I Knew Before You Knew
Author's Note: Set during the scene where Catherine says she knew Grissom was leaving before he knew.
"At least it wasn't a tattoo," he offered.
"Oh don't go there," she breathed. She looked back at the screen, focusing on the shoe. "In any case, the sneakers were definitely a custom job. We've got a warrant for the custom records."
Catherine stared at the shoe, gathering information in her head but her thoughts were elsewhere. She could feel it coming. Grissom had already turned to look at her and from her peripheral vision she could tell he was trying to figure out what to say.
He stared for what seemed an eternity. He was searching his brain, but was distracted by her face. For a moment, he couldn't believe he was actually going to leave her behind. No matter what his heart and head were saying, she was still a very present part of his life. Was it fair? Would she be ok?
He knew she would, but he wanted to be there to make sure anyway. He couldn't.
"Catherine… I know I surprised you, today, with the-"
"I knew."
She was so confident in her words and Grissom's eyes widened by a millimeter. It wasn't all that surprising. It surprised Catherine, though. She knew where his heart was, but she didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to think for a single moment that he would leave. The dynamic that was created between them would never exist with her and someone else. The team would suffer, maybe only in minor ways, but it would be a change. She had known, she supposed, maybe not with the conviction that she said it, but it came out of her mouth anyway. It saved her from revealing herself.
"I knew before you knew."
That's my girl, He thought. Always a step ahead of me. But he wasn't stupid. He could see it in her eyes. She missed him already and he missed her too.
"Well, looks like the sneakers-"
"Catherine."
Very rarely did Grissom interrupt her. She trailed off and turned to him.
"What is it, Gil?"
He said nothing but looked down. Never had she seen him so defeated. Very gently, he grabbed her hand and turned to walk her back into the darkest corner of the lab room. She felt her back up against the stiff metal shelves. There was no time for her eyes to adjust and with Grissom looming over her she was shielded from any light source. She couldn't see anything, but oh, she could feel.
She had been close to Grissom before. She had sat next to him, walked arm in arm, looked at evidence in close proximity. She had hugged him and touched him. Now, in the dark, she could actually feel him. He was so close to her. She felt the heat of his breath, of his skin. He just stood there, blocking her against the shelves. She strained against the darkness, her eyes slowly gathering enough light to see his eye's reflection. He was looking at her.
Grissom had never worked on impulse before. Or if he had, he couldn't remember it now. He watched her small frame, so still in the darkness, but not rigid. It felt comfortable. But he couldn't escape their labored breathing and his slamming heart that ricocheted off his eardrums.
He lifted up a hand and let his fingers tickle across her cheek. He heard her draw in a breath.
She knew what was coming, but she didn't know if she would ever be prepared. His face was inching closer and his hand was holding her face and she couldn't look away, or breathe, or stop.
He kissed her.
He took her lips between his and kissed her the best he knew how.
He kissed her slowly and Catherine thought that time was moving as slow as his kiss which seemed never ending. He tasted every corner of her mouth, every bit of flesh he could and she was thankful for this piece of him she never knew existed.
She tasted like chapstick and coffee.
He tasted like her biggest regret.
She should have done this sooner. She hadn't known what she'd missed until this moment when his bottom lip was between her teeth and she could feel his pulse on her tongue.
She cried. The tears trickled down her face and she stopped kissing back. She loved him so much. She would never forget how she felt in this exact moment, she promised herself, because there would never be another one like it.
Grissom took her head in both hands, strumming his thumbs over her cheeks to rid the tears. She was so soft. He had never seen her like this at all. It seemed that in the shadow of darkness she was so much more fragile than he ever imagined. Maybe he was dense in his waking life, too dense to see that people are more than what they appear. He knew she had trials and tribulations of her own, he knew she cried. But she always possessed a fiery, irreplaceable gumption that he assumed held her together.
He was wrong. She was just as fragile as he.
She looked up at him, begging him to stay with her eyes because she would never ask vocally.
"Don't ever forget me," he said. He didn't move. He didn't blink.
She saw the tear. That one tear that managed to escape his intense stare. It only made her tears fall more steadily. She would never forget him and she didn't need to say it.
He brushed his lips across her forehead, mumbling things she couldn't hear until he pulled her into a hug, his lips and breath hot on her ear.
"I love you."
She felt the words before she heard them. She held him tighter, wrapping both arms around his neck and pulling herself up.
Grissom felt the kisses on his neck, heard the whimpers muffled in his shoulder, and felt the repressed sobs against his chest.
"I will always love you," she breathed.
And she did.