It was utterly irritating. I keep finding myself more and more… attached to her. "Attached", huh. It was the nicest way to put it… the most innocent word for it.
Confiding in her just leaves this… this lump in my throat. And it happens every time I speak to her, every time I look at her. I find myself… wanting to be around her. I volunteer more often for her missions. I seem to agree with her far more than I use to (However, we still have different opinions on Cerberus… but then again, I can understand her distrust). And my reports to the Illusive Man become more and more vague… (I leave out a lot of the impending details…)
But I've never left anything out important. Nothing at all that should cause him to question me…
The only thing I've never mentioned in my reports is Shepard's gradual closeness to Vakarian.
It's not important. Not at all.
Not that way he looks at her. Or that beautiful smile she gives when she thinks no one is looking. Or that noticeable, longing aura that envelopes the two of them whenever they're together. It hasn't distracted either of them from the mission. So whatever the relationship the two of them have isn't important enough to worry about. Not at all.
…Which makes it all the more ridiculous of how furious I get whenever I see them together.
They're not holding hands, or kissing in the halls of the ship- not even half the ship is aware of the fact that the two have feelings for each other, they conceal it so well… but these looks they give each other… That soothing, warmth in her blue eyes that escapes whenever she's with him… I hate it. I can't stand it.
But no matter how hard I try, I can't escape from the annoying truth that keeps plaguing my mind- I want her to look at me like that. Like she cares about me. Like she trusts me, like she wants me.
Just like the way she looks at Garrus…. Heh. I never thought I would ever envy a turian. Much less, a goody-two-shoes who use to work for C-Sec.
I run my fingers through my hair, finally admitting it… the fucking truth that's been nagging me ever since Oriana got rescued, since she comforted me afterwards.
I'm falling in love with Shepard.
Goddammit.
A/N: This was originally part of a larger one-shot F!Shep/Miranda fanfiction I had in mind, but I couldn't put the majority of it on paper... we all have that problem, right? Where you have an idea, but you can't exactly put it on paper? (I also sort of had trouble about the ending of the original fanfic). But I sort of liked this little drabble by itself. What do you think?