Coping
The day after the Halloween party, Lily called Barney and demanded he come over; she wouldn't take no for answer. She also didn't take too kindly to Barney coyly suggesting the reason she wanted him was to sleep with him. That actually made her yell at him even louder, and he hung up on her. He considered just staying home, but quickly realized that if he didn't show, she'd probably kill him the next she saw him.
"What is it?" he asked when she opened the door.
"Get in here," she said sharply. "And it's not for anything disgusting!"
"Pardon me for thinking that."
After Lily shut the door, she spun on her heel to face Barney. Her hands were resting on her very pregnant belly-which would produce a child any moment now, and Barney hoped it didn't happen while he was in the apartment-and she had a glare on her face that made Barney really hope she didn't go into labor because she was already angry, and if she was angry while in labor, she'd probably tear his arm off.
"You're a jerk," she said hatefully.
Barney flinched. "What did I do?"
"Robin left last night."
"Yeah… Yeah, I noticed that." He didn't have much of a conversation with Robin last night, but how does one make a conversation with his ex-wife any less awkward? Though the divorce was mutual, the idea of talking to her made him nervous, and he was sure she felt the same way when she saw him. "Did she say why?"
"Because of you!" she shouted.
"What did I do?" he asked again, a bit louder this time.
"Do you think it's easy for her, Barney?" Lily asked. "Seeing you flirt with all those girls last night? It's like when you broke up the first time. You found her in the shooting range."
"Y-yeah." He did remember that time. He half expected Robin to turn the gun on him. "We talked about that. She said I made her feel like just another number…"
"She probably feels that way now."
"How could she feel that way? I… Robin's not just another number. I just…" He stopped himself. Lily continued to glare at him, her hands rubbing her stomach as though the baby sensed her anger and was causing chaos in her womb.
"You just what? You just think that because you're not married anymore you can go right back to the way you were?"
"No. I…" He closed his eyes.
"Then, what, Barney? What is it?" Her voice had gotten louder, and Barney was grateful that Marvin and Daisy were at school and daycare because if they weren't, the room would be filled with piercing shrieks.
"It's not easy for me, Lily!" he finally shouted, opening his eyes to reveal tears. "I'm a mess." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, feeling completely foolish for breaking down in front of her. He had always managed to stay composed, to make them think that though the divorce was hard, he was dealing with it. The truth was, he hated it. Every night, he went to bed thinking about Robin. He woke up every morning, expecting her to be there. And every girl he bedded since the divorce never gave him the same pleasure he got when he was with her. "This is the only way I can deal with it."
Lily was stunned. Her hands dropped away from her stomach, and her glare was soft. She reached out a hand and took Barney's in hers. "Barney… why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I'm used to dealing with things on my own."
"But this is destructive."
"I know," he said softly. "But, it's the only way I know how." He took a deep breath. "I love her, Lily."
Lily stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, getting as close as her pregnancy allowed. Barney buried his head into her red hair, and he cried. It was much more than the few tears he had moments before. His shoulders were shaking with sobs that Lily allowed him to unburden on her shoulder.
By the time it felt as though his tears were all dried up, he lifted his head and smiled at his friend. The situation still left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he felt better. For the first time since the divorce, he felt as though he could move on. Though he couldn't get the notion out of his head that maybe, just maybe, he and Robin could be together again.
AN: I am so bitter that Robin got her whole breakdown scene concerning Barney flirting with other girls in front of her, and Barney didn't. None of his friends realized that his regression was self-destructive and it meant that he wasn't coping well, and none of his friends thought to comfort him. I thought that if any of his friends, Lily, would be the one he would unburden to, considering Lily was the first he told about his feelings for Robin in the first place. There may be more chapters because I need to have some Swarkles interaction, for sure.