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Harley woke up to the sound of someone rummaging around the living room. She got out of bed, grabbed a baseball bat and walked out of her room. She bumped into Ivy, who was headed to the living room too.
"Ya heard it too?" Harley asked.
"Yeah" Ivy said "come on."
They walked into the living room and found a strange man looking through their stuff.
"Who are you?!" Harley asked.
"No" he said "you can't see me! Nobody is supposed to see me!"
"What are you doing?" Harley asked.
She saw him holding her favorite hammer.
"Hey! Put that down!" She yelled.
"No" he said "Harley Quinn's hammer is worth a fortune in sixty years! I'm here to steal it."
"While I'm flattered" Harley said "that's my favorite hammer! Put it down!"
"No" he said.
He pushed something on his belt and a portal appeared behind him. Harley lunged forward and hit him in the stomach with the bat. The portal fluctuated slightly. He quickly jumped into it. Harley dropped the bat and jumped in after him with Ivy close behind. Everything seemed to blur around them and they felt like they were floating. They came to a bright light and dropped a few feet to the ground.
"What happened?" Harley asked.
"I'm not quite sure" Ivy said "that random guy attacked our house, then we chased him through that portal thing and here we are."
"Why did we end up in a desert?" Harley asked.
Ivy shrugged. They heard a sound off in the distance and saw a dust cloud approaching them.
Harley squinted and said "there are men on horses comin' this way."
"Horses?" Ivy asked.
"Yeah" Harley said "looks like five of 'em."
There was a gunshot and a bullet whizzed past them. Harley reached for her .357, but only felt the cloth waistband of her pajama pants.
"Not good" she said "any plant help?"
"Not in the desert" Ivy said.
"Hands up!" One of the men yelled as they approached.
All of them were dressed like cowboys. Ivy slowly put her hands up. Harley did too after she saw Ivy. One of the men jumped off his horse with a Henry lever-action rifle.
He approached them and said "my, my, my, what are two pretty gals like you doin' out here?"
"We're lost" Harley said "can ya put the gun down and help us?"
"That's a strange accent" the man said "where you from?"
"Brooklyn, New York" Harley said.
"Interesting" he said "got any money on ya?"
"No" Harley said.
"Well" he said "ya might be lying. I'll have to search you to find out. You might be hiding something somewhere."
He reached for her shirt. Harley looked down at his hand, then at him. She quickly lunged forward and grabbed the barrel of the rifle then head butted him and yanked the gun out of his hand. She hit him in the face with the stock of the rifle. She spun it around and pointed it at the men on the horses and cocked it.
Ivy just smiled and said "throw down your guns, boys."
"Nice and slow" Harley added.
They began to drop rifles and slowly draw their pistols and drop them too. One of them drew his pistol and pointed it at Harley. Harley immediately aimed and shot the gun out of his hand. She cocked the rifle and shot his hat off of his head. He quickly put his hands up as his face went pale.
"Off the horses" Harley said.
They slowly got off of their horses and put their hands up.
"Got something to knock 'em out with, Red?" Harley asked.
"Yeah" Ivy said.
She walked over to one of the horses and grabbed a shovel attached to a saddle. She walked back over and began to hit them in their heads with the shovel. When they were all unconscious, Harley began looking at them.
"What are you doing?" Ivy asked.
"Tryin' to find one my size" Harley said "we can't wander around in pajamas. See if you can find some clothes that'll fit'cha."
"Fine" Ivy said.
Harley grabbed one of the men and pulled him away from the others. Ivy looked and saw he was wearing a black hat, red and black patterned button up shirt, jeans, black boots and a black gun belt.
"Please tell me you didn't pick that guy just for the color" Ivy said.
"The color didn't hurt" Harley said "but he is about my size."
Harley undressed him and put the clothes on.
"Eh, a little loose" Harley said "But they'll do."
She walked over to the guns and picked up two pistols.
"Wow" Harley said.
"What?" Ivy asked.
Harley looked at her and said ".45 Colt Army single action revolver, I always wanted one. They haven't made these since the 1880s and it looks brand new."
"So that portal could have been a time vortex" Ivy said.
"Ok" Harley said "so we time traveled to the old west. Good thing I've watched so many cowboy movies."
"Yeah" Ivy said "that jerk must be here somewhere too. We need to find him and have him take us home."
"Ok" Harley said as she put the guns in her holsters.
Ivy found one of the men that was close to her size. He had a green button up shirt, black vest, jeans and brown boots. She changed and found a brown hat that fit her.
"You're gonna need a weapon" Harley said.
"You know I'm a terrible shot" Ivy said.
Harley pulled a sawed off shotgun out of a holster on one of the saddles and a box of shells and said "take this then, you don't have to be a great shot with a shotgun. Just point and shoot."
Ivy took it and nodded.
"Ever ridden a horse?" Harley asked as she climbed onto one of the horses.
"No" Ivy said.
"Well climb up here with me" Harley said "it's just like riding on my motorcycle with me, except bouncier."
Harley held her hand out, Ivy took it and Harley pulled her up onto the horse.
"Hold on" Harley said. She flicked the reins and said "getyup."
The horse started trotting.
"Where are we going?" Ivy asked.
"Where evah they came from" Harley said "hopefully a town."
As they rode, a town came into view.
"Good call" Ivy said.
"Thanks" Harley said "let's hit the saloon and get a drink. I could use one."
"I don't think they accept twenty first century money" Ivy said.
"I've got money" Harley said.
"How do you have money from the late 1800s?" Ivy asked.
"Those guys who tried to rob us had money in their wallets" Harley said.
"Wow" Ivy said sarcastically.
"Ya mad at me Red?" Harley asked.
"No" Ivy said "they started it and we need money to live until we find a way home."
Harley rode up to the saloon and tied off the horse's reins. She walked towards the door and pushed it open and walked in.
Ivy followed close behind "careful Harl" she said.
Harley walked up to the bar and said "two beers."
The bartender put two beers on the bar.
Harley picked them up and said "c'mon Red."
She walked over to a table next to a wall and sat down.
"Why are we sitting here?" Ivy asked "There were other tables closer."
"I've told ya before, Red" Harley said "always keep your back to the wall, that way nobody can come up behind ya. We don't know what goes on around here, so let's just play it safe."
"Ok" Ivy said "I'm gonna let you take lead this time, the whole fist fighting, gun slinging, tough stuff is your department."
"Ok Red" Harley said.
A cowboy walked over and said "hey pretty lady, I got a thing for red heads. How 'bout I show you a good time?"
"Keep walkin'" Harley said.
"I wasn't speakin' to you" he said he looked back at Ivy and asked "how 'bout it? I'll pay."
"Hey!" Harley said "get the stupid outta your ears and listen up! Leave her alone and get outta here!"
"You got a big mouth" he said "maybe I oughta shut it for you."
Harley stood up and said "I'd like to see you try."
He smiled and started to teach for his gun.
"Go ahead" Harley said as she put her hand near her gun "make my day."
He grabbed his pistol, Harley grabbed hers, drew it and fired before he could get his out of the holster. Everyone in the bar looked the cowboy. Harley had shot him in the wrist, causing his hand to hang uselessly by his gun.
Harley spun the pistol around her finger then put it back in the holster and said "now get outta here!"
He left holding his wrist.
Harley looked around and asked "anyone else?"
No one in the Saloon moved. Harley sat back down and took a drink of her beer.
"That was amazing" Ivy said.
Harley set the beer down and said "he was nothing, back when I was in the Suicide Squad I had a few quick draw contests with Deadshot. Besides, he shouldn't have treated you like a hooker."
She took another drink of her beer.
"You could have just let me kiss him though" Ivy said "I could have made him kill himself in the town square if I wanted."
"Yeah, but you'd have to touch him" Harley said "besides, I just kinda made a rep for us around here."
Harley finished her beer and noticed Ivy hadn't touched hers.
"Not thirsty, Red?" Harley asked.
"Eh, beer isn't my preferred drink" Ivy said.
"Ya ain't gonna find a fine red wine around here" Harley said.
"Let's just go" Ivy said.
"Ok" Harley said.
She laid the money on the table and they left.
"Where to now?" Ivy asked.
"I think we should go-"
"Hey" A voice called.
Harley looked where the voice came from and saw a man approaching with a tin star on his chest.
"Is there a problem sheriff?" Harley asked.
"Yes" he said "I'm afraid you're under arrest for shooting a man in the saloon."
"He was treating my friend like a hooker" Harley said "plus he drew first."
"It's true" Ivy said.
"Sorry ladies" the sheriff said "but I'm more inclined to believe him. He's my brother."
"What kind of justice is that?" Ivy asked.
"This is my town" the sheriff said "I uphold the law and she is under arrest."
"It's ok" Harley said.
She looked at the sheriff and asked "can I give my friend my guns?"
"Slowly" he said.
Harley nodded and slowly drew her guns and handed them to Ivy.
She leaned in close and whispered "I used to break out of Arkahm all the time, this is just an old western jail. It'll be ok. I'll break out tonight."
"Ok" Ivy said.
Harley approached the sheriff and said "ok, I'm ready."
The sheriff nodded and took her to the jailhouse. He locked her in a cell and walked back outside.
"Hello Quinn" a voice said.
"How do ya know who I am?" Harley asked.
"We've met before" the person in the next cell said.
He stepped into the light.
"Hey" Harley said "you're the guy that robbed me and Red!"
"Yes" he said "David Clenton at your service. I arrived here two months before you. Time tunnels are very unstable."
"Can ya take us home?" Harley asked.
"No" he said "as soon as I got here I was robbed. The guy took the belt and left to take over some town a few miles from here."
"Great" Harley said "I've gotta break out, break ya out and we've gotta hunt down this guy so we can go home."
"Thank you" he said.
"Don't get too excited" Harley said "I'm still gonna beat you within an inch of your life when we get home."
Harley waited until sun down and made sure the jail was empty. She walked over to the bed, which was a wooden platform mounted on the wall, supported on one side by chains. She felt the chains and found the one on the right was weak. Harley raised he leg and stomped on the side of the bed, breaking the chain on the right. She pulled off a broken link and pulled it straight.
"How did you do that?" David asked.
"I'm a lot stronger than I look" Harley said "ya think that giant hammer I carry is made out of feathers?"
She put her arm through the bars and picked the lock with the broken chain link. She opened the door and picked the lock on David's cell.
She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and said "come on" she dragged him out of the jailhouse and threw him on his face and said "come on out Red, we need to go."
Ivy came out of hiding and asked "you ok?"
"I'm fine" Harley said.
Ivy handed Harley her revolvers and she put them in the holsters.
"Look who I found" Harley said.
She looked down and said "get up."
David slowly stood up.
"You" Ivy said.
"Yeah" Harley said "his time travel device thing was stolen by some guy who wants to take over a town a few miles away. So we gotta to go find this guy, get the thingamajig and go home."
"Well, let's go" Ivy said.
"Let me know when you get back" David said.
"Oh no" Harley said "you're comin' with us. You got us into this mess and you're gonna help get us out."
"What if I refuse?" He asked.
Harley drew her pistols and said "I'll shoot ya in both knees, tie ya behind the horse and drag ya to the next town."
"Ok, I'll come" he said.
There were several horses tied nearby. Harley climbed onto a horse and pulled Ivy up. David climbed onto another horse.
"Where's the town" Harley asked.
"I'm not sure" David said "he rode west."
"Well, let's go" Harley said.
After riding for almost half an hour, they came to a small town.
"I think we found it" Harley said.
"What makes you say that?" Daniel asked.
"You know of any othah western towns with robot sentries?" Harley asked.
"Oh" he said.
"We should wait and attack 'em in the morning" Harley said.
"Why?" Ivy asked.
"We can't see in the dark and I'm sure the robots can. Besides, firing guns in the dark easily gives away your position. Let's make camp and get some rest, they'll probably just think it's some guys ridin' through."
They rode away a little ways and began to set up camp.
Harley looked at Daniel and said "if I catch ya trying to run, I'll break your legs and tie ya to a cactus. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am" he said.
Harley woke up to the sun shining in her face. She opened her eyes and saw the robot guards were gone. She saw them approaching the campsite. She drew both pistols and pointed one at each of the robot's head. She pulled the triggers and watched the robots fall. Ivy and Daniel woke up with a jolt when they heard the gunfire. More robots began charging them.
Harley looked around, pointed and said "get to those rocks!"
Harley began running, Ivy grabbed her shotgun and followed with Daniel. Harley dove behind the rocks and looked nervously as Ivy and Daniel running towards her. They dove over the rocks with Harley. Ivy hit her head on a rock when she dove over the rock piles, knocking her out.
Ivy finally came to and looked up, Harley was fighting like a wildcat with a pistol in each hand. Ivy peeked over the rocks they were behind. There were still several of the robot soldiers charging them. Ivy grabbed the shotgun and took a breath. She stood up and fired both barrels at the approaching robots.
"Welcome back" Harley said.
Ivy ducked down and reloaded.
"How can we possibly get out of this alive?" Ivy asked "I don't think we need to worry about the time device, we can't get close."
"We can get it" Harley said "remember it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. We're thinnin' 'em out, there can't be too many of them left."
"Ok" Ivy said "I told you I'd let you take the lead this time, so lead on."
Harley nodded and reloaded both revolvers.
"Ya can stay here and provide cover if you want" Harley said "I'm movin' to a closer position."
"I'll go with you" Ivy said.
Harley nodded and said "get ready to run."
Harley jumped over the rocks and ran forward firing both pistols. Ivy was close behind firing the shotgun. When they reached a pile of dead robots, Harley dove behind them with Ivy. Two small sentry guns rose up and began firing. Several gunshots came from the side and destroyed the sentry guns.
"Over here!" A voice yelled "we'll cover you!"
Harley nodded at Ivy. Gunfire came from a large pile of rocks. Harley and Ivy ran to the rocks and dove behind them.
"Stop shootin'. They're runnin'" a voice said "let 'em go spread the word."
The gunfire stopped. Harley let out a small sigh of relief. She looked at the people behind the rocks. There was a tall man in a Confederate hat and coat with jeans and cowboy boots. Part of his right cheek was missing and his eye was disfigured. Two more men were with him. One was dressed in all black with a cape and hat and a whip, the other was dressed in buffalo skins.
"Who are you guys?" Harley asked.
"Sheriff Ohesha Smith" the man in buffalo skin said.
"El Diablo" the man in black said.
"Jonah Hex" the tall man said "you two are mighty brave takin' on this place by yourselves."
"They have something we need" Ivy said.
"May I ask, who you are?" El Diablo asked.
"I'm Harley Quinn" Harley said "this is my friend Poison Ivy. The man cowerin' behind the rocks ovah there is David Clenton. He made some time travel thingamajigger, that's how we got here."
"And probably how those people got the robots" Ivy added "we need it to get home."
"You're pretty good with a gun, Miss Quinn" Smith said "how 'bout you and your friends help us take back this town and we'll help you find your time travel machine."
"Ya got a deal" Harley said "and please call me Harley."
"We need to fall back and resupply on ammunition" Jonah said.
"Us too" Harley said.
"There's a small town three miles away" Smith said "we can resupply and prepare there."
"Um, no we can't" Harley said.
"Why not?" Smith asked.
"I'm wanted there" Harley said "a man treated Red like a hooker and when I told him to leave her alone, he drew on me. I was faster and shot him in the arm, unfortunately it was the sheriff's brother. He threw me in jail, but I kinda broke out last night."
"Who is Red?" El Diablo asked.
"That's what she calls me" Ivy said "sort of a nickname between friends."
"Don't worry about the sheriff" Smith said "I'll talk to him to get you released."
"If he don't agree?" Harley asked.
"I got a 10 gauge shotgun and two .45s that say he will" Jonah said.
"He will" Smith said "he owes me. I arrested his brother for public drunkenness and harassing women a while back. I let him go as a favor to the Sheriff."
"Well, let's go" Harley said.
They snuck away, trying to stay out of sight. They got back to the horses and rode back to the town, then up to the general store.
The Sheriff ran over to them and said "hold it! That woman is an outlaw, she belongs in jail."
"No" Smith said "she's with me."
"No" the Sheriff said "she belongs in my jail, she shot my brother."
"Your brother belongs in my jail" Smith said "I'll let you arrest Miss Quinn if you let me arrest your brother, or we can call it even."
"Fine" he said "but I want her out of my town."
"After we get some supplies" Jonah said as he stepped forward.
He glared at the sheriff with his good eye.
"Fine" the sheriff said.
They walked into the store and began to gather supplies. Ivy walked past the ammunition and knives, straight to the back of the store. She walked up to a small basket full of seed packets. Ivy began picking certain packets out.
"Nothing grows in this area" El Diablo said.
"Don't worry" Ivy said "I don't plan to plant them. I can use them a different way."
"Very well" El Diablo said.
After buying ammunition and Ivy's seeds, they returned to their horses. The ride back was tense and quiet as they prepared themselves. Guns loaded and cocked, they dismounted and began walking towards the town. Harley drew both revolvers as they approached. No robots were in sight and it was quiet. As they approached the first building, several robots rushed them. Harley fired both pistols, dropping two of the robots. Jonah Hex fired his shotgun, blasting one of the robots into the wall. Ivy smiled and held her hand out, revealing several tomato seeds. The seeds immediately sprouted in her hand and the vines shot towards the robots. They tightly wrapped around the robots and crushed them.
"Dang" Smith said "that's quite a trick."
"Yup" Harley said "Red's got a knack for growing things."
She quickly raised her revolver and fired, killing a stray robot. Harley put her revolvers in the holsters and grabbed a gun off of a dead robot.
"What is that?" Smith asked "I've never seen anything like it."
"It's an M60" Harley said "it definitely shouldn't be here. It's from the future."
Jonah smiled and said "of course, it doesn't mean we can't use it."
He took it from Harley, then walked around the corner and began firing, killing several robots. Then there was a click and the firing stopped.
He threw it down and said "jammed."
He drew his revolvers and began firing. Harley ran around the corner with a pistol in each hand and began firing. The others joined them, taking cover behind crates and buildings returning fire. Suddenly vines began spreading through the street and began destroying robots. Several men ran out of hiding and opened fire on Ivy, who was standing still controlling the vines.
Ivy dove for cover and yelled "Harley!"
Harley turned and looked at Ivy. She immediately began firing her revolvers at the men firing at Ivy. Jonah looked where she was shooting and began firing at the men as well. As the men began falling the others started to run away.
Harley ran to Ivy and asked "are you ok?"
"Yeah" Ivy said "I'm fine."
"Well" Jonah said "I guess that problem is solved."
"What do you mean?" Ivy asked.
"That dead man with the fat stomach is the one responsible for all this. Me and Miss Harley took care of him."
Ivy walked over to him and took a strange belt off of him.
David Clenton ran over and said "you got it! I just need to reset the coordinates."
He pushed a button and Ivy was hit with a powerful shock, causing her to let go of the belt and slump to the ground. Harley ran to Ivy as Clenton activated the belt and disappeared into another portal. Harley hoisted Ivy onto her shoulder and dove into the portal.
Harley landed hard on concrete and Ivy landed on top of her.
"What happened?" Ivy asked.
"I'll tell ya when ya get offa me" Harley said.
"Oh, sorry" Ivy said as she rolled off of her.
Ivy stood up and pulled Harley to her feet.
"So what happened?" Ivy asked.
"We won and got the time whatchamadit back, but Clenton used it shock you and get away. I grabbed you and dove into the portal and here we are."
"Well, thanks for the rescue" Ivy said "where are we?"
"No idea" Harley said "but it sure don't look like home."
Ivy looked around and said "no, I think we're home. It's just run down, like it's abandoned."
"You think we're in the future?" Harley asked.
"It would make sense" Ivy said "he said your hammer would be worth a fortune in sixty years. Let's go find him and go home."
"Ya think any of our clothes are still inside?" Harley asked.
"Maybe" Ivy said "let's go check."
They walked to the house and Ivy tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge.
"It won't open" she said.
"Move over" Harley said "I'll open it up."
Ivy moved and Harley stepped forward and kicked the door open. They walked inside and looked around, most of their things were gone. Everything that was left was covered in dust, vines and different ivies. Harley walked to her room and opened her closet. One or two articles of clothing were there, but most of them were gone. She pulled out a red and black tee shirt that had a bullet hole in it with a blood stain. A pair of black jeans with holes in both knees and a pair of worn out combat boots. She changed and opened the hidden door in the back. There were a few guns left, but they were rusted. She put the gun belt back on and checked the ammo. She reloaded both revolvers and only had four bullets left over. She put the revolvers back in the holsters. Meanwhile, Ivy was looking through her closet. She found a green button up shirt with mud stains, a pair of cut off denim shorts with one pocket ripped and a pair of green tennis shoes with torn laces. She changed and tied her shoes the best she could with the tattered laces. She walked into her green house and found all her seeds were gone. She found a small bag of a pollen, she recognized it as a pollen she had created. It would cause severe lung and throat damage to anyone who inhaled it, except Harley of course thanks to her immunity. They both walked back into the living room at the same time.
"Ready?" Ivy asked.
"As ready as I can get" Harley said "let's go."
They walked outside and began to walk down the street.
"Let's split up and search" Ivy said "we'll meet back home in two hours."
"Ok" Harley said.
After walking for a while, Harley stopped to rest.
"Hello Harley Gal" a familiar voice said.
"No" Harley said "it can't be."
She looked where the voice came from and saw the Joker walking towards her. Despite the fact that sixty years had passed, the Joker looked the same as he did the day Harley left him.
She drew one of the revolvers, pointed it at him and said "stay back! I'll kill you!"
"Go ahead" the Joker said "shoot me."
Harley fired all six bullets into his chest, but he just kept walking towards her. She dropped the revolver and drew the other one. She emptied it into his head, but again he just continued walking towards.
"You're mine" he said.
"No!" Harley said.
She jumped forward and punched him in the face. It felt like hitting a wall.
"You're mine" he said "forever."
"No" Harley said "I'll nevah be yours again."
"Yes you will, Harleen" he said "mine forever, just like before."
Harley put her hands over her ears and shook her head.
"You're mine, you're mine, you are mine" he said over and over.
Harley dropped to her knees and continued shaking her head and pressed her hands against her ears harder.
"You're my puppet" he said "and I'm your puppet master, just like it used to be. No matter what I do, you'll always come crawling back."
"NO! NO! NO!" She screamed "LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE MISTAH J! GO AWAY!"
"That's right Harley" he said "I'm your Mr. J and you're my Harley Quinn, forever."
"NO!" Harley screamed "GET OUTTA MY HEAD!"
Ivy had been running towards her ever since the first gunshot. She came around the corner and gasped at the scene in front of her. She began running towards them. She grabbed a scrap of metal off of the ground as she ran. She shoved the metal shard into the Joker's throat. He just looked at her, the metal scrap had bent and didn't even break the skin.
"That's impossible" she said.
She called roots and vines to come through the pavement and wrapped around the body. The vines squeezed until the body it was crushed beyond recognition.
She felt the skin and said "Kevlar, it was a robot."
"PLEASE GO AWAY MISTAH J!" Harley screamed "JUST GO AWAY!"
Ivy ran to Harley and shook her shoulders and said "Harley, snap out of it."
"GO AWAY!" Harley screamed "GET OUTTA MY HEAD MISTAH J!".
"Harley! It's me!" She said.
"NO MISTAH J! GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY!" Harley screamed.
Ivy shook her harder and yelled "Harley! It's Ivy! Snap out of it!"
"PLEASE! JUST GO AWAY!" Harley screamed.
"HARLEY! WAKE UP! IT'S RED! RED! OPEN YOUR EYES HARL!" Ivy yelled.
Harley opened her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Red?" Harley asked.
"Yes" Ivy said "it's me. I took care of the Jo…I took care of him."
Harley fell forward and pulled Ivy into a bone crushing hug.
Ivy returned the hug and said "it's ok Harl."
Harley let Ivy go and nodded. Ivy stood up and held her hand out. Harley took her hand and Ivy pulled her to her feet. Harley picked up one of the revolvers and reloaded it with her final four bullets.
"Are you ok?" Ivy asked.
Harley nodded and said "yeah, let's just go find this jerk, beat him within an inch of his life and go home."
"Ok" Ivy said "are you sure you're going to be ok?"
"Yeah" Harley said "thanks. Can we search together and not split up again?"
"Of course" Ivy said.
They began walking down the street again. Harley saw two people robbing an old woman.
"Hey!" Harley yelled as she ran towards them.
One of the burglars spun around spun around and raised a knife. Harley grabbed his wrist and stomped on his knee, breaking his leg. She ripped the knife out of his hand and stabbed the other mugger in the spine, paralyzing them from the waist down.
"Harley?" The old woman asked.
"How do you know my name?" Harley asked.
"It's me, Selina" she said.
"Kitty?" Harley asked "is it really you?"
"Yes" she said "you disappeared sixty years ago with Ivy. I was hoping I'd see you two again."
"Red!" Harley called "get over here!"
Ivy ran over and asked "is everything ok?"
"Red" Harley said calmly "Selina wants to see you."
Ivy looked down and said "Selina?"
"Hello Ivy" Selina said.
"We can fix this" Harley said.
"What do you mean?" Selina asked.
"Some guy with a time travel thingy attacked our house" Harley said "we chased him through some time portals into the old west, then here."
"I know where he is" Selina said "he's a very powerful man though."
"Has that evah stopped us before?" Harley asked.
"No" Selina said smiling "come on, you can get some supplies at my place and we'll go after him."
"We?" Ivy asked.
"I'm not going to let you two have all the fun" Selina said "I might be older, but I'm still Catwoman."
They followed Selina to a small abandoned building, she opened the door and led them inside.
"Open that cabinet, Harley" Selina said "you'll like what's in there. I was stocking up for a big job when you guys reappeared. I guess that's still gonna happen."
Harley opened the cabinet and smiled when she saw a pump shotgun, a baseball bat, two .357 revolvers and a KABAR knife.
"Aw Kitty, ya shouldn't have" she said smiling.
Ivy opened a different cabinet and found several of her old weaponized seed.
"Where did you get these?" Ivy asked.
"People started trying to loot your house and I knew nobody but you should ever handle those" Selina said.
She opened a cabinet and pulled out a whip and several bolas and said "let's go and don't be afraid to kill someone if you have to. The time line should change anyway and we need that device."
Harley nodded as she loaded the shotgun and made sure the revolvers were loaded.
"Ok" Ivy said "I'm ready."
"I should warn you" Selina said "there are several sentry robots around that look just like the Jo-"
"We've already dealt with one" Ivy interrupted "it knew a lot about Harley's past with him."
"They have all of his memories" Selina said "they are intended to humiliate Batman. Let's go, follow me and stay in the shadows."
She began to lead them through back streets and alleys. They cut through an old parking deck and came to a huge building.
"That's where he lives" Selina said.
"He lives in there?" Harley asked "that place is huge, how are we gonna find him in there?"
"He always stays on the top floor, back right corner" Selina said.
"How do you know that?" Ivy asked.
"He posted it everywhere, daring any hero or villain to try to take him down" Selina said "I tried alone once or twice, but he has custom traps for everyone."
"Except us" Ivy said "he probably thinks he left us back in the old west."
"I'll go first" Harley said.
She began sneaking though the parking lot, using cars for cover and made it to the building unnoticed. Ivy and Selina followed in the same path.
"There are always two guards by the door" Selina said "they're always armed and wear body armor. It's the only way in from the outside. Believe me, I've tried everywhere else, it's all booby-trapped."
"Well, then" Harley said "I'll get the door."
She stood up and walked to the front door, knocked and said "hellooo."
She watched through the glass door as they both approached her.
"An' goodbye" Harley sad as she raised her shotgun and shot them both in the face through the door.
"FYI, plastic face masks aren't bullet proof" Harley said "doors open, girls."
Selina and Ivy approached.
"Let's go get 'em" Harley said.
"The stairs are this way" Selina said.
She began leading the way. Two more men ran towards them, Harley quickly turned the shotgun towards them and blasted them back a few feet.
"Go" Selina said "there's more coming! Go!"
They started running to the stairs. More guards began to rush them. A guard came out of a side room and shot Selina in the leg.
"Kitty!" Harley yelled.
She pointed the shotgun at his head and fired.
She picked Selina up and said "c'mon Red!"
She ran towards the stairs with Ivy close behind.
They made it up the first flight of stairs, when Selina said "put me down."
"Ya can't walk with that hole in your leg" Harley said.
"I'm not planning on walking" Selina said "give me the shotgun and go. I'll cover you."
"What?!" Harley yelled.
"I'm an old woman now, Harley" she said "I've lived my life. Go get the time travel device and go back and fix everything and none of this will have happened. I'll be alive and well. Give me the shotgun and go."
Harley set her down and gave her the shotgun and all the spare shells she had.
"Go!" Selina said.
Harley and Ivy ran up the stairs. They heard the shotgun firing, then other gunfire started, suddenly the gunfire stopped.
"I"LL KILL 'IM FOR THIS!" Harley yelled as she ran up the stairs.
They reached a door at the top of the stairs and Harley kicked it open. She drew both revolvers as she ran into the room. Several guards immediately rushed them. Harley began firing both pistols, killing all of the guards.
"Kill them!" A voice yelled "kill them now!"
"CLENTON!" Harley yelled.
"KILL HER!" Clenton screamed.
"Cover me Red!" Harley yelled as she charged him.
Ivy threw several seeds at the guards, cocooning them in vines and squeezing them. Harley fired at anyone she saw who wasn't wrapped in vines. She quickly reloaded the revolvers with speed loaders Selina had given her. She saw Clenton running away from her. She aimed and shot him in the back of the knee. He screamed and fell then began dragging himself away. Harley walked over to him, grabbed his shoulder and rolled him onto his back. He tried to reach for his belt. Harley shot him in his left shoulder, rendering his arm useless. She stomped on his right hand and kept her boot on it, pinning it to the floor.
"Ya scream like a girl" Harley said.
Ivy walked over to her and said "nice job."
Ivy unhooked Clenton's time belt and took it off of him. She called vines to hold him down. Harley knelt down and put one of the revolvers under his chin and the other against his forehead between his eyes.
"How do we set the dojigy to take us home?" Harley asked.
"Why should I tell you?" He asked.
Harley pulled both hammers back and said "if ya like livin' I suggest ya tell me."
"Easy Sweet Pea" Ivy said.
She stepped closer to Clenton and said "you took us out of history, tried to kill us multiple times and your men killed one of our closest friends. You tell me how to calibrate this thing and I'll persuade Harley not to kill you."
"Ok" he said.
He explained how to calibrate the belt.
Ivy finished and said "come on, Harl. Let's go home and fix this mess."
"So can I kill him?" Harley asked "I mean we're gonna change the timeline anyway and he did kill Kitty."
"Don't kill him, just in case" Ivy said "maim all you want."
Harley sighed and said "I guess it's something."
She shot him in both knees and both elbows.
She spit on him and said "see ya real soon."
Ivy activated the belt and they both disappeared into the portal. They appeared in their living room.
"It looks like we're back" Harley said.
"Shh" Ivy said "if I did it right, he should come through the door any second."
Harley stood by the door and waited. The door slowly opened and David Clenton stepped inside. Harley grabbed him by the throat, lifted him up and slammed him into a wall. She punched him in the face, then in the stomach twice as hard as she could. He coughed up blood and just looked at her.
"How did you know I would be here?" He asked.
"It's a long story" Ivy said "we'll tell it to you while we wait for Batman, but first."
She unhooked his belt and took it and locked it in a safe in her greenhouse. She walked back into the room and found Clenton on the floor unconscious with a black eye and broken nose. Harley was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her cell phone.
"Selina! Kitty! It's really you!" Harley yelled into the phone "I'm sorry, I know it's late I just had to hear your voice. I'll letcha you sleep Kitty Cat, I'll call ya and tell ya about it tomorrow, bye."
"Feel better now?" Ivy asked.
"Yeah" Harley said smiling "let's get this jerk to Bats and go back to bed."