The phone never rang. There was always a silence that would be as empty as the room and would leave a spine tingling chill. As Dean shook for the third time in a minute, Sam stood up and slammed his hand on the dining room table.
"What crawled up your ass?" Dean responded in a yawn, almost collapsing.
"Nothing crawled up my ass, I'm just pissed that he would leave you in this state," Sam said, searching for Dean's gaze as he turned, obviously uncomfortable at the response. Dean had been hurt before on a hunt, but never like this. Not by himself, and that's exactly what he had done, and without Cas to heal him, Sam just had to watch Dean unravel.
With Sam's mind swimming with questions, he didn't hear the sound of a knock on the door. At the noise, Dean wiped his eyes and straightened up. The voice on the other side muffled something and it sounded like an insult. An insult from a seemingly British speaker.
"Is that you Balthazar?" Sam said, almost growling while unlatching the hotel room door.
"Why, Sammy, I thought you would be happy to see me," Balthazar frowned, but only temporarily. As he waltzed through the door, he grabbed Sam's hand and kissed it, leaving Sam with an angry blush creeping up his neck.
"Oh, Dean, you look as though you need some cheering up," Balthazar moved across the hotel room and circled the counter until he got to Dean. "Does it have anything to do with Cassy missing? Because I know where he is, if you'd like to know," Balthazar smiled through every word and Sam stood, seething, right behind him.
"Oh, Sammy, angry is a good look on you, it really brings out your sexy side," Balthazar grinned and traced Sam's lips with his finger. Sam pushed Balthazar up against the wall and the look of disgust was clear in his eyes, with a backdrop of wanting.
"Don't tease Dean like that. We both know that you have no idea where the hell Cas is so don't you dare even try to hurt Dean anymore than he is already!" Sam's voice echoed through the kitchen and he turned to find Dean dressed and looking better. Balthazar smiled at Dean and then turned to stare at Sam, who was still only inches from his face.
"Sam, this closeness is just unbearable if we're not going to do anything," Balthazar pushed Sam off of him and straightened his wrinkled suit jacket.
"Balthazar, do you really know where Cas is?" Dean's face was soft and sad, but he attempted a gruff tone.
"Why, yes, I wouldn't lie about something like that, especially because I know Cas isn't in any better condition than you. He's been called back up there, as you know, and he's quite broken. He doesn't know what to do. I have something though, he told me to give these to you," Balthazar pulled two notes out of his pocket and Dean eagerly grabbed them.
As Dean ripped into the letters, Sam was outraged. He grabbed Dean's wrist and Dean just stared, waiting for Sam's hand to let go.
"You still didn't tell us where he was," Sam glared at Balthazar, who just simply looked at him with large eyes.
"Oh, well, here are a list of addresses that he has recently vacated, and I know where he's hiding at the moment," a smirk played at Balthazar's lips so perfectly, Sam had to look away.
"Could you please tell us that location so we can go find him?" Dean said, rudely.
"There's the thing though, my dear Dean, he doesn't want you to know. He doesn't want to keep hurting you by being near you. He doesn't want to put you in danger. It's quite foolish and stupid if you ask me, but adorable, as you know Cassy always is. Now, I really should go," Balthazar stood up as if to leave and got to the door when Sam pulled him aside.
"Look, if you're lying to him, I'm not going to hesitate to kill you, got it?" Sam's intense stare was just another thing to make Balthazar smile.
"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. I just can't take you seriously sometimes. We're both trying to do the same thing, save our brothers, whom we care about. I wouldn't do anything to hurt poor Cassy or Dean," Balthazar said, silently reassuring Sam.
"Good," Sam said, with a hard tone is his voice. As their breath just stood there, Balthazar started to play with a lock of Sam's hair and stared at Sam's confused eyes.
"You know Winchester, you've got a lot going for you. A killer smile, a hot body, great hair, and the attitude to win anyone over. I know you've sure trapped me," Balthazar played at Sam, biting his lip. Balthazar started sliding a hand down Sam's waist when Sam realized his situation and stopped him. Sam pushed Balthazar away, shaking his head and hitting the wall.
"What's wrong Sam-"
"Just go," Sam said, dazed by the way he so freely let Balthazar get inside his head.
Balthazar walked over to Sam and stared. He smirked at Sam's confusion and devilishly kissed Sam's neck.
"Meet me later, if you're feeling curious," he whispered, taking in Sam one more time before walking out the door.
"What was that all about?" Dean said, concerned for Sam. Sam turned around and shook his head.
"Nothing, I just told him that if he was lying, I was going to hurt him. Now, what do these letters say?" Sam said, smiling at a happier seeming Dean.
"Not much, except that he doesn't want to hurt me and that he'll call as soon as he can," Dean sighed and slumped again.
"Well, do you want to go find him?" Sam finally said, giving in.
"You know it," Dean smiled and grabbed the keys to the Impala as they walked out the door. Baby purred as Dean put the keys in the ignition and they started towards their first destination.
I looked out this morning and the sun was gone, turned on some music to start my day
"I lost myself in a familiar song, I closed my eyes and I slipped away," Sam sang along. Dean, shocked, looked over at Sam, who was now just humming the tune. Sam caught Dean's eye and stopped, looking out the window. The chorus was about to start and the brothers looked at each other, waiting.
"It's more than a feeling, (more than a feeling), when I hear that old song they used to play," the brothers sang as they got to the first address Balthazar gave to them. Getting out of the car, Dean was acting like his old self again.
"Let's check at the front desk first, see if they remember him," Sam said, watching Dean smirk.
"How could anyone forget about Cas?" Dean said, as if Sam could forget. Dean opened the door to the lobby and stood, waiting for Sam. Sam was somewhere else entirely, his mind caught up with the words Balthazar said before he left.
"Hey, Sam, c'mon," Dean said, Sam's daze faded and he realized the task at hand. The girl at the front desk looked bored until she plastered on a smile when Sam and Dean walked in.
"Hello, are you folks looking to rent a room? Here, we don't care about race, gender, or sexual orientation, if you were wondering," she said, attempting to reassure the brothers. Dean and Sam just looked at each other. Dean looked for her name tag and put his hand on the desk.
"We're brothers, but thanks for the heads up, Nikki," Dean said, annoyed. Nikki looked down and shuffled some papers to keep from looking embarrassed.
"Look, we have a friend who might have stayed here sometime a week or two ago, is there anyone in your records named Castiel Novak?" Sam asked.
"I can check," Nikki said as she grabbed old sign-in sheets and receipts and started sifting through them with urgency.
"The name sounds familiar, what did he look like?" she searched through the remaining stack on the desk.
"Five foot eleven, dark brown hair, blue eyes, five o'clock shadow, deep voice-," Dean said, heart breaking with the picture in his mind. He was about to keep talking, but Sam covered his mouth and gave him an apologetic look before removing his hand.
"Oh, yeah, I remember him. He was here last Tuesday, he was out for the day, went to a bar, by the smell, and then came back to pay for his room and disappeared," she said, handing them his receipt and sign in sheet.
"Thank you for your trouble," Sam said, as Dean tightly gripped the papers and looked up while walking to the Impala. Dean hit the dashboard and slumped over the steering wheel. Sam got in the car and turned to face Dean.
"Look, it's not that bad and it's not your fault-"
"It is that bad Sam, he's a mess," Dean recoiled. "We need to find him, he needs saving. I've tried everything Sammy, I even prayed."
"First, take a second to look at yourself. Dean, you're beating yourself up just as much as he is, don't you see that? The both of you need fixing, but don't just break down every time he gets mentioned. We'll find him, okay? I promise, but it may not be in the state you would like to see him in," Sam said, calming down Dean enough so that he could drive to the next former hiding place.
"He learned a lot about sneaking around from us, that's for sure," Dean said, taking in the shape of the place. The atmosphere was the same as the hotel before and so was the answer.
"Yeah, he was here on Friday, looked like he was about ready to fall apart," the owner said.
"Thank you," Dean said, sighing as he checked off the list. Sam caught up to Dean as he walked across the parking lot. Dean kept his eyes on the car until his phone buzzed in his pocket. Sam motioned for him to answer it, the caller name being 'Cas'.
"Cas?!" Dean stopped walking, as Sam hurried to catch up. Dean's face lit up and several emotions crossed it that Sam couldn't quite place. "Where are you?" Dean asked with hope.
"Dean? Are you okay?" The gruff voice that was Castiel's answered, sounding tired and concerned.
"Where have you been Cas? I need to know how you are," Dean's voice was full of worry, which Cas could hear clearly.
"I'm fine if you are. I can't see you right now, as Balthazar told you, I got in trouble upstairs again and I just needed to get away for a bit. Everyone's looking for me, I'm a danger right now, Dean. It's better if you stay away for a while. Send me letters to that last address that Balthazar gave you, okay?" Castiel said softly, knowing that Dean was dismayed as anything.
"Is that where you'll be? I can just come and get you right now and we can help you Cas," Dean's voice started to touch an annoyed tone.
"No Dean, but I can check back there for messages. You know I can't just tell you where I am," Castiel said, sounding wary of his surroundings. Dean smiled sadly and looked down at his feet, kicking a non-existent pebble.
"I can't let you hurt yourself over this, just come find me and Sam, you know where we'll be. Please, I need you Cas," Dean sorrowfully whispered. At Dean's hurt voice, Castiel felt even worse. The stumbling around hotel rooms was enough to break Dean's heart and he knew that, but there was so much that he couldn't tell Dean.
"As soon as it's safe for us to see each other, I'll tell you, but right now it's a death wish," Castiel said, looking at the old clothes of Dean's he still had on.
"Cas, I love you, man. Please don't ruin yourself like I have, you still have a chance," Dean's voice broke and Cas's heart shuddered with pain. Sam heard the cover up in Dean's sentence and just wished for once Dean would be truthful with Cas.
"Dean, my chances are over. I promise we can see each other soon, talk to you later," he said, hanging up. Dean stood up as straight as he could, not even trying to control his emotions as tears started in his eyes. He looked like a lost puppy, a broken toy, and Sam just couldn't bear to look at him.
"Dean, look, I'll drive if you want-"
"No, Sam, I'm fine," Dean said, emotionless and wiping his face. Dean drove them to a bar. Sam couldn't believe it, but also couldn't reason with him about it. They got out of the car and Dean gave Sam a look of 'don't even ask'. The bartender immediately knew what Dean was there for.
"Dean, someone you know is here, if you wanted to know," the bartender said, drying shot glasses.
"Who?" Sam replied, while Dean tried to look uninterested.
"That guy with the coat, he's on the other side of the bar," the bartender motioned to the location of none other than Cas.
Dreams aren't what they used to be, some things sat by so carelessly
Dean moved in a rushed manner, slowing down to see an almost tipsy Castiel talking to a girl that was completely hammered, and making advances at Cas that made him uncomfortable. She seemed to take the hint, and walked off as Dean sat in the next seat.
"I'll take a shot of whatever's the strongest," Dean said, looking at Castiel at the same time.
"Dean? What are you doing here?" Castiel said, shocked.
"I could ask you the same thing," Dean smirked as they both got up for a long awaited hug.
"I missed you so much but I didn't want to hurt you," Cas whispered into Dean's neck, snuggling into him. Sam walked over as they let go of each other and walked over to Cas for his hug. Castiel left a crumpled twenty on the bar and stood, attempting to leave. Dean blocked him.
"No, I just got you back, I'm not losing you again," Dean said, grabbing Cas's wrists. Cas grabbed his hand and walked out of the bar with him, Sam taking Dean's drink and getting the distance wanted and needed by the two.
Castiel swung Dean around and balanced him with that genuine smile. Dean couldn't resist laughing as Cas's smirk left him happier than he had been in a long while. As both of their smiles grew, they also faded, realizing each other. Dean reached up, sweeping his hand through Cas's longer hair as Cas wiped a threatening tear from Dean's eye. They embraced again.
"I never thought that I would see you again," Dean sobbed into Cas's shoulder, as Cas rubbed circles into his back.
"Dean, you know I never wanted to leave you in the first place. I just wanted you to be safe because I care about you," Cas pulled back a bit to look Dean in those candy apple green eyes and couldn't resist. Before either of them knew, Dean and Cas were crawling into the backseat of the Impala, until Cas gripped Dean's shoulders with a feeling he could taste. Dean threw himself at Cas, lips making the impact first, colliding with a fiery passion. The kiss was breathy and full of lust, causing Castiel to push back with an equal force. In between kisses, the commentary was what had been long awaited between the two.
"I missed you," Dean whispered into Cas's lips.
"I needed you," Cas's words echoed into Dean's mouth.
"I wanted you," Dean said in a low, sexy tone.
"I love you," Castiel reverberated, biting Dean's bottom lip. And at that, Dean smiled in his crooked, adorable way, leaving Cas blushing. Dean placed his hand on Castiel's cheek, rubbing his unshaven face. The blue eyes staring back at him were soft and full of light.
"I think I like you with this stubble," Dean smiled. "It's sexy."
Cas pushed his coat off and crawled into Dean's arms, his face finding Dean's ear.
"We haven't done anything like this since..." Dean cut Cas off with a bite on his neck, then a kiss, satisfying Cas. Dean smiled at Cas's sigh, pulling him closer into his lap. Cas put his hand on top of Dean's and raised it. Dean wasn't sure what was going on until Cas interlocked fingers and pressed their hands between their hearts, falling into Dean's chest. Dean was not prepared for this moment, falling down in the backseat with Cas on top and beside him. They were sort of entangled and Dean's chest vibrated with a laugh that came out light and unlike Dean in every way. Only Castiel got to know this side of Dean, the soft cuddly one. The softness Dean had with Cas was just too much at times and Dean, knowing this, decided to deepen the moment, just to piss off Cas. Dean's kisses cut off anything remotely friendly Cas could remember and at the end of them, he just smiled and held onto the man he'd been holding for forever.
But of course, how could you resist a charming Winchester?
chapter two: drownThe years didn't really start like this. They were different in oh, so many ways.
Dean Winchester, the dream Castiel had since they were freshmen, both getting beat up for different reasons.
Cas was always the smart one, the one who could figure out formulas but never figure out Star Wars. Dean could fix a car but always broke a girls heart by making time for Cas, or just finding another girl at the diner. Sam was well, Sam, a dork and proud of it.
There was something off about Cas but it was something that made Dean want to be near him. Sam was off in the library somewhere while Dean was left forcing Cas to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and trying to make him understand it).
Dean and Sam were living in