This crackfic belongs to your friendly neighbourhood boogaloo, and was inspired by Oobeley Doobeley's umbrolley. :D So I dedicate it to her u

I own neither Light, L, or Mary Poppins.

L was flushed, his head reeled, and he was feverish. L was sick.

"Ryuzaki?"

He was beyond Light's voice now, and wouldn't reply, a television still humming and buzzing somewhere in the background.

"Ryuzaki? Is this you?"

"Yes..." he mumbled. He was lying on his side, and opened one eye, glancing about. The voice was shrill, like a woman's, and British. Light wasn't talking to him, he wasn't even in the pale room, neither sitting on the fawn couch, or kneeling on the cream carpet, or by the matching drapes. Everything was clean, and there was a beautiful smell, like fresh bread... and coffee...

"Hello, Ryuzaki? Please answer me."

"Hello."

"Ah." The British woman put her fists on her hips above a hoop skirt and smiled, showing brilliant white teeth. "Do you wish me to call you by some other name?"

"No, call me Ryuzaki," L opened his other eye, but still didn't get up, and scanned the woman, from her bright patent shoes, her umbrella, and jet black hair pulled tightly back into a bun. His own raven hair obscured his view slightly, he flicked his head a little and continued, to himself. "You could be Kira under another alias."

She sat on the end of the couch, and L hunched his shoulders more. "You can trust me, young sir."

"I'm an investigator, and you shouldn't be too willing to trust anyone," he informed her calmly.

"Oh, I see." She lifted a pale hand and felt his head. Her palm was soft and cool, and smelled of talcum powder. "You're very warm. And whatever are those bags under your eyes for, don't you sleep?"

The woman's voice was far too shrill and piercing for L's tired mind, and he didn't answer her. Instead he told her, "Tell me your name."

"Miss Poppins. You look frightful. Some medicine?" L opened his mouth obligingly, which, in retrospect, was idiotic (she could have been trying to poison him to protect Kira) and clamped his teeth around the plastic medicine spoon when the bitter liquid met his taste buds. "Dreadfully sorry, sir," piped Poppins, shoving another spoon into his mouth before he had a chance to swallow. This time, the taste was sweet, and familiar crystals melted over his tongue. Sugar.

"There, it's not so bad without that awful taste , is it?"

"No," agreed L, hunching into a little ball, tucking his legs up beneath him. "It isn't."

"Goodnight, sir."

There was a comforting hand stroking his hair, he gave a happy sigh, and L settled to sleep, a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight, Miss."

"Ryuzaki?" Light nudged L carefully, trying to wake him. He had things to do and his arm was falling asleep, stuck behind L's back. He looked at the jet spiked hair propped against his chest and sighed frustratedly. "Ryuzaki? Could you wake up?"

"Tastes... much better... with sugar, Raito-kun..."

Light cleared his throat and readjusted his seat, awkwardly avoiding L's hands, straining to reach the control to change the channel. Some old musical with dancing chimney-sweeps had come on, and he didn't feel like watching it.

Haha, beware the crack xD R&R, if you survived.