The cold feels right. Not in the day when the sun is out and covered by clouds, but only at night.

At night when I can go outside in just shorts and a T-shirt and lay in my circle driveway. Feeling the cold concrete against my heels and my calves and my hands and my arms. When I can see my breath escape my mouth in a puff of white and watch it fade away. The thrill of feeling the cold seep into my skin, knowing I should at least be wearing a jacket, but I'm not.

That's the best feeling in the world.

But I knew it could be better with a friend. It could be better to lay there in near silence with my best friend. Quiet except for the occasional loud breath and the usual noises of nighttime.

But it can't be like that anymore, because your gone, and I have no one to share my nightly solitude with.

So here I am dreaming. Dreaming of nights like this spent watching the stars.

It is cold tonight, but it feels right somehow, even though you're not by my side.

It feels like only yesterday that you were here beside me—probably because it /was/ only yesterday. Now you're in a cold morgue with bruises around your neck from the noose and, not to mention, scars on your wrists from the cutting.

The thing is, it doesn't even make me that sad that you're gone. I know you're in a better place now, and that's where you wanted to be, obviously.

I know: sometimes I will wake up screaming in the dead of night, crying because you're gone, and having to be comforted by my parents like I'm four or five all over again. But I'll forgive you, you know I will.

Even when I'm destroyed by the absence of your presence, I'll forgive you. Because all I ever did was love you.

And I still do. So much, baby.

But at the moment, I am perfectly at ease with the fact that your gone. Knowing that you are somewhere better right now, breathing better air, or not breaking at all. Whatever happens after death.

At least I know you're not gonna hurt anymore. That's what you wanted. And that's what you got.

You got to end the hurt.

Even though I wont, when, days from now, it finally hits me you're gone. When it finally hits me that I wont ever see your cute little face ever again, that I won't see those sweet little lips curl into that small smirk, or see those brown eyes brighten up at the mention of cookies. Or even see your curly hobbit hair you always hated.

I won't get to see it ever again.

But that's okay. Right now, anyway.

So, here I am, under the night sky. In the cold. In my circle driveway. Seeing my breath, watching it fade.

Dreaming of other nights spent watching the stars, with you.

A/N that ended... differently than expected sorry guys xx ilysm