Walking Away
The prequel of Hope. Chakotay struggles after he gets down on one knee.
After 7 years I finally had the courage to ask her. 7 years of battles with the Borg, Viddians and the rest of the delta quadrant species. I had thought about how I was going to ask for years. I had planned it in my head, down to the last sentence when I would get down on one knee. However, her answer was not the answer that I thought it would be.
I remember after I asked she just stared at me. I gave her the box and she just looked at me. She took a deep breath and closed the box. She took my hand and said, "No." I remained on the floor even after she left. I wanted to go after her to ask her why she had rejected me, but I didn't have the strength. After 7 years of waiting for her, I wasn't what she wanted.
It was time to walk away. And that's what I did.
I was angry and hurt. I felt empty and cold. But I walked away, and didn't think about it ever again. Until that day…. When she appeared in my class room.
I was furious! I hadn't seen her in months and now she had come to my job. I tried to ignore her, but my anger continued to build.
Then she opened her mouth and asked if we could still be friends. I think that's what pushed me over the edge. I told her that I didn't want to be her friend. And then I left.
I was in the hallway, almost to the exit when she yelled at me and told me that she loved me. I was in shock. Then it hit me like a crashing starship, Kathryn Janeway had always had this effect on me. The effect that I could be so angry but still be in love with her.