The Further Adventures of Tim Yagami, a death note fanfic

A/N: I wasn't really sure if I was actually going to write this, but I've had it in my head for so long that I might as well. So here you go, The Further Adventures of Tim Yagami.

The task force was at a loss for what to do. Sayu Yagami had been kidnapped by Mello, once a successor to L's name and now a mafia boss. His voice was rather cocky as he gave the policemen and stand-in L his demands.

It was simple really: he wanted the notebook.

Light grit his teeth as he fought the urge to crush the telephone. He knew that he would probably have to kill Sayu if he wanted to keep the notebook out of Mello's hands. It would be a shame, but sacrifices had to be made to create his perfect world.

"Bring us the notebook at the appointed time," Mello was saying, "fail to comply and you're precious little girl will be killed, you understand Yaga-"

CRASH!

The Task Force members jumped at the sound coming from the other line.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Mello was shouting.

Then they heard what sound like running and Mello's voice again.

"Who are you? How did you get- hey, GIVE THAT BACK!!"

The voice they head next was one they never expected to hear. It brought looks of confusion to the Task Force's faces and stunned familiarity to those of Chief Yagami and his son. The voice, loud and clear, made an announcement that would change the very fabric of the Kira Investigation.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO CLEVELAAAAAAAAAAND!!"

"WHAT THE FU-"

'Click'

And the line went dead.

The policemen were absolutely baffled. Matsuda became the one to voice their confusion.

"What-What was that?"

Light shakily turned to his father, "Dad…is it just me, or did that sound an awful lot like…"

Soichiro nodded, "I think it is son…it's-"

**
"Tim?" Mello repeated, eyebrows raised, "Your name is Tim?"

The strange, Light Yagami look-alike rapidly nodded.

"…and your Soichiro Yagami's nephew?"

"Yeperoo Mel-lonhead."

"Don't call me that." Mello narrowed his eyes.

"I just came over to visit my sweet little cousin Sadie Sayu!" Tim grinned.

Mello stopped mid-bite of a bar of chocolate to stare at him, "You do realize she's my hostage…and now that you're here and I know you're related to Yagami, you are too, right?"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!" Tim screamed, running past Mello and the confused Mafia gang, "LOOK AT THIS WALL!! IT'S AWESOME!!"

Mello was, for once in his life, at a loss for words.

'Okay…this guy has serious issues. Well, at least he won't cry and whine like the girl. This may not be so bad.'

FIVE SECONDS LATER

"Poke!"

"I take it back."

"Poke!"

"This is infuriating."

"Poke!"

"One more time. One more time and I swear I'll-"

"POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE-"

"THAT'S IT!!" Mello finally snapped and pulled out his gun, "If you even think about poking me one more time-"

"OOOOOOO!!" Tim shouted, "Nice gun! It's almost as cool as mine!"

Tim then pulled a bazooka out of nowhere. Mello gasped, dropped his handgun and put his hands up.

"H-Hey man," The blonde stammered, "p-put that thing away, y-you could hurt someone."

Tim tilted his head to the side and blinked, "First, tell me I'm the walrus."

Mello stopped shaking in fear from the sheer bizarreness of the request.

"…What?"

"TELL ME I'M THE WALRUS!!!" Tim fired the rocket launcher just above the blonde's head.

"OKAY OKAY FINE!! YOU'RE THE WALRUS!!" Mello yelled desperately.

"GOO GOO G'JOOB!!"

**
"Hey, what's going on?" Matt asked as he entered the room to find Mello tying up a strange looking young man wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.

"…Mello, are you into bondage or something?"

"I would kick your ass for that, but I'm too tired." Mello groaned, "Watch him while I go take a nap, make sure he doesn't get out."

"Uhhhh…okay?" Matt answered, very confused about the whole situation.

"BYE MEL-"

"DO NOT!" Mello whirled back around with an enraged look on his face, "CALL ME ONE MORE MELON RELATED NICKNAME OR ELSE!!"

"…OKAY, MELLOW YELLOW!"

Mello, by now exhausted, simply slammed that door and headed back to his room, swearing up a storm the whole way.

Matt stared at the door for a few seconds, then shrugged and sat on the couch, pulling his DS out as he did so. Before turning it on, he glanced at the insane tied up person who was for some reason singing 'Row Row Row Your Boat in Porteguese.

"Hey, think you can keep it down?" Matt called to him, "I'm playing a game here."

Tim stopped singing and grinned at him, "Sure thing…Matt."

The redhead blinked, slightly confused. Then he once again just shrugged and went back to hi-

"Wait a second?"

…What?

"Didn't I not come into the story until later?" Matt asked.

Uhhhh…moving along,

"But-"

I SAID MOVING ALONG!!

**
The day had arrived for the trade to be made. The notebook was in Mello's hands and Sayu Yagami was going home along with, to Mello's intense please, Tim.

"Well Melk and Cookies, it's been fun!" Tim said in an overly dramatic fashion, "I will miss you, as the sun misses the stars during Christmas dinner!"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Mello asked, even though he knew the question would be ignored.

"FAREWELL MY FRIENDS!!" Tim screamed as he grabbed a motorcycle from nowhere and hopped on, "I'll miss you Mafia Guys, and you too MATT."

"Hey uh," Matt piped up, stepping forward; "I was just wondering…how come you never gave me a nickname?"

"Because YOU'RE not important to the story." Tim cheerfully answered before revving the bike to life and riding off into the sunset.

Matt was left dumbfounded.

"That-THAT'S NOT TRUE!!" The goggle wearing youth shouted after the crazy guy, "I AM SO IMPORTANT, I DO LOTS OF VITAL THINGS LIKE…LIKE…SPYING ON MISA, I DO THAT, THAT'S IMPORTANT, ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT?!"

Dead silence.

"…MY FANGIRLS THINK I'M IMPORTANT!!!" Matt shouted before bursting into tears and falling to the ground.

"Would you get up?" Mello cried, kicking at the distraught redhead, "You're just embarrassing yourse- Wait a minute…"

The blonde looked up at the departing Tim Yagami in the distance, only just realizing:

"THAT SONONVABITCH JUST STOLE MY MOTORCYCLE!!"

**
"LIGHTBOX!! UNCLE SOILENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!"

The parties in question gasped as Tim pulled them into a tight hug.

"It's- It's nice to see you too Tim." Soichiro answered through grit teeth, "Isn't it nice to see Cousin Tim again Light?"

"Why haven't I killed you yet?" Light muttered to himself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"I had a great time with Melvin the Martian and MATT…"

Somewhere in the distance, sobbing could be heard.

"and I even got to visit Cousin Say-borg, it was great!"

At the mention of Sayu, Soichiro and Light became alert. Both men had fretted night and day over the state she would be in when she came home to them. Would she be injured? Violated? Traumatized beyond belief? But they never expected the state she would really be in when she was rescued, never in a million years.

She was perfectly fine.

She wasn't injured, she hadn't been raped, and she was as mentally sound as ever. In fact, she didn't even seem bothered by the fact that she'd been kidnapped and went so far as to describe Mello as 'handsome' with a dreamy look in her eye.

"Tim," Soichiro started, "What happened to Sayu whiles you two were over there?"

Tim grinned, "Well, this one day…"

FLASHBACK

The group of hairy, disgusting mafia men surrounded the helpless Japanese girl. She quivered in fear, knowing there was nothing she could do to protect herself and her virtue. She closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable feeling of her clothes being ripped away and her body violated, when-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

"HEY SAY-FI CHANNEL, I FOUND MY BAZOOKA!!"

"…and then the mafia guys stopped coming over to play." Tim pouted.

Light and Soichiro just backed away slowly.

"He-Hey Mello?" Matt called to the now scar faced blonde who was busy working.

"Yeah."

"This…this may seem like a weird but…I'm important, right?"

"Yeah."

At this, Matt's face brightened, "Really, you mean it?"

"Yeah."

"You really think I'm important?"

"Yeah."

"You're not just saying that, right?"

"Yeah."

Matt's smile vanished at that, "Wait…you mean 'yeah, you're just saying that' or 'yeah, no you're not just saying that?'"

"Yeah."

Matt burst into tears again, "YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME!! YOU DON'T THINK I'M IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO!! I HATE YOU!!"

Matt then took off running.

"Yeah." Said Mello, never once looking up from his work.

"Okay Tim," Light said once he got the crazy youth alone, "I need you to tell me something…"

Tim nodded enthusiastically, "Sure Lightning Thief!!"

Light's eye twitched at the nickname, but he ignored it and pulled his cousin closer.

"You were at Mello's hideout for almost a whole week, did you at any point hear his real name?"

"Of course!" Tim shouted to an ecstatic looking Light, "His name's Mello!"

Light deflated, "No, no Tim. That's not his real name, it's just an alias, he-"

"ALIAS!! I LOVE THAT SHOW!!! LET'S GO WATCH IT NOW!!"

"Tim-"

"ALIASALIASALIASALIASALIASALI-"

"ALRIGHT!! ALRIGHT TIM!!!" Light shouted as loud as he could, "We'll watch Alias, but first, you have to tell me if you know Mello's real name."

Tim appeared in thought (or something like that, this IS Tim we're talking about) for a minute, before it suddenly came to him.

"Oh, oh! I know!" He shouted, "I heard some of the mafia guys say it!"

"Great!" Light responded with a big grin as he pulled out the Death Note, "What is it?"

Tim grinned, "They said it's…Mr. Dipsh-(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEEEEEP)-laundry detergent-(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-on a-(BEEEEEP)(BEEP)(BEEEEEEEP)-cream of mushroom so-(BEEEEEEEP)(BEEEEEEEP)(BEEP)(BEEEEEP)(BEEP)-tire iron-(BEEP)-with-(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-France-(BEEEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEEP)-keys and-(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)(BEEP)-much-(BEEP)-Frankly, my dear I don't give a-(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-rum-(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)-and a ham and cheese san-(BEEP)(BEEEEEEEEEEEP)-VIC MIGNOGNA!!"

Tim grinned, while Light stared at his cousin in complete shock and horror as the notebook and pen fell from his hands.

"So can we go watch Alias now?"

Matt stared down the multiple armed men before him, knowing full well this was the end of him. He raised his hands in surrender as he addressed his executioners.

"Hey," He shouted at them, "come on, give me a break! Since when were the Japanese allowed to carry around such big guns? You got me, I'm part of this who- oh sod it. Just kill me, I'm not important anyway."

He fell to the ground and started crying, "I'm in what, 10 panels? I'm more minor than a minor character!! Why do people care about me anyway?! JUST KILL ME ALREADY AND END MY UNIMPORTANT SUFFERING!!!"

The men stared at the sobbing youth with raised eyebrows.

"Wow, that guy is really pathetic." One said to another.

"I know…" The man answered, "Let's just shoot him."

The bodyguards all readied their weapons to end the redhead's life, when of course-

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!" Tim screamed running straight into the line of fire the way only a crazy person would.

"Who the heck are you?" One of the men shouted.

Tim didn't answer. Instead, he lowered his head and just stood there for ten seconds doing absolutely nothing.

Eventually, the bodyguards became impatient, "Alright, he's probably with the irrelevant guy over there."

Matt let out a sob that went unheeded.

"Let's just kill them already."

Once again, the guns went up, the triggers were about to be pulled sending bullets into the bodies of the two targets…

When suddenly, music started.

"What the-"

"Tiiiiimes have changed…" Tim began singing.

The man just stared, completely dumbfounded.

"And we've often rewound the clock,
Since the Puritans got a shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock."

Tim slid over to the confused gunmen

"If today,
Any shock they should try to stem,
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them."

He paused as the music changed. By now, some of the men were unwillingly moving to the music.

"In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking,
But now, God knows,
Anything Goes."

Tim went into a Broadway show worthy dance routine which the gunmen, baffled and caught up in the music, began following as well.

"Good authors too who once knew better words,
Now only use four letter words
Writing prose, Anything Goes."

The music got faster as did the dancing. The gunmen followed the routine perfectly even though they had neither formal training nor any practice time beforehand...but that's to be expected.

"Wow, a crowd song? Really?" Matt snorted, "Is that really the best you can do or are you just completely out of ideas?"

…I'm going to let that slide because I'm in a good mood. Now what are you waiting for? Go.

"Go where?" Matt asked.

YOU KNOW WHERE!! Now go!

"Oh...OH right!" Matt finally figured it out, jumped into his car and drove off.

"The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
When most guys today
That women prize today
Are just silly gigolos
And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'm bound to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes

When grandmama whose age is eighty
In night clubs is getting matey with gigolo's,
Anything Goes.

When mothers pack and leave poor father
Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros,
Anything Goes.

If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose!
When every night,
The set that's smart
Is intruding in nudist parties in studios,
Anything Goes."

During the interlude, gunfire, screaming and an explosion could be heard in the distance, immediately followed by a church catching fire and the sound of screeching tires. Everyone was too busy dancing to notice. When the singing started up again, the gunmen joined Tim and sang in perfect harmony, once again despite no formal training.

"If saying your prayers you like," Tim sang alone again as the bodyguards danced all around him,
"If green pears you like
If old chairs you like,
If back stairs you like,
If love affairs you like
With young bears you like,
Why nobody will oppose!"

As the song came to a close, Matt drove by with a very confused, but alive (somewhere in the distance, fangirls all over the world cheered) Mello in the passenger seat. He looked out at the spectacle and turned to Matt.

"What the Hell is Tim doing?" He asked.

"Something very, very, LAME AND CLICHÉ!!" Matt shouted the last part at the sky like the useless jackass he is!!

"WAAAAAAH!!"

DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, BITCH!!

As the song reached its climax the whole group sang together again.

"And though I'm not a great romancer
And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'm bound to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes..."

Tim reared his head back to sing the last few words

"Aaaaaaaaanythiiiiiiing gooooooooooes!"

They all struck a pose, and the musical number was finally over. Tim then ran off before Takada's bodyguards could make sense of what had just happened.

"…Five bucks says we get flamed for this." Matt said to Mello.

"I'll see you five, and raise you fifteen."

"Light Yagami, you are Kira." Near said.

Light glared at the assembled Task Force, SPK, Near, Mello and Matt.

"That's right…" Light whispered after laughing evilly, "I am Kira."

"AND I AM TIM!!"

Everyone groaned.

"I thought we tied him up." Mogi hissed angrily.

Tim ran up to Light and got right up in his face.

"WHATCHA DOIN SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB??"

"He's just admitted to being Kira." Near stated matter-of-factly at the unfamiliar (to him anyway) young man.

Tim simply stared at Near before suddenly letting out a loud and dramatic gasp.

"OH MY GOD!!" He screamed, "A TALKING ALBINO SNOWMAN!!!"

Everyone was silent except for Mello who burst into hysterical laughter.

"Dude," Matt said, "It's not that funny."

"Irrelevance."

"WAAAAAH!!"

"Ryuk!" Light screamed at the Shinigami, "Hurry, write their names down!"

"Oh, I'll write alright." Ryuk said pulling out his Death Note and a pen.

Light grinned with triumph, "Yes! Yes, Ryuk! Kill them all!! And start with Tim!"

"I love you too Lightsaber!!"

"Nope, sorry Light," Ryuk said, "you're the one who's gonna die."

Light grin vanished, replaced by a look of horror, "What? NO!! You can't do that!!"

"I told you Light, I'm not on your side or anyone else's. You're finished, there's nothing left you can do!"

"YES THERE IS!!" Light desperately argued, "JUST KILL THEM!!"

"No can do, I've already started your last name." Ryuk answered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

G-A-M-

"LOOK A MONKEY!!" Tim yelled at Ryuk, who didn't look, but Tim took the Death Note anyway.

"YAAAAY!" Tim screamed waving the notebook in his hands. He then looked at the writing inside and laughed crazily.

"Hey Light, this says 'Light Yagam.' THAT'S NOT YOUR NAME!!!"

Light, for the first time in his life, thought he might kiss his most hated and insane cousin.

"Tim, give me the notebook." He pleaded.

"No Tim, don't!" Matsuda shouted aiming his gun.

Light lunged forward to grab at his cousin, but Matsuda and Mello reacted at the same time and shot the killer in the chest. Tim stared from his mortally wounded cousin, to the perpetrators of the shooting, to Near, to all else present. He had a big decision to make, one that would decide the fate of the whole world. To many, this would be a daunting task, one that could drive sane men to madness.

Tim on the other hand…

"LOOKEE, I HAVE A NEW HAT!!!" Tim placed the book on his head and began running around the warehouse.

Yeah…

"TIM, GET BACK HERE!!" Lidner shouted, as she and everyone except Near chased after Tim for a good five minutes to the Benny Hill song (just use your imagination).

When it was over, everyone but Tim was exhausted. The aforementioned Tim ran straight at the bleeding Light and leaned over, heedless of the blood.

"Don't worry cousin!!" Tim said happily, "We're all having so much fun, and I even changed your name back to Yagami 30 seconds ago, see?"

He held the open notebook so Light, to his absolute horror, could see that Tim had added the final 'I' to his name.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Light screamed, knowing that he now had mere seconds to live, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! DON'T YOU REALIZE WHO I AM?? DON'T YOOOOOOOU?!?!?!"

A pause.

"Well," said Tim, "You're no Lelouch Lamperouge, I know that much."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" Light let out a final dying scream before his heart betrayed him and ended his young life.

In the wake of the horrible trage-HAHAHAHAHA, yeah right.

Anyway, when it was over, the policemen slowly approached their insane savior.

"Tim, you did it." Mello said in awe.

"Yeah man, you defeated Kira." Said Matt.

"It's finally over then," said Rester.

Near nodded, "Yes, yes it is."

"Citizens!" Tim shouted, "I need no Thanks."

"We didn't thank you." Said Soichiro (yes, he's still alive too).

"But now," Tim continued, "I'm afraid I must leave you. For my time here is done!"

Dramatically, Tim burst through the doors to find Misa Amane standing next to the motorcycle, wondering how she'd got there and why she was here in the first place.

Tim hopped on and held out a hand to her, "Come Misa, ride away with me into the sunset!"

The model blinked, clearly very confused, and looked to the policemen and detectives. If she knew her fiancé was lying in a pool of his blood inside the warehouse, she didn't show it.

"Well...Okay," She finally said with a shrug.

Misa swung her leg over and gripped Tim around the waist.

"Helmets!" Tim shouted holding up his helmet…which he then promptly threw over his shoulder.

"Pedals! Handlebar! Engine!!" He started the engine.

"MUSIC!!"

The radio went on, and Boston's 'More Than a Feeling' began blasting as Tim popped a wheelie and drove away with Misa.

"Goodbye Tim Yagami!!" Matsuda waved, "We'll never forget you!"

"There goes a real hero." Gevanni said with a smile.

"Yeah…" Mello agreed, watching with a small smile as the crazy guy and his girl drove away to their happily ever after.

Until…

"HEY WAIT, HE JUST STOLE MY MOTORCYCLE AGAIN!!!"