Disclaimer: obviously the Labyrinth parts/characters/creations are not mine. The title of this chapter is also not mine, it belongs to Alice In Chains (if you haven't heard the song you should go listen). I usually try to be original with my titles but the song fits the situation Sarah is in and I was trying to be a bit clever as well...see if you can see why!
Doors swung open onto a sunlit road as a young woman barged through them, a pamphlet of some kind crushed in her hand. Raking a hand through her hair the woman took a shuddering breath, closing her eyes. Taking the steps down to the street afterwards at a calmer, safer pace, the woman fished agitatedly in the pockets of her tattered jeans for something. Producing a set of car keys just in time the woman opened the door of the car she was standing next to and near enough dropped herself inside.
Flipping down the sunshield Sarah Williams eyeballed her reflection in the small mirror, eyes desperately seeking something within their own depths, seeking some sign of a truth – whatever that truth might be. Finding nothing other than the usual green shades and thick lines of black eyeliner she sighed and forcefully flipped the sunshield up again.
There should be nothing to sigh about. It was a brilliant sunny day, the green of the summer leaves was outlined so wonderfully crisply against the endless blue of the sky in the way she loved so much. She was a young woman with a supporting family, a good set of friends and currently a not half bad boyfriend. She had a talent for acting, a top rated drama school training and a job she enjoyed. Had enjoyed, before she had to stop.
Shaking her head Sarah tried to put troubled thoughts from her mind as she started the car engine. Cranking up the volume of her cassette wishing the music would just blast everything from her head, silver ringed fingers tapped out the familiar rhythm of Morbid Angel's Where the Slime Live on the steering wheel as she pulled out of the parking space. If it were that simple!
Reaching her destination the pamphlet was snatched up from the passenger seat and the music abruptly cut out with the car engine. Moving from car to building Sarah gritted her teeth and proceeded to hike up the stairwell of a modest apartment block to her door.
"Bloody stairs."
She still hated them. Even ones that weren't upside down.
Feeling quite drained Sarah leaned thankfully upon her door as it swung inwards. Drifting towards her room through the small kitchen/living area she dropped the car keys onto an end table and shrugged off her jacket. Flopping down on to her bed Sarah rifled through her jacket pockets and produced a cigarette and lighter. Taking a slow drag and exhaling she willed herself not to cry.
"Well I know what to blame for all this," she muttered, glaring at a small plastic and foil packet at her bedside. The anti-depressants often tired her out and peaked her emotions.
I shouldn't need them anyway.
Or should I?
Those little joys had been assigned fairly early on. Living in a world where you know another exists and where no one will believe you despite all protestations took its toll. Especially when the disbelief even started to come from you.
Thinking back Sarah knew she should have been more careful, more cautious, but it had been so easy, so simple just to talk to Hoggle, Ludo and Didymus and the goblins and the Wise Man, those who did not have to try to match her imagination and scope of mind to relate with. Overhearing snatches of what seemed to be conversation when the house was quiet or when they were returning home she guessed Robert and Karen could only have been concerned.
Talking with herself or talking to things that 'weren't there'. There was no winning either way.
Lying back and watching the smoke spiral up in elegant whirls and columns a sardonic smile spread across her face as thoughts wandered further, bringing up the past.
"Manifestations to cope with the stress and emotional turmoil of the disrupted and rearranging family…"
"Whatever."
That was what they had been at first, at 15… then they were to cope with the strain of being away from home, stress from her acting, irregular working hours... to help a mind cope with life in general.
It would be easier to deal with if she knew it were true. Or if she knew that it wasn't.
Forcefully stubbing out the cigarette Sarah knew it wasn't true. She could see any one of those such manifestations now if she wanted. The spark of defiance flew out of her and for a moment her head dropped forlornly. But what if it was all her mind. What if they were right.
The same old questions, the same old battles.
Sighing, Sarah wished something could cheer her, distract her for just a while.
"The fair lady calleth? At your service!"
And there was Didymus. Didymus. No manifestation.
A relieved smile cracked across her face as her foxyish friend twitched about at the end of her bed, giving an extravagantly gallant bow.
"What ails thee?" Nose wrinkling slightly he sniffed about the room, "There is no threat from beast, flood nor fire! I can be certain of that,"
Sarah glanced from Didymus to the recently used ashtray at her bedside and suppressed a grin
"I am in no peril Didymus, its safe,"
"…oh."
He paused for a moment, lowering his staff, and then sprung agilely towards her, not to be put out,
"Thou knowest I wouldst gladly dispatch any foe of my lady's!"
"Of course!" Sarah briefly considered sending Didymus to meet her psychiatrist. "So what knightly errands have you dashingly completed good sir? Is Ambrosius well?"
Eye lighting up with the relish of a daring tale or two Didymus launched into a saga of epic proportions about the still ongoing attempts to rebuild the bridge over the Bog by her friends.
Listening and offering suggestions Sarah began to feel the deep worry and panic that had clawed its way inside her after leaving her treatment session earlier panic, receding. In fact, entirely absorbed in hearing about the strange and marvellous world she was so drawn to the day had slipped past her unawares and only the sound of footsteps approaching her door alerted her to the real world. She smiled at Didymus as he gave a quick nod and materialised into nothingness – it was a well practised departure by now.
"Who were you talking to?" the rich tones from the man at the door did not worry Sarah,
"Oh, just Sir Didymus,"
"Ahh the little knight guy!"
Jake – the man at the door – took a few more steps into the room and gave her a considering look. She ignored it.
"If you let people see them it'd help your case a lot more…"
She shook her head. They had been through that one. God knows what would happen to them, to the whole of the Labyrinth if anyone should see them. If anyone else could actually see them…
"How did you get in?"
"You'd left your keys in the door again."
A frown creased her brow, her words lost their vibrancy "Oh."
Sarah watched as his figure, streaked here and there with white paint came closer towards her. Those dark eyes of his had always been accepting, never doubting or judging her, never trying to see some other explanation. It had felt good in the past few years to have an ally.
"How did it go?"
Without speaking and looking away out of the window Sarah grasped the pamphlet from the bed beside her and thrust it towards him, that churning feeling returning to her stomach. The oblivious, albeit naive, peace she had just felt was slipping away. There was quite a silence as he read.
'The Willows
…A safe and calm environment for the troubled mind…'
"Sarah?"
"What?!" snapping back at the worry in his voice she turned away from the window and got up, snatching the damned thing back out of his hands, "I don't need it. I'm not some sort of freak!"
The pamphlets tightly balled up and crumpled shape flew speedily to the floor.
It was more of a sob than a sigh that followed as Sarah fell heavily down onto her bed for the second time that day.
He was crouching in front of her now, a hand resting gently on her knee, sections of sleek dark hair were falling out of a scruffy ponytail, catching in the hoop through his ear.
"Your hair's coming out…" bluntly stating the obvious seemed better than saying nothing at all as she stared at him. Jake grinned at her; heartening as ever.
"Good job I've finished rollering never ending walls with 'Clouded Pearl' for today then!" With a short tug the rest of his hair was vigorously shook free as the band slipped over his wrist, "And speaking of – what do you want to do tonight? Some band is dropping through but I've heard they're crap anyways soo I was thinking how about you, me, a couple of tins, a pizza, a movie…" It sounded a lot better than letter her mind torment itself with endless questioning,
"Yeah, ok … thanks,"
A kiss was planted on her forehead as he straightened up, "That's the spirit! I'll go clean up and be back later on, say eightish? Just get some rest, chill out a bit till then; you'll be alright?"
Nodding Sarah watched him go, mind still reeling with thoughts of 'The Willows', the past and the potential futures that lay before her.
"You don't think I'm mad do you?" her sudden call, tinged with fear stopped him at the doorway.
Somewhat awkwardly he shrugged "I'm not a doctor,"
"I'm not asking a doctor, I'm asking you."
Sarah watched as he paused and pushed his hair back from his face,
"I think you're mad to follow acting when you've got so much scope and influence to make you a prize winning novelist or something," he smiled but it didn't seem right.
"Sure you're ok?" he asked, the unusual look of deep concern that flashed across his face both worried and irritated her.
"I'm fine," she lied stretching a smile across her lips. He nodded and with a small backward glance at her turned and left.
Get some rest. It was definitely a good idea. Pursing her lips Sarah trailed her hands over several books upon the shelf and then shook her head, moving forward to her music collection. Reading was a bit beyond her at the moment. Selecting something suitably mind numbing she stretched out on her bed, and closed her eyes.
Drowsily opening her eyes Sarah looked fuzzily about, there was something wrong. Her ears felt entirely numbed, her head strangely compressed. Shaking her head slightly woke her a bit more and leaving the sleep induced stupor she rolled her eyes and removed the large headphones from her head, solving the strange ailment that had suddenly assailed her.
Shit!
Rolling over and grabbing the alarm clock at her bedside in panic to check she hadn't slept for too long Sarah noted the two hours she had left until Jake would be returning and jumped up. Heading swiftly for the phone knowing the family would be worried that she hadn't rung earlier about the appointment and simultaneously trying not to think about her earlier appointment she was just reaching to dial when the flashing of the answer phone caught her eye.
The familiar tones of Karen's voice issued from the machine and Sarah paced slightly while her stepmother dithered away inviting her to dinner at the weekend after Toby's big game and asking what she'd like or if she'd prefer ice cream or cake or even both… it was quite soothing hearing her prattle away like normal. They had been very supportive in general and the situation caused arguments sometimes but it was better to go along with it. Toby had been entirely frustrating – though he had only been a baby after all. Endlessly she had plied him with questions and tales hoping to jog some memory, leaving one part out obviously, she never mentioned that part, or him… but Toby, a little too young to fully understand just laughed and shook his head, "I love your stories sis…". Only a baby, that's why he didn't remember.
Dropping out of her reverie Sarah focused her attention a bit more firmly on the voice of her stepmother, "…we heard from a very nice young man earlier on today – a certain Jake – why ever didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend before! A very nice young man indeed- more than welcome to come this weekend! So when did you…" as Sarah half listened to the prying, embarrassing questions about when she met Jake, what he did, where he lived, she was wondering what the hell Jake had been doing seeing her parents. Karen's voice confirmed that with a heart stopping blow: "He seemed very concerned and worried about you, you know…it's alright, he told us all about the appointment today, don't worry, its ok. Your father and I were thinking we should all sit down and have a little chat about it…we just want to make sure you're safe, it might not be as bad as you're thinking. How abou-"
With a cold sweat of horror materialising about her Sarah pressed the delete button firmly down.
Fuck. They were going to institutionalise her.
Lower lip trembling along with her shaking hands Sarah whirled about her apartment in a frenzied haze. Eyes darting too and fro, desperate to find some hold on something comforting. With breath as ragged as her heartbeat she grasped the car keys from beside the phone.
Cigarette haphazardly hanging from her mouth, Sarah swerved the car violently into a parking space. Her fingers hurt from their tight grip upon the steering wheel and she sat frozen for a moment or so. Numb. Slowly, she got out of the car, the shale and gravely surface of the car park crunching under her boots as she drifted from the vehicle, its door still hanging wide open. The earthy scent of the forest and the cool evening drew her in, too late for any dog walkers or families it was silent, serene.
Mad. Was she?
As feet wandered on of their own accord over root and earth, the thought's she'd been thinking for the past hour or so of her pointless car drive turned themselves over yet again. So Jake had betrayed her – how could he?! So Jake was worried – so perhaps she was properly mad then. But she knew. She knew!! Or did she just know what her mind told her too. What her mind created. No. She couldn't be swayed by what she'd been told. She definitely knew. It had been real. It was real. As real as 'The Willows' was. She couldn't go. She wasn't mad. She wouldn't go.
The worlds wouldn't merge.
A slight breeze caught her dark hair as Sarah stopped, gazing out over the treetops at the twinkling yellow lights of the houses from the ridge she stood upon.
Even if the worlds would merge it wouldn't work.
"I don't know why, but every now and again in my life, for no reason at all, I need you…all of you."
Her old words whispered hauntingly around in her head.
All of them.
She needed them, she needed the Labyrinth, she needed everything.
But that was beyond her now and had been since she refused an offer ten years ago, a very generous, a very dangerous offer.
There was no way of going back just as there was no way anyone would believe. Living in two halves couldn't work; all or nothing.
Peering forward Sarah took in the plummeting drop from the ridge and trembled. Hurriedly stepping back she threw her head back to try and stop the tears. The rustling of the trees in the wind mingled with her deep breaths and then she stepped forward again, foot touching nothingness, and closed her eyes against the now tilting view.
All or nothing.
With pain shooting towards her shoulder, arm feeling like it would pop at the sockets, Sarah felt herself stop, a soft, gloved, touch around her wrist, holding her against gravity's pull. Suspended with one foot resting on the crumbling edge of the ridge Sarah's eyes flew open as she heard an all too familiar voice.
"Drastic measures and wishing things away aren't always the best decisions – surely I'd have thought you would remember that from last time Sarah?"
Slowly turning her head Sarah did not need to see the fluttering of a partly opened black shirt and its poets sleeves or the stony paleness of a slanted face with its lips thinned into the slightest of smirks to know her ears had not deceived her. Her shock, fear and relief alternated rapidly, jostling for dominance or confirmation of their existence.
Eyes glinted, staring at her from the impassive statuesque face.
"They think I'm going mad,"
"Ah yes, life's not fair is it?" In the dim light the amused raising of a hawkish eyebrow could just be made out, "And what was that earlier? All or nothing?"
There were implications hidden in that amused, eerily teasing voice.
With further pain to her arm Sarah found herself jerked from her state of suspension and into an equally perilous position. Unyielding arms encircled her, gripping her tightly as she was held upon the brink of the ridge, staring out into the night and the drop below.
"What if 'all' does not need you! I gave you a chance Sarah; you were a very cruel girl…" his words hissed quietly against her ear, there was a pause and then Sarah was shown the terrifying depths of his cruelty, "Madness is a funny thing. You can be stalked, haunted, tortured and no one will believe you, no help will come…Sarah, the things I could have done…"
As the chilling sentence hung in the air Sarah found herself and her defiance,
"So why haven't you? Why are you here now?"
There was no point mincing words now. Breathless in fear and shock as she was, the taunt was carried well.
Too well.
With a shriek Sarah felt herself begin to topple, his arms releasing her, the swift push sending her over. There was no pain, no nothing, just a slight slowing down. The sensation stopped.
Hesitantly opening her eyes Sarah was confronted with darkness, a very small shaft of light illuminated a tiny little spot of the dirt floor. A shaft of light that was smaller than it had been the last time…
She was in an oubliette.
A/N: This chapter is a little longer than I intended it to be but things kept running away with me and I felt it was important that they were all mentioned here rather than later on. I'm not sure if the other chapters will be as long but in a way I'd like to keep some consistency!
As for the other chapters this might be a slowly updated piece since I'll have to start really cracking down with a research paper soon so that'll have to take a bit of priority!
Reviews and constructive criticism welcome.