So yeah. My first songfic. This is what happens when I sit depressed listening to good music. The song is "You're Not Alone" by Saosin.
Disclaimer: As always, no characters, nor the song, belong to me. This is purely done out of boredom for entertainment purposes only.
It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Sasori sighed, looking around at his surroundings once more. The serenity and quiet was just what he needed. He sat down under a large pine tree, tipping his head back, and stared up through bright green and brown to the blue above. Another sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes, a million thoughts running through his head, none of them pleasant. None of them sane either, he knew, but they came nonetheless, one right after another, a haunted nightmare train that had no end. He absentmindedly ran his fingers over scars and freshly healed cuts running up his arms from his wrist to his elbow, a small pained noise slipping out of his throat without his approval. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" He quietly asked to the trees and the sky. His only response was a bird calling shrilly in the distance and taking off to fly.
Slowly searching
For any sign of the ones he used to love
Memories flooded him, bringing tears to his eyes; the death of his parents at such an early age, his leaving his grandmother at sixteen. His rambling, just travelling, looking for a place he felt he belonged. Finding his "adoptive" family, the Akatsuki, really just a bunch of loners and strays like himself looking for a home. Sure, he felt alright there, he felt a part of something, felt needed and wanted, but . . . it just wasn't enough. They weren't emotionally close, not a true bond, but more like they relied on each other for the bills and someone to take the chill of loneliness away during the night. Though he got along well enough there, there was only one person there he felt he had an connection with, but in his current mood, he even had to question that.
He says he's got nothing left to live for
(He says he's got nothing left)
And this time I think you'll know
The thoughts returned with a vengeance, a physical pressure on his head and his chest. He saw all the ways he could go about ridding himself of the world, how to escape, to finally be done. He pictured the world moving on without him, continuing without a hitch, not a soul to grieve or pause in his absence. Despite the comfort the images brought, he knew he'd never be able to do such a thing. Tired as he was, and though he'd never admit it, he was almost afraid to die.
You're not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
Amidst all the gloom and despair and agony, there had been a single one, a smiling, laughing blonde whom he craved attention from more than the rest. Some days, he was the only reason Sasori left his bed in the morning, and some days, a smile and slight concern from the blonde was all that kept him from tearing out his hair and going on a violent rampage. Merely thinking of the bubbly, over-excited blonde teen brought the ghost of a smile to Sasori's lips, though in today's current mood, a smile was all it brought. His dark thoughts ran too deep to be affected by only a memory, however cheery it appeared. But the memory was enough to remind him why he would never take his life- the boy needed him.
Or, to be more correct, he fancied the boy needed him. In reality, the fiery nineteen year old could take care of himself quite well, and could probably function without the mix-matched group they called their family with relative ease. The blonde, realizing Sasori needed someone to look after and having an abundance of compassion, allowed himself to be taken under the older redhead's wing. The two were nearly inseparable at the home, the Sasori rarely ever seen without a blonde shadow walking behind him, chattering incessantly and tugging on his arm. Sasori knew and accepted the whole charade, but knew it was nothing more. But in any case, he still felt responsible for the blonde, and knew he could get through another day, so long as the blonde was there to distract him for a while.
She's just like him
Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
In a moderately small home, not too far from the forest Sasori sat in, the blonde of his thoughts sat at the window, forlornly staring outside at the ever-darkening sky. An inner war raged inside him, the two sides clashing loudly in his mind. To get him, or to leave him alone . . . he thought, biting his lip in thought. He knew whenever the redhead left without the blonde accompanying him that Sasori was slipping back into his head, back into old habits and dark feelings. He also knew better than to disrupt him when he chose to be alone, accepting that when the redhead was ready, he'd return to the blonde. Still, he hated to see Sasori so upset and so alone, and desperately wanted to help. After all, he'd been there himself, and knew firsthand how much it hurt. That's how he ended up here, though he'd never tell his story.
Dumped on the doorstep of a hospital as a baby, he grew up in the foster system. His first three or four homes were nice, though short, stays. At the age of five, he was adopted by a lovely couple who were unable to have children of their own. The first few weeks passed fine, a bit strangely but fine. As time passed, the couple acted stranger and stranger towards their adoptive son, placing bows and ribbons in his hair, dressing him in girl's clothes. calling him "DeiDei", instead of his given name, Deidara. When he reached eight years of age, they began to sexually abuse him. By the age of thirteen, he'd run away, and never looked back. He found the group known as Akatsuki pretty quickly, and had been a part of them ever since.
And she's searching for no one
(But herself)
Deidara still carried the scars of his childhood with him; the shrinking away from touch, the distrust, and the reluctance to let anyone near him. He kept his distance from the others, maintaining relationships classified as acquaintances at best, and mainly kept to his self. He did try to make progress, branching out to the newcomers to show them around and offer initial help, but as they branched out, he left them alone in favor of his own solitude. So when a redheaded new arrival joined their merry band of misfits, Deidara began his usual ritual of meeting and greeting the newcomer, offering friendly, if not slightly false, smiles and little nudges forward. And that would have been fine, if that redhead had been like all the others. But he wasn't.
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she is here
And this time I think you'll know
Generally, anyone Deidra helped to guide was appreciative, leaning on his support for the first week or so before tentatively finding their own footing and leaving Deidara's guidance in favor of finding their own way. Some tried to extend the relationship into a friendship, though he remained stubbornly unreceptive until he was left alone once more. This was his routine, and he'd fallen into it nicely. So when he was faced with a change, he didn't know how to handle it.
Upon the redhead's approval into the group, Deidara met him outside the small office, a smile on his face and a hand extended. Introductions were exchanged, warmly on behalf of the blond and a bit gruffly from the redhead, and polite conversation started, though mainly one-sided. When Deidara offered his usual assistance, he had already started walking, prepared to highlight the usual things, when he was stopped by a word he'd never had given to him in this situation. No. Upon asking for clarification, and receiving confirmation that he was not wanted, along with an insulting brat thrown in for good measure, the redhead strode off to his newly appointed room, shutting the door behind him, which closed with quite a bit of finality.
Deidara was pulled back from his memories by a tap on his shoulder. "Looking for something, brat?" Sasori asked, sinking down on his bend on the opposite side of the room. Due to the group growing considerably, the members of Akatsuki now had to share rooms. With the two having no other contact with anyone but each other, they were assigned to room together. That had been a couple months ago, and the two had adjusted nicely. If anything, they'd become something that one had longed for immensely, and one avoided at all costs- friends.
"No Danna, un. Just you."
You're not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
Deidara accepted the refusal with grace. He assumed that within a couple days, Sasori would be back. So when a week passed without so much as a questioning look from the redhead, Deidara began to wonder. He questioned why he was different, so sullen and withdrawn and stubborn and . . . so like himself when he first arrived. Due to the oddness of the newest member of their family, Deidara began to question the redhead. What had happened to him. Why he was here. Why he hated everyone. And especially why he called Deidara brat. When after two weeks of pestering and no closer to figuring out who this mysterious man was, Deidara tried something new. He left the redhead alone, with the promise of being there if Sasori ever needed anything. And low and behold, two days later, there was a soft knock at Deidara's door, a quiet redhead standing there. They'd talked for hours that first night, and before either of them realized it, they'd become friends.
You're not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
That was nearly a year ago, and the initial friendship had grown immensely. Sasori watched out for Deidara, keeping an eye on him and acting as a big brother. Deidara, in turn, portrayed the little brother, and helped balance Sasori's moods. Often, the redhead would drown himself in his past, demonstrate his self destructive behaviors again and face his inner demons. He would often think of suicide, of ending his life, but there was always the little blonde beside him to keep him rational enough to do something too rash. Mostly, he'd just allow Sasori to let it out, to purge himself of it, and just be there to hold his hand when he needed it. And every time, Sasori would improve and return to his normal contented, if not grumpy, demeanor.
We're not alone
There is more to this I know,
You can make it out
You will live to tell
Even though Sasori acted like there was nothing wrong, Deidara knew better. He went over to Sasori's side, looking at him silently. Sasori arched an eyebrow, but the blonde noticed the lack of light in his eyes. Deidara gave him The Look; head tilted down and to the left, looking up at Sasori with an eyebrow arched, synonymous with I know there's something wrong. Talk. Sasori, unable to deny anything, sighed before explaining his dark thoughts, his swirling emotions and grisly fantasies. Deidara sit listening to it all silently, absorbing the information that was given to him. When Sasori was done, he offered but one comment- "You're not alone, Danna un. You've got me."
You're not alone
You're not, you're not
Alone
What do you think? Yes? No? What the freak did I just read? Let me know. Reviews are love, even if it's sick, sadistic love. Review, favorite, yada yada yada. Until next time. 3