Author's Note:

This is the end of my little Crowley/Cas 'verse, so many thanks to my reviewers that have encouraged me to continue! I have several fanfictions I am looking to write and I'm not sure when I'll be writing for this pairing again, but in the meantime, I will have lots of Destiel and Sabriel fluff for all of you :D Lyrics are from Change by Deftones.

Allons-y!

"I watched a change in you

It's like you never had wings

And you feel so alive."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his room, his eyes darkening lustfully. Sometimes Crowley got in aggressive, dominant moods. I didn't mind. His eyes followed every miniscule movement as I shucked my coat and shirt. Hands pushed me onto the bed, and lips traced my clavicle. It had been three weeks since Sam and Dean had found out, and it had taken the entire day to convince them I was fine, but they'd finally come to accept it.

"I can feel my grace in you," I murmured.

It was true. We'd been in so much contact that he was becoming half angel, meaning I was becoming…half demon. He wasn't going to have wings, only an immunity to the Winchester's demon killing blade along with developing my healing powers. He'd warned me that eventually I would change too. I would become immune to holy oil, and my eyes would turn black one day, most likely soon. Not permanently, just when I was angry, aroused, or wanting to reveal my "true form" to someone.

"Hm, kinky," he said amusedly.

My jaw clenched as he sunk his nails into my upper arm. A bead of blood appeared under his fingers. Being with a demon had opened up new sides to me, including the side that enjoyed a little pain. It was a dark side of me that one demon and one demon alone could bring out.

The kiss was desperate and heated, and I didn't know which one of us or maybe both of us growled deep in our throats. Everything was perfect, but very abruptly…he froze. He'd pulled back to look at me, and then stopped. Wonder and awe were written all over his face. I felt a pang of curiosity given that he very rarely expressed either emotion that he was so blatantly feeling right now.

"Your eyes…" he whispered.

I glanced over his shoulder at the mirror hung above the elaborate dresser. Oh my Father. My eyes…were black. Solid black…demon black. I scrambled off the bed and pulled my shirt back on, feeling far too overwhelmed. The large room suddenly felt as if it was closing in on me. I'd known this would happen, but I hadn't counted on the revulsion I was feeling at the sight of myself. Crowley's eyes turning black was one thing, but I was an angel. This was wrong on so many levels.

"Castiel," he called after me.

I ignored him and disappeared in a flurry of unseen feathers. My vessel's heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. It was not his fault what had happened -after all, I'd never objected to our relationship, even when I realized that I was going to become half demon- but I couldn't be near anyone right now. I couldn't stand to be seen this way.

A soft breeze ruffled my hair as I appeared on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was beautiful…peaceful. I sat down on the edge and closed my eyes as if that simple motion could erase the image of them turning black as the sky above me. It was as if the image was permanently burned into my retinas, like the dark spots a human sees after staring at the sun for too long.

"Cas?"

I looked over my shoulder and saw Dean. Apparently my eyes had returned to normal, because he didn't shy away or appear repulsed. He walked over and sat next to me. I asked how he found me, he said that Crowley called saying he knew where I would be and for Dean to come find me. The demon had probably sent Dean to check on me because Crowley was worried I would shut him off again. Of course he knew where to find me; I always came here when I was upset.

Dean glanced over at me. "Crowley told me what happened."

"How can you even look at me, knowing what I became? What I am?"

He wrapped his arm around me and pulled my head onto his shoulder. "You love Crowley. I've accepted that, okay? And he makes you happy. Hate to break it to you, but you've become just as much a brother to me as Sam, so you could grow two heads and I'd care less. You're going to be my surrogate little brother no matter what. So go home to that asshole of a demon you seem so taken with, kiss, make-up, and you can repay me for my kick-ass advice by not filling me in on the details of what else you two happen to do. Deal?"

I smiled. "Deal." Just like Crowley, he always knew exactly what to say.

The speech was so logical, so Dean. A small part of me was still unnerved by what I'd seen, but I wouldn't - couldn't - stay away from Crowley simply because I was in frightening territory. I would return to him and pray he'd forgive me for disappearing. So maybe my eyes had turned black, and maybe I was changing, but that didn't change how much I loved him. Nothing ever would.

"Tell Crowley he owes me for showing up here and going all Dr. Phil on your ass."

"I will certainly make that my first priority," I replied dryly.

"Hey, is that sarcasm I hear? Aw, our little Cas is growin' up!"

I rolled my eyes but gave him a grateful smile before suddenly appearing on the couch next to Crowley. Without saying a word, he reached over and took my hand. I stared down at our interlocked fingers, and then to the flames inside the fireplace. The silence stretched on until I finally, albeit hesitantly, broke it.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Running away."

"But you came back to me." To me. Those two words made the sentence that much more intimate.

It was awhile before I replied. Maybe because I was still partly lost in my own thoughts, maybe due to my lack of proper words to conclude the conversation. It was late, I wanted to go to sleep. So I finally made the rare decision of speaking my mind instead of carefully phrasing my sentence like I usually did. They were simple, but they were four of the most honest words I ever spoke.

"And I always will."