Synopsis: ALEX/IZZIEAlex has been such an ass to Izzie this season. What's with him? Izzie is determined to make him open up to her. She'll do almost anything to win him over again, because, even though she doesn't know it, she's still in love with him. Even after he continuously breaks her heart over and over again. But this time, she's going to get the boy of her dreams. Even if it kills her.

Author's Note: Hey guys, thanks so much for reading my fanfiction. This is my first story ever, and my first story for an Alex/Izzie paring. Please review; I don't mind constructive criticism, but please lay of with the flames.

So this first chapter is just a taste of Izzie's feelings about Alex's attitude towards her so far. (This takes place in season 5, just so you know) She knows she has some sort of feelings towards Alex. This chapter just focuses on catching the reader up to where Izzie is now. The flashbacks help explain the story along the way, and how these memories are currently affecting her.

ANYTHING

By Blue Scrubs

It all started when Izzie had opened her big mouth. When she had told Meredith that Alex had changed. That he was a like a real human being now; that he had emotions. But from the moment she had let those words pass her lips, things changed dramatically between her and Alex. Well, not immediately after, but close enough.

Why? Why had she told Meredith about Alex's new revelation? And then why on earth had Meredith opened her big mouth by telling Alex of all people, what she had said.

Izzie remembered the very beginning of all the hatred from him. The nasty glares, and hateful glances. All of that.

Flashback

"Hey," called Izzie cheerfully. "Callie's going to go freeze her patient, want to go check it out?" asked Izzie, checking her pager for any calls. She looked up, wondering what was wrong. Was he ignoring her? "Hello?" she tried again. "Alex?" Had she done something? She finally asked the questions that was throbbing inside her head.

"Why are you ignoring me?" questioned Izzie hesitantly.

"I'm hoping if I wait long enough you'll be as annoyed by your voice as I am and just shut up," he muttered in one quick breath, still glaring at the computer screen without looking up at her. He finally looked up, giving her his most hateful, icy glare that he could, finally acknowledging her presence in the tiny room. The sharpness of his words had stung, and she could almost feel the icy daggers of his words stab through her open heart. She let out a choked cry at the pain of his hate.

"Okay," she relented. "Did I do something?"

"You know what you did," spat Alex angrily, silently accusing her.

"No, I don't," admitted Izzie, trying to blink away the tears that were starting to form. She walked closer to him, trying to act calmly. "Alex, just tell me, what did I do? I thought that-"

"Just shut the hell up," hissed Alex, seeming to be annoyed by her ignorance of the situation. "I had a bad night and I cried like a girl. I'm over it, and you need to get over it, too," he muttered, glancing at her, and then back at the fuzzy computer screen, as if dismissing her. She struggled to not wrap her fingers around his neck and squeeze hard, as the hot tears started to form at an even faster rate. Izzie had walked swiftly out of the room before he could notice, slamming the door behind her.

End Flashback

That was the very beginning of everything she was currently enduring with Alex. It was the beginning of this epic roller coaster ride. She wanted to get off. She didn't think she could handle another loop-d-loop in the ride, causing her stomach to flop with one of his angry stares.

Everything was wrong. Why was he nursing his pride so much? Hadn't he opened up to her? She thought that they had made progress. That he had changed. That they might actually become a 'couple' or whatever.

Izzie pulled on her blue scrubs, remembering the night of their first falling out.

Flashback

Izzie had stepped outside of her bedroom, thinking about what had happened earlier that day. As she was heading towards the kitchen, she had glanced up, and had seen such a revolting scene before her. Alex was going to run all the bases with the girl he was coddling in his arms. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, and his lips were near her ear, probably whispering profanity to her just to turn the poor whore on.

Izzie couldn't tear her eyes of the scene. What was wrong with him? Was he going to go on some sex marathon, like Meredith had when Derek had left her for Addison? Because it seemed like he most likely picked up his current skank at some whore house or shady bar.

Her eyes got entangled in his for a moment, as she was watching with wide eyes. For just a moment, he seemed embarrassed. Or whatever. Like he himself didn't understand what he was doing at the moment. The softness in his eyes reminded her of Denny. Denny used to look at her like that. With tenderness. And she could feel the pang in her heart once more for Denny, and then again for Alex. She looked up once more, and it was all gone. The mere second of vulnerability vanished in Alex's eyes, and utter disgust flooded his pupils once more.

An angry smirk crossed his face as he slammed the door shut in her face. And for the first time in her life, Izzie felt herself starting to break.

End Flashback

It wasn't just Alex. Her medical career was apparently for shit, too. Obviously no one would ever forget the time when she tried to steal another human organ for her loved one. Not that they should, but the fact that it was hinted at again in the Chief's meeting was enough. His exact words were, "For others, it means learning to treat patients without getting emotionally involved with them." He had given her a long, hard stare after these words, and she knew that he was referring to the Denny incident.

Izzie pushed herself into a standing position, straightening any wrinkles from her scrubs. She took the hair tie from around her wrist and wrapped it around her now short, blonde hair, making a very stubby little ponytail. She pulled her soft hair through one more time, only this time letting some of the hair to stay within the tie, leaving a tightly wound bun at the nape of her neck.

Izzie had tried. She had tried once to talk to Alex again. She wanted to get into his good graces. Izzie lifted her tired eyes up into the body-length mirror before her, recalling the painful memory.

Flashback

Her mind had for once not been occupied with Alex. It had been occupied with the fear of being kicked out of her current living quarters. Now that Meredith had decided to let Derek live with her, there was a good chance that Izzie might be left homeless in a week or so. She needed to find a place to live, and the bullentin board that had the notice on it for a great apartment had given her an idea. She had realized the price was going to be too much, so perhaps this might have been a great oppurtunity to be with Alex, since he had the same dilemna on his mind, too.

She had nearly ran into the MRI room, having to slow her pace to look calm and collected. She walked briskly into the room, taking the seat next to him.

"Guess what I found," stated Izzie eagerly. She handed him the notice she had found. "An apartment. A beautiful apartment. With hardwood floors, and an honest-to-god fire place that you can build honest-to-god fires in," she grinned cheerfully. The smile slowly faded as she was trying to read his expression. "And I can't afford it by myself. So...I thought if you could get over yourself we could live together." She looked at him hopefully, eagerness coursing through her veins. Perhaps if he would accept then they would make it. They could give their relationship a chance. She needed him to say yes more than she realized herself.

"No thanks," declined Alex huskily, handing her back the paper. All her hopes had come crashing down.

"D-did I mention hardwood floors? And the honest-to-god fireplace?" she re-mentioned, struggling to deal with his decision.

"I'd rather live in my honest-to-god car," he spat back in her face. He looked back at the screen before him, ignoring her once again. She couldn't help but look away, look at something else. She shook her head in a defeated way, standing up slowly.

"Okay," she whispered, and walked out.

End Flashback

Izzie examined herself closely. Things were getting bad. She looked into her own tired eyes and hardly recognized herself. She needed to pull herself together. She couldn't always be so involved with Alex. Her mind couldn't always occupy her thoughts of him in it. The way she despised him, and yet loved him at the same time.

All at once Izzie doubled over in pain. Another of her...episodes. Since recently she had been getting recurring pains in between her breast bone and her stomach. It felt like a burning sensation that was slowly eating away at her sanity. Beads of sweat appeared on her brow as she clenched her teeth in pain. She slowly lowered herself to the ground, baring the pain silently. She clutched to her stomach to no avail, praying for the fire to be put it out.

She glanced through the slit in her eyes down at her left arm that lay limp next to her. Alex had 'playfully' slapped her there. The pain back then seemed so trivial to what it was like now in her abdomen. She let out ragged breath, trying to inhale as much of the cold, hospital air that she could. The droplets of sweat slowly found there way from the top of her head to the bottom of her chin.

Izzie tried to think of something else. Alex. Without meaning to, she brought up the memory of the time in the elevator with her, Alex, Cristina and Meredith. It was the time when the water had come flooding into the elevator, surprising them all.

Flashback

"Hey," called Izzie.

Izzie ran down the hallway, barely making it into the elevator in time before it closed. Alex, Meredith and Cristina were there, and she let out a tired sigh.

"So apparently there's some kind of leak, and the Chief wants me to move all pre-op patients to the clinic so if anyone's free to help me--" was all Izzie was able to rush out before Alex's hot hand connected with a hard crack to the back of her arm.

"Ow!" cried Izzie, exasperated with Alex. What the hell was he doing now? She was about to go into a ranting tirade, but then she heard Cristina and Meredith chuckling. Was this some kind of joke?

"Apparently you don't have a very high pain thresh hold," smirked Alex, giving her a nasty glare that was somehow misinterpreted by the others.

"You know what? Throw him out. Not me, just him," suggested Izzie angrily.

"She likes me more," grinned Alex gleefully, referring to Meredith.

"I can cook and I clean. All he brings to the house is filth," stated Izzie, trying to give him an angry glare, too. "What would you prefer, Meredith? Chocolate cake or an STD?" She directed a glare at Alex as he smirked back, unchanged.

The elevator doors dinged open, as she was glaring at him.

"WATER!" yelled Cristina, surprise and shock written on her face.

"Oh my gosh! Get out!" cried Meredith, rushing out of the elevator.

"Water!"

"Water!" gasped Izzie, as she felt her footing slip. She was prepared for the cold wetness to wash over her, but all she felt were strong hands guiding her out of the elevator. She looked back up and saw Alex's determined eyes looking ahead of them, edging them both out.

"Come on! Move!" he ordered, and she felt like she was floating as she trudged her way through the ankle deep water, with his hand on the small of her back.

End Flashback

Izzie closed her eyes, trying to cling onto that memory now. As she did, the pain surprisingly started dissolving. Sometimes the pain lasted for hours, but at least this time it was just a few minutes.

She glanced at her watch. 4:30am. Only 30 minutes before pre-rounds. That meant only 30 minutes before she had to pull herself together. Only 30 minutes she had left to build up the wall of bricks that she had taken down by thinking of Alex.

Izzie slowly stood up, her hand instinctively wiping away the sweat that covered her face from the previous pain.

She knew something was wrong with her.

She just didn't know what.

Please Review.

--Blue Scrubs