I still remember everything.
It's been ten years since Ushio was born, and I can still remember life without Nagisa. Without Ushio. It's not something that I like thinking about, but sometimes I can't really help it. My mind wanders and I'm suddenly thinking about how grateful I am to have them in my life, if only because I know what my life would be like without them. I know how miserable I would be, and I hate that I know that, but at the same time, I feel like it's necessary in order for me to really appreciate what I have.
And I appreciate it a whole hell of a lot.
Ushio's never been sick. Not like Nagisa had ever been. Nagisa hasn't been sick since she had Ushio. Maybe that's why we decided to have a second child. We felt that if Nagisa could bear one child, perhaps she could give birth again. She let me pick the name this time. It took me a long time to think of one, but I kept remembering the day that Ushio and I were walking in the snow together. The snow had begun to fall, and we had stopped for a moment to watch the little white flakes come down. I asked her if she liked to watch the snow fall, and she said that she did. She asked me the same, and I told her that I did, too.
That moment is bittersweet. For just a second, things felt almost normal. I'd forgotten for a moment that Ushio was sick, and we were frozen in time, watching the snow fall all around us without a care in the world. The snow looked beautiful, but felt cold.
Ushio died that day, and with her death came my own. I'd lost Nagisa, I'd lost Ushio, I'd lost everything that I truly loved. I still had Akio and Senae, but they were simply reminders of what I'd had. Of what had made me so happy. Who wants to live in a world without those that they truly love? Not me. Until Nagisa, I had hated this town. I'd wanted to get out. After Nagisa's death, that animosity had only grown stronger, but I found peace with Ushio. She had brought meaning to my life, once again, and for a time, I was happy.
But even so, I'd lost that.
Of course, things are different now. I still don't understand it, but I have both Nagisa and Ushio. I won't complain, though. Without them, I wouldn't be happy. And so, whatever happened to make it so, I'm grateful for it. Without Nagisa and Ushio, I'm as good as dead.
But I was explaining what I'd named our second child, wasn't I? His name is Kosetsu. A simple nod at the world to tell them that I remember what happened and that I am thankful for the second chance that they've given me. Some days I don't believe that I deserve it, but as long as I have it, I'll never let go.
Nagisa likes to say that Kosetsu looks just like me. Senae thinks that it's wonderful, but Old Man isn't as pleased. I'm sure he wanted the little guy to look just like him. Kosetsu is three now. Akio is already teaching him how to play baseball. Saw that one coming. Ushio loves helping with her baby brother. She really helps take the pressure off of Nagisa sometimes. I'm glad for that. I try to help as much as I can, too. I still work for the electric company. I've been there since before Nagisa and I were married. It's not as hard as it used to be. The company is helpful when it can be, and I enjoy my job and my co-workers. Yoshino, mostly. He still writes music, and we still try to come up with song names. It's nothing big. Just something we do because we enjoy it.
Sometimes I think about all of the times that I regretted meeting Nagisa. I feel ashamed, even if I regretted it for her sake. Or Ushio's. Akio and Senae. I can see now that it wasn't a mistake. This is the way that things were meant to be, and if I had to do it all over again, I would.