In the fourth season opener I was a bit disappointed in the scene in the playground where Castle and Beckett were sitting on the swings having their conversation. It wasn't the way it turned out that bothered me, but how shallow it was. The depth that Beckett was trying to convey to Castle was evident in her eyes and how she looked at him, but the words didn't come out. Here's the conversation that didn't get on screen, at least from my perspective, and all conversations between them are short to me because of what their usual dynamic is. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Kate had just expressed the most emotional feelings she'd ever let out to Castle, but the look on his face told her that she hadn't told him enough. Her therapist had told her that she was avoiding some issues, and giving them short shrift. Looking into Castle's eyes she knew now what the man had been saying in that cold office. Cold to her, at least. But the baggage between herself and Castle was so heavy and had caused so much damage. Was it even possible to explain how much she needed time to come to grips with all that had happened, and what her feelings really are?
"I was surprised you finished the book," she told him. She looked down at the ground, thinking of the very kind dedication he had written. When she'd first seen it she'd been hard pressed to think of a possible reason for him being as gracious as he'd been with those words.
"I almost didn't," Castle replied, letting a bit of the hurt he felt come out in a more positive and constructive way. Getting petty by bringing Josh into this had not been one of his better moments. It had been cruel and hurtful.
Kate winced. That stung, but was no less than she deserved. She had her reasons for having been away for so long, but he was right to be hurt by it. Castle had made mistakes, too, over the last three and a half years, but in her mind her own mistakes were much worse. In many ways he'd taken his cues from her actions and words, not the other way around.
"Then why did you?" she asked.
"Because at the end of the day you're an amazing woman and a brilliant detective," he told her. "Even though it's a fictional character and precinct, that story deserves to be told so maybe some people out there can realize how amazing all of you are, especially you."
Kate was now the one to be looking down at the ground. It amazed her that he thought of her and the rest of them that way. But then again she remembered what he had told her when she was shot and begging her to stay with him before the ambulance got there. She felt a soft tear forming, but quickly swiped at it hoping he didn't notice it.
"I need time, Castle," she told him finally. "Not time from you, or our friendship, but time to be able to find out some things. I want to see what we can find about my mom's murder. I want to see if I can move beyond this compulsion to find all the answers. But most of all, I need time to make sure that I can be the person in your life you deserve."
Castle looked at her startled. "Me?" he questioned, almost holding his breath in anticipation, and shock. Was she finally making the step forward he'd always hoped for?
Kate sighed. "I always thought being with you would make me less of what and who I am," she admitted. "When I felt us getting too close I dated Demming. Then when you took off with Gina I spent a lot of that summer kicking myself for ruining my one chance at being with you when I was ready. I met Josh a couple of weeks before you got back from the Hamptons, but it was only a couple of platonic dates. Then when I found out you were still with Gina I got a lot more serious about Josh out of my anger at myself, and you know the rest. I guess it was to get even with you, even though this mess was my fault. He was a nice guy, Castle, but I also know it wouldn't have worked because he wasn't you."
"So you need time," Castle said finally. He was trying to not bang his head on the nearest wall for having ever taken Gina to the Hamptons with him. Could it have worked between him and Kate if she'd gone to the Hamptons with him instead? He wasn't so sure, but he would keep that thought to himself. The last year had worked to make them closer than ever, despite her being involved with Motorcycle Boy.
"But not distance," she assured him. "I'm not going to date anyone, and I want to be able to focus on what makes me the person I am. In a positive way. That means keeping and strengthening our friendship. You're my best friend, Castle. I need that right now more than a lover."
"But one day?" he asked hopefully.
"One day I know that I'll be ready for what you've been offering for a long time now," she let him know. "For what you offered when I was shot."
Castle looked at her, the shock evident in his expression. "You remember," he stated.
Kate nodded. "It's what made me realize that I'd been fooling myself with Josh and forced me to seriously take some time to think about what I'd been doing," she offered. "I feel like you do, Castle. Don't doubt that. But I need time to make sure that I can make this work and not ruin the most important friendship I have."
"So what do you want me to do?" Castle asked. He silently hoped that she wasn't saying he should back off for a while more.
"I need my partner back, but Gates is blocking that," Kate said bitterly.
Castle brightened. "Oh ye of little faith," he intoned. He pulled out his cell phone. "I think I can work my way around Gates. Besides, I let her kick me out. Big difference from her ordering me out."
Kate reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Castle," she said softly. "What you said when I was shot? I may not be ready to actually say the words, but I feel the same way."
Castle smiled. "I'll be here waiting when you're ready to say the words," he told her, placing his other hand over hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Now let's deal with Gates, Partner."
Kate watched him as he made his phone call. She knew that they had a lot to work out and work on in the coming months, but she felt that they had made some genuine progress and were being completely honest with each other for the first time in a long time.
For his part, while he knew that they still had a lot to work through in the coming days and weeks, it felt like she was trying to meet him halfway on this, and that his feelings for her were finally becoming legitimized. He was still angry over the last three months of no contact and all the emotions it had engendered, but he was willing to look at it as a necessary growing time for both of them. Now he had some phone calls to make and put a new Captain on notice that Castle and Beckett were once more a team.
A/N: I see conversations like this between them being somewhat short, but full of meaning. This was how I wished that they would have approached the season premiere and still keep it in the cannon that they had devised. I hope you enjoyed it. Gregg.