Law is Boring
Uh-oh, the blonde lady was not happy with him.
Okay. Okay. Jim had been slightly naughty with the tongue thing. But some people, just couldn't take a joke.
slimy bastard
her eyes say.
Jim didn't quite think of it like that. He wasn't slimy, per se. He liked to think of himself as shiny. Like jewels. Or foil.
Something like that. Now bastard, well that was certainly something. He had been born out of wedlock. He was a little bit of an arsehole. So, perhaps that was right. Oh, but that woman was irretrievably – not his type. No. He was for the dark, elusive goddess. Jim wasn't really into blondes at all. Far too picky, he was.
"Oi, keep your head forwards."
says the fat bloke behind him. Police officer. Single. Divorced. Doesn't wash his hands too often. Hum hum hum de dum. Jim was surrounded by idiots. He didn't really like it much. If he wanted to be surrounded by idiots, he would have just stood in the middle of Glasgow. Oh ha. He never liked the Scottish.
Too much skirt to chase. "I said keep your head forwards."
He likes to shout. The fat man. Jim supposed that that must be the reason why his kids chose their mother over him. Or, perhaps he'd eaten them.
That would have been interesting.
Ugh, this was his last piece of gum. He had a feeling that the police officers were trying to pickpocket the stuff out of him. They were pretty expensive pieces – Lithuanian, actually. It was proper gum.
Pure, nourished mint.
With a hint of blood. Okay, the last part was a big lie. Hum de dum dum. Oh, look it's Sherlock isn't he handsome? Cheap dressing though. He'd look good in Ralph Lauren, Jim decided. He'd look good in anything. Well. He'd look good dead most wonderfully of all –
Hum de dum dum. The trial was beginning. Oh hurrah. Jim's eyes travelled around the court, locking eyes with the jury then slowly rotating to one of the figures in the stands.
Ew, Sebby was there. Could be not be any more clingy? He needed to signal to him that he needed MORE GUM – He gritted his teeth –
G
bit his lip
U
pressed them together
M
The man in false glasses nodded, expressing an eyeroll. Jim smirked. Good boy. Sebby was getting far too good. Always a good boy, his Sebastian. He supposed the man would order the gum before he got out.
He couldn't think without chewing. It was wrong.
Oh, the trial was starting again? "Head." Fat man barked.
Honestly, this whole thing was boring. And he missed his phone. He hoped they'd taken good care of it. He named it Edgar after his favourite poet.
Hum hum hum
The gum was beginning to lose its taste. That was the worst thing about gum. It always lost its taste. No matter how nice, how expensive, how good it tasted to begin with – he always had to get rid of it.
Shame. "I need to spit my gum out," Jim whined at the blob restlessly.
He was pretending to ignore him. Insecure. A little intimidated. 75% sickened by Jim. He had coffee this morning. No breakfast. Perhaps that was why he was soooooo grumpy. He wasn't deaf. Liver problems. Humhumhum. Bored.
Everyone looked so scared of him. It was turning him on so baaaaaaad
"Be quiet, Mr Moriarty."
Oh hello, delilah– another police officer. Meh. It was a bloke.
Va te faire foutre, trouduc
Boring. He never thought law was thiiiis boring. Honestly, it was just a drag. Jim now knew why it was that they all looked so ugly. This has made them ugly. All of them. They were all as bored as him. How could anyone perform this as a living? Really. He would just suffocate from boredom. Oh, Seamus. He wanted to blow them all up. Have some danger!
Inject some life into this funeral.
But that wouldn't look good in the papers. And he loved the papers.
Plus, Sherlock was here and he was just perfect the way he was.
Chew. Chew. Chew. Little, Sherlock Holmes. Doesn't know how to play. Not long now, Jim's mind chanted. Not long now.
Till the fairytale begins.
A/N: My mind is proper ********** from 02x03. Honestly.
Thanks for reading. Sorry for the concealed swearing. Just pretend I had a typing accident. Oh and I do not mean to cause offence to the Scottish. We are neighbours. And I love you. It's Jim, honestly. I've decided NO ANGSTY REICHENBACH ONESHOTS. I will release, random, overly-flagrant oneshots from now on. -tocheermyselfup- oh and the french means 'fuck off arsehole.' because jim is like that.