Voices: Bobby gets drunk and thinks about John. Slash. Both Bobby and John POV (although this mostly focuses on Bobby, John's POV will be expanded in later criticism gratefully received, as this is my first fic.
Voices
Bobby:
He fixes a drink for me, stirring it round in a plastic cup. I always drink way too fast and I get drunk embarrassingly quickly, so I resolve to drink slowly and keep control of the situation.
We're sitting on the floor of an abandoned storage space. It's not that nice, but for some reason John wanted to come here .There's one light bulb that dimly lights the room, and a mattress in the corner. It's starting to get dark .Why we are here I don't know.
I don't really care either. The alcohol has relaxed me and stopped me thinking. I feel empty. The voices shut up for awhile. The voices that tell me what do and what not to do fall silent. They're something far less gentle than my conscience. They sound like my brother and my Dad mostly. What really traps me is that sometimes they sound like me, but better.
The voices are gone and they are replaced by a spaced out feeling; I am edgy and uncomfortable. What if I make a wrong decision? What if I do something I'll regret? What if the voices are right?
Why am I so uncomfortable around my best friend?
I am uncomfortable because I notice everything about John Allerdyce .The way his lip curls when he smiles, the intense and transfixed look in those dark brown eyes when he controls fire. Hell, even his neck, as he bends down to pour me another drink. I am obsessed.
It would be easier for me if I had never met John. I try to convince myself that it's only him and that it wouldn't happen with some other guy. The voices try to convince me it's a phase. I want to think I love him. Both say I'm not gay. My silent, weird best friend is an exception.
The quiet is unbearable. John is playing with his lighter.
"Why the fuck are we here?"
He raises his eyebrows in surprise and shrugs.
I tell myself that I don't do something, say something, or even allow myself to think about him too much, because I'm worried about loosing his friendship. The real, shameful reason is that I am afraid. Afraid of what people will think. I'm afraid of the voices. I'm afraid of my Dad and brother. I'm afraid of the students and my other friends. I'm afraid of strangers on the street. I'm scared of being a freak twice over.
I want to be liked by everyone, possibly more than I want John to love me.
I walk over and sit down next to him. I am passed caring whether this is a good idea. Just once. I want to know what it feels like, just this one time. I will do what I want for a change. I lean in close to him and touch his lips to mine.
John:
I knew it would happen sooner or later, but it was agony waiting for it. I could have made the first move and Bobby would have happily done what I wanted, but for some reason I didn't.
Maybe I've changed. Maybe it's the other person. It's a whole new era of responsibility, which why Bobby is very drunk and will probably regret it when he's sober. I don't believe people change. Old habits are just too hard to break.
Bobby is staring at me; all blushes and embarrassment .I pull him in for another kiss. The first was sweet, but definitely fumbled and innocent. This is different. This lasts longer and leaves us breathless. It's amazing, but it's better than how Bobby kisses in my dreams.
"You worry too much." I murmur. "Just relax" …..