Hold Me Till The Morning Comes
Steve cannot remember the last time he slept peacefully recently. His last memory of a peaceful sleep was him being tiny and shivering and Bucky holding him tight to him from behind to ward of the cold. He was so thin and little that Bucky could wrap himself around Steve and though he never admitted out loud to Bucky it made him feel safe, being cared for, and he felt special.
Though more often than not, Bucky had to work 2 jobs to pay their bills and rent. The days Steve painted and sold it were the ones where Bucky did not have to work double shifts and they went out, picked girls, at least Bucky did, and went dancing. They did not have a lot so what they had was precious to them. Even if they spent all night dancing, Steve would come home to Bucky who will hold him from behind and he always fell asleep with Bucky nattering in his ears about something.
Steve's stomach dropped when Bucky was drafted. He was moody and petulant. He was going to miss his best friend. After his mother died, Bucky was the only one in the world for him. There was no one else to care about him. Despite Bucky's belief, Steve is aware of the war and what it does to men.
It was selfish he knew but he thought if he could get drafted, then it would be like always, Bucky and Steve, Stevie and Buck till the end of the line. He tried everything he could to get drafted but failed every single time. When Bucky became a sergeant and got deployed to 107th, he could not be more proud.
It broke his heart that he again got rejected, so when Erskine offered him the chance to serve the country he immediately took it without a single consideration. He felt disappointed with himself when all he did was do USO tours and be the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.
Nothing in the world could have stopped him from marching into Azzano where Bucky's unit was captured. Bucky was captured by the enemies and he was presumed to be dead and here he was with a costume and dancing. Against all odds, he rescued Bucky. He could feel Bucky's eyes on him when they were returning back to the camp.
He could see the disbelief in Bucky's eyes when he saw him. Bucky looked like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The first night after their escape, Steve and Bucky were surrounded by Bucky's unit and some other soldiers who Bucky was imprisoned and shared the cell with. He could see the adoration and respect they all had for Bucky.
When it was time to finally rest, Bucky asked him "Don't need anyone to ward off the chill now do ya pal. I don't think I am big enough to hold you anyway" All he saw in Bucky's eyes were quiet contemplation. Without missing a beat he said "so, I will just hold you Bucky from now on" and that brought the first laugh out of Bucky after Azzano.
On some missions with the Howling Commandos, they were well into the enemy line that they cannot even lit a fire at night and those days were most cherished in Steve's memory. Everyone in the Commandos huddled with someone for warmth and Steve would hold onto Bucky all night. Bucky would just chuckle and say he was a fuming furnace but would lean into him.
When Bucky fell, Steve lost his will to live. Even the presence of Peggy was not soothing anymore. There was a gaping hole in his chest. His life lost its meaning. The only thing he had was cutting every single head Hydra had and burn the whole thing to the ground. That was the only thing that kept him breathing.
On aboard the plane after losing the tesseract, when he decided to plunge the plane into the ice even though there was a small part of him regretting his missed chance with Peggy, the biggest part of him thought finally I will see Bucky again.
After waking up again, he never slept if he could help it. His body didn't need sleep as much. He did not understand the depth of what he felt for Bucky until he lost Bucky right before his eyes. Anytime he went to sleep, he will miss the warmth of Bucky with him. The safe and security he felt with Bucky was ripped away from him and right now he only had his punch bags to keep him company.
Bucky was the science fiend between them. The first time he climbed the hellicarrier he knew Bucky would have been impressed. Through team effort, they managed to save New York and yet his new team did not click with him as the Commandos did. Steve did not have any trouble parting from them. He had their numbers but did not seek them out.
When he moved to DC to work with Shield, he lived in an apartment chosen for him by Shield. It was good enough he supposed. It was comfortable and big but part of him wanted the small dingy apartment he lived with Bucky. That part of him will always want that. He slowly started to open himself to Natasha. He does not trust her completely, but still considered her a friend.
He cursed himself when he found out what Hydra did to Bucky. They brainwashed his best friend. They made Bucky forget him. He thought this is what broken heart felt like. He understood now how people died of broken heart. He needs to stop Hydra but he will not fight Bucky any more than that. With that resolution, he went to the hellicarrier.
When he woke up in the hospital, he knew who had saved him. He was unconscious. There was no way he could have made to the shore by himself. Even if Sam and Natasha are cautious, he knew in his heart Bucky had saved him. Hope bloomed in his heart like a wild flower spreading its vine.
Natasha could feel the change the Steve. He was literally coming alive. Whereas he merely existed before, he was coming to life now and she does not need her training to know who it is for. Steve may not know how red room and Hydra worked with its victims, but Natasha did. She truly considered Steve her friend. The only other person to hold that title is Clint. For Steve's sake, she wished Bucky would get better and come back to him. She may never trust Bucky, but will give him a chance for Steve.
When Bucky came back to Steve 2 years later, it hit him like a freight train. Every feeling he was feeling for Bucky goes beyond friendship. It took him more than 70 years to understand that Bucky was imprinted in his soul. There is no Steve without Bucky. He was absolutely totally and completely foregone in love with his best friend who on his best days calls him Steve and on his worst days will not utter a single word and stare at the void.
The revelation of his newly recognized love put Steve at peace with himself. He will be there for Bucky and be whatever Bucky wants him to be. When Bucky hesitantly knocked his door one day and asked him if they ever shared the bed, he said the truth. Yes they did, before when he was tiny to keep Steve warm, and after the serum to ward of the bitter cold when they were on missions but for no other reason.
When Bucky's nightmares became too much for him, he came to Steve and Steve held him until he fell asleep again. Bucky started doing much better. He even started to venture out on his own. Much to Steve's astonishment, Bucky loved everything that came out of Starbucks. Bucky seemed to love the teeth rotting sweet concoction they call coffee. Bucky assured him he will be alright when Steve left for an Avenger's mission.
Bucky was watching The Lion King for 6th time when Steve wobbled in. He was limping and he was extremely pale. Bucky sprang from the couch and dragged Steve to it. He started to swaddle Steve with all the blankets in their home and started to heat the soup he had for dinner much to Steve's protest. Only after Steve started to eat, he started to wonder how he knew exactly what to do for Steve and when did he start thinking of their place as his home.
Steve slowly started to tell him about him accidentally falling into a frozen pond during the mission and though he was saved immediately by the team, he was shaken. That night Bucky held him tight when Steve clung to him like a lifeline. Within moments of falling asleep, Steve started shaking with nightmare. Bucky made the mistake of shaking him to get him to awake when he got a punch to the jawline when Steve startled awake.
After much coaxing from Bucky, Steve told him he always had nightmares about the plane sinking into the frozen water but today it was combined with Bucky falling from the train and him being in the cryo. Steve had tears in his eyes when he finished. He felt guilty and ashamed to look at Bucky. If he had no joined Project Rebirth, he would not have become Captain America and Bucky would not have followed him into the enemy lines and would not have fell off the train.
"You stupid punk I would have never made it out of Zola's table if you weren't there" was the only thing Bucky said. At Steve's grateful look, he simply pressed his lips to Steve's and wondered if he crossed a line that should never be crossed. To say Steve was shocked will be stating an apple is red. His dream is coming true. Bucky loved him like he did. He held onto Bucky's arm with one hand and brought his other to pull Bucky by his neck and kissed him properly.
Every night started for them with Steve holding Bucky during sleep and ended with Bucky holding him in the morning and Steve will not have it any other way.