Hello everyone! Well, this story literally came to me the other day while my Gakupo and I were watching yaoi. She wanted to do a skit for Metrocon, so I came up with the idea of the Maury show. Anyways, enjoy~
I don't own Kaito, Meiko, Gakupo, Len, or the Maury Show~
Warning: Contains suggestive themes, foul language, and complete randomness.
Everything in Kaito's life had been fine for the most part. He lived in a nice mansion, had a great job, and was even dating one of the world's hottest men alive! But everything came crashing down when he unexpectedly came home early from a trip and found Gakupo sleeping around with all the women in the town. And what did Gakupo have to say for all of this?
"Welcome home, Kaito! I swear, it isn't as bad as it looks right now, but I can tell you that I feel more alive than I did when you left a few days ago!"
And now here they were, waiting for their names to be called so they could show the world their problems. But where could they go to do such a thing? The Maury show of course!
"And now, I would like you all to welcome our next guest, Kaito, to the show."
/-Insert dramatic clapping-/
"Thank you, Maury. I am glad that I could come here today to share my horrific experience." Kaito sniffled as he melodramatically wiped his eyes.
Maury nodded and quieted down the rowdy audience before speaking. "Well you see, Kaito here had everything that he ever wanted. He had a nice house, job, and even the best fiancé in the world. Until…"
"Until I caught him cheating with all these filthy women in my bed!"
-Insert audience gasping-
"So how did you know he was cheating?" Maury asked as he leaned a little closer to the overly-dramatic Kaito. Sure he had seen many of his guests crying and such before, but he had never seen anyone get this dramatic before.
Kaito started sobbing hysterically like a little girl "I a-am sorry everyone… I promised myself that I wouldn't do this in front of everyone…."
/Awh/
"Just take your time.." Maury softly patted Kaito on the back as he was sobbing. After a few moments Kaito calmed down and regained his composure.
"Ahem… Well, it all happened when I came home early from my vacation from Italy. I wanted to surprise Gakupo with some nice sex, but he had apparently beaten me to the idea by sleeping with 5 women at once in my bed!"
/-Le Gasp-/
"Well, we have Gakupo here with us today. But as an added bonus, he even brought one of his mistresses here with him! But before we see them, here's what he had to say!"
"Wow, really Kaito? Bringing me on national television to sort out our problems? You're just jealous because I am getting some and you aren't! Even Meiko here knows that the only reason we are here today is because you are angry you weren't in our 4-some!" Gakupo said, sighing sadly and shaking his head.
"Yeah, what he said !" Meiko chimed in somewhere in the background behind Gakupo. Apparently Gakupo had charmed the camera-men, so Meiko was barely seen behind the flirtatious man who kept winking at all the women (and men) who he knew were watching.
"Gah, that stuck up prick! Bring his butt out here!" Kaito yelled while getting up to strike a dramatic pose. Honestly, he seemed more upset that Gakupo was hogging all the attention instead of him sleeping with everything that moved.
Maury could only blink as he saw Kaito do his dramatic pose. He was starting to question why had even agreed to let these two come on his show in the first place. Shaking his head to snap out of his thoughts, he stood up to introduce his other guest. "Well folks, here's Gakupo!"
And so Gakupo majestically strutted out of the waiting room with Meiko holding onto one of his arms. At first the audience started going crazy with the negative rants like they usually did, but that all changed when Gakupo stepped forth onto the stage. Women and men alike started cheering and asking for his autograph and phone number. Kaito could only growl and sulk at all the attention that his boyfriend (Are they even together anymore?) was getting.
"Welcome, welcome you two! Please have a seat."
Gakupo nodded and sat himself down gracefully in a chair, not even bothering to be a perfect gentleman and helping Meiko to her seat. Clearing his throat, he looked over at the fuming Kaito.
Sensing the tension in the room, Maury cleared his throat and calmed the audience down again. "So Gakupo, I heard that you have been sleeping around. Why would you be doing something like that? Kaito here obviously cares very much about you…"
"It's because he's a manwhore who has no love for me! First it was seducing Len, then my muffin man who brings me muffins every Tuesday, and now all the women he meets!" Kaito yelled, pointing dramatically to the man sitting next to him.
Gakupo could only sigh as he absentmindedly played with his hair. Honestly he wished he could be doing something else right now, or specifically "doing" someone at this point. "Mmmm, might do that when I get home later…" He snickered out loud, causing Kaito to get even more hysterical.
"Well… I do like Kaito, since he is my boyfriend and all. But…"
"But he's my man now!" Meiko interjected, just happy that she was on live television. Kaito doubted that she even knew why she was there at the moment.
Maury inwardly sighed and really wished that he hadn't let these guys onto his show. They already know that Gakupo had cheated and he had already admitted it. So why were they even here now? "Well anyways, we have the results of the lie detector test that Gakupo took."
/-Insert whatever noise the audience would make-/
Maury cleared his throat and put on his dramatic reading glasses that let everyone know that something either good or bad was about to go down. "First question… We asked if you had ever slept with one of Kaito's family members that he doesn't know about… He said no, but the lie detector said that was a lie."
Kaito gasped and then raised an eyebrow, before staring at Gakupo, who looked just as confused as he was. "How the hell did you manage to sleep with my family member? They're all dead?" Kaito screamed, making the whole audience afraid and disgusted at the same time.
"…" Gakupo just shrugged and went back to playing with his hair. That story would have to be shared at a different time for when everyone would be drinking heavily.
"A-alright… We asked how many women that Gakupo has slept with that you didn't know about. He said 30, but the lie detector said it was over 31 women…"
"Oooooh hell no!" Kaito sprang up and launched himself at Gakupo, only to be held back by the security guards. Meiko also sprang up at the same time to defend her "lover", who sadly seemed more interested in himself at the moment to do anything.
"Well, no it was only 30 women…. Len would have been 31 if was an actual woman…" Gakupo looked away with a disgusted look on his face. No, he wasn't disgusted with the fact that he slept with that many women, but by the fact that Len was part of the statistic. With a shudder, he got up and left the stage with Meiko close behind him.
What was left was a very disturbed audience, a pissed off Kaito and a traumatized Maury. This had truly been one of the weirdest episodes he had ever done. "I will eat your babies!" Kaito yelled loudly as he was dragged away by the security guards he was currently trying to fight.
"Erm…. Well after our commercial break we will be back to meet Len and help him find out who the father of his baby is!"
/-Insert a random commercial about Taco Bell and Dinosaurs dancing-/
After their appearance on the Maury show, Kaito and Gakupo did get back together because they still loved each other. Kaito figured that he could forgive his boyfriend's cheating ways while Gakupo didn't really care either way. Meanwhile, Len found out that men couldn't have babies at all, which left a burning question in everyone's mind. Where the hell did the baby come from and how did Len end up with it?
"Stay tuned for the next episode of Maury everyone! Goodbye America!"
I don't hate Len or Meiko at all! I was really hyper when I wrote this, so the characters are based on my friends and I xD Please review to get a cookie!