Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or The Powerpuff Girls. Meh.
A Pirates Best Rainy Day Adventure Ever
"Ugh, the town of Port Royal…and it's raining."
The dejected voice spoke aloud as the raindrops pattered down onto the empty street.
"No-one on the street because it's raining."
All was quiet around the Governor's mansion.
"No government today, because it's raining."
Suddenly, a dog with a bunch of keys hanging out of it's mouth made a dash for a rowboat on the shore.
"Run, little guy, run and hide because it's raining."
Elizabeth Swann kneeled alone in her wedding dress, soaked right through, her head bowed.
"And definitely no weddings today, because it's raining."
Elizabeth looked at the soaking bouquet in her hands and stood up.
"This stinks!" she proclaimed, to nobody in particular. "I hate rainy days. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go. I need action, I need adventure, I need…piracy!"
With that, she turned and in a few minutes had arrived at the office of a certain Lord Cutler Beckett. She produced a pistol from somewhere on her person and aimed it squarely at his head.
"Hey, hey, hey!" cried the voice of her husband-to-be, Will Turner. He emerged from the shadows and, knowing his bride so well, tried to calm her down. "I want to pillage and plunder too, but I'm not taking out on Beckett."
"Me neither," whimpered the Lord, in a small voice.
"So it's raining. What are we to do?" continued Will, ignoring Beckett's childishness.
"Ooh, I know! If you can't go and plinder and pullage in the rest of the world, why not just plullage and pinder right here, in the Caribbean?" replied Beckett, beginning excitedly, but trailing off when he saw Will and Elizabeth's unimpressed faces.
"Sorry," he said, returning to using his small voice.
Suddenly, the expressions on Will and Elizabeth's faces lit up.
"That's a great idea!" they cried in unison. "But where do we begin?" Will continued.
"Right here, the town of Port Royal!" proclaimed Elizabeth. "A harmonious community of happy little people." She began to wave about her arms and do a strange little jig. "I'm happy, I'm sailing, I'm happy and I'm sailing! Hey Will, what's the big deal?"
Will and Beckett both eyed her with an expression that said 'You're an oddball' after which Will began to speak.
"We can get Davy Jones to help us, since he's the king of the sea and all."
On hearing this statement, Elizabeth stopped her dance and looked across at Will.
"What? I think you mean Jack Sparrow, don't you? He is the true king of the sea."
Will glanced across at the confused looking Lord.
"Hold on a minute, will you Beckett?" he turned and continued to speak to Elizabeth. "Davy Jones is the king of the sea!"
"No, Jack Sparrow is!"
"Davy Jones!"
"Jack Sparrow!"
"Davy!"
"Jack!"
"NO!" the two of them turned and looked at the triumphant Beckett. "I'm king of the sea!"
"Yes Sir, Lord Beckett, Sir!" they cried, simultaneously.
"Here's your seat, Sir," said Will, pulling up a chair.
"Thank you," replied Beckett, appreciatively.
"And your desk, Sir!" said Elizabeth, gesturing wildly towards the inanimate piece of furniture and earning herself another 'oddball' look.
"Er, thank you," replied Beckett again, though less enthusiastically. "Now, what's on the agenda for today? Ah, call Mercer and ask him how to run the Caribbean. Mr Mercer!"
The three of waited in silence.
"Ahem, Mr Mercer, I'm waiting!"
Mercer suddenly appeared from behind the door. "Sorry Sir, there was traffic this morning."
"Yes, well, er, don't let it happen again," said Beckett, almost authoritatively. "Now, what are we doing today?"
"Well, if you look out of your window, you'll see a giant kraken about to destroy your best ship," replied Mercer, impassively.
The other three all watched as the kraken pulled down the mast of the important looking ship.
"Erm, I'm going to hide under my desk like I always do," said Beckett, already halfway under the enormous lump of wood.
"If I could make a suggestion, Sir?" Mercer was still as impassive as ever. "Why don't you send these two to get rid of the kraken?"
Will and Elizabeth glanced at each other as Beckett gave them a knowing smile. Neither of them liked the sound of this.
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Meanwhile, at the Faithful Bride in Tortuga, an old pirate was talking to the barman.
"…and as I am the captain of the Black Pearl…" Barbossa was cut off halfway through his sentence by an indignant Jack Sparrow.
"What do mean 'captain of the Black Pearl'?" he exclaimed.
Barbossa turned back to the barman. "Would you excuse me a moment?" He turned back to Jack. "I am the captain of the Pearl."
"No, no, no. I really am the captain of the Black Pearl, so you can't be the captain. You can be the commodore." Jack looked pleased with himself at the end of this remark.
"What! No way, you be commodore!"
"No, you be commodore!"
"I'll be commodore," a small voice interjected. Norrington had been watching the scene unfold from across the room.
"You can't!" yelled Jack and Barbossa together. They then continued their argument as Norrington burst into tears.
"You be commodore!"
"No, you be commodore!"
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" cried Mr Gibbs, trying to calm down the situation. When all three men began to speak at once, he spoke again. "One at a time, one at a time! Norrington?"
Norrington stepped forward and quickly began to tell his tale.
"Well I was the commodore, but then I sailed into a hurricane and so I wasn't the commodore any more, and then I washed up in Tortuga and then these two pirates walked in and started arguing about who should be commodore and I said I would be commodore but they said that I couldn't and NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE ME!" he ended with a wail.
"Alright, alright," Gibbs responded. "Now how can we sort this out?"
"Well…" said Jack and Barbossa together, after giving each other a knowing glance.
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After dumping Norrington on Isla Cruces and meeting up with Will and Elizabeth, the group finally met up again with the fearsome kraken. They battled with it for days, until someone came up with the idea of tying Jack to the mast of the Pearl and leaving him as kraken bait. It worked.
Now in the lifeboat, Will and Elizabeth were feeling pleased with the fact that they had got rid of the kraken while Barbossa and Gibbs gazed up at the enormous ship of Davy Jones, the Flying Dutchman.
"And so the day is saved, thanks to us!" cried Will and Elizabeth in unison, doing a high-five.
"I don't think so," said Gibbs, quickly. "We still have to figure who the mastermind was behind the beast."
"It can't have been Lord Beckett," said Elizabeth, thoughtfully.
"Maybe it was me," cut in Barbossa. "I have the power, the skill and monkey to own such a beast…"
"No!" yelled Davy Jones from aboard the Dutchman. "It was me! Only the greatest squid-face this side of the Caribbean could come up with such a plan and since there is no other squid-face, then the squid-face must have been me!"
"That is so true!" cried Will.
"Now I, as the greatest squid-face this side of the Caribbean, will go and hide and you will have to search for me!"
"And when we find you, the greatest battle of our lives will ensue!" Will was almost exploding with excitement.
"Yes, yes, yes! Now close your eyes and count to a gazillion!" with that the Flying Dutchman disappeared.
The crew in the lifeboat did as they were told and all began to count.
"One, two three four…"
Jack Sparrow was bored. He was sat in Davy Jones locker, waiting for someone to rescue him.
"Oh, for Pete's sake!" he said and stood up.
A short while later, he arrived at Tia Dalma's shack, only to find the rest of his crew having a party.
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed in astonishment.
"Oh!" said Will, remembering that Jack had somehow been involved in their adventure. "We gave up trying to rescue you ages ago."
"What?" Jack had now turned towards Elizabeth. " You left me alone in Davy Jones' locker for two and a half hours and you don't even want to finish what we were doing?"
Will gave Elizabeth a suspicious look. "What were you doi-" he began, but Elizabeth cut him off and spoke to Jack instead.
"We're way finished. We're partying now!" and she began to dance like a maniac.
"Oh really? Well don't you know what my finest plan ever was going to be?" asked Jack, slightly dejectedly.
"Oh? And what could that be, hmm? Davy Jones' still-beating heart?" said Will, sarcastically.
"Or maybe you're going to throw your jar of dirt at me?" laughed Barbossa.
Jack frowned. "Well behold! Jack Sparrow's finest plan ever!" He pulled out his pistol and aimed it right at Jack the monkey.
"You wouldn't dare!" cried Barbossa, worried for his pet.
"Wouldn't I?" replied Jack as he pulled the trigger. The gun fired and the bullet travelled straight through the furry creature without leaving a scratch, though Barbossa was still furious.
"Let's get it on!" he yelled and pulled out his sword. Jack pulled out his and the two began to duel.
Suddenly, Tia Dalma appeared from the back room of her shack.
"I've had a message from Beckett. He says Davy Jones has released an even bigger kraken onto his best ship. He wants you back there immediately."
"Oh, do we have to? Oh okay," sighed Elizabeth, as she and Will made her way to the door.
Once again, a dejected voice spoke out of nowhere.
"Ugh, the town of Port Royal, and it's sunny. Party time is over and once again the day will be saved for real thanks to the pirates. Oh, I wanted to hire Norrington!"