Conversations

Ch 1 Malfoy

"You have to understand that I was raised by my father. He was Voldemort's right-hand man. He thought that there would be a place for him with the Dark Lord. No one knew that he had made Horcruxes and was all but immortal. Anyway, looking back, I believe Harry Potter was the bravest boy that I ever knew. I can't say that I ever liked him...in fact, I made it my duty to make his life miserable. It was expected of me you see. In the long run that was necessary for my own survival. Voldemort-let alone my father- would not have allowed me to live if they saw any weakness on my part. They expected and demanded loyalty."

"Potter did come up with a spell one time that was just nasty. I still bear the scars from it. Luckily, Snape was there to heal me or I think I should have died. I think my father would have even been impressed."

"Was he a better wizard than me? I would certainly say he had a different style. Of course, I come from generations of pure-blood wizards who have magic running in their blood. They don't think twice about it. He is half-muggle born and knew nothing of magic until he was eleven. I should say that he needed a lot of catching up.. Yes...there was natural talent there, but he never showed himself to be an exceptional wizard while at Hogwarts."

"How did he manage to kill Voldemort then if he was a mediocre wizard? I wish I knew. Of course, Dumbledore was helping him. Other teachers liked him, too and I never could understand it. But there were things going on that I don't even know about, although I made it a practice to eavesdrop on my father at every opportunity. Still, Potter slipped out of every trap laid for him and survived while others didn't . The last trap was even developed by Voldemort himself and it was ingenious. As I said, I still don't know to this day how he survived."

"He did come to see me at Azkaban after the war. We talked for over an hour. I won't tell you the contents of the conversation, not to you or to anyone. But I will say that I am here because of it and didn't die in that stinking prison. I still can't bring myself to be grateful since it was he that put me there in the first place. I guess I should have expected it. But when I was young my arrogance got in the way. I would never have believed that our side would lose."

"Hermione Granger? Well she was a muggle-born wasn't she? From the moment I was born I was told that the mudbloods were polluting our civilization and nothing good would come of it. I have to admit she was quite a brilliant girl...witch. Some would say I am getting soft in my old age just by calling her that."

"I guess I should give her credit. I think if it weren't for her Potter would never have survived. At least that is what I have heard."

" She was always getting the best of grades at school. But I believe most of her skills she learned in books. At least Potter's father was a pureblood, wasn't he? Still she could perform some spells that were pretty wicked. I'm not saying I ever liked her. It just wasn't in my nature."

"I've heard that she has done well for herself. Ended up teaching at Hogwarts. She never married but I always thought she and Potter were lovers. Still they didn't end up together did they?" He shrugged again.

"Why didn't I take my father's place? That's very simple. I didn't want to die in the same way he did. I suppose you could say that my mother's influence did that to me. I wasn't ever as cold and hard as he wanted me to be although I did try. And he did end up in a horrible way."

"Well I suppose you could say his destiny was to die as a martyr to the cause. He was a warrior I must give him that. And in my heart I wish that I could have loved him and he; me. He chose the wrong wizard to admire and follow. Yet, they were alike in many ways."

" I made the horrible mistake of taking the Dark Lord's mark just to show my father. I think I wanted...I think I wanted him to say something kind to me. Just once. It is still on my arm, although faded. And it still hurts sometimes. I suppose that there is a residue of the Dark Lord left there."

He studied his arm, covered by a sleeve and raised his head and stared at me with filmy white-blue eyes. There was pain in those eyes and...fear. "I still have bad dreams you see."

He was inattentive for a moment and then said, "They were all insane you know. Even my father. But at the time it felt like I was on the right side."

"What do I think of Severus Snape? Well he is still a friend to me although I don't know why. When I saw him kill Dumbledore after I failed I thought it sealed his fate. I never liked him as a person but I thought he was loyal to our cause. Imagine my outrage when I learned of his duplicity. He did save me in the end, for that I owe him allegiance. He's very old now and still putters around in his garden growing strange plants and mixing strange potions. I visit him periodically. Sometimes I don't think he recognizes me." He paused and added, "Perhaps he chooses not to. He has not forgiven me, I think."

'Why does he need to forgive me? I betrayed him of course. When I learned that he was not on our side I told Voldemort. I think he would have learned about it anyway." He shrugged.

"I suppose you're right. It is a miracle that he survived. Of course, as you know, he is blind. That was my aunt Bella's doing. But it hardly slows him down."

"Yes, I think Potter does go to see him sometimes. They were together in it in the end."

"You say 'describe the battle from my point of view'."

He stopped and studied the floor. " I won't go into detail. Men often don't talk about their experiences in war. If they were cowards and ran away and hid they want to keep that from the world. If they were brave, their bravery is often celebrated by their friends after their death. I want to say that I fought bravely. I didn't run and hide. We were at Hogwarts on the grounds, attacking from every angle. It was a slaughter. Wizards and witches were dying all over. Although I didn't care much about most of them, it was still frightening and awful. All I wanted to do was get to Potter first, you know, so that I could prove myself. I was under a death sentence, too. The Dark Lord didn't need me, didn't need to keep me alive any longer. He didn't want any competition from anyone that's why he killed my father. I was next. But I was naive in thinking that if I killed Potter I would be rewarded. After all, he wanted that pleasure for himself, didn't he?"

"I am a eighty four years old. I spent my youth in Azkaban. I never married and I have no children. I have never loved anyone, except perhaps my mother. I have done nothing of importance. I sit here in my father's house living off his wealth and I grow weary of life sometimes." He smiled wanly. "I still have many years ahead of me. Maybe someday I will be able to go out into the world again."

"You are welcome. If any of your reader's has any questions for me, forward them to my house elf, Pinky and she will sort through them. I'll try to get to them and answer when I have time."

"Pinky show our guest to the door."

Please forward your questions to Malfoy via this address and we shall attempt to have them answered.