This fic is set sometime next season after Kem has gone back to Africa.
Chapter one
Sometimes I feel like I have lived so many different lives, one will end and then I would start another. When I first came to County General I was a married labor and delivery nurse. Then I was a divorced med student. Next I was an ER nurse, dating an ER attending and then the next year I was the ER charge nurse dating the Chief Resident. Every year I have made a change. I have run away from everything that has gotten too difficult and become someone else. Without fail, this past year I also became someone else. I went back to medical school and I am finally a doctor, a single doctor.
I think that I am finally happy with who I am and I now don't anticipate any other changes, at least in my career anyway. I am what I always wanted to be, but it just took me a while to get here. I've dealt with so much in my life, jumped so many hurdles and dodged so many daggers that have been thrown my way. I can't think of much that is unresolved. Even my relationship with Carter has become somewhat normal. I was surprised when he offered to pay my tuition for my remaining quarter of school last spring, but I guess that meant to him that I was his friend and Carter is always one to help out his friends. It's odd to me how easy it is to be around him after all the hurt that I felt when he decided to stay in the Congo and break up with me in a letter. I was angry at him for a long time and he was lucky that he wasn't around for that. When he got back, I guess I felt like that chapter of my life was over, that it didn't matter that I was still feeling the pain that he caused. By then I was a new person, a med student, and I had too much to concentrate on and not enough time to spend harping over a man that had a pregnant girlfriend.
It's been three weeks since his no longer pregnant girlfriend has left and gone back to the Congo. I can't believe that I had moved so much past the issues I had with John into actually being excited for him to be a father. It surprised me how upset I was when they lost the baby; I never thought that I would be okay with Carter having a life that didn't include me. I heard a rumor that he asked Kem to marry him and that she turned him down and went back home to Africa, leaving him all alone here with nothing. I saw him briefly last week and asked him how he was. He looked horrible, it actually looked as if he was drinking or using again, and now of course, as if I don't have other things to worry about, I am worried about him. For three weeks he has been moping around the hospital, acting like a jerk and practicing irresponsible medicine. I never would have thought, after all the pushing he did to get me to stop drinking, that he would relapse.
As for my life, I think that I am finally proud of my self for graduating and becoming a first year resident. I've been sober and smokeless for almost a year now. I go to meetings a couple times a week and have a life based around my work and my sobriety. I think everything is finally working my way.
I'm almost done with my shift and I feel like I just need to get home and get some sleep, but I know that I should go to a meeting first. I walk in and see a crowd of familiar people. Most of the people that go to this meeting are regulars. I feel comfortable around them; I don't have to hide when I'm here.
I spot someone I've never seen before sitting in the corner of the room. He looks like he's maybe my age, dark hair, piecing blue eyes, beautiful smile. Yes, he's smiling at me across the room. He's dressed in a suit; I'm guessing that he's on his way home from work. I all of the sudden am not hearing anything that the speaker is saying. For some reason I am drawn to this man. Besides the fact that he's gorgeous, there's something about him that makes me want to know him.
The meeting is over and I see him walking my way from the other side of the room. I guess he noticed me checking him out.
"Hi, Seth Parker" He extends his hand to shake mine. He's introducing himself as if he's got a business proposition for me. I bet he's a lawyer or something.
"Abby . . . Lockhart" His eyes are incredible. "Is this your first meeting, I've never seen you here before?"
"No, no, it's my first time here, but definitely not my first meeting. . . Um do you want to grab a cup of coffee?"
I look at him trying to determine if he might be dangerous, I have never actually had coffee with a total stranger, but he's so gorgeous, I've got to accept.
"I won't bite, I swear." I give him a smile and accept.
We walk out of the meeting to a quiet coffee house nearby and I quickly excuse myself to the ladies room so I can check myself out. If I am going to sit and have coffee with a gorgeous man, I better look good. I smile in the mirror and sweep my bangs to the side of my face; I actually look kind of cute tonight. I leave the bathroom, satisfied with my appearance and slide into the booth across from Seth. He smiles as I join him, two cups of coffee already on the table.
"What do you do Seth?" I don't know why, but I am so intrigued by him.
"I'm a surgeon over at Northwestern Hospital." I give him a big smile. This might work well for me. "What do you do?"
"Well, I'm an ER resident over at County." We smile at each other; maybe this was meant to be.
"Isn't that perfect, I do mostly emergency surgery." I shake my head at him still smiling.
"Why haven't I seen you at this meeting before?"
"I actually just moved here from Philadelphia. . . How ah . . long have you been sober." I'm always amused by the way that people ask this. There is always an embarrassing tone, like they are asking how many people you've slept with or something.
"Ten days" I dead pan it and he looks at me like he's searching for an excuse to bail. "I'm just kidding" I laugh at his reaction "About seven years." I figure I don't need to tell him about the year and a half that I took off.
"Oh, good." I can tell he's relieved, but this is good. It's good to know that he wouldn't want to deal with someone newly sober, because I wouldn't want to either.
"You?" I ask him back.
"Almost ten years" I look at him like I know him, somehow I am already comfortable with this man. Maybe it's because he's a doctor.
We talk for over an hour, learning about each other; well really me learning about him. Not that he was talking too much, but I was offering very little. I don't want to tell him about my family and I don't want to tell him about my relationship with Carter, so there isn't much more to talk about besides work, which is fine because we work in the same field. I learned that he moved here after he divorced his wife of eight years, leaving behind his two children. I can tell that this man is lonely. I don't think he has many people in his life that live in Chicago.
We scheduled to go on a real date tomorrow night and I have to say, I'm excited for it. I haven't been out with anybody since Carter. I figured I would take a break from dating for a while to concentrate on medical school, but now that that's over, I can have a little bit of fun. Hey, and maybe I can have a little bit of sex too, I am human after all.
It's been about a month weeks since my first date with Seth and I have seen him at least every other day since then. Most of those times are late night; I think our relationship is based mostly on sex, which isn't such a bad thing. I haven't opened up to him yet, but I am trying to, little by little, I will. I do have feelings for him, but I keep him at bay, only getting close to him when were in bed. It's nice to have somebody to sit with and holds hands with at meetings; we usually meet at them after work a couple days a week and then go back to my place to reward ourselves. I am so attracted to this man; it's hard to keep my hands off him. I'm not sure why, but he can't keep his hands off me either. He treats me wonderfully too, always bringing me flowers when he shows up at my door. We haven't discussed anything serious at all yet, right now I think were just having fun.
I'm half way through my shift when I hear Seth calling my name as I spot him up at the front desk. He walks up to me, planting a big kiss on my lips, his hands on my waist as if I am his. I'm surprised to see him here; he's never shown up at the hospital before.
"What are you doing here?" I have a huge smile plastered on my face. Maybe I really do like this guy.
"I thought maybe I could take you to lunch?"
I think I could get used to this.
"Okay" I quickly peck him on the lips as I notice someone looking at us out of the corner of my eye. I pull away from Seth and see who it is and I immediately feel guilty.
"Carter, hi" I have to keep reminding myself that he paraded around this hospital with his pregnant girlfriend for sixth months. I shouldn't feel bad about him seeing me kiss another man. It's not like he still has feelings for me anyway. He looks horrible though, I know he's using, and now I feel guilty because he's so miserable and I'm so happy. "Um, Seth Parker, John Carter"
"Good to meet you" Carter of course is polite as usual. Seth turns to me, pretty uninterested in my friend.
"Lunch, babe?" He asks me. Whoa, wrong time to call me babe for the first time.
"Sure, um, give me a minute and I'll be right out, kay?"
I watch Seth walk away, leaving Carter and me at the counter alone. Well this is awkward. I walk into the lounge, feeling carter at my heels.
I quickly turn around and he bumps right into me.
"So, how long have you been dating the suit?" I don't want to judge him, but it looks like he's been drinking.
"About a month." I change the subject quickly, concerned about him. "Carter, why don't you come to a meeting with me tonight?" I walk over to where he's sitting and reach out to touch his arm, but he pulls away from me. For a minute, I think he's hurt by me. I'm sure he's just angry, angry at the world for is losses.
"I'm not using Abby. So where did you meet him?"
"Carter, I can see that you need help here, and stop changing the subject." I rest my hands on my hips. This man needs a good ass whooping. He's the one that taught me not to through everything away just because something bad happens.
"You're the one changing the subject." He's being defensive now and I can tell that I'm not going to get anywhere with him, at least not today in the lounge.
"I'm going to lunch"
I walk out of the room and almost turn back. I'm just not sure what to do here. I think Carter really needs me right now, but I don't know that I should be the one to pick up the pieces for him. There is another part of me that wants to rescue him like he has done for me in the past. It's that part of me that so firmly believes in being there for a fellow addict, but I guess this case is different, seeing that this fellow addict has broken my heart.
I continue to walk out of the hospital. There is no point in trying to talk to him now; it's obviously not a good time.