Memories

Summary: "You Can't Change The Past!"~ Simba the Lion King. People do stupid things, and they can't take it back. One man has done many of these acts; he wishes he could take them all back. He alone lives in the twilight of what was, and what is. His name is Xander Levesque, and this is his story.

Dear Reader,

When you truly love someone, you can forgive the unforgivable. Forgiveness is a thing that those who've walked a dark path are often searching for. Those who walked this path search for it, but don't often receive it. Simply because they are judged for things they have done, whether by choice or not, and can't change. And it's why some of us are left in the dark.

Forgiveness is so hard to get, but much like any test, it is so worth it in the end. Because you realise that you do mean something, that your words, your mere existence is worth it.

But we can't do this alone. Sometimes we need people in our lives to give us that push on the path to redemption that you won't be able to give yourself.

I didn't have the push I needed for a very long time, and my life had been controlled chaos waiting to explode at any given moment. I was a grenade, waiting to obliterate everything in my path just to get what I want. But that's all over now. Because I have found my path. But lot's of people haven't. So this is my journey, with a few things taken out for continuity's sake. I'm sure this will help... someone. And if it does, my job is done.

Kindest Regards,
Alexander 'Xander' Levesque

Prologue

The Star De Lune was quiet. Of course, the club had been busy a few hours before hand- full of drunken, happy people, dancing and having fun. Now it was as silent as the grave. Chairs were stacked up on tables, stools on bar counters, tables wiped clean of spilt alcohol and grime. All lights were off, except the few above the exit doors and the fairy lights hanging from the back door, leading to the upstairs loft. They twinkled in the dark, casting small yet ominous glows over the large room.

On the back wall near the door was a stage, and on that stage sat a man, slightly illuminated by the fairy lights. He was tall, standing at six feet five inches, he was large for a man his age, weighing two-hundred-fifty pounds, all complete muscle. He had dark chocolate coloured hair that hung limp by his shoulders, his emo-fringe hanging messily in his eyes. His dark green eyes stared at the cold floor as he watched the night tick away.

The reason behind his escape from the hustle and bustle of the club earlier was the throb ricocheting around his head like a tennis ball being flung around a court. His slender fingers rubbed against his temple as he tried to think, avoiding any malicious thoughts that drifted into his head. He had had a lot of those lately, at the worst time imaginable. And the only one thing that could stop them was Piper.

Piper Rose was his two-year-old daughter. Her soft whimpers had awakened him every night, drawing him from the pill-induced sleep he would have been in. He never slept, even when he had sleeping pills. Every time he tried to sleep, he would have nightmares; horrible visions of flame and darkness consuming everything he loved. Piper was the thing that woke him from that, attacking his dreams as if they were some monster, threatening her very existence.

As if on cue, a soft murmuring echoed around the silent club; they soon grew into soft cries. His head shot up, his eyes blinking into the darkness as he stared around. The sound was coming from the bar to his left, but he knew it was coming from upstairs, from Piper.

He gently picked himself up from the stage, as not to irritate his headache, and sauntered behind the black curtain at the back. He climbed up the stairs 3 at a time and, before reaching the last step, yawned. He was tired beyond belief and he wanted to sleep, but seeing those images of his lover and children dying was too much. He couldn't close his eyes for even a minute.

As he reached the landing in the hallway on the top floor of the three story building, he stopped and looked down the hall. Across from him were two doors, and on the wall next to him were three more, then a large window that opened to a view of the city outside. On each white door on his side was a customized name tag. Hailie; Jodi; Lara. All in glitter and sparkles, except Hailie's who had her name written in bleeding writing. On the door directly across from him was the tag, Nursery.

At the door leading to the master bedroom beside the children's room, stood the dark haired angel that was April. She stood in the doorway, her tattooed arms crossed as she leaned on the door frame, smiling at her husband. She wore her University of Texas basketball jersey with her Betty Boop pajama pants, her feet adorned with white ankle socks with black toes, her black and purple streaked hair tied back in a perfect ponytail. She looked like she hadn't slept either. He smiled at her, raking his fingers through his dark hair.

She smiled back, winking at him, mouthing 'I love you' before going back to bed. He looked at his bare feet and grinned slightly, not trying to encourage the headache he had, but failed anyway. He put his finger to his temple before padding across the hallway carpet to the room.

When he stepped through the doorway, his frown turned into a wide grin; what he saw was highly amusing. Piper had thrown every single thing from her crib onto the floor, except her blanket, which lay gingerly at her feet, and her black and white Panda teddy, which she clutched tightly in her hands as she sobbed, hot, wet tears running down her cheeks, pooling in the corners of her lips before slipping down her chin and onto the soft Bunnykins sheets. Alex, Piper's two-month old brother, was still fast asleep in his crib, completely unaware of his father's presence or his sister's need for attention. The black haired rock-star tilted his head and smiled, knowing his son was going to be exactly like his mother when it came to sleeping; he could sleep through a hurricane.

He padded over the soft woolen rug and over to the crib, wrapping his hands around his daughter's waist and gently lifting her from the crib. He pulled her close to him, rubbing her back as his other hand supported her upright. Piper let out a sob before she relaxed into her father's touch, clutching her teddy in her tight little fist.

"It's okay," he soothed, drawing soft circles against her Dora the Explorer shirt with his hand. "Daddy's here."

He sat down in the white rocking chair on the far side of the room and lowered Piper down as she settled back into a peaceful murmur, her big blue eyes staring up at her father in amazement, as if she had never seen him before, and was just meeting him for the first time. Her eyes soon fluttered shut and she began to softly snore.

As he sat there, rocking back and forth, his daughter on his knees, memories floated into his head…