Hi folks. Sorry about the loooooong delay in posting. It's been a difficult few weeks. I've got a terrible case of writer's block on my other stories (although I have been working on them – slowly). As is usual for me, when having a block I wrote a whole new story! This one was actually for Mother's Day – but I didn't get it finished. It's totally done and predictable … but that's about all I could handle.

Please note: the story has two chapters but for those into realism and a slightly more angsty story, I would suggest stopping after chapter one. Chapter two is for those who like fluff and happy ever afters.

Thanks!

She'd always hated it, although each year had seemed to get a bit easier until she could almost – but not quite – ignore it. Those first few times it had seemed to sneak up on her without warning and then – wham – she'd see all the cards and advertisements for bouquets and restaurants and jewelry. She would somehow notice all the little girls walking beside their mothers – skipping and chattering and looking secure in their mother's love.

For the first few years – right through high school and college and the academy, the day would arrive and pain would wash over her and it was like yesterday again. She'd remember her father walking in the door and looking like death – like the death of her mother. She'd feel that choking sensation, the tightening of her chest and her throat. She'd feel that wave of grief as it hit her right in her back and threatened to knock her over. She would want to cry, but then knew if she started she probably wouldn't stop.

Mother's Day. How she had always hated it. For some reason it had always been worse than her mother's birthday, or anniversary of her death or Christmas – or any of the other special days in the year. No, Mother's Day was the day that made her remember what she'd lost –that she no longer had a mother.

Even though she dealt with it better now she still usually spent the day away – either riding furiously around the country on her bike, or running as hard and fast as she could until she was so exhausted she could pretend it no longer bothered her. She thought back to when she had been younger and remembered other things she'd tried to make herself forget. She'd even tried to drink her way out of the pain a few times, but all that had done was make her sick and even more miserable, so she had stopped doing it.

She still hated Mother's Day – hated it with a deep and abiding passion – but she'd managed to hide from the pain and ignore it – until this year, when it had all come roaring back. She felt now like she'd felt those first few years – as if nothing could take away the pain.

She hadn't told Jack about her feelings, although if there was anyone who would understand it was him. He wouldn't think badly of her or think she was less of an officer or a woman. In fact, she knew he'd be angry at her if he realized how she was feeling – but that she couldn't tell him, couldn't add to his own pain.

She laughed ironically when she thought of how quickly things could change. Jack surely knew – he'd been through something even worse and understood that happiness was fleeting and could be ripped from your grasp without warning.

They'd been so happy when they'd found out she was pregnant. They hadn't planned it – hadn't really thought it could happen. With all she'd been through the doctors thought it unlikely she could bear children. That had been a devastating blow, but Jack had told her he loved her and that it didn't matter. They had Cassie, he said, and one day they'd have grandchildren through her. And they always have each other, he'd said. He told her he was happy with the just the two of them – and she'd finally come to believe him.

And then she'd found out she was pregnant. It was a miracle, she'd thought. She'd gotten dressed up and fixed him a special supper and afterward gave him a gaily wrapped present. He lifted his brow – wondering what it was all about, but she'd just nodded at the present and he'd opened it. It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on as he pulled out the little tiny booties and stared at them. When he lifted his head she could see the confused expression on his face. It was when she'd smiled at him that his expression had changed. He stood up and moved to her quickly and had lifted her from her chair and enfolded her in his arms.

They'd been so happy for those few short weeks – ecstatic with the thought of having a child, their child. Jack had made the decision to retire, to be with his son or daughter. She'd argued at first, but when she realized it was what he really wanted she'd agreed. She was on desk duty for the foreseeable future – which was okay by her. She wanted to protect the life growing inside of her.

It had all come crashing down too soon when she'd woken up with terrible cramps. She looked down to see the sheets covered in blood and had known. They'd lost their child and with it their hopes and dreams.

She'd been devastated – it was as if a part of her had died along with their child. Jack had been there for her, loving her and supporting her but saying nothing about the baby. She'd finally gotten angry with him then, accusing him of not caring, shouting that he hadn't really wanted a child.

It was only after he'd turned and left – still not saying a word – that she realized what she'd said. She'd felt horrible, sick, knowing that she'd been cruel and hurtful, that she'd lashed out at him from her own pain and had been terribly unfair. She waited for him for hours, growing more and more frightened as he didn't appear. She tried calling his cell but kept getting his voice mail. She was almost ready to call the police or the Air Force, when she heard the door open.

She'd rushed down to meet him – to throw herself at him and apologize. When he'd looked up at her though, she stopped, frozen. He'd clearly been crying – she could tell by his red and puffy eyes and the look of utter devastation on his face. She couldn't speak – she simply stepped forward, wanting to comfort him but not sure how.

"I'm so sorry Jack", she finally said, softly, gently. "I didn't mean those things. I'm so sorry", she repeated. "Please forgive me. I love you so much!"

He stared for a moment and she wondered if she'd destroyed something by her cruel words. Had she lost him? Did he hate her for accusing him of not loving their child? She almost broke in two when he reached out and pulled her to him and put his arms around her.

"I went for a drive", he said softly. "I don't even know where. I just – drove." He stopped speaking and held her tightly – so tightly it almost hurt, although she'd never say anything. "I'm the one who should be sorry", he said after the silence had grown. "I – didn't know what to say", he explained. "I just – I – oh God Sam." He moved his head until it was pressed into her neck. "I loved the baby too", he said so softly she almost didn't hear. "So very much. I – we've lost our baby Sam."

She held him tightly as she felt him begin to shake and felt his hot tears roll down her neck. He was crying silently and she knew he wouldn't want her to see, so she continued to simply hold him and rock him gently. As he allowed his grief to flow, she could feel hers recede just a tiny bit. Knowing that he was grieving allowed her to begin to heal. She had needed to know that he cared, that he grieved too, that he felt the loss of their child as much as she did. She knew then she should never have doubted. He felt things deeply – so deeply that often he couldn't express it in words. She continued to hold him and her own tears began to fall.

The next few weeks were hard, but they spent all their spare time together, just holding each other and being there for each other. He took her away for a week – not to the cabin, but to a place with soft beaches and warm sun. There – for the first time since their loss, they were able to make love.

Sam found that to be one of the most healing things of all. There was something about being together, in sharing themselves, that took away the pain, even if it was only for a brief moment of time. She supposed it was the ultimate celebration of life and love, although she didn't want to analyze it too deeply. She just wanted to be with him and to show him how much he was loved – and accept his love in return.

When they'd returned life had gone on. She felt relieved that they hadn't told anyone about the baby. It had seemed too soon – and in the end it turned out they were right not to have said anything. Because no one else knew she didn't have to listen to comments, however well meaning, or see the sympathy in others' eyes. She knew that both Daniel and Teal'c could tell something was wrong, but neither of them said anything.

Sometimes though, she wished they did know. She looked at Teal'c one day and walked up to him and put her arms around him and burst into tears. He held her for the longest time – her friend, her brother, her strength. When Jack came out of his study he looked sad, but simply smiled at Teal'c and thanked him silently. Teal'c nodded, letting his brother know that he was there for both of them. He didn't ask what was wrong, but his quiet presence helped them both.

Daniel tried a couple of times to ask, but stopped himself each time, as if knowing this was one time it was best to keep quiet. He spent a number of evenings at their home and laughed and talked and teased, just like he had so many times in the past. But he knew something was wrong and they knew it was worrying him. He finally spoke to Jack one evening after she had gone to bed.

"Everything okay?" was all he said as he sat across from Jack.

"Mmmm" was Jack's non-committal reply.

"Because you know I'm here for you – for both of you – right?"

"Yeah", Jack smiled. "We know Danny." He paused and looked down at the bottle in his hand and began to pull off the label. He sat quietly for a moment, but finally something welled up inside of him and he knew he had to speak. "Look – don't say anything to Sam but – she had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. We're just – finding it hard."

"Oh God Jack – I'm so sorry." Daniel stood up and walked over to his friend. He reached down his hand and Jack looked at it for a second but then finally took it. At that point Daniel pulled him to his feet and into a hug.

Jack worried that he was going to embarrass himself by once again crying. He didn't, although it was close. He blinked rapidly and managed to hold back his tears.

"Thanks', he finally said as he stepped away and once again sat down. He felt a bit uncomfortable but when he looked up at his friend still standing silently, something inside of him broke. He began to talk.

It was a rare thing for him to do, but this time he needed to tell someone – to let out his feelings so that he didn't explode. He couldn't do it with Sam – couldn't let her know how much he still suffered. She had her own pain and grief and he needed to be strong for her. Right now though, he didn't feel strong. He felt lost and bewildered and hurt. He hadn't felt such pain since he'd lost his son. He hadn't known if he could live through that and now he was being forced to live it again.

Daniel didn't leave till very, very late that night but by the time he was gone Jack was feeling better than he had since Sam had miscarried. He knew the pain hadn't disappeared permanently, but he also knew that both of them could and would get through this and for the first time felt a sense that things would get better. Thank God he still had her and he had his friends.

The weeks went by and things got back to normal. Sam still hadn't returned to work full-time and didn't seem to want to. She told him she had no interest in going back to field duty and he worried that she was falling into a depression. She assured him she wasn't and she didn't seem depressed, just occasionally sad and not very interested in work. He never thought he'd miss the workaholic Sam, but he found this ultra-relaxed woman to be disturbing. It was just not like her.

Sam told herself again that she simply had to tell Jack what was bothering her. She'd been getting slowly better and so had he. It had been four months since she'd lost the baby and the pain was still there – but life really did go on, even if she hadn't gotten to the point of feeling truly happy again. Sadly, she knew that would take a while because she wasn't only dealing with the loss of her child, but the loss of any future ones as well. Her getting pregnant had been a long-shot, a miracle. She knew, in her heart, that it had been their one chance. The doctor had told them that the wounds she had suffered in the past would make it difficult to carry a child so even if she got pregnant again it would likely end in another miscarriage. She would never get to experience motherhood – and she didn't know if she could bear the pain of that.

And now … here was Mother's Day which did nothing but emphasize her loss – the loss of her mother, the pain of which had returned as sharply as ever, and the loss of her child. She didn't know how she was going to get through the day. Maybe she should get on her bike and drive so fast that she could leave the agony behind her.

Of course the pain was made even worse by the fact that she hadn't shared her anguish with her husband, with the man who loved her completely and utterly. She felt tremendous guilt for that, especially since he'd begun to open up about his own loss, that of his son. He still didn't say much about Charlie, but he had invited her with him to the grave. It had been before she found out she was pregnant and it hadn't been on any kind of anniversary, because he'd explained that he usually met Sara there on those days and he didn't know how she'd react if he showed up with a new wife. Sam understood and simply gave him a kiss. She knew he still cared for his ex-wife, but that he wasn't in love with her. And she was too secure in his love to worry about him seeing his ex-wife a couple of times a year at the grave of their son.

But she had gone with him to the cemetery and had felt honored and yet sad. She looked at the gravestone and thought how horrible it was for such a young life to have been cut off so cruelly. What was just as awful was the guilt that Jack still bore. Oh, he'd dealt with it to some extent, but she could tell, by the way he looked at the grave, that he still suffered. She hadn't said anything – there was really nothing she could say, but she'd reached out and taken his hand. He hadn't spoken either, but the squeeze he gave her hand had spoken volumes. It meant something to him to have her there. So why couldn't she tell him how she was feeling with Mother's Day coming?

It was coming up on Sunday – and she was feeling tense and sad – and horribly guilty. She'd snapped at Jack just this morning and he'd looked at her in surprise. What was even worse was she'd barely spoken to him and had turned her head when he went to kiss her as he left for work. She'd immediately dissolved into tears afterward, but couldn't seem to get up the courage – or the will – to call him. She was angry and hurt and sad – and was lashing out at him, for no reason other than the fact that a silly, man-made holiday was coming up.

She'd have to tell him. She would just explain that she found the day hard and that she was probably going to be a pain to live with until it was over. He'd understand – of course he would. She remembered clearly what he was like before the anniversary of his son's death. She remembered the first year she'd served under him, when he'd snapped at all of them and had practically had her in tears. They were on a mission off world and late that night she'd sat by the fire, on her watch, silently cursing the Colonel with every bad name she could come up with. A few minutes later Daniel had quietly sat down on the log beside her.

After a few silent minutes he spoke. "You okay?"

"I'm fine!" she snapped, refusing to let him see how awful she was feeling.

"Look – I know Jack's been a bit – crusty today -"

"Crusty?" she replied scathingly. "If he wasn't my commanding officer I'd -"

"You'd - ?"

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes and grimaced. "I'd better not say it."

He'd smiled slightly and then turned to face her. "Look Sam – normally I wouldn't say anything, because it's not my place to but – just cut him some slack, okay? He didn't mean to say those things and – he'll feel bad later."

"Really? Somehow I don't think so Daniel. Hell, maybe I deserved what he said."

"No, don't ever think that. Look, promise you won't say anything to him?"

She glanced at him and frowned. "Of course not."

"Good – then look – it's a tough time for him right now. Like I said, he's really not mad at you and I don't think he even realized how he sounded it's just-", he stopped and bit his lip. "It's just – it's the anniversary of his son's death on Friday. This is a really hard time for him."

"His son? I heard some rumors but I wasn't sure -"

"Yeah, well, they're true – if you heard his son accidently shot himself. Jack still blames himself – it was his gun."

"Oh God!" she said, covering her mouth. "The poor man!"

Daniel smiled again. "Don't let him hear you say that. He doesn't want pity Sam – he wants to deal with it in his own way and unfortunately that means that he sometimes lashes out at others. Just don't take it personally."

Of course Daniel had been right. The next week the Colonel had been thoroughly kind and decent and had gone out of his way to be good to her. He never apologized or even alluded to his behavior, but she knew it was his way of saying he was sorry. Each year after that he'd be miserable for a few days before the anniversary but once it was over he'd be back to his normal self. Usually he tried to be off for that date, but occasionally he'd had no choice but to be on a mission. Still, Sam had never taken it personally after that – although she did continue to feel terrible for him.

So Jack would certainly understand when she told him what was bothering her – and she'd have to tell him. She'd tell him – and he'd hold her and listen to her and simply be there for her. She knew it, but she still dreaded having to say anything. She wanted to move ahead and forget – but everything was conspiring against her and all she could think of was that she had lost her child and her mother – and that Mother's Day was a cruel, cruel holiday.

She sighed and sat down, her feet up, and thought about calling him and having him come home. She almost laughed at that. Somehow she didn't think too many people would think it appropriate to call an Air Force General and have him come home because she was feeling sorry for herself. Still, she knew he'd do it in a heartbeat – unless, of course, the Earth was under attack. Even then he'd probably consider it.

She couldn't help but smile at the thought of her husband and what a special man he was. That he loved her totally, absolutely she had no doubt. That she was the luckiest woman in the universe she also had no doubt. And she'd been a complete and utter bitch to him that morning. She groaned and covered her eyes with her hands. She had to tell him, she really did.

"Hey Sam?" It was almost seven o'clock and Jack was just getting home. She was sitting on the couch watching some stupid show – she didn't even know what it was called. The moment she heard his voice she jumped up and ran to meet him. He was just removing his jacket and had one arm out of the sleeve when she threw herself into his arms.

He struggled a bit as he tried to hold her with one arm still in his jacket, but finally managed to put his arms around her and hold her close. "You okay?" he asked after a second.

She didn't answer but nodded into his chest. He continued to hold her – but after a few minutes he gently lifted her chin. "Did something happen?" he asked, obviously worried.

She shook her head and then rested it on his chest, the thudding of his heart relaxing her. She suddenly realized she needed him – all of him. With a small laugh at herself she stepped back and reached out and took his hand and began to pull him to the stairs.

He followed obediently, his eyebrow raised. "Uh Sam?"

"Come on", she said, a small grin on her face.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked, although he was pretty sure he knew.

"To bed silly", she told him. She smiled again – for the first time in days feeling alive. She knew the pain and grief was still lurking, but for now all she could think was that she was the luckiest woman alive and she needed to feel her husband, to be one with him. He was right – they had each other and they would be happy together.

"Care to tell me what this was all about?" he asked, a long while later. He was leaning on his elbow, looking down at her. His body was still glistening from the sweat they'd both managed to produce. "Not that I'm complaining", he told her with a smile and a small kiss, "but I don't usually come home to that. At least not until after dinner."

"I wanted you."

"I noticed!"

"I love you", she said softly. "I missed you today and – I needed you."

"I love you too." He leaned down and gave her a soft, slow kiss on the mouth. "You sure everything is okay? You've seemed – sadder – the last few days."

She shrugged and gave him a crooked smile. "I guess some days are just worse than others", she told him.

He nodded, understanding exactly what she was saying. "I know – but it does get easier", he told her. "And remember, you'll always have me!"

The next day was Saturday and they puttered around the house, not doing anything specific but enjoying the day together. They went out for a long walk and Sam refused to spend time thinking about tomorrow. At one point she suggested to Jack that they get their motorcycles out and go for a drive the next day.

He gave a noncommittal answer but didn't disagree. They had a leisurely dinner – which they cooked together – and then sat down to watch a silly movie.

They made love again before going to sleep and Sam refused to think about Mother's Day or babies or mothers or – anything but Jack.

They slept in that morning – or at least Jack slept in. She woke up early, feeling terribly sad. She spent the longest time just looking at her husband, thanking God that she had him. She reached out finally and swept a tendril of hair off his face. She grinned when it made his nose twitch and a second later his eyes opened.

"Mornin'", she said with a smile. "Sleepyhead!"

"What time is it?" he asked blearily.

"Uh – it's almost ten", she told him with a grin. She began to laugh at his shocked look. He never slept that late! "Must have been all that activity yesterday", she informed him.

He grinned back at her but then looked at the clock to confirm what she'd told him. "I'd better shower", he said suddenly. Without waiting for an answer he was already half-way to the bathroom before she realized he was going.

She lay back down and shrugged. Jack had spent too many years in the military to be comfortable with sleeping in, she guessed. Still, it was the weekend and his job was pretty much Monday to Friday now, barring any emergencies. She waited a few more minutes and then decided to join him. A good way to save water, she told herself.

After their shower they both got dressed. Sam wondered if something was going on because Jack kept looking at his watch. "You waiting for something?" she finally asked him.

"Huh?" He looked at her with innocent eyes. "Just wondering what time it is."

"And you have to check every two minutes?"

He shrugged and grinned but continued to check his watch.

She was just finishing putting on her makeup when there was a knock on the door. She swiveled to look at Jack. "Who could that be?"

"Let's go see", Jack answered, bounding to his feet. Before she had a chance to answer he'd reached down and pulled her to her feet and out into the hallway.

They walked down the stairs at double time and made it to the door in just a few seconds. Jack stepped back. "You open it", he told her.

She looked at him suspiciously but reached forward and opened the door. "CASSIE!" she squealed and pulled the young woman into a hug. "What are you doing here", she finally managed to get out after a few minutes.

"Hi Sam", Cassie smiled and gave her another big hug. "Uncle Jack!" She turned to the man she thought of as a father, although she called him uncle. She gave him a hug too and a smile.

"Thanks for coming kiddo", he said, running a gentle finger down her cheek.

"Hey – I wouldn't have missed this!" she told him.

"Okay I think I'm the one who's missing something here", Sam said, stepping back and looking at the two people who meant so much to her. "What's going on?"

Cassie smiled and reached down into her bag, which she'd dropped onto the floor when she arrived. She pulled out a small package and an envelope. "Happy Mother's Day Sam", she told the woman who was like a mother to her – now that she'd lost her birth mother and her adoptive mother.

"Hap – what?" she looked between Cassie and Jack, but both were wearing identical expressions – full of love and tenderness and concern. Sam looked down at the envelope and slowly opened it and pulled out a card.

It was a Mother's Day card – with a usual kind of message. But underneath were Cassie's own words.

Dear Sam,

I've been lucky to have three mothers in my life – the one who gave birth to me, the one who adopted me and you. When I lost my first two moms, you were there for me and have always been someone I could count on and who I knew loved me. I'm so glad I have you in my life and know that I am not alone. You and Jack are my family and I love you both as if we were related by blood. Instead, we share a bond that is even stronger. You are my mom – my mom of the heart and I love you.

Cassandra

Sam lifted her eyes to the two people standing in front of her and began to cry. But this time the tears weren't of sadness or of loss, but of realization of all that she had. She was a mother – even though she hadn't given birth and never would. She had fallen in love with Cassie from practically the moment she'd found the young girl, all alone, the only survivor on her planet. She'd loved her all the years she'd been Janet's daughter and had been a special 'aunt' to the young girl. Janet had entrusted her daughter to her and to Jack – and she was more grateful than she could express. She wiped her eyes and attempted a smile since both members of her 'family' were looking terrified that they'd made a huge mistake.

"Thank you", she said. "I love you Cassie – and you are my daughter. And I love you too Jack – this was your idea, wasn't it?"

He shrugged and looked uncomfortable. "Uh – Cassie and me -" he mumbled.

"It was Jack's idea", Cassie agreed, "although I was planning on sending you a card and calling. He was the one who thought it would be better in person so he bought me a plane ticket. I'm so glad he did!" She smiled again and ran up to Sam and gave her another hug.

That night, as Sam lay in bed, she couldn't help but think of how different today had been than she had expected. There had been sadness and tears as she and Cassie had talked about their mothers, and about their loss. She hadn't told the young woman about the miscarriage, deciding that Cassie didn't need that burden, but just having her here had gone a long way to healing even that wound. She would still mourn the loss of any future children, but she did have a daughter, and a wonderful husband and she had Teal'c and Daniel – what better family could anyone want.

"Okay?" her husband asked as he climbed into bed. He looked at her carefully, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine", she smiled at him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome", he smiled back.

"You knew all along, didn't you?" she asked after a few moments.

"Yeah", he nodded. "I just wish you'd said something. You didn't have to suffer in silence you know."

"I know. I just – didn't want to add to your pain", she told him, turning on her side and facing him.

"You wouldn't have", he said simply. "Watching you suffer is harder than if you'd told me", he explained to her.

"Oh", she lifted her eyebrows. "So what about you?" she asked. They both knew that Jack kept things to himself all the time.

He sighed and leaned his head back on the pillow. He blew out a soft puff of air. Finally he took a deep breath and spoke. "Father's Day is in a month", he said softly. "It's – always hard. I expect it will be worse again this year", he admitted. He turned his head and she could see the tears in his eyes.

She scrunched over to his side of the bed and pulled him close. "I'll be there for you just like you were for me today Jack", she told him gently. "We'll get through this together." She could feel him nod, but kept him close. "Hey – maybe we could go and visit Cassie this time", she said. "We'll see what her college dorm is like and meet her friends."

"I'm sure she'll love that", Jack grimaced. "But – yeah, let's go someplace. It'll help."

They lay together silently, thinking about loss and family and each other. Finally they both fell asleep, wrapped tightly in each other's arms.

The End (for those who like real life and happiness with a touch of angst don't read any further.)

Chapter 2 continues – but it's only for those who like fluffy, happy endings. Chapter 1 can stand alone for those who want to stick with realism.