Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
A/N: I woke up one morning with this one in my head sometime in late March and it harassed me all day until I could get home and get some of it down. The same with the next day and the day after. I know I took melatonin before bed that night and I remember having a dream that Lulu42 was tiny, standing on my shoulder, and yelling at me to write. While on the way home from the supermarket the other night I realized that it might have been initially sparked by something Zelha had written to me in an e-mail in February or March. Not sure.
As always many huge thanks to my wonderful Betas La Moonlight Lily and WitchesRayne! I say it every time and I mean it every time but here I especially mean it as I really needed encouragement on this one. So thank you two lovely ladies!
The Bank
The elite silver-haired man dashed down the hallway as though his very life depended on it. And, in a way it, did. His life as he knew it absolutely depended on him eluding his pursuers. Faster than he'd ever thought possible, he'd been able to traverse the hallways and locate a specific hall – his destination in sight he skidded a little as he rounded the final corner before banging on the closed door. Unwilling to wait for an answer, he hastily opened the door and entered the small cramped office.
"Kakashi?" she asked, concerned by his uncharacteristically dramatic entrance.
He quickly closed the door behind him and turned the lock before leaning up against it with a huge sigh of relief. "Safe."
"Kakashi, what was that about?" she asked with clear confusion coloring her voice.
Before he could answer, she heard a thundering noise as a group of people sprinted down the hall outside her office. She raised an eyebrow at her former sensei inquiringly.
He sighed again and slouched over to one of her chairs and made himself at home as he usually would when he just stopped by, before answering her question. "Eh, heh… your boss may have issued an ultimatum."
Her eyes widened in surprise. She had not realized the date. "I see."
He looked at her hard for a moment, his lone eye narrowed. "I don't think you do."
She sighed and shook her head slightly before responding, knowing this would not be an easy conversation. "Just bank it Kakashi and be done with it."
He started in surprise, "What?"
"Bank it. That's what pretty much everyone has decided to do since they started the program."
He shook his head in confusion. "What do you know about it?"
"More than you think."
"What?"
"Both Naruto and Sasuke have already done their paperwork and made their deposits, as has nearly everyone else for that matter."
"They have?"
"Yes, they have. I can't imagine what you've been dragging your feet about. It's a pretty simple transaction."
He frowned, unable to put words to his feelings on the matter. For some reason, it just didn't seem as cut and dried for him as it had for apparently nearly everyone else.
"I take it Tsunade has released the kunoichi?"
"What? Oh, yeah – yes, she has." His eye suddenly widened as he realized that she was a kunoichi, though she rarely used her shinobi skills these days. Instead, she chose to concentrate on her work at the hospital. "Um…" He eyed the door and then his medic friend, trying to gauge if he'd made a mistake.
Before he could make a move to better feel out the situation, the sounds of the crowd of women came rushing up the hallway again, stopping in front of the medic's office.
The two office-bound shinobi could hear whispering as the group of women hesitated on the other side of the door. Finally, they seemed to sort themselves out and an appointed speaker approached the door. "Sakura?" the voice asked as the speaker apparently knocked on the door.
"Yes?" the medic answered, calling through the closed door while keeping an eye on her panicked friend.
"I'm not here," he hissed as loudly as he could without alerting the women on the other side of the door to his presence.
"Can we come in?"
"No, I'm busy. What do you want?"
They heard some raised voices on the other side of the door. Sakura and Kakashi could only guess that the loud voices were due to arguments between the women outside the pink-haired medic's office. The indistinct noise only lasted for a few moments before the appointed speaker spoke again. "We know you have Kakashi in there."
"Yes?" Sakura answered, not bothering to deny it, ignoring the frantic hand motions of the silver-haired man desperately trying to keep her from giving him away.
"Are you going to let us take him?
"No, I don't think so."
The silence outside the door stretched uncomfortably long before the woman spoke again. "Sakura, that's against the rules."
She sighed. "No, it's not. He came here of his own volition. So he can stay here as long as he chooses to do so."
The women on the other side of the door broke out into loud squabbling.
"Ladies!" Sakura shouted to get their attention. "You know the rules! He's off limits as long as he's with someone!"
"Is that true?" he whispered, not daring to raise his voice for fear of the reaction of the women on the other side.
She nodded. "Yes, they know better. You've expressed a preference by coming directly here," she paused, "you did come directly here after Tsunade issued her ultimatum, didn't you?"
He nodded vigorously. "Yes, didn't even stop to think about it."
She chuckled. "Then you're safe here for now."
"For now?"
"Yes, for now. Eventually, I'm going to have to leave this office to go on my rounds. And unless you make some sort of choice or decision before then…"
"I'm out of luck?"
"Yup," she paused. "Well if you're desperate you could tag along with me, but that's not really a long-term solution."
He narrowed his eye. "Tag along with you?"
"As long as you're with me they can't approach you."
"What?"
"You expressed a preference – came to me first, so they have to assume that you've made some sort of a decision and we are now in the midst of negotiating some sort of arrangement."
His eye widened. "I-I…"
"Relax Kakashi, I know you've done no such thing. Bachelor for life and all that."
"Eh, heh… yeah," he raised his hand to the back of his neck awkwardly. "That's kind of what's gotten me into this mess in the first place."
She rolled her eyes. "Kakashi, just bank it and be done with it."
"I…" he trailed off, uncertain how to express his concerns.
While he was trying to sort his thoughts out, the clamor of women outside the office suddenly went silent.
"Sakura?" an authoritative voice called out.
"Yes?"
The doorknob turned slightly before being stopped in place by the lock. "Your door is locked."
"Yes, Kakashi locked it when he came in."
A surprised silence stretched out for a moment before the older woman coughed. "Should I come back later?" She'd certainly not expected her ultimatum to garner such quick results.
"No, no, hang on. Let me open the door." Sakura hastily rose to unlock and open the door to let the Hokage into her office.
Once the older woman had entered, Sakura quickly closed and re-locked the door, absently noting that the crowd of women seemed to have dwindled considerably since her mentor had turned up.
She turned back to see that Tsunade had commandeered her desk. With an inaudible sigh, she took the other chair next to Kakashi, suddenly somehow feeling as though she had done something wrong and been called into the principal's office. And if that turned out to be the case, she was all for pushing the older man in front of the proverbial bus - his uncooperative stance on the subject certainly wasn't something for which she could be held responsible, after all.
Once Sakura took her seat, their superior cleared her throat. "So, am I to assume that you two have come to an agreement?"
Sakura kept silent, not wanting to lend her older friend a hand out of this situation. He had, after all, brought it upon himself. And if she were to be honest, there wasn't much she could do for him at this point. Or rather, there was nothing she could do for him that he would actually welcome her doing. Instead, she would just stay silent and observe unless pulled directly into the line of fire.
Kakashi glanced over at his former student and found no help in her expression. Instead, he inhaled and exhaled slowly, not sure how he had thought she could help him as she had been indirectly instrumental in getting him in his current predicament in the first place. Granted, she didn't know that and he wasn't about to tell her.
He shook his head slightly and gave the only answer he could. "No, we have not. Furthest thing from my mind," he responded with a note of indifference. He had to consciously stop himself from reaching for one of this treasured orange companions to complete the look, knowing that such an action would be pushing things too far.
"Oh, really?" she asked with an upraised eyebrow. "You came right here when I told you to either get yourself a mate or make a deposit in the bank. What's that about, if not to try and come to some agreement with the lovely lady sitting beside you?"
He shrugged, studiously ignoring the pink haired woman sitting next to him and wishing he had dared to pull out a volume of Icha Icha. Tsunade had a point – but it was one he would never admit out loud. His subconscious had clearly betrayed him and he would fight anyone foolish enough to point that fact out to him.
The older woman sighed. "You're not getting any younger and we can't afford to lose your bloodline." She shook her head slightly, frowning. "You're sure there aren't any little unacknowledged Hatakes running around out there?"
He felt his jaw tighten and his eye narrow in irritation. He'd thought that they'd finished this exact same conversation when she issued her ultimatum. It wasn't particularly something he wanted to get into again, never mind in front of Sakura. "I never enter any such situation unprepared." As much as he tried, he was unable to keep the edge from his voice.
"Really? Every time?" She snorted and raised an eyebrow in incredulity. "Always prepared? I didn't take you for a boy scout, Kakashi."
He couldn't prevent a light irritated flush from rising to his cheeks. "I believe my self-control is fairly well known – I do read porn in public after all." He raised an eyebrow in challenge as he reached for and brandished the most recent volume in the Icha Icha series. "I'm not one to let a situation get away from me."
She threw her hands up in irritation and let out an exasperated sigh. "Geez, Kakashi, not even once?"
"No." He shook his head as he put the small orange novel away. "Not even once." His voice conveyed volumes of annoyance.
She sat there for a moment, reviewing her options while staring at him, her irritation growing once again, taking over from her exasperation as she tried to pull the conversation back on track. "How you've managed to let it go this long since we instituted the program, I'll never know." She eyed the two shinobi in front of her, a good match if ever she saw one. "You sure you're not here to try and make some sort of deal with Sakura, then? It wouldn't be a bad match, you know. And, it's awfully suspicious how you came right here…"
Stubbornly he shook his head, unwilling to comment on his apparent subconscious action, missing the color rising on Sakura's cheeks. His body had just acted of its own accord. Certainly it couldn't have had anything to do with a desire to try and come to an agreement with the beautiful young woman sitting beside him as the Hokage seemed to be suggesting. He mentally shrugged. Must have been habit, as he often spent spare time in her office while she caught up on paperwork.
The busty blonde woman chuckled. "Well then, if that's the case, your medic can't help you out of this one, Kakashi. You're going to have to make a choice." She shrugged, realizing that one way or another he would be forced to make a decision regardless of what she did now. "I don't know why this is so difficult for you – it is in your best interest, you know."
He suppressed a sigh and continued to stare at the older woman, hoping that if he stayed silent long enough she would just stop talking and leave him alone. An unlikely outcome, but he could still hope.
Sensing that he wouldn't make a decision just then and that she had pretty much accomplished what she'd set out to do anyway, she pushed herself up from the desk and pulled a sheaf of papers from her haori and placed them on the scroll strewn surface in front of Kakashi. "You'll want to at least look at these. I'll choose to believe that you forgot them in your haste to leave my office." She snickered, unable to help herself. "Still, it is funny how you ended up here though, now isn't it?"
With a not very well-suppressed smirk, she crossed the small room and took her exit. Once she was again in the hall, she spoke to the few remaining lurking kunoichi lingering in the hopes of catching Kakashi on his way out of the pink haired medic's office. "He's with Sakura for now – you'll have to wait for another time when he's alone to try again. Move along."
There were a few grumbles from the women but shortly, they were followed by the sounds of departing footsteps.
With a sigh, Sakura rose and returned to her seat behind her desk. Once she was settled again, her eyes automatically went to the stack of papers sitting on the desk where Tsunade had placed them. "You didn't even take the paperwork with you?" she asked with a note of incredulity.
He shrugged. "It's not for me."
"How do you know? You haven't even looked at the packet."
He shook his head. "I just don't like the idea of it."
"What's not to like? It's not even as if you'll be around to care anyway."
He winced at her blunt words and refrained from commenting.
"Seriously, Kakashi, what's stopping you?"
"What do you know about it?" he snapped, clearly frustrated with the whole situation.
"Apparently more than you seeing as how you've not even looked at the papers," she shot back with almost equal irritation.
"How would you like it?" he asked unable to find any other defense, at least none he could voice to her.
"I've already done my paperwork," she raised an eyebrow in challenge, "and the extraction process is a far less pleasant procedure for me than it would be for you."
His eye widened. "You?"
"Yes, me. For my own purposes though," she paused for a moment to gather herself before continuing, "at least until I die. Then they're to go to the first couple who wants a baby but can't have one. My bloodline isn't on the endangered species list."
"But, why?"
She eyed him with a little lingering irritation. "Do you really need to ask?"
He felt his cheeks tint a little and looked away. "No, I suppose not."
"So, why are you having such a hard time with this?"
He glanced back across the desk at the younger woman. "I don't know. I just don't like the idea of some poor woman getting saddled with raising my child after I die." He turned his gaze away again, unable to look her in the eye.
She nodded, knowing that though he wasn't looking straight at her, he could still see it. "That's fair but, inaccurate."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't even given the papers a cursory look?"
He shook his head. The idea of some woman being told to bear his child after his death, just to ensure that his bloodline continued on after he died, seemed incredibly distasteful to him. Loyalty to the village was one thing, but being ordered to have someone's child because they died without continuing their bloodline seemed a little too extreme to him. He found the whole idea repugnant.
She huffed a little in impatience. "That's not exactly how it works. You'd know that if you'd gone through the packet." She eyed him pointedly and he had the grace to duck his head a little. "Lots of women, probably in your case they'd want kunoichi only since they'd want to stack the deck in favor of your kid following in your footsteps, sign up for this."
"What?"
She nodded at the paperwork on her desk, "You get to see the list. You can even choose someone from the list or several someones if the idea strikes your fancy or you don't like the idea of leaving the final selection up to chance. Everyone on that list signed up for this so they know what to expect, and that's if they're even needed at all." She chuckled, "And you can have as much or as little control over the process as you set out in the paperwork." She paused for a moment as a thought struck her. "Hell, you can just bank as many deposits as you want now and worry about the paperwork later if it's more than you want to deal with right now. Just doing that will get all those kunoichi off your back too… They're really only out there for effect anyway." She paused for a moment in thought, remembering a few of the kunoichi who had been lingering outside her office and slightly revised her statement, "well, mostly anyway."
"But… what if the woman's unwilling? What if she doesn't want to have my child?" he asked, unable to keep a faint note of uncertainty from his voice.
Sakura chuckled. "Not likely. All the women on your list volunteered specifically for you. And since you can only sign up for one or maybe two lists at a time depending on the circumstances, they had to think it through carefully before signing on the dotted line."
"But what if I don't like the idea of any of those women having my kid after I die?"
"Then you bank it until you can find someone you want to ask to add to the list. Even if you don't like any of the choices, you don't actually have to pick one; you can leave that up to chance – you won't be here to care. Besides, she's not going to get your name or estate unless you choose to leave things that way. Heck, your kid doesn't even have to get your name either if you're dead set on being the last Hatake. The village knows it's not necessarily the name they don't want to lose – though to be honest, from what I've heard they'd really rather the name didn't die off with you."
Sakura looked at him pointedly. "At the rate you're going, it will too. You're exactly the reason for this sort of a program you know. Ninety percent of the participants will never think about it again after doing their paperwork. You're just likely to be the exception to prove the rule."
The pink-haired medic sighed, not wanting to have gotten accusatory, and gentled her voice for her next statements. "Not that it's a bad thing. It is your choice not to settle down and all that, which is why this program exists in the first place."
He stated at her open-mouthed. "You know a lot more about it than I'd have guessed."
She felt her cheeks tint before she could hastily control the reaction, not having intended on lecturing him, and answered without thinking it through. "That's because I'm on a list."
"WHAT?!" His startled eye met hers for a moment before skittering away.
She nodded, feeling unexpectedly embarrassed, most of her friends were on lists – granted, not that many of them expected to be needed. The whole thing was, after all, a contingency plan. It was only in super rare cases that anything had ever happened with it anyway – and in most of those cases there was a wife, girlfriend or a willing good friend in the picture to dispel any potential awkwardness. "Is it so hard to believe?"
He shook his head, unable to wrap his brain around it. "But why?"
"I want kids, Kakashi."
"Surely you've not given up on the old-fashioned way, have you?" he asked with as much incredulity as he could pack into his tone of voice. From what he could see she was extremely popular amongst the male population of the village. She certainly had more than enough prospects to choose from. To his mind, she should have no problem finding someone to settle down and have kids with if she should so desire. And apparently, she did. So why she hadn't, he couldn't quite figure.
Sakura laughed with a little self-deprecation. "It's incredibly unlikely at the rate I'm going."
"And why's that?" he asked, eyeing her out of the corner of his eye. She was highly intelligent, strong, passionate about her work, an incredible medic and if those weren't more than enough, she'd grown into one beautiful woman. Surely she was just being modest? Any man would be a fool not to be interested in her.
She sighed and hung her head a little in defeat. "Turns out, I have terrible taste in men."
"What?!" He never expected her to admit such a thing, never mind to him. Sure, he had to agree with her remembering the string of failed relationships Sakura'd had once she'd finally gotten over her childhood crush on the Uchiha heir. But he'd never expected to hear it from her, seeing as how they'd argued more than once over her abysmal choice in men - mostly when she went to him after said doomed relationship failed and he was, as always, there to help her pick up the pieces.
She sighed. "I've discovered a pattern in that I only seem to fall for the men who are beyond my reach, emotionally unavailable or just plain unavailable for other reasons." She shrugged. "Yet, the heart still wants what the heart wants – even if it's never going to happen." She tried unsuccessfully to suppress another sigh. "At least this way, I have a chance to get the kids I've always wanted."
He shook his head a little sadly, not liking his former student's life choice but having no right to question it. "How many lists are you on?"
"Just the one."
"But that's no guarantee. You said yourself that the shinobi in question can choose or it can be left up to chance. Or, what if he doesn't die, or you're too old for kids when he does die?"
She laughed softly and averted her gaze. "He's a bit older than me, so I have more time on his list than I would with someone my own age. And if he doesn't die…" she trailed off with a soft smile for a moment before shaking her head to continue, "that would be amazing, but incredibly unlikely. He's too good at his job and too devoted to the village. One mission, he will just not come home. I'm sure he'll complete his last assignment; he just won't make it back alive. Or, more likely, he'll be sent out on a kamikaze mission and be glad to do it – to serve his village."
She sighed. "And at the rate he's been going, that's likely to happen sooner rather than later. He takes far more than his fair share of risky missions." She paused in thought for a moment before continuing, avoiding the older man's gaze. "I think he thinks he only has the village to live for anyway, so he probably doesn't mind that one day he won't come back."
"But what if he takes himself out of the program? What will you do then?"
She snorted softly. "The only way he'd be taken out of the program would be to have kids. And that's definitely not going to happen. Yes, the program is a contingency plan, as I told you for maybe ninety percent of the participants, but that still leaves the ten percent. From what I've seen, he's definitely a part of that ten percent."
"He sounds like yet another winner." He couldn't help but shoot back at her in irritation. "Why did you choose him at all?" He paused and asked the question he was most interested in. "Why not approach him and try to make a go of it while he's still alive? You could make some sort of arrangement – like Tsunade assumed we were making. And you never know, that could turn into something down the line…" he trailed off, realizing that he didn't like encouraging this idea all that much either.
"I care for the man. As silly as it sounds, I care for him too much."
"So, why not try to come to an arrangement while he's still alive? He'd have to be a fool to turn you down."
She felt her cheeks color slightly and found that she couldn't look him in the eye. "I told you, I have terrible taste in men."
"What does that mean?"
"It means it'll never happen."
"But-"
"Kakashi, why were you running away from all those kunoichi just now?"
"Because they're crazy!"
Feeling like she was on firmer ground she raised her eyes to meet his. "You're entitled to your opinion. But just humor me, why were you running from them?"
He shook his head and paused in mid-shake, realizing the point she was trying to make. "I… see."
She snorted softly, glad that something had finally penetrated his thick skull. "I'm guessing not the whole picture, but enough for the purposes of this conversation."
They lapsed into silence as Kakashi once again pondered his pink-haired former student's responses to his questions. He'd thought they were close, and yet she'd never once mentioned that she was pining for some unavailable shinobi. He couldn't even begin to imagine who the oblivious idiot might be or if there was something he could do about it. She deserved better than she'd apparently decided to settle for, at least as far as he was concerned she did. And now that he knew about it, it was killing him that there was really probably nothing he could do about it – which made him realize that that was most likely why she'd never confided in him about it in the first place – there was nothing for him to do. Besides, they'd already gotten into it over her boyfriends in the past; she probably figured it wouldn't go well if she brought the whole situation up with him yet again – same story, different man.
"Sakura, if he's so village focused, so mission-minded, why choose him at all?" he asked, wondering if he'd be able to convince her that the man she'd described sounded like a waste of her time. "He can't be much of a man if he has no time for others in his life."
She had to suppress a smile. "Because I don't think he actually wants to depart this world without leaving behind some sort of legacy. And I don't want him to regret his inaction when he does."
"Okay, that sounds like a nice thought – for you to do a wonderful thing like this for someone but… is it really the best way to go about doing something for the man?"
"Yes. I'm sure it's the only thing he'd let me do for him anyway. Besides, it would also have the knock-on effect of getting me the kids I want." She couldn't prevent herself from smiling a little at the thought.
"But why do this program at all? I get that asking around would probably be a bad idea, but have you thought about it?" he was unable to prevent himself from raising the question and silently cursing himself for doing so in his current situation. "Or, why not just go to a different bank to get the kids you want? Someone else is bound to volunteer for this other ungrateful sounding guy – doesn't even seem like he'd appreciate your efforts on his behalf anyway," he hastily continued, hoping she'd ignore his question about asking around.
Startled at his insight, she stared at him for a moment, unable to respond. He certainly wasn't suggesting what she thought he was – couldn't be. Even as stuck as he was, he wouldn't seriously offer... Finally, she was able to better compose herself and respond as honestly as she could, choosing to ignore his question about her asking around and concentrate on the matter at hand.
"Because, I care deeply for him and would like to do something meaningful for him – even if it won't be something he'll be around to see." She paused for another moment. "A different bank or adoption are my backup plans if this doesn't work out. I'm more than aware that I do have other options. I'd just rather do this one thing for him if I can instead."
Kakashi couldn't help but stare at her. She had well and truly thought this whole thing through. He'd never even suspected any of this to come from his former student. And he'd thought they'd become good friends over the years. They'd certainly become far closer than he'd ever imagined. And yet, underneath her calm medic façade, he found that she'd already made some decidedly sad plans for her future and never thought to tell him about them until now. Somehow, that almost hurt more than the fact that she'd apparently never even thought to discuss any of it with him before making the decision in the first place. How did he not know she wanted kids?
"Don't look at me like that, Kakashi," she admonished him, feeling her cheeks heat a bit at his surprise. "It's my life to live as I choose."
"And, you'd choose to be a single mother?"
"Yes. I know it's not easy. But the village provides special services, and some of the widow's services apply even if that's not something the shinobi in question granted in his paperwork. There are also scholarships to the academy and other programs aimed at trying to interest kids in becoming shinobi. And of course, I'd also get day-to-day help from my friends. The kid or kids will have more aunts and uncles than he, she or they will know what to do with."
Shaking himself out of his shock-induced fog, he hastily added the first thing that came to his mind, "I hope you'll count me in on that account then."
She felt her eyes try to mist over and hastily did her best to control her reaction before responding. "Y-yes, I-I'd like that."
"Good, I rather think I might make a good fun uncle." He smiled, having missed the slight strain in her voice.
"Kakashi!" she exclaimed, unable to keep her amusement at the thought to herself. A fun uncle he might think he would be, but a questionable role model would probably be more like it.
"What, you don't think so?" he asked with a grin.
She just laughed, knowing that any other reaction would only lead to tears that she would rather not try to explain away.
"Good evening Kakashi," she greeted the older man on her balcony as she opened the door for him to enter. Unbidden, her hand going to the collar of her robe to ensure it was closed properly. She'd chosen to wear one of her least practical nightgowns and didn't want to deal with his teasing.
Sakura'd just been about ready to go to bed for the night when she'd heard a cautious tapping coming from her balcony. Since she lived on the third floor, she knew it had to be a shinobi friend and considering the late hour, she could narrow the field of candidates down considerably. She was relieved to find her guess correct and immensely glad to have thought to pull on a robe before seeing who was at her door.
"Sakura," he greeted her tersely as he entered her kitchen, obviously jittery and unable to relax he stood awkwardly by her kitchen table.
Realizing that he was probably too keyed up to settle down, she decided to offer to make him some tea in an effort to get him to calm down. "Would you like some tea, Kakashi? I was just about to put on a pot of decaf…"
Unable to focus as he'd like to, he just nodded.
"Why don't you take a seat? It should only take a few minutes."
Cautiously, he eased himself down onto the very edge of one of her chairs.
A few moments of strained silence later, she joined him at the table with a pot of relaxing chamomile tea. When they'd both poured themselves mugs and taken a few sips, Sakura decided to break the silence.
"So, what brings you here at this late hour, Kakashi?" she asked casually, though she already knew the answer to her question.
Unable to beat around the bush as would usually be his custom, he glanced straight into her eyes. "You're on my list."
"Yes, and?"
"You're on my list."
"Yes, we've established that."
"But… you're on my list!"
She sighed. "Yes, Kakashi, I'm on your list. I volunteered when Tsunade mentioned she was thinking about giving you an ultimatum. She wondered if it would be easier for you if there was at least one friend on the list."
"But… why?"
"Kakashi," she tried gently, "everything I said earlier today still stands. I still would have volunteered even if Tsunade hadn't thought to mention it to me."
"But…"
"I want you to have no regrets."
"But… why didn't you say something?"
She chuckled softly. "What would you have wanted me to have said? 'I want to have your baby,'" she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts of how that conversation would likely go before hastily continuing, "'but, don't worry, not in a creepy way – it'll be only once your name has been added to the memorial. So… it's probably okay, right? Not something to ruin a friendship over or anything…'"
He choked a little, unsure how to respond. That first simple phrase she'd uttered hit home somehow in an entirely unexpected way. "I-I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything." She reached out to pat his shoulder. "Just fill out and sign the papers. You certainly don't have to pick me, just pick someone – or pick no one – just do the paperwork, okay?" She smiled a little at him, unable to keep a note of sadness from her voice. "I have backup plans in place so, no regrets, okay?"
He swallowed, trying to dispel the sudden lump in his throat. "Sakura, I-I never knew…"
"It's alright, I never told you and I wouldn't have expected for you to notice on your own. I wouldn't be worth my salt as a kunoichi if you had." She let her hand slide down his shoulder to cover his hand. "Besides, I know there's no point in sighing over the moon."
"But…" He absently took her hand in his without any apparent thought. There were times when the moon was closer than it appeared.
"It's fine Kakashi. Really." She squeezed his hand gently, reassuringly. "You can forget we ever had this conversation if you want. Just do the paperwork and forget about it like everyone else. Go on living your life with no regrets."
"Sakura, this isn't something that would be so easy to forget!"
She laughed softly. "No, I suppose not. But it was still worth a try."
They sat in silence for a moment, neither one certain how to break it or if they even should.
Eventually, Sakura felt it necessary to say something, otherwise fearing they'd be there all night. "Alright, if you can't forget it, then what do you suggest we do?"
"I don't… I don't know."
She tilted her head in askance. "Well, what was your end game for coming here tonight then?"
"I don't know. I didn't think…" He exhaled slowly and shook his head a little as if to clear the cobwebs. "I didn't think you'd own up to it like you have."
"Why not? It's nothing to be ashamed of – quite a few kunoichi are on lists. Mind you, most of them will likely end up either removing themselves from the lists or removing their menfolk from the bank." She shrugged.
"But why me?"
"I already told you, I care for you and don't want you to regret your life choices."
He felt as if his world had turned upside-down. "Sakura, of all the things I have not gotten to do… having kids…" he trailed off, not wanting to say it.
"Wouldn't be your biggest regret?" she finished for him with a sad smile.
He sighed. "Yeah, something like that."
She chuckled. "I try to be realistic with this whole thing and to be honest, I rather doubt I can help you with any of your other regrets. So I offer what I can do for you and hope that's enough. Or, that it at least makes a difference." She squeezed his hand again gently.
They lapsed into silence for a while, drinking their now cool tea, Sakura still wondering what her friend's biggest regret would be and Kakashi wishing he hadn't said anything in the first place.
"Kakashi, if I ask, will you tell me?"
He closed his eye for a moment to gather his thoughts before opening it again to respond. "I think it would probably be that I died without ever telling a special someone that I loved them."
Startled at his unexpected answer, she couldn't help herself. "What do you mean? I don't-" she paused to interrupt herself, "No, I'm sorry. That's none of my business. I'm sorry I even tried to ask." She attempted to take her hand from his and found that he wouldn't let go. Surprised, she glanced down at his hand still holding hers before looking back up at her friend questioningly only to find that he was staring at her intently. "Kakashi?"
He shook his head, trying to shake the unexpected thoughts from his mind. For a moment he thought he was going to…
"Kakashi?" she asked again, a little more timidly than before, feeling as if the ground was shifting beneath her. "Something wrong?" she continued, wondering if there was more to it than what he was saying.
He let her hand go. "No, no. Nothing's wrong." Hastily, he shoved himself up from the table and away from the suddenly all too tempting woman before him. "I've got to go. Thank you for the tea."
Bewildered at his sudden mood swing, she shook her head a little. "Um, okay. G'night then." She raised a hand to give a little wave, beginning to wonder about the suspicious timing of his hasty exit and if she or perhaps he had said too much.
He took the few steps to her balcony door, unlocked it and hesitated. Uncertain, he turned to look over his shoulder and instantly regretted it. She sat there at her kitchen table, the sash of her robe had come loose allowing him a good look at the top of her pale pink barely there nightgown. She wore an expression of confusion mixed with faint pain which, as he continued to gaze at her slowly, shaded into a sort of puzzled understanding. Resolutely, he exercised his nearly legendary self-control and exited her apartment before he did something they'd both regret.
No, instead he'd fill out the paperwork as she asked. He'd leave it all to her. She could have as much or as little of him as she wanted… after his name was added to the memorial. And he would have no regrets… he paused, again, with hand on her balcony railing, and hesitated… no regrets…
A/N: This ends here. However, unlike (nearly) all my other one-shots there is a *tiny* chance that I will write a sequel. Tiny. *Very tiny.* A sequel would really depend on a few things. First and foremost: I need to finish Simple Things. Also, to be entirely honest, I'm not certain I could actually keep up the tone of this since it is not at all my usual fluff. And, if I'm to be upfront about it, I'd need to sit down and plot and then write the vast majority of it before posting anything as I don't think I can actually commit to doing a multi-chaptered fic at this point in my life. Posting without having it mostly done is something I just can't do considering how long I left Simple Things languishing. I simply can't do that again. So, we'll see.