The Life of the Avengers.
Summary :
A super soldier, a green rage monster, two Asgardian gods, a cocky billionaire, and two sly secret agents under one roof? Things were going to get interesting.
Author's Note:
Some of you will know of my numerous Avengers fanfictions, from tiny oneshots like A Very Avengers Day Out, to long stories such as Avengers and Videogames. I have had many messages and reviews expressing that people would love reboots or continuations. I have decided to reboot all of them, and include them in one, better written fanfiction.
For this, Loki was controlled by the Chitauri in Avengers, and cured when Coulson used the gun against him. Like Clint, he was freed by a strong recalibration- with brute force. He was able to prove this to his adoptive brother Thor, and then fought against the Chitauri as an honorary Avenger. Henceforth, he is thought of as a hero, same as then.
Loki deserves to be happy.
This story will have some arcs spanning several chapters, with the themes of the chapters ranging from comedy to romance, from angst to just plain fun. Hopefully you'll all enjoy this, and feel that each character is represented well in my writing.
If you would like more of this fanfic, please favourite, follow, and leave a review! I have a lot of people send messages saying 'I didn't review because I didn't know what to say' or 'But what I wanted to say would be weird'.
I am grateful for whatever feedback I get, which is why that, even if a review simply says 'good' or 'Nice chapter', I am happy. Please, if you enjoy this story, leave some feedback- it means the world to an author.
Feel free to suggest games, films, and tv shows, or other activities for the Avengers to try!
Now, the author's note is done and dusted, time to get to the actual story! This is honestly one of the most random things I have ever written.
CHAPTER 1- Return of Avengers & Videogames
It was a bright, warm summer sun that shone over Manhattan, early on a Saturday morning. For many, this signalled the start of two days' rest, of peace and calm. Tranquility, even. For the Avengers, however…every day was anything but peaceful.
As the clocks turned to seven in the morning, the resident sorcerer of the Avengers household, Loki Laufeyson, stirred. Stretching, muscles straining against green silk pyjamas, he quietly made his way to the kitchen, stumbling in his drowsiness. Shaking his head at his clumsiness, the sorcerer rummaged through the numerous cabinets, until he found his favourite brand of coffee, and set to work at the shiny coffee machine Stark had recently purchased. He worked quickly, knowing that once the others rose, his few minutes of treasured peace would undoubtedly be over.
The smell of fresh coffee soon wafted through the air, helping the mage to regain his senses and fully awaken, the man smiling as he poured his coffee into his favourite green mug. With coffee (and a quickly snatched doughnut) in hand, Loki made his way to the main lounge, picking up a silver 3dsxl, before curling up on a beanbag.
Once comfortable, with his coffee and doughnut resting on a small table beside him, the raven haired man switched the handheld machine on, a slight smile crossing his face as he selected his currently going game- a new one, going by what he thought was a peculiar name- Fire Emblem Awakening. The sorcerer loved the strategic side of the game, playing on the most challenging difficulty more often than not- yet he also appreciated the story and its deeper meanings. He was just getting to the end of a chapter, as the game was put in book-like chapters, each with a new task and title. The chapter he was playing through was titled as 'Chapter 9- Emmeryn'.
He truly believed his tactics would allow him to save Emmeryn, the older sister of his avatar's friend Chrom…but then…
He watched in disbelief as a cinematic began, showing Emmeryn bravely sacrificing herself to save Chrom from choosing between two incredibly difficult options.
"NO!" he cried out in shock.
So loud was his cry, that he heard a crash nearby, followed by socks squeaking on the shiny flooring. Soon after, Thor burst into the room, Mjolnir in hand. Seeing his brother in floods of tears alarmed him, and the warrior immediately rushed to his brother's side.
"What is wrong?" the blonde warrior asked.
"Emmeryn…she did not deserve her fate." Loki replied.
Confused, Thor followed his brother's line of sight, until he noticed the gaming device. Shaking his head, Thor held back his laughter. After all- the blonde god had often shed tears over many ridiculous things.
"I shall leave you to grieve, brother." Thor quietly left the room.
Wiping tears away, Loki returned to his game, sorrowfully drinking his coffee.
With chapter 9 of his game complete, Loki shut down the small console, placing it back on a table before retrieving his empty mug, and half of the doughnut he'd almost forgotten. As the sorcerer headed to the kitchen, he heard a strange sound. Almost like…singing. Albeit offkey and awful, but still…singing. Waiting just a small distance from the doors, he realized it was Tony singing.
Covering his mouth to hold in his laughter, Loki listened in to this interesting development.
"Yeah it's pretty clear…I ain't no size two.." Stark sang, unware that the trickster god was listening, and had pulled out his cellphone to record. "But I can shake it, shake it…like I'm supposed to do."
Advancing, shoulders shaking from held in laughter, Loki crept forward, coffee mug forgotten on the floor. Moving in front of the glass doors, the god felt tears brim in his eyes as his laughs threatened to burst forth- Stark was dancing around the kitchen as he made a batch of oddly shaped waffles, shaking his behind in a way that was both comical and distasteful. It seemed that the man was…what was it the young mortals called it?
Ah.
Twerking.
Or pathetically attempting to.
Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Loki burst into the kitchen, causing Tony to let loose a stream of curses that would've burned a pirates ears. The inventor dropped his plate of waffles, and whipped round to face the intruder…only to see the cellphone held aloft in Loki's grip.
"You…" Tony seethed.
"Did you honestly think your pathetic attempt at dancing was any good?" Loki quipped, still recording.
"I'm a great dancer. Ask Pepper." Tony retorted.
"Honestly, you call that dancing? I could have done better when I was an infant."
"Which was…when? Several thousand years ago? Sounds, to me, like you're an old man with a stick up his ass."
"This old man can still best you at dancing, Stark."
Seeing Tony grumble, Loki reluctantly stopped recording, pocketing his cellphone.
"What exactly do you plan on doing with that?" Tony's eyes narrowed.
"You'll see soon enough." Loki went back for his mug.
"I'll get back at you for this."
"I'd truly love to see you try."
"You will."
"Big words. Empty words."
"We'll see if you're still talking when I beat you on Super Smash Brothers later."
"Is that a bet, Stark?"
"Looks like it, reindeer games."
"Then I look forward to relishing in your defeat later on."
As the Norse god exited the kitchen, Tony cursed again, before summoning a simple drone to tend to the shattered plates, and squashed waffles. The genius swore to himself that he'd soon wipe the smirk off that gods face. He'd win that bet.
But until then…how could he get back at the god?
As he began brainstorming ideas for pranks, Tony set out to find the other Avengers. Surely between another god, his genius self, and two spies…they could come up with something.
With the Avengers, minus their sorcerer, gathered in the meeting room, they began drawing up plans to help Tony get back at Loki for gaining such embarrassing leverage over the billionaire. Many ideas flew back and forth.
"We tape an air horn to his door." Bruce suggested.
"Juvenile." Natasha shook her head. "We strategically place mayonnaise in his donuts."
"God, that reminds me of the Oreo-toothpaste incident." Bruce heaved.
"It's got to be good. We're going up against a Norse god with pretty much unlimited magical powers." Tony pointed out.
"My brother is not easily fooled." Thor spoke up.
"I may have a solution." Clint stood up.
"We're listening." Tony crossed his arms.
"We get a spray bottle of febreeze, and wrap a zip-tie round the neck of the bottle. But we fill the bottle with knock-out gas." Clint began.
"Sounds good thus far." Thor was confident in this plan- Clint was a professional prankster…or so the archer boasted.
"When he wakes up, his room will be covered in Barbie shit. But…instead of Barbie's head…we'll put in Nicholas Cage." Clint continued. "He'll try to run out, but when the doors slide open, he'll run into a wall of Clingfilm. By the time he gets free, we'll have chucked a tank of lube down the hall. He slides down, and face plants in a blow up pool full of dick shaped jellos."
"Are you a child?" Natasha rolled her eyes.
"So, is this the plan we're going with?" Clint seemed proud of his incredibly juvenile suggestion.
"It is incredibly crude." Thor mused. "But it may work."
"There's only one way to find out." Bruce sighed.
"I have one question." Natasha stood up. "Does anyone know where we can get a tank of lube on short notice?"
In unison, the Avengers turned to face Tony, who looked slightly affronted, before he shook his head.
"I'll make a call." The Billionaire reluctantly agreed.
When his fellow Avengers seemed to vanish, Loki used a spell to creep silently through the tower, until he noticed his comrades in the meeting room. Curious as to the purpose of their meeting, he cloaked himself with a spell of invisibility, before approaching the vast glass doors, and leaning forward to listen in. As they so proudly laid out their plan, the trickster god shook his head. Such mundane 'pranks' would not work on him this day.
Yet this talk would give him the opportunity to strike back- to crush their ideals before they came into fruition. Now…how to go about this…
Loki crossed his arms as he thought hard about what exactly he should do.
Smiling wickedly, Loki cracked his knuckles, sparks of green magic flying, before he cast a series of spells, which would affect all but himself. The Avengers each cursed as the magic reached them, before lapsing into unconsciousness. As they each snored loudly, Loki entered the room, still invisible, before moving a chair to the corner of the room, and sitting down upon it. crossing his arms, the mage grinned mischieviously, before allowing the others to awaken.
His spell would cause several moments of confusion and chaos…and they would beg for him to reverse the enchantment. For…his spell had caused them to switch bodies. Natasha and Tony…Bruce and Clint…Thor being changed into a woman, for lack of another person to switch bodies with.
"Okay…" Tony's voice coming from Natasha's lips was oddly disconcerting. "I have boobs. Those weren't there before."
"Neither were mine." Thor was equally as confused. "They are somewhat heavier."
As they grew more and more agitated, Loki found it increasingly harder to hold in his laughter. "
"Nat…how do you carry these things?" Tony groaned.
"How do you sit without crushing your-" Natasha started, her feminine voice sounding ludicrous coming out of Tony's mouth.
"-ok. Point taken." Tony rested his head on the table. "The reindeer got us."
Thor seemed more intrigued than anything else- he was often dumbstruck by his brother's abilities. Just as he was reaching for the clasps on his shirt, a certain raven haired mage was unable to contain his laughter, tears streaming down his face as he lost control over his spell.
"Loki!" Thor stood up abruptly. "Remove this enchantment."
"Brother, you look ravishing." Loki was almost falling off his chair, laughing more than the others had ever seen. "Stark, I see you have finally grown a pair…though I do believe you have done so in the wrong area."
"Change us back." Natasha demanded.
"Why should I remove the spell? Clearly you all look far better this way." Loki quipped.
"My back is hurting-" Tony started.
"Stark." Natasha warned.
"You were going to unleash a variety of imbecilic tricks against my person. I am simply…getting my revenge." Loki reasoned, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
"Loki…" Bruce started.
"I could make this far worse, I assure you." Loki warned.
Instantly, each of the other Avengers paled dramatically- what else could he do whilst they were like this?
"For example…I could force you all to sit down…and watch a woman with our Director Fury's face on…dramatically strip." Loki rose to his feet.
"You wouldn't." Tony's eyes widened.
"Oh, but I would." Loki revelled in the look of comical terror in the billionaire's eyes.
"Perhaps he could be accompanied by another female…dancer. Bearing the face of…the rather detestable politician with the orange tan." Loki began again.
"No…" Thor seemed to be growing tired of the spell.
"A certain…republican." Loki continued.
"Anything but that." Clint pleaded.
"A one Donald Trump." Loki took a few steps forward.
Instantly, two females, with skimpy red outfits, identical faces, and bright blonde hair, appeared on the meeting room table. The enspelled Avengers watched in horror as one face morphed into that of Director Fury.
"Loki, stop this." Thor practically begged, unusual for the warrior.
As one model's skin began to turn the burnt orange of a failed fake tan, the Avengers began running towards the meeting room doors…only to find they had been enchanted to stay shut. Trapped in the room, in each other's bodies…they were forced to watch as the second female's face began to morph.
"Oh god…" Tony gagged as the second female's face morphed to become that of Donald Trump.
The sight of the two men's heads, vastly different, placed upon the scantily clad bodies of strippers, was soon too much for them to handle- the resident engineer began dry heaving as the fake Trump began sexily dancing towards him.
"Make it stop." Clint backed as far away from the dancers as he could.
"Oh, but that wouldn't be any fun." Loki rolled his eyes.
"I see you're not looking at them." Natasha pointed out.
"Why should I?" Loki frowned.
In what would become the biggest mistake of his life, Loki glanced at the two dancers…before he felt the blood drain from his face.
"Gods…" the sorcerer muttered. "What have I done?"