Author's Note: This one-shot was inspired by a weird conversation I had with my friend Mandy (who's finally not sick anymore! ^^).
We were discussing the newest Naruto manga chapters and somehow, I brought up Madara; against my will of course. -_-' And eventually, she joked around saying: "Wouldn't it be hilarious if Madara encountered a Mary-Sue?" And so after snickering I said: "Yeah! That would be so hilarious, Mandy! In fact, that's a cool topic for a fanfic!"
THUS: THIS FIC! Made from that wacky conversation. I hope it's okay...but there's probably Madara will probably be OOC at some points. And don't ask about the timeline; I don't know where it takes place either. -.-
WARNING: There IS a Mary-Sue (Appropriately, literally named 'Mary Sue' ^_-) in here. Don't freak out; because I made her a Mary-Sue on PURPOSE. ;) She's the whole topic after all! This fic is probably just a parody of stupid Mary-Sue's EVERYWHERE.
Disclaimer: Naruto Shippuden isn't mine, so you can't sue me!
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Madara Uchiha, Meet Mary Sue:
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It WAS a wonderful day for Madara Uchiha; he was really enjoying. Which was extremely rare, considering the fact that he has yet to capture all the tailed beasts and complete his Moon's Eye Plan and have control over the world...
...Other then THAT problem the guy wished to not think about just yet, his day was very peaceful and not eventful at all. It all started when he woke up: he felt extremely refreshed. So refreshed, that it was probably totally impossible to be...ever.
Then his usual 'morning coffee' was AMAZING tasting; it was probably the most delicious thing he ever drank in his abnormally long life!
Shortly after that, he received some information from a random Akatsuki member that they had a plan to capture Naruto once and for all; he spit out the amazing coffee all over his new copy of Icha Icha Paradise when he heard that. Of course, he was upset over the loss of his book and the taste of the coffee, but who cares?
The rest of the day was just amazing and too good to be true; they actually DID capture Naruto and were preparing to unseal the Fox.
...The minute they almost finished preforming the hand signs to begin the extraction process, Naruto woke up from being unconscious and escaped easily. This whole thing made Madara's day turn upside down dramatically...
His day went downhill and it all kicked off when a thief appeared and stole his wallet, then a boulder fell on him after he chased the thief, then a genjutsu went wrong, then he found out the brand shampoo he used was sold out, then Sakura appeared out of thin air and kicked him in the nuts for capturing Naruto, then Sasuke appeared out of thin air as soon as she left and ranted about how Suigetsu stole his hair gel, then Karin tried to flirt with him after crying her eyes out after mentioning how Sasuke hated her and that she should forget about him, then Konan accidentally sent a swarm of paper cranes at him, and then to top it all off. . . .he's now lost in an unfamiliar land during a thunderstorm!
"I hate my life..."
Madara grumbled to himself as he trudged through the unfamiliar land. He really had no idea how he got there, but he thinks it had something to do with that random earthquake that started up under his feet. He dashed away and ended up having to fly through trees of a random forest.
"Oh, I just HAD to think my day was going perfectly! The instant I heard about the Nine-Tails I should have realized that my day was going downhill..."
Most of the man's ranting was drowned out by the loud thunder. He really had no plans to wander through the store like a fool; and the sun already went down once the storm started up. He had no idea where he was going either. At this point, he was considering suicide and dumping his whole plan-
"Wait...is that a building?" Madara asked himself as he looked up through his soaked hair and mask.
In fact, there WAS a building. A small inn. And Madara's took advantage of his chance and ran straight to the building at a pretty fast speed.
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Madara ran into the building and slammed the old door behind him with a loud bang. He didn't care if he seemed like an idiot at that point; being out in a thunderstorm and slamming doors, he just wanted to get the heck out of there!
"Finally...some shelter..."
Madara sighed and wrung out his short hair. He was just going to stay there at the inn at least until the storm let up and he could make it back to the base.
However, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He blinked and turned around to see a young woman probably twenty-something.
"Hello there, sir." The woman greeted in an angelic voice. "I do not mean to disturb you, but you seem kind of...in agony."
Madara rolled his eyes and under the mask.
"Of course, isn't that obvious? I just got drowned in that storm out there, and you are wasting my time." Madara replied bitterly.
The woman just giggled! Not even fazed at his bitter tone towards her! That severely stunned the Uchiha.
Madara then examined the young woman closely: she had a beautiful face, long and wavy crystal blue hair with streaks of hot pink that went to her feet, big hot pink colored eyes, a pure beautiful smile, and her body was extremely curvy in the right places and was HUGE in the chest. Her skin was milky smooth and perfect.
She was wearing a really tight dark purple top that showed her belly button and had one sleeve, a extremely short black skirt that showed nearly her entire legs, and hot pink boots. Netting also covered her legs and exposed arm. Gold hair decorations where holding some of her hair as well.
...The first thing that came to the Uchiha mind was: "SHE'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!" Although he didn't dare say that out loud.
"..."
The woman giggled in the angelic voice again and smiled beautifully at him.
"My name is Mary Sue. I'm the owner's daughter; but he's out right now..." Mary Sue introduced as she put her arms behind her head. "...So if you need anything, I'm here."
Madara rolled his eyes once again; Mary Sue didn't see that because of the mask...
"...So...what's your name?"
Madara crossed his arms.
Mary Sue furrowed her eyebrows together.
Several seconds passed and she finally smirked and teasingly walked up to him and stroked his hand.
"You don't talk much...shy, peeeeeeerhaps?" Mary Sue purred.
That did it. Madara couldn't take this woman any more and pulled away in the most crazy fashion possible; right now his serious composure didn't matter.
"Will you get away?" Madara hissed.
Mary Sue smirked and posed seductively.
"No. Well if you won't tell me your name...can you tell me why you're here? I'm really curious."
Madara's eye twitched; he was SO tempted to use his Mangekyo Sharingan on this woman.
"I don't care about your stupid questions. I am simply here waiting for the storm to pass." Madara replied; evident that was he was annoyed by his tone.
Mary Sue blinked and glanced out the window. She sighed and scratched her left cheek.
"Oh, I doubt the storm will pass for quite a while. Hey, would you like a meal-"
"I do not want a meal."
"...Touchy aren't you? Well, what about a room to stay in?"
"No."
"...Um...what about a chair to at least relax in?"
"No."
"...Okaaaaay...what about a nice massage?"
"..."
"..."
"....Hell no."
Mary Sue scoffed.
"You aren't fun!"
Madara placed one hand over his mask and lowered it slightly; revealing his right eye.
"I don't intend to be fun ever, and what is your problem anyway? Sexually harassing customers?"
Mary Sue's eyes widened.
"Hey! I'm not harassing anybody!" Mary Sue protested. "...Besides, if I WAS going to do that, I would do...THIS!"
Mary Sue snapped her finger and suddenly, time SLOWED DOWN! Everything but Madara and Mary Sue was frozen in time. Even the storm outside.
"Wha-what the hell are you doing?" Madara hissed as he grabbed Mary Sue's arm.
Mary Sue smirked and licked her silky smooth lips that appeared to be rose petals.
"...I'm giving me all the time in the world to have with 'ya." Mary Sue replied.
Madara gasped.
"How did you do that? I sense no chakra at all coming from you. You can't be a ninja."
Mary Sue giggled angelic again.
"I have my ways..."
Mary Sue then cleared her throat; the minute she did that, a giant frying pan appeared out of nowhere and hit Madara in the back of his head. It knocked him out cold and he fell into Mary Sue's arms.
"Haha! You are weak against my power!" Mary Sue cackled.
She then did a short victory dance and dragged Madara's unconscious body up the stairs into the inn's rooms. She planned to do quite a LOT while he was out.
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"...Ugh...ah...my head..."
Madara continued to groan from his throbbing head; but instead of feeling his mask, he felt...skin?
"Oh, you are finally awake. Damn, I need to try harder next time..."
Madara jumped up and sat up on the floor in shock. He was wearing no mask, and his cloak was gone.
And the first thing he saw, was a bedroom and that annoying Mary Sue's abnormally beautiful face! That could mean a number of things...but he tried not to think about that...
"What did you DO to me?"
Mary Sue gasped and backed off as he tried to grab her shirt.
"Don't freak out! I just...took off your cloak for you since it was soaked. And...the mask too." Mary Sue replied.
Madara blinked.
"...Nothing else?"
Mary Sue a bright pink blush dusted over her face; it only made her look MORE beautiful; which was extremely abnormal!
"...Eh...no?"
"...Wouldn't be the first time..."
Mary Sue blinked repeatedly.
"The...what?"
Madara shook his head and got up off the floor.
"Forget it."
Mary Sue nodded and bit her lip.
"Okay...look, I'm really sorry about what I did to you!" Mary Sue choked out. "I didn't mean to flirt with you back there, or knock you out cold but you led me to do it!"
Madara glared at her.
Mary Sue laughed nervously and cutely brushed through her abnormally covered hair that was way too shiny to be real.
"...I also didn't realize you where...an older man. You know, with the mask and all that..." Mary Sue rambled.
Madara glared harder; a dark aura that only Mary Sue could (not surprisingly) see.
"...Well you might be a little older, but you're kind of handsome..." Mary Sue commented; staring at his eyes.
Madara rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
"Whatever. Now, can you make time move again so I can wait for the storm to pass?"
Mary Sue thought for a minute and then sighed deeply.
"Sure. I guess I'm a sucker for the good looking men..."
Mary Sue snapped her fingers again and everything around her and Madara started moving again; and the clock on the wall started ticking again.
"...Hey, how long was I out anyway?" Madara asked.
Mary Sue smiled.
"Well, I've got an AMAZING memory. I can remember stuff back from...14-something BC!" Mary Sue commented. "...If time had been actually passing, it would have been about twenty minutes."
Madara glanced away; he was still really annoyed with this woman and wondered why he had to wake up that morning. Today wasn't his day at all!
"...Well, is my cloak dry?" Madara asked; sounding impatient.
Mary Sue nodded and grabbed it out of thin air. Madara didn't even want to know how she pulled that off. She then wordlessly gave him the cloak back and he put it back on.
"I don't know why you wear that cloak...you're pretty sexy without it." Mary Sue purred as she smirked.
Madara glared at her and made some kind of crazy gesture with his hands.
"I'm not falling for it. Don't even try." Madara warned.
Mary Sue scowled and crossed her arms over her abnormal chest.
"...Now then, I am going back to the base. Whether this storm lets up or not." Madara declared.
He then furrowed his eyebrows together and opened the door. He then closed it and left.
Meanwhile, Mary Sue threw her hands in the air and then walked over to the inn room's bed. She sat on it and smirked mischievously as she pulled Madara's mask out from under the pillow that was on the edge of the bed.
"(Heehee...I wonder how long it'll be before he realizes he doesn't have the mask...)"
Mary Sue snickered and placed it back under the pillow. The sound of footsteps outside the door was heard and Madara opened up the door and stepped back in.
"...You still have my mask, don't you?" Madara asked.
Mary Sue licked her lips and wordlessly pulled the mask out from under the pillow. She grinned as she turned back to look at him while twirling the mask in the air.
"...Yes. That's it. So if could just hand it...over..."
Madara stopped talking as he saw Mary Sue grab her shirt and pull it out. She magically fit the entire mask under her shirt right in her chest. And how she did that, Madara would never know or even want to know.
Madara glared at her as she grinned again and leaned back on the bed as if mocking him.
"Well...?" Mary Sue coaxed.
Madara's left eye twitched.
"...And now, I don't want it." Madara declared.
Mary Sue blinked as Madara massaged his temples.
"Just keep it. Everybody knows my identity now, anyway."
Madara then turned around and closed the door as he walked out with a sigh.
Mary Sue meanwhile, sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
"The sexy ones always slip right through my fingers." Mary Sue said to herself as she took the mask out of her shirt.
She shook her head and placed it back on the pillow. She then smirked and strolled over to the closet.
"Ah well, luckily I'm into younger handsome men as well! Namely, the raven-haired ones with the red eyes much like that masked man." Mary Sue said to nobody as she gripped the closet's doorknob.
Mary Sue giggled cutely and bit her lip as she pulled her hand away; which caused the closet door to open up. Then a teenager fell out of the closet and to the floor; hurting his nose in the process.
This teenager, was non other then...Sasuke Uchiha!
Mary Sue smirked and grabbed him by his neck, she pulled him up off his feet to her eye level while he scowled at her with a bleeding nose.
"You do realize that you're worse then Orochimaru was, right? Your such a pedophile, you put him to shame!" Sasuke ranted.
Mary Sue grinned and since she had control over emotions, magically forced a blush.
"I know. I'm so bad! Now anyway, let's talk about clan restoring. When I pinched my ear to make you magically tell me everything you know, you mentioned how your older brother is dead and that you also want to restore this 'Uchiha' clan."
Sasuke growled at her.
"...Well, our kids could come out beautifully abnormal with my genes and your sexy looks and powers. And not to mention, the abnormal powers I possess. ...Oh, we'd make your parents proud grandparents if they were alive!"
Sasuke grunted and tried to pull away but he couldn't.
"Now, let's get that extremely familiar cloak off..."
"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK! AND PUT THAT AWAY!"
"...Dammit, I should have got the older man with the mask when I had the chance; you won't cooperate..."
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Naruto Uzumaki and Sakura Haruno meanwhile, stealthily sneaked along the outside walls of the inn in the rain.
"Sakura, are you sure we'll find that guy?"
Sakura nodded and smiled.
"No doubt! I sense Madara Uchiha's chakra was here at this inn. And if we find him, then we'll find Sasuke again; because we can capture the guy and interrogate him until he spills his whereabouts." Sakura explained.
Naruto sighed.
"We better. Because I'm tired of all this back and forth we've been doing! Not to mention that I nearly didn't make it this morning..."
Sakura's face fell.
"I know. Let's continue-hey! A window!"
Sakura gasped slightly in excitement and grabbed Naruto's left ear; pulling him close.
"Naruto, a window. Look through there and see if you see that Madara guy. I sense his chakra was in that room!"
Naruto gasped too and then took a deep breath. He sneaked over past Sakura and looked through the window while she kept watch on the other side.
"Well...? What's going on in there?" Sakura asked after a few seconds.
Naruto sighed and shook his head.
"...It's just some abnormally beautiful woman trying to force a teenage guy about our age with raven hair into sex." Naruto replied.
Sakura's face fell.
"...Oh."
Naruto glanced back at the window and cupped his right cheek slightly.
"...Let's get going. We can tell Granny that it was another failed search mission."
Sakura nodded.
"Yeah. I so thought we were on to something. I was so sure I sensed both Madara and Sasuke's chakra in there." Sakura commented.
Naruto shook his head.
"Crazy gut instincts..."
Naruto and Sakura then disappeared into the darkness ninja-style to go back to the Leaf. Unknown to them, Sasuke was there all along!
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So...What happened to Madara? This is what:
The storm was still raging on as Madara flew through trees trying to get back to the base. And he didn't want to admit it, but he was lost big time! He had no idea where he was and had mask, no dignity anymore, and no hope.
...Well, now that he thought about it, his dignity flew out the window the minute he started that whole "Tobi" act!
"This is too much...I am so sick of this!"
Madara continued to rant to himself. Eventually he sighed and shut up.
"(I know one thing at least: if I EVER get back to the base, I'm going to commit suicide and forget about my plan to have control over the world!)"
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Epilogue:
So...what happened in the end? Well, this is what happened:
With Naruto and Sakura:
After about ten more years, Naruto and Sakura gave up on their search for Sasuke. Both were twenty-five and Naruto became the Hokage and married Sakura. They wanted to have kids, but the council didn't want the Hokage's children to come out with PINK hair and Sakura's monster strength and temper!
"Hey Sakura, I'm home!"
A twenty-five year old Sakura who was in the next room, quickly walked in and smiled real big.
"Hey honey, you're home! Wow, rough day wasn't it? You look exhausted!"
Twenty-Five year old Naruto sighed and walked over to her.
"Yeah, it was rough. What, with those new genin teams and having to send out more ANBU to track down Madara's whereabouts." Naruto replied.
Sakura sighed.
"Naruto, I thought we agreed to forget about him and Sasuke after that failed search mission ten years ago! Besides, life is peaceful and the Akatsuki haven't even come to capture you since ten years ago! It's safe to assume that it's over..." Sakura mentioned.
Naruto nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well yeah. But we can't just assume things like that! Anyway, how's Nao doing?"
Sakura's face softened and she glanced down at the two month old baby that was in her arms.
"He's fine. Although he was rambunctious earlier; crying again. I got him to calm down at least." Sakura replied.
Naruto grinned and grabbed the child. As it slept rather peacefully in his arms.
"Well, not like the Akatsuki can come to get you anymore. If there were to get the Fox, they'll have to get Naoto." Sakura mentioned. "...Like I said earlier we CAN assume they're gone."
Naruto nodded and gently stroked over the child's face.
And then the two glanced at Naoto. He was really cute and had a patch of blond hair on his head; had big blue/green eyes when open, and really cute features with little whisker marks on his face.
"I wonder how long it'll be before they find out..." Sakura mumbled; scratching her cheek nervously.
Naruto laughed nervously and glanced away.
"...Once Nao grows up and joins the academy at least..." Naruto replied. He then smirked. "I still just can't believe that nobody has found out sooner; what, with the way you were like monster when you were pregnant!"
Sakura's smile faded away and she scowled. Her eye twitched and she stared at Naruto evilly.
"What did you just say?"
"...Um...ah...you're even more beautiful then you used to be, dear..."
"...That's what I thought..."
They secretly got together and Sakura became pregnant; they got someone very powerful they knew to seal the Fox within Sakura. But somehow, Naruto stayed alive.
...Nonody knew how. They're life is...kind of normal other then the fact that Sakura still beats him up when he says something wrong...
With Sasuke And Mary Sue:
Sasuke never did actually return back to the village. He remained a rogue ninja and after ten years since encountering Mary Sue, roamed the ninja lands with her.
They both got married a year after they did it and Mary Sue got pregnant. Sasuke figured he might as well accept the fact that his clan's becoming restored at a really...crazy way...
Twenty-five year old Sasuke jumped through some trees and then jumped to the ground landing perfectly on his feet near a small home.
"Well...there's no Leaf ninja searching for me, might as well go back home..."
Sasuke sighed deeply and entered the home to be with his wife that was way older then him, and their one year old triplets.
"Oh Sasuke, you're finally home!" Mary Sue greeted as soon as he entered the door.
Sasuke nodded and kissed her cheek. He then looked at his abnormally beautiful wife. She still had the same beautiful features but was more older; now thirty years old.
"Yes. ...How are the kids doing?" Sasuke asked.
Mary Sue smiled and gestured over to three little cribs where three baby boys were in.
"They're doing wonderful. They're just perfect; never too loud or rambunctious. And they really are beautiful." Mary Sue replied.
Sasuke nodded and smirked briefly at his abnormal children. At first, he couldn't stand Mary Sue and hated the fact that the clan was in even MORE trouble. But he eventually got used to his new life and abnormally beautiful family.
Sasuke and Mary Sue's kids really did become abnormally beautiful and inherited their mother's abnormal powers and Sasuke's powers as well. The two parents decided that one day, the kids will be trained as rogue shinobi and hopefully restore some of the clan's dignity.
Sasuke couldn't take his eyes off his abnormally beautiful children. That was because of their odd powers they inherited.
"...Mary Sue, Gary Stu, Marty Stu, and Satsuki, are so beautiful..." Sasuke mumbled; pretty much hypnotized by the abnormal beauty of his new family.
The kids where beautiful: Gary Stu has a patch of raven hair with crystal blue highlights still growing, big onyx eyes, and a extremely beautiful features with milky smooth skin. Marty Stu has crystal blue hair, big onyx eyes with hot pink veins in them, and really pale-but beautiful skin. Satsuki has long raven hair and hot pink eyes, he has beautiful features and lips that resemble rose petals, and kind of looks like a girl; but he's a boy.
"...One day Sasuke, these three boys will be able to stop time by snapping their fingers, lick their lips to open a door, wipe their mouth causing mountains to crumble, and make people fall under the spell of their abnormal beauty." Mary Sue implied. "...Just like me. And they'll have your jutsu and strong chakra to boot!"
Sasuke nodded.
"Yes...I can't wait for that, dear." Sasuke replied sarcastically; Mary Sue noticed that easily and rolled her eyes as she walked over to Satsuki's crib.
Sasuke couldn't believe his life turned out that way. And he always wondered why the heck hell he didn't go back with Naruto and Sakura to the village while he had the chance! The Uchiha clan REALLY went downhill despite the fact it was being restored! And somewhere in another world, Itachi was smirking as he watched Sasuke's life go downhill; as if saying: "you did this to yourself."
Sasuke blinked as he suddenly sensed someone's presence. He walked over to the window and peaked through the curtains. Peaking through the curtains, Sasuke saw a ghostly figure. This ghostly figure resembled Itachi.
"...What the?" Sasuke stuttered out as he stared at the figure.
The ghostly figure smirked and traced over the window's glass. Sasuke quickly activated his sharingan to see what he was 'writing'. In kanji, the ghostly figure of Itachi 'wrote' this: "Hey, YOU did this to herself by taking things the wrong way."
Sasuke scowled as the figure disappeared into thin air.
With Madara:
Madara eventually made it back to the base...in two months. He was so exhausted that he feel into a deep sleep for ten straight years. When he awoke, he was much older then before and the only Akatsuki member alive or there was Konan.
"...So Madara, what are we going to do now?"
Madara groaned and rubbed his temples.
"I don't know. All the members are dead/and or have unknown status. We can declare the Akatsuki, defeated." Madara replied.
Konan furrowed her eyebrows together.
"It can't be over just like that. Hey, I snuck into the Leaf and found out that the Nine-Tails has a new host; the original host's pink-haired wife and then his child. We've already captured all the Tailed beasts and since the host is a child; it should be easy to capture. Your plan can be complete, Madara." Konan explained.
Madara sighed.
"Konan, forget my plan. It's all over all thanks to damned Mary Sue. She had something to do with my awful day ten years ago I know it..." Madara hissed.
Konan rose an eyebrow.
"Who the hell is Mary Sue?" Konan asked.
Madara groaned and walked away from Konan. He had to go bang his head against one of the base's destroyed walls; hoping to kill himself.
In the end, things worked out terribly for Madara and Sasuke...but at least Naruto and Sakura had a happy ending! Oh well, the bad guys don't always get the happy endings anyway. ;)
The...End.
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...Um...yeah, I really have NO IDEA. -_-
This might be one of the most strangest stories I've ever written! O_o
But all in all, I had fun writing it at least. But don't complain if Mary Sue annoyed you; she annoyed Me, and I had to write her! :[
Read and review~!