italy to meet with one of his allied families, Yamamoto went for him. Tsuna almost dropped his phone when he heard his childhood friend offer to go in his stead.
"Yamamoto, please don't worry about it, I can go by myself!" Tsuna argued, covering the mouthpiece so that the don of the other family wouldn't hear him talk to Yamamoto.
"It'll be fine, Tsuna, you have too much on your hands already," Yamamoto replied firmly, reaching over to yank the phone out of his Boss' hand. "Hello? Yes, this is Yamamoto, the Rain Guardian of the Vongola," he said, pushing Tsuna back with one hand. Still being short and skinny for his age, the said boss couldn't fight back with Yamamoto's obvious advantage in build.
"Yup, I'll be heading over a day after tomorrow then. Alright. Thanks. Goodbye."
Yamamoto dropped the receiver back onto the cradle and just gave Tsuna one of his trademark grins. "Stop worrying, Tsuna. I'll be back sooner than you know it." Tsuna bit his lip, staring up at the smile that so obviously did not reach his friend's eyes. Yamamoto's father had just died two weeks ago. It wasn't fair to make him go out.
"Yamamoto—" Tsuna pleaded, but his friend only shook his head and said quietly, "I think I just need a quick change of pace, Tsuna. Don't worry about me though, okay?"
Tsuna watched him exit the room, scratching the back of his head and humming absent-mindedly to himself. The brunette cringed at the painful stab in his chest. It hurt him to see Yamamoto pretend that he wasn't affected by the tragedy that made him into an orphan.
You cruel bastard. Sending poor Yamamoto out when he's obviously not fit for work. You're just frightened of leaving the safety of your own home.
"No," Tsuna argued aloud, clenching his papers. "I'm not a coward!"
Sure, Tsuna. Keep hiding yourself from the truth. You'll die sooner or later anyway, and nobody will save you then.
Ryohei was busy with the Varia. Very, very, very busy. Between running out on errands and keeping contact with the main family, the man was literally tiring himself out. It was a hard thing to wrap his mind around; the pumped-up, enthusiastic, super energetic ex-boxing champion of Nami High was more than often seen slumped over his own desk or lying in a sleepless slumber on the couch.
The Varia, it also seemed, was actually wearing themselves out too. Last Tsuna heard, Bel and Lussuria had been delayed for over three days on their last mission because of the extremities of their injuries, and Fran, their new Mist Guardian, had to go cover for the two while they were out of commission. Xanxus was in an even worse mood than usual, and Squalo had actually gotten sick. Ryohei relayed all the information to the young Boss during their latest video conference.
"Will they be alright?" Tsuna asked, feeling torn down. The immovable, dependable, always ready to fight Varia was slowly tiring out too. How could this be?
"They'll be back in no time, Sawada," Ryohei replied, giving Tsuna an encouraging smile that failed due to the lack of strength his Sun Guardian had. The man couldn't even smile properly.
"Ah," Tsuna suddenly cried, smacking himself in the forehead. "I just sent out a mission briefing for them! There's no way they'll get it with two Guardians out of commission," Tsuna groaned. "Could you fax it back to me?" the brunette asked the turf-top. Ryohei looked surprised.
"No way, Sawada, that's the mission you were talking about a week before, right? If we can complete this, our chances of taking Byakuran down will go up. There's no way we can let something this extreme fall apart because we're just a little tired. I'll fill in for Lussuria and I'll take Squalo with me."
"But Squalo's sick!" Tsuna protested. "And you're so busy, you haven't been resting well either!"
"Don't worry about it, Tsuna," Ryohei replied. "This is a war, and we can't afford to lose."
"But—!"
"I'll catch up with you later to the extreme, Sawada," Ryohei assured. "Until then!"
The monitor shut off with a beep, and Tsuna was left standing by himself in the empty conference room, head aching and body physically exhausted.
What's this? You're tired? You've been sitting comfortably in your office while Ryohei and the Varia have been fighting back and forth. I can't believe you have the nerve to complain.
"I'm not complaining!" Tsuna yelled. "I'm worried for their safety!"
Liar. That's the easiest coincidence to hide your real façade under. You're just a worm that's too scared to even poke their head out. Pathetic.
Lambo was only fifteen. Tsuna found him crying by himself in the living room when the Lightning Guardian thought nobody was around.
It made sense, really. Lambo was the youngest out of all of them. He was from a mafia family, but he was still young and was easily frightened. At the moment, anybody with ties to the Vongola was being hunted down like wild animals, chased and slaughtered. Tsuna's own parents were missing, as was Lambo's childhood friend, I-pin. Everything that the crybaby cow had ever loved or wanted to do was being threatened.
By the gods, he was only still a child.
Tsuna took a half step forwards with the intention of comfort in his mind, but Lambo's next words made him stop dead in his tracks.
"…don't wanna fight anymore…hic…scared…I wanna go home…Mama…uwahh…hic…"
The Tenth stood by the doorway, feeling sick in his stomach. His gut twisting, Tsuna walked away, back down the hall where he came from, wanting to punch the wall in.
You're a sick, sick man, Vongola Tenth. How dare you make a child fight in a war?
"I didn't do this!" Tsuna almost howled. "I didn't…I didn't want him to either…"
Perhaps one day the people who so adore you and admire this new generation's don will realize exactly what you are.
Tsuna's eyes widened. The voice in his head sneered.
A monster.
The voice continued to speak to him. It weakened his resolve and drew out all his insecurities and doubts. Tsuna could barely concentrate. Unable to stand the sneering remarks bouncing back and forth in his skull, the brunette buried himself in mounds of work, rarely eating, rarely sleeping, and seeing his guardians even less often. But the others were all so busy they could hardly keep up with their boss. On every occasion they met with the Tenth, the same dialogue would be exchanged.
"Tsuna! How have you been?"
Both parties were nearly always hurrying in opposite directions down the hall, arms stacked with papers or packing up their box weapons while running out for battle.
"I'm fine, where are you going?"
The reply would always be the same; tossed over their shoulder as they continued down the hall.
"Work! Something's come up! I'll see you later, Tsuna!"
And the Boss would nod, bangs shaking over his lifeless eyes as he'd yell back, "I'll talk to you later!"
And as he walked away, the voice would begin its merciless taunts and threats, eating at Tsuna as he walked away to wherever he was going.
Perhaps it was lack of motivation. Or maybe it was his inner self trying to compensate for what he felt like he was needed to do to prove his capability to protect those he loved. Either way, when Tsuna received a private message from Byakuran asking for a one-on-one meeting, he knew that the minute he saw his white-haired nemesis, he was going to die.
It took the Vongola Tenth five minutes to finish listening to the message, three to make up his mind, two seconds to grab his coat, gloves, and box animal, and less than a heartbeat to press the 'delete' button on his phone.
Message deleted. End of messages.
So no one will know, eh? The voice taunted. How clever of you, Dame-Tsuna.
It took him almost a whole day before he could get into contact with Hibari and Irie, and it took another good half hour to explain what his plan was. The next thing Tsuna knew, he was locked in a death match with Hibari, the furious raven beating the life out of him and snarling, "Hell is going to freeze over before I let you do something stupid, moronic, and what a complete herbivore would ever thing of doing, Sawada!"
His plans were delayed by a great deal because of that. Nursing several purple and black bruises and a bloody nose, Tsuna finally managed to convince an infuriated Hibari and a desperate Irie that this course of choice was for the best.
"B-but Sawada, there's no guarantee that this would work out! Especially your plan with the ten-year-bazooka, that's even riskier—"
"It has to be done," Tsuna replied wearily, wiping his forehead. "Right now, I'm not strong enough to fight this battle. Byakuran would kill me where I stand. I'm not the same boy I used to be…the one with the naïve dream that everything would be okay as long as I fight for what I believe in with all my heart."
Hibari snorted, still angry. "That kind of thinking gets nobody anywhere. You're an idiot, Sawada."
Tsuna actually found himself laughing at those words. It felt strange to do so, but in the process of letting out a chuckle, it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. "That's so you, Hibari-san. But, either way, I think the current me won't be able to do much here. However, the mindset and the faith the younger me is probably what we need the most right now."
Hibari paused. "Omnivore…you're certain about this?"
"Yes." Tsuna said firmly, standing up. "I know this will work out."
"Che. Don't expect me to cover for you again," Hibari snapped, grabbing his things and slamming the door on the way out. Irie and Tsuna winced at the sound of wood splintering and the rage Hibari released on the house on his way out.
"He hasn't changed one bit," Tsuna sighed, scratching his head.
"Actually, didn't you hear what he said just now?" Irie asked, curious. Tsuna looked up. "Huh?"
Irie actually smiled a little, grinning up at the brunette. "Hibari said, don't expect me to cover for you again. The way he's putting it, it sounds like he knows you're going to live again to pull some stupid stunt like this once more."
At that moment, Irie's words made Tsuna the happiest he'd felt for the longest time.
When he looked down the barrel of the gun Byakuran had pointed in his face, Tsuna's expression was every bit as calm as the man standing in front of him.
"I'm surprised, Tsunayoshi-kun," Byakuran chuckled. "Are you not afraid of death?"
Tsuna looked up, a serene expression on his face. "Why should I fear what I already know?"
For the first time since Tsuna had seen his enemy, an element of hesitation and suspicion flickered under Byakuran's eyes. Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the emotions fled the smirking man's face as the gun was leveled with the Tenth's heart.
When Tsuna felt the bullet pass through his chest, he was surprised to hear that voice in his head crying.
Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! What are you doing? Are you trying to escape from this world in some cheap, cowardly way? I can't believe you!
'What are you afraid of…?' Tsuna questioned the voice, feeling the numbness crawling up him.
You're not supposed to die! What will we do now that you're dead? What will your friends think? You're the cruelest bastard ever! You'll break their hearts!
Tsuna laughed. It came out as a hacking cough. 'Don't worry. There's someone else that will come.'
A sniffle. Who? Who can ever replace you?
A smile. 'Why, the other me, of course. Who else did you think?'
He crawled out of the coffin, confused, puzzled, and scared. He met the older Gokudera, the older Yamamoto, Ryohei, Hibari, Mukuro, and Lambo. He met all his friends again, the old and new, unaware of how badly they all missed him.
Yet, the younger Sawada Tsunayoshi was carrying something this future world so desperately needed: the heart of a young boy willing to fight and the faith in himself to bring about a greater changed to the new world.
He was no longer bound by that voice that spoke of his fears.
He was no longer building his world under his burdens.
What was that saying?
That one. About hitting rock bottom.
Ah, that's right. After you touch the lowest point in life, there's only one way to go.
Up.
End
This was just something that I came up with out of nowhere. I've been thinking up of strange titles lately~ Hope you guys liked this. It was kinda short though :'D
And just to throw it out there…the title, The Architect of Rock Bottom basically means that Tsuna was the one who was building his own jail of burdens and depression. It seemed cool when I first thought of it, haha.
Thank you for reading! Comments are much appreciated~
-BlackStar