nota de author: ¡Hey individuos! ¡La paloma se arde! ¿De dónde todas estas abejas vinieron? Es que llueve en mis calzoncillos. ---xoxoxoxo Judy
AN ADVENTURE IN PARENTHOODLAND
Zelda was "enjoying" a rather hellish day near a swollen and engorged river. Zelda's kingdom had experienced a renaissance for the last two years, since the defeat of her father, King Harkinian. Queen Zelda was loved and hated by her people--especially by Ganon. He and Zelda were still very much in lust after eleven years of marriage although they could barely stand each other's presence. Yet their daughter, Zeldorf was a sweet, obedient little girl despite her unfortunately retarded name.
Zeldorf met her father at the drawbridge. "Hi, Dad, Mom wasn't expecting you to be home in time for dinner," she muttered solemnly by way of greeting. She held out her arms, demanding a hug. Ganon dropped his fishing rod and great sword, picked her up, swung her around in a circle, and tossed her into the river. "Hello to you too, sweetie," he said. She struggled out of the river, sopping wet. "Piggy-back ride?" she asked as she picked up his fishing rod and hit him repeatedly with it.
"All right...but I won't be able to do it for too much longer, what with all the weight you keep gaining," said Ganon as he crouched down and unceremoniously plopped the chubby little girl on his broad, warlord shoulders. Zeldorf wrapped one arm around her father's neck and attempted to strangle him, but his neck was too thick.
"You're getting old, Daddy. How old are you? And when was the last time you bathed?"
"Fourty-seven. And I just bathed you little shit," he said. "You were born when your mother and I were seventeen; we were married at thirty-six."
"Think I'll get married in six years?" Zeldorf asked, though she knew at this rate she would never get married.
"No," said Ganon. "Well, depends on who you meet. Take your time choosing—NO YOU'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED. Ever.-- whoever you marry will rule Hyrule with you...like me and your mother—WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. -- Your husband won't be king, just your pimp, but he'll have to help you make decisions. And he'll have to gain my approval, because NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY LITTLE GIRL."
Zelda met up with them in the courtyard. "Catch any fish, Ganon?" she asked condescendingly as she kissed him.
"Not even a nibble you cold bitch," said Ganon as he flung Zeldorf off his shoulders with a mighty shrug. The child scrambled up to her mother and clung to her for dear life. Zelda stroked her hair, obsessively.
"Well that doesn't matter because we're fucking rich and we can buy our own fucking fish, you imbecile," she said, roughly fondling Ganon's hands and pulling him into the castle, leaving a perplexed Zeldorf alone in the courtyard as the castle doors slammed shut and locked.