Believe

May sat in her car and watched the people enter and exit the building. She knew she should have come later. Why wouldn't there be crowds of people? She recognized most of the people; few people were unfamiliar to her. When she saw the last person exit the building she still waited a few minutes, just to be sure. She did not need company, she did not need to talk or reminisce with anyone. She needed to be alone.

Finally, she took a breath and pushed her car door open. She slowly walked up to the entrance and pushed the door open. She stood still in the entrance for a moment, collecting herself. May didn't know how to handle this situation. Sure, she had been in this position before, it came with the job, but now she was here for him. Taking a deep breath she moved forward. She entered the room. Flowers were everywhere and rows of chairs were set up, thankfully all empty now.

May forced herself to move forward down the aisle until she reached the front, until she reached the closed casket.

May let the tear fall down her cheek. She placed her hand on the casket and looked at the picture next to it. It was the picture from his ID badge. Agents didn't have many pictures for safety reasons, but there had to be a better one out there, May thought.

Running her hand along the smooth surface, May allowed more tears to flow.

CMCMCM

May entered the lunchroom. Being quiet, she had yet to make any friends. She saw an empty table and made her way to it. Training was tough, but she enjoyed it. She was already at the top of her class. Her achievements mixed with her shyness made rumors flow about her. She thought it was strange for people training to be a part of SHIELD were so petty. Still, for the first time she felt like she belonged somewhere, like she could do some good. She could endure it; she knew she would have to endure much worse if she continued with SHIELD.

May had just picked up her fork when a tray was set on the table in front of her and a guy sat down.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" He asked.

"Uh, sure" May responded.

"Thanks, it's really full today." He said as he looked around the cafeteria. "You're Melinda May."

May nodded. "Yes, and you're, uh…"

"Phil Coulson," He reached his hand across the table. May shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've seen you around. You're pretty good." He smirked. "Top of the class good."

"Yeah, that's me."

"You know if I was at the top I would be much more enthusiastic about it." May raised an eyebrow. "I'm just saying." He raised his hands. "Don't kick my ass."

"Keep trying to analyze me and I might not have a choice." It was Coulson's turn to raise an eyebrow and May to smirk.

"So, do you read comics?"

CMCMCM

"Why did you do it, Phil? SHIELD needs you," May whispered. "I need you." She rested both hands on his casket and took deep breaths.

CMCMCM

"You know, just because you are Level 4 now and I'm still Level 3 doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you."

"I'm aware of that."

"You better be, Coulson. I'm still, and always will be, your boss." May smiled from across the table. "But tonight is about you and your promotion. I guess I can buy you a few drinks."

"You're buying? Wow, it really is a special day." He raised his drink. "To my promotion and your soon to be promotion."

May raised her glass. "You really think so?"

"Of course. You are the best there is, Mel. You just need to stop questioning commands so much."

"Well, if that's the case, I'm going to be Level 3 forever."

"No you won't." Phil smiled. "I need my partner next to me, not behind me."

CMCMCM

"You ok?" Coulson asked?

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know." Coulson sat on the couch next to May. He put his arm around her shoulder. She eventually moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder.

CMCMCM

"Finally!" May exclaimed as she sat in the booth. "It took you long enough."

"Yeah, yeah" Coulson waved off. "I'm finally with you at Level 7. Calm down, it only took 2 months."

"I know, but I need my partner next to me, not behind me."

Coulson laughed into his beer. "So what kinds of secrets can you let me in on now?"

CMCMCM

"You can't say things like that!" May almost yelled.

"Why not?" Coulson said, matching her voice.

"Because you are the one who always trusts the system. You are the one who follows orders!"

"Well this time I don't know if I can."

"It isn't your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?" Coulson sounded defeated. He rested his hands on the countertop.

May stood next to him and rested her hand on top of his. "It's not yours, Phil. You did everything you could."

"Why do we do this, Mel?"

"Because who else will?" She gave a sad smile. "Who is better than you and me?"

Coulson held her hand. "We are going to give our lives for SHIELD. What will we get in return?"

"I think-" May started slowly, "I think we are where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to do. Maybe in the end, death is what we get in return."

"Do you believe that?" Coulson asked quietly, looking May in the eyes.

"I have to. I have to believe in something." May responded, never taking her eyes off him.

"I believe in you."

CMCMCM

"I'm going to take a vacation." May said void of emotion.

"You deserve it." Coulson responded from where he stood, watching May pack her things. "You will have your pick of where to go once we get back to New York."

"No," May said. "I'm leaving from here. I'm not going back to New York."

"Mel, please stop for a minute."

"There is a plane I can catch. I need to hurry."

"Melinda, stop." Coulson tried to be firm. "You need to stop and take a breath."

"I need to get out of here." She argued.

He grabbed her hands. "Let the girl go, Mel." He sat on the bed next to her carry-on bag.

May stared at him, a mix of pain and anger in her eyes. "You don't know-"

"Then tell me. What happened?" She tried to pull away but he held on. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "Tell me."

May wrapped her arms around him and her knees gave out. He held her as they both fell to the ground. He never let go as she cried. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can." He whispered.

CMCMCM

May lifted her head from Coulson's casket. "I really don't want company right now." Instead of retreating, she could hear the footsteps moving toward her. She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"I'm glad you are still so aware of your surroundings." May didn't turn around. "At least you haven't lost that in administration."

"Is this really the time or place to talk to me about my career choice?"

Fury stopped once he was standing next to May. "We don't always get to choose when and where we have certain conversations."

CMCMCM

May looked up from her paperwork when she felt a presence next to her desk. She would be lying if she denied she was shocked to see Romanoff standing there. Still, she kept a blank face.

"What can I do for you, Agent Romanoff?"

"Can we talk somewhere private?" To anyone listening, she sounded calm and collected, but May could tell something was off, something was wrong. "It's important."

May slowly stood and led Romanoff to an empty conference room. "What is going on?" She asked once she closed the door.

"Melinda-" Romanoff stopped. She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Melinda. Coulson was killed in the line of duty."

May knew what she was going to say before Romanoff said it. She sat in a chair and covered her face. "How?"

Knowing that she wasn't supposed to say anything about the classified mission, Romanoff sat down as well and told May everything.

At the end of the story May stood up. She walked to her desk and collected her things and left.

Everyone in the office watched in awe as Melinda May left the office followed shortly by Natasha Romanoff.

CMCMCM

"I'm not going to stand around here all day, Director." May said without emotion. "So whatever it is you are here to say, say it." She ordered.

"It's time for you to come out of retirement." May scoffed. "Enough hiding, enough running, enough." Fury said. "SHIELD needs you, more than ever."

"SHIELD will have to find someone else."

"Soon, you will be the only one SHIELD needs."

"What does that mean?" May finally looked at Fury.

He didn't respond. He turned and started to walk away. May shook her head, not caring. She wasn't going back in the field – ever.

May rested her hands on the casket once more and slowly opened the top, ready to see him one last time. She quickly jumped back and dropped the top. The noise rang out through the building. Slowly, she opened it once more.

She didn't realize it, but Fury was right behind her.

"SHIELD is going to need you again."

She lowered the top once more, careful this time. She stood still, silent.

Quicker than Fury expected, May turned around and punched him in the face. "Where is his body?" her voice laced with anger.

Fury rubbed his jaw. "I'm going to allow that just this once. Agent –" He was cut off again by another fist to his face.

"Where the hell is he?" May yelled.

This time Fury grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall. "Listen to me." He got in her face. Before he could say anything she broke free from his grasp.

"Is he alive?"

Fury took a breath. "No."

"So he is dead?"

"No"

"Then what is he?" she yelled. She laughed humorlessly when he didn't respond. "You're not going to tell me."

"No"

"Then what is this? Why are you here?"

"I'm here as a warning, a heads up." Fury walked up and stood directly in front of her. "The world has changed. And we need to be ready."

"So that means experimenting on someone who deserves peace?" May whispered. Even though the SHIELD director towered over her, she was not intimidated. She knew that he wasn't going to say anything else. She stepped away. "Let him die with dignity." She almost begged.

With one last look at Fury she left the funeral home. She didn't get a chance to hear the Director say, "He is going to need you more than ever."

CMCMCM

"You know, I've been thinking about death lately." Coulson said out of nowhere.

May turned her head and raised an eyebrow.

They had just completed a mission successfully. They would be leaving for another in the morning, but tonight they were lying out on a runway at a classified SHIELD location. It was a warm night and the sky was clear, perfect for star gazing.

"Is it because we are on a runway and could get run over by a plane?"

Coulson laughed. "No, but now that you mention it, we should be careful." He sat up. "I want to go first."

May sat up as well. "Excuse me?"

"I want to die first." He repeated. He went on before she could respond. "You are stronger than me. I believe you would be able to handle it better. If you go first, I don't know what I would do."

May was at a loss for words. She tried to say something but couldn't think of anything.

"I want it to be quick and for a good reason too. I know we don't get to pick our death, but it's going to happen and I hope it means something."

May still did not know what to say.

"I don't know why I am thinking about it so much."

"I don't either." May finally said, a little angrier than intended. "You're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Who says?"

"I say, Coulson."

"And if I disobey this order?" He leaned in close.

May didn't move away. "Then you better come back so I can kick your ass."

End.