Why?

All I want to know is why. Why I had to come to this place again. Why I cannot forget those stolen kisses at midnight. Why he had to leave me for so long. And, why I had to fall so hard for those lively emerald eyes. Not that I really care about him or anything. I simply want to forget about that summer. Yeah, that summer.

.*.*.*.

I was staying at Nonno's house this summer, just seventeen years old. My younger brother Feliciano tagged along as usual. It had always been this way since as long as I could remember. Feliciano and I would come to my grandfather's tomato farm every summer to help with the work. When we were younger, it was different. The jobs were smaller and not very plentiful. Since we are older and sturdier young men, as Nonno liked to say, our work was expected to match our qualifications. In other words, get up at sunrise and work until sunset.

However, this year was different. Nonno said he hired a Spanish boy to help. At first, I dismissed this without a second thought. Then, he showed up. Even though I could have cared less about him, I still bothered to learn his name. It was Antonio, and when he introduced himself that first day, it rolled off his tongue in such an amazing way. I couldn't help but let that sweet Spanish accent get to my head.

I did try to be polite and introduce myself, but Feli beat me to it. As usual, he went a little crazy with his chatting, but instead of simply rolling his eyes like nearly everyone else would have done, Antonio laughed. He didn't laugh at Feliciano like he was a cute little child, but he laughed with Feliciano and continued to chat with him in such a natural way that I couldn't help but smile.

I noticed his eyes then turned in my direction. My heart fluttered in my chest at that bright wide smile. On anyone else, it would look cheap or fake, but on him, it was beautiful and genuine. When that thought ran through my head, I blushed and looked down, deciding that it was time to get back to work. However, before I could, I felt a hand tap my shoulder. I turned around expecting to see Feliciano, but instead, it was Antonio. He smiled his warm smile at me, and I nearly melted on the spot.

"Lovino is it? Your brother pointed you out, and, excuse me, but I couldn't help but stare. I don't think I have ever seen anyone as beautiful as you." His words rang clear in my mind, but they took a moment to register. When I finally realized what he said, I blushed furiously which brought another sweet laugh out from him. "I wonder how it is you don't get lost in these fields. You look almost exactly like a prize tomato. Perhaps you could even be mine."

After that day, it was all a blur of the cliché summer romance. We joked in the fields during work hours. We snuck out at midnight just to sit by the water and talk… Or kiss… A lot. Once, we were even caught by Feliciano and his new German boyfriend. I got him to agree not to tell our grandfather about it, but that didn't mean I got him to leave us alone.

.*.*.*.

I managed to forgive Feli for that night, but not his boyfriend. They still had a blooming relationship after all these years. I probably would have learned to like that boy if he didn't remind me of that night with Antonio they interrupted. I should be happy for my younger brother, but my own selfish jealousy gets in the way.

After Antonio left in the fall that year, we had kept in touch for a while. A few cards were sent on special occasions. We exchanged a few letters, and we even talked on the phone… Once. I felt little pangs of sadness and jealousy every time the phone rang or a letter came for Feliciano. There was never one for me. All that hope every time the mail came was all for nothing. Antonio and I were a thing of the past.

.*.*.*.

Feliciano and I still went back each year to help my grandfather until he passed. It was a hard day for us all to see him go. But, that never stopped me from going back to the farm each summer. I can't say for sure what possessed me to go back. Perhaps I was still hoping that he would come back for me, or perhaps it was just for the memories. As much as I hated to admit it, he was my first love. Heck, he was my first time, and only.

I went back to the farm for another hopeless year, being greeted by the same sights as always. The fields had grown over in such a mess. No one, except the various animals, had touched them for what seemed like centuries. All this time has destroyed the beauty that it once held. But, I still could see us by our favorite places. On the bank of the river where we tried and failed to skip rocks on the water. Under the old tree where we used to laugh without a care in the world. On the roof of the cabin where we would watch the stars and make our own constellations.

I was never sure if it was actually him or the feeling of being loved that I missed so much. I only knew that I wanted- that I needed him back in my life. I needed to feel something again. I wanted his lips on mine again with the taste of that strawberry wine that we had always shared. I wanted to be held in his strong arms again. I wanted to see him, just one more time.

To relive the past.